


Close To Me

by Ely



Category: Mystic Messenger (Video Game)
Genre: Alternate Universe, Anal Sex, Blow Jobs, First Kiss, First Time, Fluff, Fluff and Smut, Hand Jobs, Light Masochism, Light Sadism, M/M, Masturbation, Phone Sex, Pornstar Saeran, Rimming, Smut, Yooran, it's fluffier than the tags make it look i promise, pornstar AU
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-02-15
Updated: 2017-05-09
Packaged: 2018-09-24 18:29:38
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 18
Words: 90,445
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9779054
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ely/pseuds/Ely
Summary: Saeran is a successful pornstar, and Yoosung is a big fan.





	1. A New Interest

**Author's Note:**

> I've decided to come back and edit this note now that the fic is finished and I've reread it. This started out as a oneshot which was supposed to be entirely smut, but it ended up getting too long and by the time I hit 30k words I knew I needed to split it into chapters.  
> Also, it's clear to me how much my writing has improved since the first chapter. Honestly, while I was rereading, at the beginning my thoughts were 'wow, maybe this isn't as good as I remember it being or as good as everyone seems to think it is', but by the end I was genuinely surprised at how much my writing changed for the better. SO if you're reading this fic, please forgive the lack of direction at the beginning of the story. I had no idea where it was going, but I promise the writing gets better once I figure it out!!

Whenever Yoosung found something new he liked, he tended to stick with it almost obsessively until he finally grew bored. Actually, he found that he usually got bored of most things pretty quickly, LOLOL being the one notable exception. This applied to music, movies, extracurricular clubs… pretty much everything. He couldn’t figure out how to ground himself, and even though he usually stuck to similar sorts of themes, the specifics changed an awful lot.

Very rarely did he ever discover a new ‘theme’ he particularly enjoyed, but recently, by total accident, he’d found something new.

Yoosung was a college student with no girlfriend, and so he had been watching porn for a few years now. He enjoyed it, sure, but there was something strangely unsatisfying about it for him that he couldn’t quite place. He started off watching straight porn, mostly because it was the majority of what came up on the websites he visited. He preferred amateur videos, because they felt more genuine to him. More emotion-driven. He found that he usually focused more on the guy while he was watching, and he put that down to the fact that when he saw a man’s orgasm he knew what that felt like, but with the women, it was something he had no knowledge or experience of. He didn’t feel anything from it.

Even so, it was still unsatisfying.

He wasn’t entirely sure why he kept trying, and it was a complete and honest mistake when one day he was searching around a porn website and clicked on a video of two guys. He was about to click off the video, but then they got started and he found his mouse slowly being dragged towards the full screen button.

Long story short, Yoosung discovered that night that he enjoyed gay porn far more than straight porn.

He started watching it more regularly than he had been before, and when he jerked off to it, he found it far more satisfying. He liked releasing at the same time as the guys in the videos, usually the ones on the bottom.

One night, he was clicking through his usual website. Gay porn had apparently become one of his recent ‘themes’.

**‘hot emo guy fucks pretty blond twink’**

Yoosung clicked the video and his vision was immediately assaulted with a _very_ attractive guy with bleached white and pink hair who was kissing and jerking off a smaller, blond guy as he whimpered underneath him. Yoosung’s vision was drawn to the boy with the white hair. His body was a little on the skinnier side, but well-toned, and he had a strange, black tattoo on his right arm. It looked as though it was in the shape of an eye with interesting swirling patterns stretching down his arm. He wore a black choker around his neck which matched his black nails. Yoosung observed that he was…uh, _well-endowed,_ to say the least, and he felt his jeans tighten at the sight of his body.

He quickly unbuttoned them and shoved them down with his boxers so they were around his thighs. He inhaled sharply at the sudden cold air on his cock, before grasping it and stroking it slowly. He shivered as he started moving his hand, attempting to match his movements with the white-haired guy in the video. If he stared hard enough, he could imagine it was his hand touching him instead.

After a little while of kissing so intense it made Yoosung sweat, the guy grabbed hold of the blond’s shoulders and flipped him over, gripping the back of his neck as he held his own cock and got into position. He felt himself inhale sharply as he watched the white-haired guy shove himself into the other boy, and felt that, unlike usual, Yoosung didn’t really care about the guy on the bottom. There was something he found strangely endearing about the ‘emo’ guy in the video.

The camera angle changed to show his face as he entered the other boy, and Yoosung was so shocked at how striking his eyes were that he almost came then and there. They were a sharp mint-green colour, so bright they almost seemed to glow, and they were lined with black, which made them look even brighter. He wondered whether the video was using some kind of weird special effect, or whether that was his real eye colour. He supposed it didn’t really matter, but he felt disappointed when the camera angle switched to the face of the other guy as he whimpered and moaned.

This was possibly the first video where Yoosung didn’t bother trying to reach his climax at the same time as the guy on the bottom. Part of this was because every time the camera angle changed to a shot of the white-haired guy’s eyes or body he found himself getting closer and closer so quickly he was almost embarrassing himself. Eventually, the guy let out an impossibly erotic grunting sound, and Yoosung heard himself cry out as he came hard all over his hand, shuddering as he listened to the noises still coming from his computer.

He leaned back in his chair, panting heavily, staring up at the ceiling. The video was still playing in the background, and Yoosung found his eyes drift to the screen again just as the bottom guy finished. The white-haired guy pulled out and flipped the other guy over to face him, grabbing his hair to pull him upright as he shoved his cock into his mouth, fucking his face so mercilessly it made Yoosung whimper. _He wanted that._ He couldn’t tear his eyes away, watching as he threw his head back in pleasure, shuddering and moaning before pulling out the guy’s mouth and jerking his hand quickly up and down his dick twice so he could release on his face.

Yoosung felt his own cock twitch again at the sight of his release, and a small moan escaped his lips as the video ended. He sat in silence for a moment, before hastily reaching out to grab the tissues on his desk.

After clearing himself up, Yoosung clicked to get out of full screen and scrolled down the page. Who _was_ this guy?

He skimmed through the description quickly and found his name.

Saeran Choi.

Without pausing to think, Yoosung typed that name into the search bar and was greeted, thankfully, with a few rows of videos with pretty high ratings that he’d starred in. Most of them seemed to be with what people called ‘pretty boys’ and ‘twinks’, and Yoosung wondered whether that was Saeran’s taste in particular, or whether he was just told to do these types of videos because they were popular.

Yoosung decided to look up his name on a regular search engine to see what came up. It seemed as though, apparently, Saeran had become his newest interest.

He found an information page and clicked to read it.

_Name: Saeran Choi_

_Gender: Male_

_Nationality: Korean_

_Age: 21 years_

_Birthday: 11 th June_

_Hair: White with pink tips (dyed)_

_Eyes: Green_

_Height: 173cm (5’7”)_

_Weight: 59kg (9st 2lb)_

There was a picture along with it from Saeran’s chest upwards. He was wearing a red tank top and his choker, which Yoosung assumed was his signature thing. He was wearing eyeliner, and Yoosung was, again, taken aback by just how green his eyes were. He also felt a strange sense of joy when he saw that Saeran was only 21 – just under a year older than him. He found himself clicking on image search. Lots of the pictures were him naked, primarily screencaps from videos, but there were some which were simply headshots which Yoosung found he liked just as much. It was odd.

Over the course of the next few days, Yoosung found himself thinking about Saeran a lot. He watched at least one of his videos every night, and found himself thinking about him whenever he jerked off, even if it weren’t to one of his videos.

He wondered if this kind of obsession was creepy. Of all the porn he’d ever watched, he’d never become so attached to a pornstar so quickly, to the point where he wasn’t actually watching anything that didn’t involve him.

In all the videos Yoosung had watched, Saeran had been the dominant one who had topped, although he apparently liked it when his partner fingered his ass while sucking him off. Yoosung shook his head. Why was he analysing this so much?

One day he was sat in class, tapping his pen against his notebook, staring into the distance while thinking about Saeran. This couldn’t be healthy. He glanced down at the page, seeing how all he’d written was the date and title, yet the teacher had almost filled the entire board with a diagram and notes. He probably should at least try paying attention.

When the day was finally over, Yoosung decided he needed to spend the night studying rather than jerking off or gaming, and so wandered to the coffee shop near his house to get a coffee, which would hopefully help him focus.

The two women who worked there, Jaehee and Nayoung, were really friendly, and both knew him by name. Jaehee greeted him as he entered.

“Yoosung!” It was Jaehee serving today. Nayoung was probably in the back.

“Hey, Jaehee,” Yoosung greeted her, and Jaehee got to work on making his usual order – a regular latte. He grinned fondly at her. “Busy day?” he asked.

“Not too bad,” she answered, nodding thoughtfully, “How about you? How was your day?”

“I’m… uh, having trouble focusing at the moment,” Yoosung said, grinning awkwardly and scratching the back of his neck, “Thought I’d try catching up tonight.”

“That’s a shame. Try not to stay up too late though,” Jaehee told him sternly, and Yoosung grinned.

“My sleeping schedule’s already pretty bad,” he admitted, “I think I need to cut back on the gaming.” _And the porn._

“That’s probably a good idea,” Jaehee nodded, taking his coffee and pressing a lid onto it before handing it to him, “You’re always welcome to study here if it’s less distracting.”

“Thank you!” Yoosung said brightly, “If tonight doesn’t work out, maybe I’ll come back tomorrow.”

“Well, then I hope I won’t have to see you tomorrow,” she smiled at him, and Yoosung grinned back.

“Hopefully not, but I’ll come back soon anyway,” he promised, stepping towards the door.

“See you soon, Yoosung.”

“See you! Say hi to Nayoung from me,” he waved and turned, pulling the door open and stepping out into the street.

He was surprised when he collided with someone, and squealed in terror as he tried desperately to hold onto his coffee and stop it spilling, “I’m so sorry!”

“That’s alright,” said the other person, and Yoosung looked up at them and felt his breath catch in his throat, almost making his attempts to save his coffee pointless by dropping it anyway.

Those green eyes… there was no way…

“Saeran Choi?” he squeaked, feeling his body start heating up, as he jumped back slightly in shock. His eyes really _were_ that green in real life. And his white hair with the pink at the ends… Yoosung could barely believe he was actually real. He blinked in disbelief. There was something a little odd about him though, and Yoosung couldn’t quite place what it was. Something looked… different. Saeran raised his eyebrows in mild surprise and scanned his eyes down Yoosung’s body before looking back up to his face.

“Are you a fan?” he smirked.

“I-I… uh…” Yoosung stammered. What the hell was he supposed to say?

“Hey, it’s okay,” Saeran reassured him, placing a friendly hand on his shoulder. Yoosung felt himself tense up under the touch, his skin hypersensitive all of a sudden. His mind was screaming at him. “What’s your name?” Saeran dropped the hand from his shoulder and Yoosung exhaled a breath he hadn’t realised he’d been holding.

“Y-Yoosung Kim.”

“Well, Yoosung Kim, it’s good to meet you,” Saeran smiled at him, and Yoosung could’ve sworn he felt his heart melt.

“Your eyes are so cool,” Yoosung blurted out, before slamming his hand over his mouth. Saeran let out a small laugh.

“That’s not usually the thing people comment on,” he told him, still grinning, “Anyway, I should get going. Maybe I’ll see you around?”

“Y-yeah,” Yoosung stammered.

Saeran turned and pushed open the door to the coffee shop, leaving Yoosung standing there gawking on the street.

In that moment he realised what had looked different about Saeran, and why Yoosung had felt he’d looked odd.

It was the fact he had been wearing clothes.

After what was probably way too long, Yoosung realised he was still staring at the door Saeran had just walked through. He desperately wanted to go and talk to him, but what was he supposed to say? He guessed he could always come back tomorrow to see if he could catch him again… he wanted to run into him when he _wasn’t_ such an awkward, stuttering mess.

He couldn’t get the thought of Saeran out his mind, so much so that it took him a good three attempts to type in the correct code to his apartment building. His eyes, his hair, his lips, his jaw, his dick…

_No._ God, it felt kind of weird to think about Saeran naked now that he’d met him in person. It felt… wrong. Saeran didn’t seem to have minded that Yoosung was apparently a fan, but it just felt _weird_. Of course, he was probably used to it but… he was only 21. How used to it could he possibly be?

Yoosung wondered how long he’d been in the industry, and suddenly had a burning urge to find out.

Once he got into his apartment, he placed his coffee on his desk and sat down to power up his computer. He clicked open the usual porn website and searched for ‘Saeran Choi’, this time ordering the videos from oldest to newest. The oldest one was from a year ago, and Yoosung clicked on it.

Saeran looked pretty much the same, and Yoosung got the impression that this wasn’t his first video. He seemed too experienced for that.

Yoosung scrolled down to the description, but that wasn’t really much help, so he decided to try out some other websites.

He found some new videos he hadn’t seen before (and bookmarked them for later) before stumbling across an amateur website which was apparently for agents to find ‘new talents’. Yoosung shrugged and searched Saeran’s name.

He was shocked when he saw a list of videos pop up, most recent first. The thumbnails were all of Saeran with his white hair and striking, green eyes, and he didn’t look much different, even though the most recent was almost two years ago. So maybe this was where he had started out.

There was no function to reverse the order of the search, so Yoosung scrolled down until he hit the bottom of the page. The first video was from three years ago, when Saeran was 18. The description told him that this was Saeran’s first video, and that there was no penetration, just hand and blowjobs. He wasn’t in the thumbnail, so Yoosung clicked on it, strangely excited to see where he’d started out. Was that weird? Probably.

Well, to be honest, everything he was doing was pretty weird.

Yoosung almost fell out of his seat in shock when he saw Saeran. His hair was _red?_ Obviously, Yoosung had known that Saeran’s hair couldn’t possibly be naturally white but… _red_? Wow. He definitely hadn’t been expecting that.

He was less toned in this video and skinnier, and it was obvious he was a little nervous, despite the fact he was still playing the ‘dominant’ role and being in control. Yoosung noted that he already had the tattoo at this point, though.

After a few minutes of watching, Yoosung’s jeans were too tight to leave done up, so he unzipped them and pulled them down along with his boxers. He leaned forwards so his face was closer to the screen and lazily stroked himself, shivering under his own touch as he imagined Saeran’s hand wrapped around his cock. When Saeran moved down the other guy’s body and took him in his mouth, Yoosung shuddered and tightened his grip, trying to imagine the feeling of Saeran’s mouth and tongue working their way expertly around him. He imagined the piercing green eyes looking up at him through his white hair, a sly smile in them as there had been earlier. The red-haired Saeran in the video started fondling the other guy’s balls, so Yoosung took his other hand and did the same, trying to imitate his movements as he watched intently. He could feel his body clenching as he got closer and closer to his release, watching as Saeran dug his fingernails into the guy’s thigh and moaned around his cock. Yoosung moaned simultaneously. So close… so…

The guy released into Saeran’s mouth, and Yoosung let out a whimper as Saeran swallowed without even flinching, leaning back and wiping his mouth with the back of his hand. He continued pumping himself as he watched the other guy push Saeran onto his back and wrap his mouth around his cock.

The first thing Yoosung noticed was that Saeran was far more vocal in this video, and seemed a lot more sensitive to everything the guy did. Yoosung briefly wondered if he had been a virgin in this video, but quickly pushed the thought out of his mind. It didn’t really matter, anyway.

Saeran’s moans and grunts filled Yoosung’s ears, and he had to slow down his hand to stop himself finishing too fast. He suddenly wanted to cum at the same time as Saeran, and watched him as he gripped hold of the other guy’s head. Yoosung imagined Saeran’s fingers in his hair, tugging at it and using his hold to push his cock further into Yoosung’s mouth. Yoosung let out a moan at the same time Saeran did, his hand moving torturously slowly to try and keep pace with Saeran.

Eventually, Saeran’s grunts and moans started getting louder and he threw his head back as his entire body stiffened and jerked. Yoosung pumped his hand faster and came within seconds, choking out Saeran’s name brokenly just as Saeran released at the same time, letting out gasped moans and clutching at the guy’s hair even harder.

Yoosung came down from his orgasm, panting heavily along with the Saeran in the video. There was something impossibly attractive about how his red hair stuck to his forehead in a sheen of sweat, and how he collapsed back down on the bed afterwards as though his limbs had forgotten how to move.

He watched from under lidded eyes as the video ended, and his mind wandered back to his brief meeting with Saeran. He should probably feel guilty for wanking to him right after meeting him in person for the first time, but right now, he was too tired to care all that much.

Lazily grabbing the tissues and wiping up his mess, he glanced at the now-cold coffee sitting on his desk. So much for concentrating tonight. He decided to play a round (or twenty) of LOLOL before heading to bed.


	2. Focus

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Another quick update

The following day, Yoosung had trouble focusing again. It seemed as though running into Saeran had actually made his concentration worse, which he hadn’t thought possible. Jaehee had suggested that he study in the coffee shop, and he decided that was probably a good idea, promising to himself he’d go there after class. Not only would he be able to focus without the risk of getting distracted and jerking off again, but there was also the slim possibility Saeran might visit. Maybe he was a regular too? Yoosung had never run into him before, but there was a chance…

He headed to the coffee shop after school and grinned sheepishly at Jaehee behind the counter as he entered. She sighed and raised an eyebrow at him when she saw him, but there was the trace of a smile across her lips.

“Couldn’t focus?”

“No… not really,” Yoosung admitted, walking over to the counter and leaning on it heavily as Jaehee got to work on making his coffee.

“Is there something on your mind?” she inquired. Such an innocent question, but it made the blood rush to Yoosung’s face.

“Uh… yeah, I guess,” he murmured vaguely. Jaehee turned around and processed his red cheeks.

“Is it a girl?” she asked.

“What? No.”

“A guy?”

 _Yes._ “No!”

“Hmm,” she hummed, looking at him doubtfully before turning back around to continue making him his coffee, “It’s okay, you know.”

“What is?”

“Being gay.”

“I’m… I’m not gay!” Yoosung cursed himself for stuttering.

“Yeah, I know,” Jaehee nodded, her voice far too casual, “Just letting you know.”

She smiled at him knowingly, handing him his coffee, and in all honestly Yoosung wasn’t certain why he was bothering denying it. He thanked her and headed over to one of the empty tables. The coffee shop was usually pretty empty at this time of day, and Yoosung pulled out one of the heavy books from his backpack, dumping it on the table, flipping it open to the contents page and scanning down it. The first few chapters he was familiar with, but it got fuzzier the further he read down the page, so he decided to just start from chapter one to be safe. He pulled out his notebook to start taking notes.

It was much easier to focus in here, with the calming smell and soft lighting. He should probably come here more often to study, because it really seemed to be helping.

“Hey,” said a soft voice from beside him, causing Yoosung to almost jump out his skin. His head snapped up to see Nayoung.

“Hey,” Yoosung replied, smiling up at her, still a little shaken from the shock, “Sorry, you scared me.”

“It’s alright, it’s good to see you working so hard,” she laughed before leaning forwards conspiratorially, “Don’t tell Jaehee, but I totally flunked like… every class in school.”

“Our secret,” Yoosung nodded, grinning as he pressed his finger to his lips.

“Anyway, I came over here to give you this,” Nayoung held out a new cup of coffee for him. Yoosung frowned.

“I didn’t order another coffee,” he told her, but she placed it down on the table anyway.

“I know,” she grinned, “That guy did.” She jerked her thumb over her shoulder and stepped to the side, and Yoosung felt his eyebrows shoot up and a lump form in his throat when he saw who it was.

_Saeran._

He was just… standing there talking to Jaehee. His eyes flicked over to Yoosung for a moment and a smile appeared on his face.

“Oh my God,” Yoosung murmured, his face heating up.

“You know him?” Nayoung asked, turning to glance at Saeran before looking back at Yoosung.

“I… uh, you could say that…” Yoosung stammered, and he tried to stop himself from audibly squealing when he saw Saeran start heading over to him.

“Yoosung, it’s good to see you again,” he nodded at him, still smiling as Nayoung subtly stepped away from the table and headed back to the counter. Saeran pointed to the chair opposite Yoosung, “Mind it I sit down?”

“Go ahead,” Yoosung tried to sound natural, but his voice was higher than usual. He cursed himself for freaking out so much. Was Saeran flirting with him? That seemed impossible. Saeran pulled out the chair opposite Yoosung and sat down, placing his own coffee on the table and folding his arms on each other, leaning forwards slightly. He was wearing his choker, and Yoosung gulped, trying to push thoughts of Saeran wearing nothing _but_ that choker out of his head.

“I’m sorry if I’m interrupting,” Saeran apologised, glancing down at Yoosung’s book, “You seem to be working pretty hard. What are you studying?”

“Oh… uhm, maths,” Yoosung told him, glancing down at the book. Maths was important if he still wanted to major in medicine, which he was pretty sure he did. That was one of the things that had remained more or less constant in his life.

“I was pretty good at maths in school,” he told Yoosung, leaning further forwards to get a look at what he was learning. Yoosung felt his breath catch in his throat. He could smell Saeran’s aftershave when he was this close, and the scent was filling up Yoosung’s head, making it go all fuzzy.

“I’m not too bad at it,” Yoosung confessed, “I’m just not very good at focusing in class.”

“Huh, same as me,” Saeran nodded, leaning back again and taking a sip of his coffee before placing it back down on the table, “I left school when I was 18 though.”

“Oh,” Yoosung squeaked. He knew Saeran had been 18 when he’d started making videos… _God dammit he needed to stop thinking about that._

He had so many questions. The most important was the question of why Saeran had approached him. And also, did he live nearby? Did he come to this coffee shop regularly? Why had he bleached his hair white and pink? Were his eyes naturally that colour, or was he wearing contacts? Was he weirded out that Yoosung had jerked off to him pretty much every night without fail for the past few weeks?

“Why are you talking to me?” Yoosung blurted out. He was so glad that had been the question his brain had decided to ask rather than that last one. Saeran looked up at him and gave him a small smile.

“I dunno,” he shrugged, “Why wouldn’t I?”

“I’m just… you’re…” Yoosung cleared his throat to try and form proper sentences, “You’re _Saeran Choi_.”

“Huh, I guess I am,” he grinned, “And you’re pretty cute.”

“C-cute?” Yoosung choked out the word, not quite sure how to take it. Was he teasing him or flirting with him? Or maybe both? Yoosung didn’t dare to hope. This could just be Saeran’s usual personality.

“Yeah,” Saeran cocked his head to the side, and the gesture was so innocent that Yoosung almost forgot he was an _actual pornstar_ , “I’m not making you uncomfortable, am I? I can always leave if you want me to…”

“No!” Yoosung blurted, digging his nails into his thigh under the table, cursing himself for not filtering his thoughts before they spilled out of his mouth, “No… I like talking to you. It’s just kind of… surreal.” There. That was better than saying it was weird.

“Hmm,” Saeran hummed thoughtfully, “I suppose it must be. It’s not like my line of work is exactly… normal.” Yoosung could barely bring himself to breathe.

“You’re good at it, though.” _Shut. Up. Yoosung. What the fuck?_

“Thanks,” Saeran grinned at him, “What about you? What are you studying to be?”

“Oh… uh, a vet,” Yoosung mumbled, looking down at his book. Whenever he made eye contact with Saeran’s mint-green eyes, he could feel his entire body heat up.

“Wow, you’re pretty smart then,” Saeran sounded impressed, and Yoosung looked back up at him. God dammit, why was he being this awkward? He wasn’t usually like this at all.

“I guess so,” Yoosung admitted, “I used to be the teacher’s pet in high school, but now I’m at college it’s kind of… difficult to focus.”

“Hmm, well, I never went to college, but I always found it difficult to focus in high school,” Saeran told him, “I guess we all have to do things we don’t particularly like.”

“Do you have to for your job?” _Filter your thoughts, idiot._

“Well… not exactly, but I guess I’ve worked with some kind of… strange people,” Saeran admitted, “But we don’t have to talk about that.”

“I… I’m just curious,” Yoosung said cautiously.

“Oh, just… ugh,” Saeran ran his fingers through his hair, “I guess… there was this one guy I worked with about a year ago, and like… he was good at what he did, but he was _so_ annoying,” he sighed, “Still to this day he keeps asking to work with me again, but I keep turning him down.” he shook his head, “He was really full of himself and really irritating to the point where I just wanted to punch him,” Saeran paused for a moment before laughing humourlessly, “Although, he probably would’ve liked that. I heard he’s into the whole BDSM thing now.”

“Oh,” Yoosung squeaked at the sudden overload of information, “Are you not… uh, into that?”

“I dunno, never tried it,” Saeran shrugged. Yoosung was constantly amazed at how unfazed he was with talking about such private things. But, then again, it was his job.

“Hmm,” Yoosung hummed, not entirely sure how to respond to that, “Do you think this guy will keep asking for you?”

“I’ve turned him down three or four times now, but he still doesn’t seem to get it,” Saeran took another sip of his coffee. Yoosung remembered his own coffee sitting on the table that Saeran had bought him, and quickly grabbed it and took a sip.

“Well, I hope he leaves you alone,” Yoosung said honestly. It sounded annoying getting harassed like that. Yoosung was still desperately curious about Saeran, but he didn’t want to overstep the line. He’d already told him a fair amount considering they’d pretty much just met.

Besides, he didn’t want Saeran to think he was _only_ talking to him because of his job. It was more than that. Saeran seemed like a genuinely nice guy, and for some reason that surprised Yoosung. It wasn’t as though he was going to take off his clothes right here and spread his body across the table. Yoosung felt his face growing warm at the thought.

_Stop fucking sexualising him. He’s not even doing anything._

“Thanks,” Saeran looked at him oddly, “No one’s ever… huh.”

“What?” Yoosung asked. Had he said something wrong?

“No one’s ever shown they care about stuff like that with me,” Saeran shrugged, looking down at his coffee. His body language was suddenly awkward, tapping at his coffee cup with his index finger and hunching over. Yoosung found it strangely cute.

“Well… it’s important you’re safe, right?” Yoosung pointed out. It seemed so obvious. “You don’t want people taking advantage of you or anything like that.”

“I… yeah,” Saeran seemed at a loss for words, glancing quickly up at Yoosung before looking back down at his coffee. Yoosung could’ve sworn there was a faint blush tinting his cheeks, and he felt a smile break out onto his face. Every little thing Saeran was doing and saying was helping Yoosung realise he was actually a _real person_. Saeran cleared his throat and looked back up at Yoosung, straightening his posture, “Anyway, I was wondering… do you want to meet up again sometime?”

“Oh! Uhm… yes, of course!” Yoosung felt his hands start shaking as he raised his coffee cup to his lips to take a sip.

“Cool, what kind of movies do you like?”

“Erm… I like most movies, I think…”

“Horror?” Saeran raised an eyebrow, a small smirk appearing on his face.

“Oh God,” Yoosung cringed, “Uh, as long as they’re not _too_ scary…”

“Okay, no horror movies,” Saeran grinned, “How about superhero movies?”

“Yes!” Yoosung felt himself perk up, “I love superhero movies!”

“So do I! How about you come over sometime and we can watch one? I have loads at home.”

“Yes,” Yoosung squeaked, before coughing to try and get his voice back to normal, “Yeah, that sounds good.”

Saeran reached into his pocket and pulled his phone out, “If you give me your number we can arrange a date.”

The use of the word ‘date’ sent shivers of excitement down Yoosung’s spine as Saeran handed him his phone. He was in a bit of a daze as he typed in his phone number and handed it back. Saeran tapped out a quick message before locking his phone and sliding it back into his pocket as Yoosung felt his own phone buzz. He pulled it out and read the text.

 

            **(17:42)** Hey cutie.

 

Yoosung felt himself blush furiously, and tried to hide his face from Saeran under his hair.

“Right number?” Saeran asked, and Yoosung could hear the amusement in his voice.

“Yep,” was all Yoosung could respond with. Why was he getting so damn flustered?

“Good,” Saeran said, “Anyway, I need to get going now, but I’ll text you probably at some point tomorrow and let you know when I’m free, if that’s alright?”

“Oh, okay,” Yoosung looked up at Saeran, praying his blush had disappeared, “That sounds good.”

“Good luck with your studying,” Saeran stood up, his chair scraping across the floor as he did.

“Thanks, I’ll see you soon,” Yoosung smiled up at him.

“Looking forward to it,” Saeran grinned and winked at Yoosung, and any hope Yoosung had of not being as red as a tomato totally disappeared.

He watched as Saeran walked out the shop, the door swinging closed behind him. Yoosung let out a sigh and rest his chin in his hand, staring at the spot he’d last seen him.

Was this a crush? Honestly, Yoosung wasn’t sure. He’d often been told that meeting celebrities was usually disappointing, because their image in your head is never accurate. That was true. The image he’d had in his head of Saeran _hadn’t_ been entirely accurate, but Saeran in person had been so much _more_ than what he’d expected. Yoosung flipped open his phone again and glanced at the text, feeling the heat rush to his face again as he read it. He saved Saeran’s number to his phone before flipping it closed and pressing it against his chin as he sat thinking.

Saeran seemed to like him. At least, he hoped he did. He’d invited him over to his house, so signs pointed to the conclusion that yes, Saeran _did_ like Yoosung. Whether that interest was platonic or romantic was uncertain, but Yoosung had a strange feeling Saeran was hoping for a little more than just friendship. Yoosung gulped when he realised Saeran’s interest could be neither of those things. It could be purely sexual.

Did Yoosung look like the guys Saeran usually fucked? He supposed he did a little bit. Saeran generally did videos with blond guys who looked young and innocent, and Yoosung realised he fit that description pretty well.

Oh God. Had Saeran only invited Yoosung over for sex? Yoosung had never even kissed anyone before, girl or guy, let alone had sex. He was horrendously inexperienced, yet, here Saeran was, having slept with… how many people? Twenty? Thirty? Yoosung didn’t know. There were so many videos, and Yoosung’s vision started swimming at the thought of counting them.

What if Saeran was expecting nothing more than a quick fuck? His interest in Yoosung and his aspirations had seemed genuine, but he was a pornstar, and pornstars were _actors_. That could easily have been fake.

Maybe if he told Saeran he was a virgin… no. He couldn’t just straight up say that to him. It could turn out that wasn’t his intention at all. Oh God, Yoosung could barely think straight.

He rest his elbows on the table and leaned forwards heavily, clutching his hair in his hand while pressing his phone into his head with the other.

He needed a plan. He would go round Saeran’s and they would watch the movie. If Saeran asked him about his experience, he would tell him. If Saeran made a move on him, he would tell him. Yoosung wondered if Saeran would think he was stupid or undesirable for not having slept with anyone before. Maybe it would change his view on him? Yoosung suppressed his groan, not wanting to draw attention to himself in the middle of the coffee shop, despite it being fairly empty.

Well, there was no way he was going to be able to focus now. He closed his book and shoved it into his bag, chucking his empty coffee cup in the bin as he passed it. He said a quick goodbye to Jaehee and Nayoung before he left, and quickly rushed back to his apartment.

He had a lot to think about.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this chapter now has fanart!! [check it out!](http://lyxy.tumblr.com/post/157890934557/in-jaehees-coffee-shop-so-ive-started-to-read)


	3. Inexperienced

The next afternoon, as promised, Yoosung received a text from Saeran. Not that he’d been waiting all day, or anything. He was in class when he felt his phone buzz, and he pulled it out his pocket so quickly he almost threw it across the room in his excitement.

 

            **(14:26)** How does Friday 7pm sound to you?

 

Yoosung felt his heart skip at the message, and he instantly typed out a response of ‘Sounds good’ with three exclamation points. Just before he hit send, he backspaced two of them so he didn’t sound _too_ enthusiastic. He quickly received a reply with Saeran’s address along with ‘See you soon, cutie’ which, again, made Yoosung’s heart leap.

Despite what he was calling his ‘plan’, he was still nervous about Friday. He’d never been on a date before. He didn’t even know if this counted as a date. It could just be Saeran wanting to be friends, and Yoosung could be overthinking it way too much. Even if that were the case, he couldn’t help but feel excited at the thought of spending time with him.

Yoosung went to the coffee shop after school, and was a little disappointed when he didn’t run into Saeran again. He managed to hold off the urge to watch one of his videos when he got back home, because he felt like he needed to limit himself before this became a serious problem.

God, he was already talking like an addict.

Perhaps he was, because the following day, he caved in and watched a video after he got home. He caught himself whimpering out Saeran’s name as he came, and as he cleaned himself up he realised that if he and Saeran became friends he would have to stop this. This might be the last time he ever jerked off to him while feeling (mostly) guilt-free. Yoosung sighed and scrolled back through the video, pausing on a frame of Saeran kneeling and grasping his dick while staring directly into the camera with a smirk on his face. Yoosung shivered at the look before closing the video and leaning back in his seat.

Yoosung was almost quite literally on the edge of his seat all day on Friday, just waiting for classes to be over. He didn’t really understand why he rushed home so quickly once the day ended, because it was still a good few hours before he was due to be heading over to Saeran’s.

Did he need to… prepare? What if they ended up _doing_ something? Yoosung didn’t really know how he _could_ prepare, so he settled for a shower at a colder temperature than usual to try and keep his mind off things like that.

He needed to stop thinking like this. Saeran was a _person_ , and sex just happened to be his job. That’s didn’t mean he was going to have sex with him immediately. Yoosung shook his head and leaned against the tiled wall of the shower frustratedly, looking down and letting the water roll into his face.

Once he was out of the shower, he needed to decide what to wear. Date or not, it was still nothing more than a movie night, so he shouldn’t dress up in anything too fancy. God dammit, his inexperience was already painfully obvious.

After much deliberation and countless outfit changes, he finally stood fully dressed in front of his mirror and drew in a deep breath as he scanned over his outfit. Light brown chinos and a simple striped t-shirt with a light blue denim shirt over the top. Casual, but not _too_ casual.

Everything was going to be fine. He just needed to treat Saeran like any other ordinary guy.

He ignored the fact that even if he’d met Saeran without knowing his career, he would still feel just as nervous.

He decided to play LOLOL for a little while to distract himself, but he could still feel thoughts of Saeran poking his brain at the sides as he played, making his stomach flip. He almost jumped out his skin at a sudden, loud beeping sound, before realising it was just the alarm he’d set to alert him when it was time to leave. He didn’t want to be late. He instantly felt his body heat up and his stomach twist. He was possibly more nervous than he’d ever been in his life.

Did he need to bring anything? He didn’t see why he would need his wallet. Or maybe he should buy something for Saeran on his way? It might be rude to turn up empty handed. Walking to Saeran’s was supposed to take under 15 minutes and it was only 6:30, because he’d made sure he had plenty of time to spare just in case.  But… was it too forward to buy him something? They were having a movie night so… he could just buy some popcorn and they could share it. Yeah, there wouldn’t be too much harm in that. He hoped Saeran liked popcorn.

He tried to carry himself with confidence as he left his apartment building and started heading down the street, but he could feel his hands sweating and shaking nervously in his pockets. He stopped at a convenience store on the way, in somewhat of a daze as he located the popcorn. Ah… flavours. Yoosung had forgotten about flavours. He personally preferred sweet, but he wasn’t sure whether Saeran liked salted, so after a few moments of deliberation he opted for the safe choice and bought a bag of each.

He stepped back outside and noticed what a beautiful evening it was, looking up and letting the cool breeze brush his face as he walked. The darkening sky was pretty clear, and Yoosung could already see some stars.

As he turned the corner onto Saeran’s street he slowed to a stop to give himself time to pause and take a deep breath. This was definitely the right place, unless Saeran had sent him the wrong address. He pulled out his phone to double check the address and glanced at the time. 6:55 – that wasn’t ridiculously early, so he hoped Saeran wouldn’t mind too much. He walked along the street until he reached the right house. It was pretty quiet and inconspicuous, and Yoosung felt as though, in an odd way, it suited Saeran pretty well. He stepped up onto the doorstep, hesitating only for a moment to gather his courage before pressing down on the doorbell.

It took a few agonising seconds before the door finally opened to reveal Saeran wearing a simple black t-shirt and jeans. Yoosung felt his breath catch for a moment when he saw him, as though his brain was reaffirming that he was _actually real_. As always, he was wearing his choker, which made Yoosung blush a little, but he tried to ignore it. He noticed his tattoo poking out from under the sleeve of his t-shirt.

“Hey,” Yoosung greeted, hoping he didn’t seem as nervous as he felt. Although… actually, after seeing Saeran, some of his nerves seemed to have disappeared and he already felt considerably calmer. Weird.

“Hey, glad you could make it,” Saeran pulled the door open, “Come on in.”

Yoosung smiled at him, stepping past him into the hallway. Okay, this house was _nice_. Yoosung was definitely nowhere near being able to afford a place like this. It was small, but he couldn’t really blame him. He lived alone, after all. “Your house is really nice.”

“Thanks,” Saeran shut the front door behind him and headed down the hallway, gesturing to the plastic bag Yoosung was holding, “What did you bring?”

“Oh! I… uh, I got some popcorn,” Yoosung said, following Saeran through a door into his living room, which had a pretty large TV sitting on a wooden cabinet, and a red sofa with a coffee table in front of it. He noticed Saeran’s house wasn’t very decorated, but perhaps he’d only just moved in – that would explain why Yoosung hadn’t seen him around before – or maybe he just had simple tastes. “I wasn’t sure if you preferred sweet or salty, so I got both just in case.”

“Which do you prefer?” Saeran asked, heading over to the sofa, “You can sit down, by the way.”

“Thanks,” Yoosung followed Saeran and sat down, feeling a little awkward as he placed the bag on the table in front of him. Saeran headed to the TV and opened the cabinet underneath, kneeling on the floor, “Uhm… I prefer sweet.”

“So do I,” Saeran shot him a grin over his shoulder which made Yoosung’s face flush before turning back to the DVDs in the cabinet, “Okay, so I have quite a few superhero movies. What do you wanna watch?”

“Uhh… I don’t mind. What’s your favourite?”

“Oh God,” Saeran ran his fingers through his hair, “That’s a big question. Uh… I don’t think I can choose just one.”

“Oh, really?” Yoosung hadn’t realised Saeran was such a huge fan.

“Mmhm, I’m going to have to withhold from answering that question, or I’ll never shut up,” he grinned, “I guess… Guardians of the Galaxy could be a good one for us to watch…?” he said questioningly, glancing at Yoosung, who nodded enthusiastically.

“Yeah! I like that one!”

“Awesome,” Saeran pulled it from the cabinet and took it out the box, putting it into the DVD player, “I should get a bowl for the popcorn.”

Saeran stood and left the room, leaving Yoosung by himself. He could feel his hands shaking with nerves and excitement, and he wasn’t certain he’d be able to stomach the popcorn if he ate it. He drew in a deep breath and tried to clear his thoughts so he could stop feeling so on edge. Once Saeran came back into the room and sat next to him, he felt himself relax a little, like he had when he’d seen him at the door. His presence was calming.

Saeran pulled his legs up to cross them in front of him as he grabbed the bag with the popcorn in and tapped a button on the remote to start the movie. He opened the bag with the sweet popcorn in and poured it into the bowl, holding it out and placing it in Yoosung’s lap.

“Thanks,” Yoosung said, taking some. He found himself chewing a little more than usual because of the dryness of his mouth, but he managed to swallow it.

“Hey,” Saeran said in a soft voice after a little pause, nudging Yoosung gently with his elbow, “You don’t have to be so nervous.”

“Sorry,” Yoosung murmured, looking down at his hands.

“I’m not going to do anything you don’t want me to, okay?” Yoosung looked up at Saeran who was giving him a small smile.

“Is this a date?” Yoosung blurted out before slapping his hand over his mouth and murmuring an apology. Why did he have to be such an idiot all the time?

“Do you want it to be?” Saeran asked, cocking his head to the side and looking at Yoosung with his piercing eyes.

“Y-yes,” Yoosung stammered, maintaining eye contact as best as he could.

“Then, yeah, it’s a date,” Saeran grinned at him before scooping some popcorn into his mouth and turning back to the movie.

So that cleared that up. It _was_ a date. Yoosung felt his cheeks tingle with a blush and he quickly tore his eyes away from Saeran to try and watch the movie properly, but he couldn’t make himself focus. It didn’t help that Saeran kept leaning over to grab popcorn out of the bowl on his lap. Yoosung wondered if he was just imagining that Saeran kept shuffling closer to him, and he found himself feeling disappointed when Saeran stopped reaching over for the popcorn and leaned forwards, resting his head on his hand as he propped his elbow on his knee. Yoosung found him cute in a way he hadn’t expected he could ever possibly find a guy, let alone a guy with bleached white hair, a choker, and eyeliner.

He glanced over at Saeran for the millionth time this evening, and it seemed as though Saeran looked over at the same moment because their eyes locked for a second. Saeran gave him a small smile as Yoosung blushed and looked away, but he felt his face break out into a smile too. He was surprised when he felt the bowl being lifted from his lap, and he looked at Saeran again as he placed it on the table in front of them.

“We weren’t eating it anymore anyway,” he mumbled, before leaning back on the sofa. Suddenly he felt Saeran’s fingers gently brushing against his hand before they slowly slid to intertwine with Yoosung’s. Yoosung’s entire body shot through with heat and he jumped a little as Saeran looked at him, “Is this okay?”

“Y-yeah,” Yoosung stammered, praying his hand wasn’t sweaty. Saeran looked back to the screen, the trace of a smile still on his face. His hand was warmer than Yoosung had expected, and it was soft, too. He felt his heart flutter a little as Saeran started gently tracing circles on Yoosung’s skin with his thumb, and he gulped to try and ground himself.

_Focus, Yoosung. Don’t make it obvious how inexperienced you are._

He tried to regulate his breathing to a more even pace, but it was even more difficult now that Saeran was so much closer to him and _literally holding his hand_.

They sat there for a few moments as Yoosung pretended to be watching the movie when, really, he could barely focus at all.

“Are you paying attention to this?” Saeran whispered, leaning towards him slightly.

“Uh… not really,” Yoosung admitted.

“Me either,” Saeran grinned, turning his body so it was angled towards Yoosung, “I can kind of tell you’re freaking out.” He wasn’t teasing Yoosung, and his voice was soft, but Yoosung broke eye contact and looked down in embarrassment anyway.

“Sorry,” Yoosung apologised.

“It’s okay. Is this too much?” he asked, squeezing Yoosung’s hand a little.

“N-no,” Yoosung told him, “It’s nice. I like it.”

“Yeah,” Saeran grinned a little sheepishly and looked down at their joined hands, “Me too.”

There was a pause and Yoosung tried desperately to think of something to say, but Saeran beat him to it.

“If you’re still worried about me… uh, making a move on you, don’t worry. I don’t want to push you if you don’t want to.”

“Oh!” Yoosung squeaked, “Yeah… uh, it’s just that I’m not… I haven’t really… I haven’t dated very much before…”

“Really?” Saeran seemed surprised, “I would expect a guy like you to… well…” he trailed off.

“To what?” Yoosung asked, looking up at him and furrowing his eyebrows.

“Uh… to be pretty chased after.” Saeran looked away in embarrassment.

“Oh, uhm…” Yoosung stammered, “Well, there have been some girls who have asked me on dates and stuff, so I went, but I never… I was never that interested, really.”

Saeran studied him for a moment, “Is this the first date you’ve been on with a guy?” Yoosung nodded, looking down and feeling strangely ashamed. “Hey, it’s alright,” Saeran reassured him, leaning down slightly to try and catch Yoosung’s eye from under his hair, “There’s a first time for everything.”

“I’ve never even kissed anyone before,” Yoosung blurted out, quickly looking up into Saeran’s eyes and attempting to hold his gaze as he watched them widen slightly.

“Ever?”

Yoosung shook his head, and gripped at his trousers with his free hand, “I bet you think I’m stupid.”

“What? No! Of course not,” Saeran told him, reaching out and taking Yoosung’s other hand and tugging him a little so they were facing each other,  thinking for a moment before saying, “Do you… do you want to?”

“What?!” Yoosung squeaked.

“Kiss someone. Well… by ‘someone’ I mean me. You can say no if you want to,” Saeran paused for a second, “And it doesn’t even need to be right now if you don’t want it to be.”

“I… uh…” Yoosung stammered, and his eyes dropped down to Saeran’s lips for a moment. They looked soft and pink and… suddenly he was filled with nervous anticipation. He nodded.

“Sure?” Saeran whispered, and Yoosung nodded again, dragging his eyes back up to look into Saeran’s while trying to ignore the popcorn churning in his stomach.

Saeran let go of Yoosung’s hand and lifted his own up to gently cup his jaw, tracing Yoosung’s jawline with his thumb and sliding it down to rest on the side of his neck. Yoosung was barely breathing as he felt the soft tug of Saeran’s hand pulling him closer. His eyes fluttered closed and he could feel Saeran’s warm breath against his lips.

“Last chance to back out,” Saeran breathed, and Yoosung shivered as the words tickled his lips. Yoosung felt as if he was barely in control of his own movements as he leaned in those last few millimetres and felt Saeran’s lips brush against his own. Yoosung could feel the butterflies in his stomach as Saeran pulled his face a little closer, pressing them together more tightly. Yoosung found his free hand reaching out to grip hold of Saeran’s t-shirt and yank his body closer. He felt Saeran’s lips curve up into a smile at Yoosung’s apparent sudden burst of confidence, making him shudder slightly.

Kissing was incredible, Yoosung decided. Just pressing his lips against someone else’s was oddly satisfying, and he gasped as he felt Saeran’s hand crawl it’s way to the back of Yoosung’s neck and then further up to grip hold of his hair. Saeran took the gasp as an opportunity to press his tongue hesitantly into Yoosung’s mouth. Yoosung responded enthusiastically, tugging Saeran’s shirt again to pull his body closer. Saeran was on his knees now, leaning over Yoosung as he tilted his head upwards so as not to break the kiss, letting out a small moan. Saeran was a _really_ good kisser.

Suddenly Saeran pulled away, and Yoosung whined in protest.

“Wait, wait, wait,” Saeran shook his head, and sank down slightly so he was back at Yoosung’s eye level, and Yoosung released his grip on Saeran’s shirt, “We can’t get too carried away.”

“Why?” Yoosung pouted. He didn’t mind. He didn’t feel nervous anymore, as though the kiss had absorbed all of his anxious energy. Saeran laughed and untangled his fingers from Yoosung’s hair to tap his pouting lips.

“Be _cause_ ,” Saeran paused for dramatic effect, “It’s your first time doing any of this. Also, believe it or not, I don’t fuck on the first date.”

It seemed like a joke, so Yoosung laughed, slowly but surely coming down from the high of kissing Saeran. He could still feel the buzz throughout his body, and suspected he would for a while. “I guess you’re right.”

“So,” Saeran tilted his head to the side, a strangely adorable lopsided grin on his face. Yoosung wasn’t sure he’d ever get used to the idea of Saeran being cute. “How was it?”

“Good,” Yoosung mumbled, trying to hide his smile and blush by looking down, but Saeran placed his index finger under his chin and tilted his face up to look at him.

“Come on, it was your first kiss. I gotta know if I did well,” Saeran looked at him with a teasing look on his face.

“You _know_ you did,” Yoosung felt a giggle escape his lips, “I think the more important question is did _I_ do well?” Suddenly the smile dropped from Yoosung’s face, and he grimaced, “Actually, wait, don’t answer that.”

“You _did_ do well,” Saeran told him softly, lowering his hand from under Yoosung’s chin, “It’s the first proper kiss I’ve had with anyone for a really long time. I… I forgot how good it feels.”

“Really?” Yoosung was a little surprised, and squeezed Saeran’s hand, which he was still holding, “How… how is it different?” He was nervous to ask but… Saeran had said he’d been a good kisser, and it hadn’t seemed like a lie.

“It’s… I guess there’s more emotion in it. You know for sure the other person definitely wants to be kissing you if they’re not being paid to do it,” Saeran grinned, “Besides, you’re actually better at kissing anyway.”

“Honestly?” Yoosung tilted his head and raised an eyebrow, looking at Saeran doubtfully.

“Yep,” he nodded with certainty, “Most of them are either too sloppy or too… professional, I guess.”

“Oh? So what am I?” Yoosung asked in a teasing voice. Saeran seemed to think about it for a moment.

“I dunno if there’s a word for it… genuine? Raw?” Saeran shrugged, “I don’t know, it’s just better.”

Yoosung wasn’t entirely sure he believed him, but at least he had confirmation that he wasn’t absolutely awful.

“So… uh, can we do it again?” Yoosung asked, feeling his face flush a little at his own request. Saeran’s lips tugged up into a smile before he leaned in and gave Yoosung a quick peck on the lips. Although it was brief, Yoosung felt his stomach flutter, and he whined again when Saeran pulled away.

“More?” Saeran asked, his face millimetres from Yoosung’s, hot breath brushing his face as his hands traced gently along his jaw. Yoosung nodded and Saeran leaned in again, pressing their lips together more firmly this time. Yoosung grabbed hold of Saeran’s shirt and pulled him closer, moving his legs onto the sofa and shuffling slightly so Saeran was straddling him and leaning over him again while cupping his face in his hands. His tongue was pushed into his mouth, moving in a way that made Yoosung’s head spin with pleasure, and he could feel his pants tightening. His hands were gentle, and his fingers softly slid from Yoosung’s face into his hair, tangling into it and tugging at it gently. Yoosung let out an involuntary moan, to which Saeran responded with a grunt and pulled out of the kiss abruptly.

“You can’t make noises like that,” he said in a hoarse voice, before tugging Yoosung’s hair to pull his head back and expose his neck. Saeran immediately dived in and latched onto the most sensitive part of it with his mouth, sucking at it and nipping at his skin softly. Yoosung let out another partially deliberate moan, and felt Saeran’s fingers tighten in his hair in response. Yoosung’s hands dropped Saeran’s shirt and reached up to knot themselves into his hair, trying to supress his whimpers by biting his lip.

This was surreal for Yoosung in three ways. First, he was actually making out with someone. That in itself was enough to send Yoosung’s brain into overdrive. Secondly, that person was a guy. He had never expected or intended his first kiss to be with a guy, but now he wouldn’t have had it any other way. And third, that person was pornstar, Saeran Choi. It didn’t really matter that he was a pornstar, but it was more the fact he was _famous_. Yoosung’s first kiss was with a _famous, male and very attractive person._

He didn’t have much time to think about how bizarre and unexpected this situation was, because Saeran bit down on his neck. Hard.

Yoosung yelped in response, but to both of their surprise, jerked Saeran’s head closer to his skin rather than pulling it away.

“D-do that again,” Yoosung panted.

“You like that, hm?” Saeran murmured into his skin, kissing it gently, causing another whimper to escape Yoosung’s lips. He bit his bottom lip to try and stop himself from making too many embarrassing noises, but he was still letting out a series of muffled moans as Saeran kissed that same spot, more gently this time, before biting down on it again in the same way. Yoosung’s yelp was muffled this time due to him pressing his lips together desperately. Saeran pulled back, eyes flicking down to Yoosung’s lips before removing his hands from his hair and pressing an index finger against Yoosung’s closed mouth, prying it open. “Don’t do that,” he ordered, his voice was soft but firm, and made Yoosung’s already hard cock even harder.

“D-do what?” Yoosung stammered, his hands still tangled in Saeran’s hair.

“Stop the noises,” Saeran specified, “I want to hear them.”

The tone of his voice made Yoosung shiver with pleasure, and Saeran seemed to notice.

“Do you like being told what to do?” he asked Yoosung teasingly, raising an eyebrow and smirking as he pressed his finger harder against his lower lip. Yoosung just stared up at Saeran, wide-eyed, not knowing how to answer. Saeran’s finger slid down to Yoosung’s chin before he trailed his hand up again and gripped hold of his face in his hand, squeezing his cheeks and pulling him closer. “Answer me,” he all but growled, as his hot breath sent waves of shuddering pleasure through Yoosung.

“Y-yes,” Yoosung stammered, feeling his face heating up.

“Oh?” Saeran raised his eyebrows in amusement, “I’ll have to remember that.”

Yoosung’s clothes were become unbearably tight against his crotch, and he let out a whimper, jerking his hips a little to try and press himself against Saeran. Saeran leaned back slightly to look down at Yoosung’s crotch, that smirk crossing his face again before he looked back up at Yoosung.

“Excited?” he teased. His smile slowly faded from his face and he let go of Yoosung’s cheeks, “Perhaps we should stop now.”

“P-please,” Yoosung begged.

Saeran sighed, “I… I don’t want to either. But this is the first date, remember? I don’t want you to regret anything.”

“I won’t,” Yoosung grumbled as Saeran pulled himself back, sitting on Yoosung’s legs and carefully avoiding his crotch. Yoosung noticed that Saeran’s jeans were tight in his crotch area too, and felt a strange mixture of pride and flattery swell up inside him.

“Hey,” Saeran cocked his head, pressing his finger against Yoosung’s lips again in a more playful way, “Don’t pout like that. If things keep going well, then… well, who knows what could happen?” He gave a lopsided grin, suddenly going from irresistibly sexy to unbelievably cute within seconds.

“I guess,” Yoosung mumbled, feeling his erection slowly softening as he sorted out his breathing. He smiled up at Saeran a little nervously, “But when will be able to have another date?”

“Hmm,” Saeran furrowed his eyebrows, dropping his finger from Yoosung’s lips and pressing it against his own thoughtfully, “How about same time next week? I’m usually free on Fridays.”

“Yeah,” Yoosung nodded enthusiastically, and Saeran laughed a little before finally shifting his weight so Yoosung could move his legs from underneath him. Saeran wrapped his arm around Yoosung’s shoulders and pulled him closer, and Yoosung leaned his head on Saeran’s warm chest, inhaling deeply.

“Just so you know,” Saeran started, and Yoosung could feel his chest rumbling against his cheek as he spoke, “I don’t fuck on the second date either.” There was a teasing tone in his voice

“Oh? Why?” Yoosung asked.

“Just my principles, I guess,” Saeran shrugged a little, and Yoosung felt him rest his chin on top of his head.

“What about the third date?” Yoosung dared to ask. Saeran paused for a moment.

“I guess we’ll have to wait and see.”

Yoosung felt a shiver of excitement course through his body. He had never felt this way before. He wanted to be as close to Saeran as he possibly could be. Just being pressed against his chest right now was enough to make his stomach flip, and when he felt Saeran’s hand lift and start gently stroking his hair, he could barely contain himself. He let out a small squeak, before his face burned with embarrassment and he buried his face into Saeran’s t-shirt. Saeran laughed softly.

“What is it?”

“N-nothing,” Yoosung stammered, his voice muffled against Saeran’s clothes. Despite his embarrassment, he realised that he had never felt this comfortable around someone before.

“Come on,” Saeran said softly, “Tell me.”

“I… I’m just really happy,” Yoosung admitted, before pressing his face even harder into his shirt and feeling it heat up even more.

“So am I,” Saeran whispered, pressing a kiss against Yoosung’s head, “You’re… you’re really something.”

Yoosung frowned a little, lifting his head to look at Saeran, “What do you mean?”

“Oh, it’s nothing,” Saeran avoided eye contact, instead watching his own hand as it continued stroking through Yoosung’s hair, “Not really something I can talk about on the first date.” His attempt at humour didn’t hide the fact there was something a little more to what he was saying.

“You can tell me,” Yoosung told him in what he hoped was an encouraging voice.

“Maybe soon,” Saeran gave him a small smile, patting his head a little, which Yoosung found he strangely liked. He leaned back on Saeran’s chest and glanced at the TV, which was still playing the movie they’d been watching, but Yoosung didn’t really care.

As the credits started rolling, they decided it was probably time for Yoosung to return home, and they got up and headed to the front door. Saeran pulled it open and they both stood in the doorframe for a moment.

“I had a really good time,” Saeran told Yoosung, scratching the back of his neck sheepishly. Yoosung felt a smile light up his face.

“Me too!” Yoosung told him.

“So… next week?”

“Yep,” Yoosung nodded, and Saeran looked up at him with a smile on his face that made Yoosung’s heart feel like it was flying, “Should I come here again?”

“Yeah, unless you want me to come over?”

Yoosung screwed up his face, “Uh… probably not. My place isn’t as nice as yours.”

“Well, you’d be there to make it better,” Saeran teased, and Yoosung felt his face flush, “But, okay, we can do it here again. See you then.”

Yoosung was about to respond but Saeran caught his chin with his hand and pressed his lips against Yoosung’s. Yoosung heard a small sigh escape him as his eyes fluttered closed. It was short and sweet and ended too soon, but still left Yoosung in a daze once Saeran had pulled away.

“You’d better leave now or else I’m not going to be able to stop.”

“I don’t mind,” Yoosung told him, only half-joking, but Saeran just grinned and gently pushed his arm so he would step outside.

“Get out my fucking house,” his voice was light and Yoosung laughed.

“Okay, okay, I’m going. I’ll see you next week, Saeran.”

“I’ll look forward to it. See you then, Yoosung.”

Yoosung walked home with a big, stupid grin on his face and a spring in his step. He felt happier and more fulfilled than he had in a long time, and he could still feel the memory Saeran’s lips against his own, as well as his neck. Suddenly, his hand flew to his neck and poked the spot Saeran had been attacking. It was tender, and he wondered if Saeran had left a mark… he kind of hoped he had. It would help him remember it had all been real.

Once he arrived back home, he sat down on his desk chair and reached out to turn his computer on, but then his hand froze. Would it be weird to watch Saeran’s videos now that everything had happened? Yoosung had to admit that it probably would be, and his finger hovered over the power button. He wanted to relieve himself though, now that all the sexual frustration from his date with Saeran had hit him. He supposed he could just… imagine it? That was less weird, right? He could do it to the memory of Saeran’s tongue in his mouth and his teeth digging into his neck. The thought of it was making his cock stir already, and he quickly unbuttoned his trousers and shoved them down so they were around his thighs. He closed his eyes and touched his hardening cock through his boxers, letting out a small moan as he imagined it was Saeran’s hand rather than his own.

He tilted his head back and gently ran his fingers up and down his length, mimicking the way Saeran had been caressing his jaw when they’d been kissing. He teased himself for a little while before finally reaching down his boxers and pulling himself free, sucking in a sharp breath as he felt the cold air hit his sensitive skin. Eyes still closed, he wrapped his hand around himself and started pumping.

He was already so riled up from earlier, and he knew he wasn’t going to be able to last long. He squeezed his eyes shut tightly as his mouth fell open, pumping up and down and imagining Saeran’s scorching breath against his face and his body pressed against his. His breath was quickening, and he could feel himself getting close already.

_“Don’t do that.”_

_“D-do what?”_

_“Stop the noises. I want to hear them.”_

Yoosung whimpered at the memory of Saeran’s commanding words, and he didn’t try and stop the moans escaping his lips like he usually did in the embarrassing silence of his empty room. He pumped faster and faster, imagining Saeran’s hands all over his body, his sharp green eyes boring into Yoosung’s purple ones, and he came so suddenly it took him by surprise. He let out a sharp, broken cry of “S-Sae-ran!” and his toes curled and his body shuddered and he dug his fingernails into the armrest of his seat as he felt the warm liquid release all over his hand. His whimpers gradually got quieter and quieter, and his hand slowed down its pumping as he came down from his high.

He just sat there for a few moments, sticky hand still grasping his cock, head thrown back and mouth hanging open. He opened his eyes and stared dizzily at the ceiling as his head spun. That had been fucking good.

His breathing was still ragged, but he leaned forwards and quickly grabbed some tissues with his free hand to wipe up as much of the mess as he could.

Once he’d tossed them into the bin and pulled his trousers back up, he leaned forwards on his desk. Part of him hoped Saeran was just as turned on by him as he was by Saeran… although he doubted it. Yoosung was a horrifically inexperienced virgin, whereas Saeran was… well, _Saeran._

He could only imagine what it would’ve felt like if it had _actually_ been Saeran’s hand helping him out rather than his own. He moaned quietly at the thought, and tried desperately to push it out of his head.

It didn’t work.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ok but look at [this fanart](https://synchxart.tumblr.com/post/157331041853/umyeah-so-this-was-inspired-by) that my friend made for this fic I think I'm in love with it
> 
> this chapter now has _even more_ fanart!! [check it out!](http://lyxy.tumblr.com/post/157920262827/chapiter-3-close-to-me-by)


	4. Two Steps Forward

Throughout the following week, Yoosung and Saeran text back and forth a little. It made Yoosung bubble with excitement whenever he saw a new text come through, even though they were pretty irregular. He wasn’t sure if Saeran’s was bad at texting or just busy, but either way he supposed it didn’t matter.

His mind was almost constantly filled with the countless complicated emotions he was having to face. The whole ‘not being straight’ thing was pretty obvious, and honestly he probably should have seen it coming sooner. But there was also the obstacle of Saeran’s job. It wasn’t exactly… an issue, per se. Yoosung wasn’t _jealous_ – he knew it was just a job – but he felt as though everything had felt much more okay when he was actually _with_ Saeran. He would be lying if he told himself that the fact he hadn’t seen him for four days now wasn’t making his anxieties flare just a little.

He’d been going to the coffee shop every day in the hopes that he’d run into him again, but no such luck. That didn’t stop him from trying again that afternoon, anyway.

He headed through the door, greeted Jaehee and Nayoung and sat at his usual table, sighing as he pulled out his book. Today he had decided to look over Geography, because he was kind of falling behind in that.

Along with everything else.

He only managed to read half of the first page before someone called out his name.

“Yoosung!”

He looked up and blinked a couple of times, and his face broke out into a smile.

“Saeran!”

Saeran hurried over to Yoosung’s table and pulled out the chair opposite, sitting down in a rush. Yoosung’s face fell when he saw Saeran’s expression, and he felt as though a brick had been dropped into the pit of his stomach. He was frowning, with no trace of a smile on his face.

“What’s wrong?” Yoosung was scared to ask.

“Ugh, I’m so sorry,” Saeran shook his head, running his fingers through his hair, “I… I can’t do Friday.”

“What?” Yoosung felt like crying, “Why?”

“Something’s come up. It’s… it’s my job,” Saeran looked at him apologetically but gave him a small half smile, “But… I mean, if you want to, I’m free now?”

“Wh… really?!” Yoosung’s mood suddenly lifted. Why had Saeran been so dramatic?

“Yeah. And I’m free all day Sunday too, if you want to hang out then?”

“Y-yes! I’d love to,” Yoosung tried not to sound too overenthusiastic, but it was pretty difficult. Now he was getting _two_ dates with Saeran instead of one! This was even better than their original plan. He closed his book and haphazardly shoved it into his bag as Saeran stood up.

“I was thinking we could go on a walk or something,” Saeran mused, glancing over to Yoosung, “Do you like ice cream?”

“Yeah,” Yoosung nodded.

“Cool, I know a place we can get some,” Saeran grinned as they headed out the coffee shop. Yoosung waved at Jaehee, who raised her eyebrows and tilted her head pointedly towards Saeran. Yoosung shrugged sheepishly.

“How was your day?” Yoosung asked. He hoped the question didn’t sound too forced, but he hadn’t had time to prepare for this so his brain was spinning wildly.

“Pretty busy. I pissed off my agent by rejecting an offer, and so they’ve been bombarding me for the past few days with other jobs,” Saeran shook his head, “How was yours?”

“Oh… not too bad,” Yoosung said vaguely, “Just went to college and tried not to fall asleep in class.”

Saeran laughed at that, which made Yoosung feel all warm inside. He liked Saeran’s laugh. They eventually reached a quiet looking ice-cream shop and Saeran held the door open for Yoosung before following him through.

“I’ve been to pretty much every ice cream store in the city, and this one’s probably the best,” Saeran told Yoosung, scratching the back of his neck in embarrassment.

“You like ice cream that much?” Yoosung asked, feeling a smile play on his lips.

“Mmhm,” Saeran mumbled, and when Yoosung looked at him he noticed how his cheeks had turned a little pink. Oh, God, Yoosung had forgotten how cute he could be, and he felt his heart flutter and had the sudden urge to kiss him, but he held back.

Saeran bought them both ice cream and they stepped outside.

“So… uh, I didn’t really plan this far ahead,” Saeran admitted, “I don’t know where we should go now.”

“Oh… well, we could just walk and see where we end up?” Yoosung suggested.

“Yeah, good idea,” Saeran laughed awkwardly, and they started heading along the street in an odd, comfortable sort of silence Yoosung had never experienced before. He decided he liked it.

Eventually they reached the town square, which was surprisingly quiet. Yoosung hadn’t been here many times before because it had never seemed to be somewhere that was particularly interesting to him. There were a few people milling around, but it was mostly deserted. Yoosung spotted a bench and pointed to it.

“How about we sit there?”

“Okay,” Saeran nodded, and they headed over to it and sat down. Saeran let out a heavy sigh and leaned back. Yoosung watched the calming fountain in the centre of the square. He kind of felt like he was in a movie.

“It’s good to wind down sometimes,” he breathed, and Yoosung turned to look at him. He really did look exhausted.

“Is your job really that busy?”

“Yeah,” Saeran glanced at Yoosung briefly before locking his eyes on the sky, “Yeah, it gets kind of stressful sometimes. Especially recently.”

“Really? Why?”

Saeran ran his fingers through his hair, “I guess I’m getting more well-known. I don’t know. I’m getting a lot more work, which is good, but… it’s exhausting.” Yoosung wondered whether or not Saeran was happy doing his job. He didn’t seem to dislike it, but this tiredness… it worried him.

“Why… why did you decide to do this job?” Yoosung asked before quickly interjecting, “You don’t have to tell me if you don’t want to.”

Saeran shook his head and smiled, “It’s okay. I don’t mind. It just… it just seemed to be the easiest option at the time. I wasn’t exactly in a good situation, so it was kind of a quick and easy escape from it.”

“Situation?”

Saeran closed his eyes for a moment before opening them again, “My childhood wasn’t the best. My brother managed to get out sooner because he was smart enough to graduate and move out early, which left me alone for a few years. As soon as I turned 18 I started looking into the industry for some quick money and… well, I got one job and people seemed to like it so I stuck with it.”

“Are you unhappy?” Yoosung blurted.

“Huh?” Saeran seemed shocked, and looked at Yoosung suddenly.

“J-just… I was wondering,” Yoosung stammered, “I’m sorry if I’m being too nosy, I just want you to be happy.”

“That’s okay,” Saeran gave him a small smile before he licked his ice cream and continued talking, “But, no, I’m not unhappy. I enjoy what I do, but I suppose I never really intended to stick with it for this long. I didn’t have any kind of long-term plan.”

“Oh.” Yoosung supposed that made sense. At least Saeran liked what he did.

“He’s why I dyed my hair, you know.”

“What? What do you mean?” Yoosung was surprised at Saeran’s sudden openness. He got the impression Saeran didn’t feel comfortable enough to talk like this very often, and he _really_ didn’t want to stop him. It made him happy that he wanted to tell him about himself, and Yoosung was endlessly interested to the point where he felt as though he was coming on a little too strong with all the questions.

“My brother,” Saeran specified, “We’re identical twins. I started out just wearing the green contacts and getting the tattoo but… his job is kind of… private? I can’t really talk about it, but if anyone found a video like that and thought it was him, he’d probably be in trouble. I bleached my hair so we’d look more different.”

“Your… you wear contacts?” Yoosung asked. He was genuinely surprised, considering Saeran’s eyes had been green right from the start of his career.

“Yeah, I kind of like them, though.”

“What’s your real eye colour?” Yoosung asked, his curiosity burning inside him. Saeran grinned at him.

“I guess you’ll have to wait and see,” he teased. Yoosung sighed frustratedly, wanting desperately to know, but he still had so many more questions bouncing around his brain. He wanted to ask more about Saeran’s childhood, but it felt a little too soon for that so he decided to avoid it as best as he could.

“You have a twin?”

“Yep,” Saeran nodded, and there was a strange bitterness in his voice and he bit his lip in frustration before continuing, “I’m still kind of mad about him abandoning me, but I suppose there’s nothing else he could’ve done. I probably would’ve done the same if I were smart enough to graduate early.”

“What’s his name?”

Saeran opened his mouth and then closed it again, frowning before speaking, “I suppose I should probably tell you it’s Luciel.”

“Uh… what do you mean?”

“His real name is supposed to be a secret,” Saeran shook his head, “It doesn’t really matter anyway.”

“So… uh, do you think you’ll ever get a new career?” Yoosung asked cautiously. He didn’t want to appear jealous, because he genuinely wasn’t. He was just curious. Saeran pursed his lips and thought for a moment.

“I… I don’t know,” he admitted, “I always told myself that if I ever met someone and wanted to settle down that I’d find a new job. But I don’t know what I’d want to do.”

“Oh,” Yoosung squeaked, “Well… what are your interests?”

“Uh… I dunno,” Saeran sighed out a laugh, “I guess I like writing. And art. But I’m not that good at either. I’m happy staying where I am for now.”

“You said you were good at maths before, didn’t you?”

“Yeah, but not good enough to make a career out of it,” Saeran ran his fingers through his hair again.

“What about something in retail?” Yoosung suggested, “Oh! You could work at the coffee shop with Jaehee!” This was suddenly the best idea Yoosung had ever had. Saeran grinned at his enthusiasm.

“Yeah, I guess I could,” he took a lick of his ice cream, “Or in an ice cream shop.”

“Yeah! Then you’ll get to sample all the flavours!”

“But, then again, I think all the cute guys like you tend to go to coffee shops,” Saeran was still grinning, and Yoosung felt himself blush. He looked down to hide behind his hair and busied himself with taking a few licks of his ice cream to try and soothe his burning hot face, “It’s why I started going there, you know.”

“What?” Yoosung looked up at Saeran in surprise, “For cute guys?”

“Well… for _a_ cute guy, actually,” Saeran confessed, and now it was his turn to blush a little.

“You… what?”

“Don’t make me say it again,” Saeran turned away, suddenly focusing intently on his ice cream.

“You went there… to see _me?_ ”

“Mmhm,” Saeran nodded.

“But… but…” Yoosung stammered, his brain was suddenly more scrambled than it ever had been before as he tried to wrap his head around what Saeran was telling him.

“And I may have… uh, walked into you on purpose,” he admitted.

“Are you _serious?”_ Yoosung squeaked, “But why _me?_ ”

“You… I don’t know. You always seemed really friendly to everyone you spoke to. I guess I just wanted an excuse to talk to you,” he mumbled, still not making eye contact.

“B-but… I’ve never seen you there before?” Yoosung couldn’t quite understand. Was he dreaming? He felt like he was dreaming.

“I was usually just outside when I saw you in there. I… it took me a while to work up the courage to talk to you at all,” Saeran let out a small puff of air, “It made it a lot easier when you recognised me.”

“I… I can’t believe this,” Yoosung admitted, dumbstruck at the thought of Saeran wanting to talk to _him_ and actively seeking out ways to do it.

“Why?” Saeran asked, finally looking back at Yoosung, “You’re cute. And…” he paused for a moment, a smirk spreading across his face, “You have a really good ass.”

Yoosung spluttered and lowered his gaze, dropping it to his ice cream, hiding his blush under his hair again as he tried unsuccessfully not to squeal or make any other embarrassing noises. This was too much for him. He felt like he might explode.

“Hey, don’t hide from me,” Saeran scolded him, and Yoosung felt Saeran’s hand push his hair away from his face to expose his blush, “You blush so easily.”

“Stop!” Yoosung squealed, bringing up his free hand to his face to hide it, “I can’t help it!”

“Hey, look at me,” Saeran told him.

“No!”

“Yoosung,” he said more sternly, “Look at me.”

Yoosung slowly lowered his hand and looked up at Saeran, mouth slightly open and body strangely hot from Saeran’s command.

“There we go,” Saeran grinned, pinching his still red cheek, “Now I can see how cute you are.”

“Urgh,” Yoosung scowled, “Don’t call me cute.”

“But you _are_ ,” Saeran raised his eyebrows at Yoosung, still grinning.

“Yeah, well… you aren’t supposed to say it!”

“You love it really,” Saeran nudged him with his elbow, “But I guess I’ll stop if you want me to.”

“Oh… uh…” Yoosung stammered. He didn’t _really_ want Saeran to stop calling him cute, “No, it’s okay.”

Saeran snorted at this and Yoosung found himself laughing too. “You always make me laugh,” Saeran commented.

“I hope that’s a good thing, and that you’re not just laughing because I’m an idiot.”

“No! No, of course not, you’re funny. I don’t remember the last time I was this happy.”

Yoosung felt his heart flutter, and said honestly, “Me either.”

Saeran reached out and laced his fingers through Yoosung’s, licking at his ice cream and staring off into the distance. “I feel like I’ve known you for years.”

For some reason, this was better than any compliment Yoosung had ever received, and he felt his breath catch as he tried not to cry with happiness. “R-really?”

“Yeah,” Saeran said softly, turning back to Yoosung and giving him that crooked grin which made his heart melt, “I hope I’m not being too forward.”

“No! Not at all,” Yoosung reassured him, returning the smile before they both looked back at the sky. He tried to ignore the way his entire body heat up when Saeran finished his ice cream and absentmindedly licked the stray drops off his fingers, but he couldn’t. He just hoped his hand wasn’t sweating too badly.

The sun was beginning to set and the air was getting gradually colder, but they sat there for a few seconds or minutes or hours, content in each other’s presence with Saeran’s thumb occasionally brushing gently over Yoosung’s knuckles.

“We should probably get going soon,” Saeran sighed.

“I guess so,” Yoosung agreed. He didn’t want this moment to end, but he knew it would have to eventually. Saeran leaned in so his shoulder was pressed against Yoosung’s.

“Do you… do you mind if I kiss you first?” he asked, and Yoosung felt his heart leap again.

“You can kiss me whenever you want to,” he whispered, turning his head to look at Saeran at the same time Saeran turned to look at Yoosung. He watched as Saeran’s green eyes flicked down to his lips, lingering there for a few moments before they bore into Yoosung’s. He leaned in slowly, squeezing Yoosung’s hand and pressing his lips softly against his. Yoosung could taste the long since finished ice cream on Saeran’s lips, and sighed happily into the kiss as he felt Saeran’s body turn towards his slightly so he could reach up his free hand and cup Yoosung’s jaw. Yoosung shivered under the touch, and Saeran pulled his lips away far too soon, causing Yoosung let out a small noise of complaint as he opened his eyes. Saeran’s eyes flicked from side to side before looking back at Yoosung.

“We’re in public, remember,” he reminded him with a grin.

“Oh, yeah,” Yoosung replied, a little dazed. In all honesty he’d actually forgotten. He leaned forwards to press their foreheads together and murmured, “Still doesn’t mean I wanna stop.”

Saeran chuckled, and gave Yoosung a quick peck on the nose before leaning back and tugging at his hand, “Come on, we really should go before it gets too dark.”

They stood from the bench and faced each other for a moment, and Saeran looked to the side a little awkwardly, “Do you… uh, do you want me to walk you home?”

“Okay,” Yoosung breathed. Anything to spend more time with Saeran.

As they walked hand in hand, Yoosung kept glancing up at Saeran, who looked as though he was thinking hard about something.

“What is it?” he asked after the burning curiosity became too much for him.

“Oh… uh… nothing,” Saeran replied, but he bit his lip to suppress a grin.

“Come on! You have to tell me!” Yoosung insisted.

“No I don’t.”

“Please!” Yoosung begged, and Saeran appeared to think for a moment.

“Well… okay, but remember you asked for it,” Saeran let his smirk break loose, “When we first met… you remember, right?”

“Yeah, of course I do,” Yoosung frowned, “It was only, like, a week ago.”

“And we kind of walked into each other, right?”

“You mean you walked in to me,” Yoosung teased, “But… yeah, I remember…?” Yoosung wasn’t entirely sure where this was going.

“And you immediately recognised me.”

“Yeah…”

“Like… _immediately_ ,” Saeran raised his eyebrows, “As if… you were _very_ familiar with me. More than most other people are.”

“Oh…?” Sudden realisation washed over Yoosung, and he slapped his hand to his face as he blushed furiously, “Oh, God!”

“It’s fine,” Saeran told him, and Yoosung could hear the grin in his voice, “So you’ve obviously watched… uh, a fair few of my videos before. But I was wondering… have you watched more since we met in person?”

Yoosung made an incoherent squealing noise into his hand, and felt his entire body heating up. He yanked his hand away from Saeran’s to cover his face properly and stopped walking. He heard Saeran laughing as he stopped beside him, and felt his slender fingers wrap around his wrists in an attempt to pull his hands away from his face, but Yoosung was refusing to let them budge.

“It’s okay,” Saeran insisted, his laughter only making Yoosung even more embarrassed, “I’m just curious to know.”

Yoosung mumbled incoherently into his hands.

“What?”

“Mmhm,” he pulled his hands away from his face slightly, “Yesihave.”

Saeran took the opportunity to pull Yoosung’s hands down from his face, “It’s okay, Yoosung, honestly.”

“It’s so weird, though!” Yoosung whined, “I’m sorry!”

“Yoosung, it’s _fine_!” Saeran could barely contain his laughter as he laced his fingers back through Yoosung’s and pulled him along to keep walking. Yoosung slapped his other hand against his face again.

Once they reached Yoosung’s apartment building, they came to a stop. Saeran was still grinning and Yoosung was still horrendously embarrassed. Saeran’s expression melted into something softer as he looked at Yoosung under the fluorescent outdoor lights, and he brought his hand up to gently stroke a finger down his face. Yoosung had noticed that Saeran seemed to touch his face a lot, and Yoosung had also noticed that he liked it a lot.

“Can I call you tonight?” Saeran asked.

“Oh, uh… yeah, of course,” Yoosung agreed, not being able to stop the smile which spread across his face. They hadn’t spoken on the phone before. “As long as you don’t make fun of me.”

“Hmm… okay, fine then. I’ll call you as soon as I’m home?”

“Really? Why?”

“I… no reason,” Saeran smirked a little, and Yoosung furrowed his eyebrows. What was he planning?

“Uh… okay…?”

“It’s okay. It’ll be worth the wait,” Saeran promised, leaning in to give Yoosung a quick peck on the lips, sufficiently distracting him from asking more questions. Yoosung grabbed hold of Saeran’s shirt and pulled him in for a longer, more lingering kiss that sent tingles of pleasure throughout his body. Saeran pulled away, again, too soon, but this time Yoosung managed to hold back his complaints. He must have looked a little grumpy though, because Saeran laughed and pinched his cheeks gently. “Too cute,” he murmured, and Yoosung blushed again, “I’ll talk to you later.”

“Yeah,” Yoosung breathed.

“Looking forward to it,” Saeran pressed a final, gentle kiss on Yoosung’s cheek, lips cool and soft against his hot skin.

Yoosung stood in the doorway for a moment as he watched Saeran walking away, an overwhelming feeling of affection filling him from head to toe. He was gradually discovering more and more things about him, reaffirming in his head that he _wasn’t_ just in this because he was a fan, and that he genuinely cared about Saeran.

He wanted to be the one to help make him happy.


	5. Imagine

Yoosung stepped into his apartment and closed the door, checking the time on his phone. Saeran would probably get back home in about ten or fifteen minutes, so he flopped down on his bed, placing his phone next to his head so he wouldn’t miss the call.

Yoosung’s thoughts were filled with Saeran even more than usual. Every word and every touch and every kiss they’d ever shared were racing through his brain. Yoosung would never admit it, but he had adored the fact he’d had to hide his neck during classes at the beginning of the week due to the bruise Saeran had left there. It made it all feel more real and more exciting. Saeran had marked him, and that connected them in a way Yoosung had never been connected to anyone before.

Eventually his phone buzzed beside him and he picked it up, not bothering to sit up.

“Hello?”

“Hey,” Saeran’s voice came through from the other end, and Yoosung smiled, “Haven’t heard your voice in a while.” Yoosung giggled and he heard Saeran laugh softly, “You’re too cute.”

Yoosung pressed his hand against his face and let out another giggle, “Shhh.”

“Are you blushing?”

Yoosung felt his face heat up at the question, “Ugh, I wasn’t, but now I am.”

“Good,” he could hear the grin in Saeran’s voice.

“How come you wanted to call?” Yoosung asked, his curiosity suddenly flaring again as he pulled his hand away from his face and rest it on his chest.

“Oh, actually, before I tell you I have to ask where you are right now.”

“Oh… uhm, I’m in my room.”

“Where exactly in your room?” Saeran asked, his voice dropping slightly lower, making Yoosung shiver a little.

“I’m lying on my bed.”

“Perfect.”

“W-why? What is it?” Yoosung could feel his breath hitch in his throat.

“I had an idea,” Saeran said in an overly-casual voice, “Considering you enjoy watching my videos so much.”

“Agh!” Yoosung groaned, pressing his hand against his face again, “You promised you wouldn’t make fun of me!”

“I’m not here to make fun of you, Yoosung,” Saeran told him, his voice low. The way he purred out Yoosung’s name made him shiver, “I’m here to help you.”

Yoosung gulped, his entire body hot as he slowly lowered his hand back to rest on his chest. “Help me?”

“I think you know what I mean,” Saeran told him, “Are you okay with this?”

“Th-this?”

“Yes. _This._ Right now.” It was unmistakable what Saeran’s intentions were at this point. Yoosung couldn’t play dumb any longer. “Are you okay with it?”

“I… I…” Yoosung stammered, “Y-yes.”

“Good boy,” Saeran praised him, and Yoosung let out a small, involuntary whimper at the words, feeling his jeans start tightening, “Where’s your hand right now?”

“Uh… on my chest,” Yoosung told him, digging his fingernails into his skin slightly.

“I want you to put your hand up your shirt,” Saeran told him. Yoosung gulped and reached down, lifting his t-shirt at the bottom and sliding his cold hand up his warm body. He rest it on his chest, which was rising and falling rapidly despite the fact he felt as though he could barely breathe. He could feel his heart beating at an alarming rate, and his head spun in a way that made him question whether this was a dream or not. He hoped he didn’t pass out from excitement. That would be embarrassing.

“Okay,” Yoosung confirmed, not trusting himself to say anything else.

“Now, play with your nipple.” Yoosung almost choked at the direct command, but slid his hand to the side and started rolling his finger in circles over his nipple, which sent shivers through his body. “Are you doing it?”

“Y-yes,” Yoosung couldn’t tell if his face was warm from embarrassment or arousal. His jeans were getting uncomfortably tight as he got harder.

“I want you to imagine that’s my hand playing with you. Can you do that?”

“Yes,” Yoosung rasped. He didn’t tell Saeran he already had been imagining Saeran’s hand in place of his own. If he closed his eyes and listened to Saeran’s heavy breathing on the other end, he could almost convince himself it was, in fact, Saeran who was touching him.

“How hard are you?” Saeran grunted, and Yoosung wondered what he was doing on the other end of the line. He felt his stomach flip at the thought.

“Uhm…” Yoosung opened his eyes and glanced down at his crotch, “It’s getting uncomfortable.”

“Okay, pull down your trousers – _only_ your trousers – and don’t touch yourself until I say you can.”

Yoosung reached down with a shaky hand and managed to undo the button on his fourth attempt, unzipping and wriggling them down to his thighs. It was difficult to do one-handed, especially when said hand was so unsteady with excitement. His cock was straining through his boxers, and he was aching to touch himself.

“Okay,” Yoosung breathed, and he heard Saeran make a noise of approval.

“I bet you look good right now,” he purred, “I wish I could be there to see it.”

“I…I…” Yoosung stammered, his cock aching.

“What do you want to do?”

“C-can I touch it?” he whimpered, his feelings of embarrassment apparently behind him.

“Ask me politely.”

“I… please?” Yoosung squeezed his thighs together to try and relieve some of the frustration. It didn’t work.

“Beg for it,” Saeran ordered, and Yoosung had to grip hold of his bedsheets to stop his hand straying to where it wasn’t supposed to go.

“Please, Saeran,” he rasped, “Please let me touch it.”

“Say it one more time.”

“P-please.”

“Say my name.”

“S-Saeran,” Yoosung whined, “Please.”

Saeran paused for a moment. “Go ahead.”

Yoosung wasted no time. His hand flew to his crotch and he grasped hold of himself through his boxers, letting out a moan of relief. He started moving his fingers softly, how he imagined Saeran might, before trailing them up above the waistband and sliding his hand down to wrap it around his cock. He gasped at the skin-to-skin contact.

“I don’t want you to stop any of your noises, okay?” Saeran told him, his breaths coming out noticeably faster than usual.

“A-are you touching yourself too?” Yoosung panted.

“Yes,” Saeran growled, his low voice making Yoosung’s cock twitch in his hand, “I want you to imagine my hand around your cock right now. Can you do that for me, Yoosung?”

“U-uh, yes,” Yoosung shuddered, biting his bottom lip and pumping his hand up and down underneath his boxers. When Saeran said his name like that it made him feel as though he was about to implode in on himself.

“Remember to not hold back any of the noises,” Saeran commanded, before letting out a grunt that made Yoosung whimper and let go of his bottom lip. It hadn’t been long, but already he wasn’t sure he’d be able to last much longer. This was too much. The sound of Saeran’s hot, heavy breaths in his ear along with his growled commands telling Yoosung what to do… it was too overwhelming.

“I-I don’t think I’m g-going to last very long,” Yoosung admitted between gasps and shudders.

“That’s f-fine,” Saeran was stumbling over his words now too, and the thought of Saeran jerking himself off at the same time was almost enough to push Yoosung over the edge immediately, “I want you to imagine what I would be doing if I were there right now. My teeth biting into your neck as I pump my hand up and down your cock. I would crawl down y-your body and kiss your stomach. Think about me kissing the t-tip of your dick and running my tongue from base to tip.” Yoosung let out a loud moan at Saeran’s words and felt his toes curling. “Yes, like that. Make more n-noises like that,” Saeran grunted. Yoosung threw his head to the side, feeling his hot breath panting against his shoulder as he pressed his phone closer to his ear. “Imagine me taking you in my mouth and moving my tongue around in-”

“A-agh!” Yoosung cried out, and all of a sudden he came hard into his boxers. He heard Saeran panting heavily on the other end of the line before let out a low, broken moan as Yoosung continued pumping his hand, riding out his orgasm for as long as he possibly could, moaning unashamedly into his phone.

“Yoosung,” Saeran moaned, and Yoosung could hear his erratic breathing and pictured him cumming into his hand as Yoosung’s own hand slowed down its pace, eventually coming to a stop.

He breathed heavily for a moment, one hand clutching his phone to his ear and the other still wrapped around his now-sticky cock as he listened to Saeran’s ragged breaths calming on the other end of the line along with his own.

“How was that?” Saeran asked, sounding a little nervous all of a sudden.

“Uuh huh,” Yoosung drawled in response, exhausted after coming down from his high, “So good.” Saeran let out a breathless laugh and Yoosung felt a smile spread across his face, “I love your laugh.”

“Really?” Saeran sounded genuinely surprised.

“Yep,” Yoosung told him, removing his hand away from his cock, “Oh… ugh.”

“What is it?”

“Nothing, I’m just… I’m all sticky,” Yoosung felt himself start blushing again as he realised exactly what they’d just done. Saeran laughed.

“Me too,” he admitted, and Yoosung blushed even harder, “I’m gonna clear up. Do you want to keep talking?”

“Yes, please,” Yoosung said in a small voice, sitting up on his bed, “Just… give me a minute.” He let go of his phone, holding it between his ear and shoulder as he reached out to grab some tissues from his bedside table. His boxers were pretty much ruined because he hadn’t taken them off properly, so he cleaned his hand and pulled them off along with his jeans, getting up to grab a new pair. He wiped up the mess on his crotch and stomach before pulling them on and washing his hands so he could head back to the bed and lie down again.

“You still there?” he heard Saeran ask from the other end.

“Yeah,” Yoosung replied. He couldn’t stop himself from smiling, and he felt strangely less embarrassed than he would’ve expected in a situation like this. The blushing was more out of habit by this point.

There was something he desperately wanted to tell Saeran, but he wasn’t sure whether now was the right time. But he felt happy and peaceful and calm which meant this may be the only time he felt confident enough to say it.

“Saeran?” Yoosung started.

“Yeah?”

“There’s… there’s something I want to tell you,” Yoosung began, drawing in a deep breath, “I don’t know if now is the right time, but I guess it’s as good a time as any,” he let out an awkward laugh, “But… um, I know it’s probably a little weird to say this, but I really do care about you. Like, genuinely care. I know you probably think I only like you because of your videos and because of… _this_ , but I like everything else, too. It’s not just for that. It’s… it’s everything.”

“Yoosung…” Saeran breathed, his voice small.

“And I… I never thought I’d feel comfortable enough around someone to be able to do what we just did. I don’t want you to think I’m only talking to you because I see you as just… just for stuff like this, because that isn’t true,” Yoosung felt tears threatening at his eyes, and he pressed his arm over his face to stop them. Now was not the time to cry. He wasn’t entirely sure why he was getting so emotional. “I like you as a person. I like you a lot, and… oh, God, I’m rambling. I’m sorry, I don’t even know if that was the right time to tell you, but I just-”

“Yoosung,” Saeran said a little more firmly this time.

“Yeah?” Yoosung squeaked.

“Thank you,” he choked out.

“It’s just the truth,” Yoosung told him, pressing his arm against his face harder. The tears were getting closer, “I’m sorry if it’s weird.”

“N-no, it’s not,” Saeran’s voice was a little shaky, “I just… I’m so glad you said that.”

“Really?”

“Yeah, I… never thought anyone would think that about me.”

“What? Why?”

“Well… I’m not really anything… I’m not anything special,” Saeran said sadly, but before Yoosung could interject he carried on, “I care about you too. And I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t worried you were only in it for the sex, I mean… considering my job.”

“What do you mean you’re not anything special?” Yoosung suddenly felt outraged. How could Saeran say that about himself? “Of course you’re special!”

Saeran let out a small laugh, “When you say it like that I almost believe it.”

“Well, you should believe it!” Yoosung insisted, “You _are_ special, and you’ve managed to make me so happy over the past few days. You’re _so_ much more than your job! And maybe that sounds hypocritical for me to say because I watched so many your videos, but it’s _true._ ”

“I…” Yoosung heard Saeran swallow harshly on the other end of the line, “It’s just that the last few people I went on dates with before you… I don’t know. They didn’t seem to like me for _me_ ,” Saeran laughed humourlessly, “That sounded really conceited.”

“ _No!_ It didn’t. And all those guys are assholes and don’t deserve you at all. You deserve to be with someone who actually cares about you.”

“Like… like you?”

Yoosung held his breath for a second before exhaling heavily and saying with far more confidence than he’d expected, “Yeah. Like me.”

“I…” Saeran’s voice was wobbly, and Yoosung wondered if he was crying, “I don’t know what to say. Thank you.”

“You don’t have to thank me,” Yoosung rolled over onto his side, “I just want you to be happy.”

“I… I really wish you were here right now,” Saeran admitted, and Yoosung felt his stomach flip, and he curled up into a ball, pulling his knees against his chest.

“Me too,” he whispered in response.

“I want to hold you,” Saeran whispered so quietly, Yoosung barely heard it. He felt a lump form in his throat and a tear run down the side of his face. Since when was he so ridiculously emotional? Was this kind of like… afterglow? Is that what it was called? Yoosung wasn’t sure, but he never wanted it to end. Despite the distance between them, in this moment he felt closer to Saeran than he’d ever felt to anyone else in his life.

“Me too,” Yoosung said again, “I really… I can’t wait to see you again.”

“Sunday can’t come fast enough,” Saeran said, and Yoosung could hear the smile in his voice, “I guess… I should probably let you get some rest?”

“I guess so,” Yoosung sighed. He had classes early the next day, “Are you busy tomorrow?”

“Yeah,” Saeran sighed, “Meeting with my agent. Probably be stressful.”

“Don’t… don’t overwork yourself, okay?” Yoosung said with a frown. Saeran laughed quietly.

“I’ll try my best. I’ll see you on Sunday, Yoosung.”

“See you on Sunday. I can’t wait.”

Once they’d hung up Yoosung slowly flipped his phone shut, still in a bit of a daze.

He wondered if those asshole guys Saeran had mentioned realised what they were missing out on. Sure, Saeran worked in porn, but despite the fact they hadn’t even had _real_ sex, Yoosung had still seen – or at least heard – the side of Saeran that came after something that was actually meaningful. The vulnerable, caring, insecure side of him, which he doubted many people had experienced before. He felt as though he better understood what Saeran had meant when he’d told him that kissing Yoosung was different to kissing someone for his job. Saeran could be more comfortable with Yoosung. He could let his guards down. Everything they did _meant_ something. Well… he hoped so, anyway. Yoosung was going to make it his mission to make sure Saeran knew he was cared for, and that he was more than just an object people could watch to make themselves feel good. Saeran deserved that, in the very least.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> oh man I hope I wrote this okay gahh. the next chapter is...uh, a little daunting for me to write so I'm not promising it'll be up tomorrow. also, after that one, I haven't planned out what's going to happen for the rest of the fic, so the daily updates might stop here as I try and figure it out properly ;_;


	6. Noises

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I've reread and rewritten this roughly 400 times and I'm still super nervous about it oh boy I hope you like it

Over the following days, Yoosung made absolutely certain to text Saeran whenever he could. He hoped he wasn’t being too clingy, but Saeran didn’t seem to mind all that much, even if his replies were few and far between.

Sunday was approaching far too slowly, and Yoosung felt that same feeling of nerves and excitement building up inside him as he’d had before their first date. Now that he knew how Saeran felt, he was all the more determined to prove to him that he was worth caring about.

Yoosung stopped at the same convenience store on the way over to Saeran’s, and took a while to decide what to buy. They were spending the entire day together, so it couldn’t just be popcorn. He thought about buying ice cream, but he wondered whether it would be too obvious. Maybe he should get something that wasn’t food, but in all honesty he couldn’t think of anything else Saeran would want. Flowers would probably be too much. Did Saeran even like flowers, anyway? He steered clear of them just in case.

Chocolates? He knew Saeran had a sweet tooth, but he had no idea of the specifics. It looked like he was going to have to go for ice cream. He remembered when they’d bought ice cream Saeran had opted for mint chocolate chip, so he figured that was a safe choice. He sighed as he picked it up, wishing he could’ve been more creative. He hoped Saeran would appreciate it anyway.

Once he reached Saeran’s front door, he paused to breathe deeply for a few seconds and calm his nerves. He knew that as soon as he saw Saeran, they would all but disappear, but the thought of potentially vomiting on his doorstep was not an enticing one. After a few moments, he managed to draw in enough courage to ring the doorbell.

It was only a few seconds before the door was pulled open to reveal Saeran, and, as expected, Yoosung’s nerves evaporated into thin air and a smile spread across his face.

“Hi,” Yoosung greeted.

“Yoosung,” Saeran smiled right back at him, and pulled the door open for Yoosung to come in, “It’s so good to see you.”

“It’s good to see you too,” Yoosung was still smiling, and probably looked like a complete idiot. He kicked off his shoes as Saeran closed the door behind him. “Oh! I bought some ice cream.” He sheepishly held the bag out for Saeran to take, and he did so wordlessly, looking at it in wonder.

“You don’t need to keep buying me things,” he said softly, before looking back up at Yoosung. Yoosung felt dejected for a moment, but then he saw how Saeran’s eyes were sparkling.

“I want to!” Yoosung insisted, “I’ve never had anyone to buy things for before.”

Saeran pulled the bag open with the handles and glanced inside. “Mint? How did you know that was my favourite?” he asked, surprised.

“Well… it’s the flavour you got last time, so I thought I’d be safe and go for that,” Yoosung looked down at his feet, shuffling from side to side. He didn’t have much time to be embarrassed before he heard Saeran drop the bag to the floor with a thud and felt his arms around him, pulling him into a tight hug.

“I’m so glad I walked into you outside the coffee shop,” he confessed, his tone joking, but his voice thick with emotion.

“So am I,” Yoosung clutched hold of the back of Saeran’s t-shirt, burying his face into his shoulder and breathing in his scent.

“Thank you, by the way,” Saeran said, still not letting go of Yoosung as he held him, breath tickling his neck and sending shivers through Yoosung’s body.

“For what?”

“For telling me you care,” Saeran pulled away from the hug, but his hands slid gently down Yoosung’s arms and loosely grasped hold of his hands.

“Well… I do,” Yoosung told him, squeezing his hands a little more tightly. Saeran let out something which was a cross between a laugh and a sigh, looking down at their joined hands and gulping.

“I don’t really know what to say,” he admitted after a moment.

“Then… kiss me?” Yoosung had intended to sound demanding, but it came out as a shy question instead. Saeran’s face broke out into a smile and he looked back up at Yoosung.

“Good idea,” he said, leaning in and locking his lips with Yoosung’s.

Yoosung wasn’t sure he’d ever get used to the feeling of kissing Saeran, and he hoped he never did. He hoped every kiss would be new and exciting, while also feeling like the most natural thing in the world. Yoosung’s eyes fluttered closed and they mutually dropped each other’s hands, Saeran raising his so that one cupped Yoosung’s jaw and one went to his waist, and Yoosung reaching to wrap his arms around Saeran’s shoulders and press their bodies closer together. He could feel Saeran’s pounding heart against his chest, helping to reassure him that _this is real. This is happening_. He wasn’t sure who ended up initiating a deeper kiss, but it didn’t really matter in the end.

The kiss gradually got more and more desperate, tongues pushing together, Saeran’s hand gripping Yoosung’s waist more tightly, and sliding his other hand back so it tangled into Yoosung’s hair. Yoosung was pressing up against Saeran so closely that he eventually had to break away and loosen his arms slightly to breathe properly. Saeran rest his forehead against Yoosung’s and they both panted heavily, breaths mingling together in the inch between their lips.

“I want you,” Saeran told him, his voice hoarse and breathless in a way that made Yoosung lose his own breath all over again, “I want to show you how much _I_ care about _you_.”

“Do… do you mean…?” Yoosung stammered, partly from the implications and partly from his current inability to breathe properly. The unfinished question hung in the air for a moment before Saeran answered.

“Only if you want to.”

Thousands of thoughts rushed through Yoosung’s head. Saeran _wanted_ him… in _that_ way. He desperately wanted Saeran too, but would that completely disprove his point of Saeran not being a sex object? In this moment, it didn’t feel like it would.

“I… I do,” Yoosung admitted, “But I want it to mean something.”

“Of course,” Saeran whispered, “Of course it will mean something.”

“Then… yes,” Yoosung breathed, “I want it _so_ badly.”

Saeran responded by crashing his lips against Yoosung’s again, deeper and more intense than anything Yoosung had ever felt. He felt his stomach fluttering with the nerves of what was about to happen, but it wasn’t long before he got entirely lost in the kiss. The hand in Yoosung’s hair found its way to his waist, before both his hands slid lower to rest on his hips instead. Saeran pulled Yoosung closer to him so their crotches pressed together for a moment before he pulled back. Yoosung whined in protest, but Saeran just smiled at him and brought his hand up to cup Yoosung’s chin, running his thumb along his bottom lip.

“We should probably move,” he pointed out.

“Move…? _Oh_ ,” Yoosung realised Saeran meant to his bedroom. Saeran stepped back and took hold of Yoosung’s hand, but stood there for a moment, studying Yoosung’s flushed face carefully.

“Are you sure about this?” Saeran asked.

“Yes,” Yoosung nodded.

“Okay,” Saeran smiled at him once more before leading Yoosung up the stairs. Yoosung could feel his heart beating in his throat with excitement, and his crotch was already stirring significantly. Saeran pushed open a door and pulled Yoosung into the room. “Hold on a minute,” Saeran told him, dropping Yoosung’s hand as he headed over to the bedside table to turn the lamp on before closing the curtains at the window. Saeran’s room was big, but still managed to feel cosy. The carpet was a deep red and there was a dresser and wardrobe standing against one of the white walls opposite the one the large, double-bed was against.

Saeran turned back to him, and the soft orange glow from the lamplight hit his features in such a way that it made Yoosung blink to make sure he was real.

“Remember,” Saeran started, reaching out his hand for Yoosung to take, “You can back out at any time.”

Yoosung didn’t feel as though he would, but he nodded anyway as he reached out and took Saeran’s hand, “Okay.”

They headed over to the bed, standing next to it when Saeran started kissing Yoosung again, gently grasping his hips again to pull him closer. Yoosung reached up and tangled his fingers in Saeran’s hair. They stood there kissing for a moment before Yoosung felt Saeran gently pushing him backwards to sit down on the bed. Yoosung slowly sat, making sure not to break the kiss, and Saeran continued leaning until Yoosung was lying on his back, having shuffled slightly so his head was resting on one of the pillows. Saeran’s legs were either side of Yoosung’s, and his arms were propping him up over him.

Kissing while lying down was a _very_ different experience from kissing while standing up. It was strangely more intimate. Yoosung felt one of Saeran’s hands dance across his shoulder for a moment before trailing down to his chest. His gentle touch made Yoosung shiver with anticipation, and he felt his jeans tightening. Yoosung desperately wanted to feel Saeran’s skin under his fingers, and so he slid his hands up his t-shirt, feeling up and down his warm stomach and chest. He felt Saeran smirk against his lips and pull away a little to speak.

“Eager?” his voice was teasing, and Yoosung just replied by sliding his hands round to Saeran’s back under his shirt and pulling him back into the kiss.

Heat shot through his body at the feelings of Saeran’s soft skin against his fingers, but it wasn’t enough. He wanted to feel Saeran touching him like he was touching Saeran, and so he arched his back and let out a small whine. Saeran slowly trailed his fingers down Yoosung’s body, pausing at the waistband of his jeans for too long for it to be an accident, before sliding their way back up to his chest. Yoosung gasped at the feeling of his cold hands against his skin, and Saeran took the opportunity to press his tongue further into Yoosung’s mouth. He felt Saeran’s knee suddenly pressing to push his legs apart, and he obeyed immediately, allowing it between his thighs. Yoosung let out a small squeak as he felt it slide up and Saeran pressed his thigh against his half-hard crotch.

Yoosung felt heat rushing to his face, but there wasn’t really much he could do about it with Saeran’s tongue in his mouth, and he felt his stomach jump as he felt Saeran’s own crotch pressing against his thigh. It was already almost entirely hard.

Yoosung’s jeans were incredibly uncomfortable now, and Saeran’s fingers trailing along his chest underneath his shirt wasn’t helping matters. Yoosung let out a moan and raised his hips slightly, trying to let Saeran know what he wanted.

Saeran pulled away from his lips, but before Yoosung could say a word, he was tugging at the bottom of his shirt.

“Lift your back,” Saeran whispered, his voice low and hoarse. Yoosung obeyed and Saeran lifted his shirt to pull it over his head. Yoosung could feel himself blushing furiously, and wouldn’t have been surprised if his chest was bright red too. Yoosung slid his hands down and fumbled in his attempt to pull up Saeran’s t-shirt. He didn’t get very far before Saeran chuckled and sat up, pulling it over his head. Yoosung felt his head spin at the sight of Saeran’s bare chest. It really didn’t matter that he’d already seen Saeran through a screen. This was different. This was _impossible_.

Saeran leaned down and latched his lips onto Yoosung’s neck, sucking and nipping at it in much the same way he had been before. Yoosung bit his lower lip to muffle his moans, both of pleasure at the kissing, and discomfort of his jeans. Saeran dug his fingernails into Yoosung’s hips, pulling away from his neck just enough to say, “What have I told you about the noises?”

“S-sorry,” Yoosung stammered before letting out an accidental and very loud gasp as Saeran’s teeth and tongue found his neck again.

“That’s better,” Saeran told him, and Yoosung could feel him grinning against his neck.

Saeran played with the waistline of his jeans, never _quite_ reaching low enough, and Yoosung’s whimpers were getting louder and louder as he got more and more frustrated. He got the feeling Saeran was teasing him on purpose to make his noises louder.

Eventually, Saeran pulled his lips away from Yoosung’s neck, leaning back for a moment to look at the spot he’d been attacking. Yoosung noticed a smile play across his lips as his eyes slid from the undeniable bruise on his neck to Yoosung’s eyes.

“You’re so beautiful,” he whispered, before leaning down and pressing his lips against Yoosung’s again. Yoosung had never been called beautiful before, and he wasn’t certain he’d ever longed for it, but as soon as Saeran said it he felt as though a need had been fulfilled inside him. Saeran pressed his chest against Yoosung’s which, in turn, pressed their crotches together and made Yoosung let out a loud moan into Saeran’s mouth. Saeran responded with a low moan of his own, and slid his hand down Yoosung’s side before it reached his thigh. Saeran lifted his crotch away from Yoosung’s so he could slide his hand to rest on his inner thigh. Yoosung whimpered under Saeran’s touch, desperately trying to move his hips so Saeran’s hand would reach where he wanted it to go. Eventually, Saeran slid his hand to rest on Yoosung’s still-clothed cock. Yoosung let out a shuddering moan, as Saeran pressed his tongue further into Yoosung’s mouth, deepening the kiss even more, although it was rapidly becoming sloppy and irregular.

Yoosung raised his hips, trying to press himself harder against Saeran’s hand, and moaned in complaint when Saeran took his hand away, only to have the moan catch in his throat as Saeran undid Yoosung’s jeans. He broke the kiss momentarily in order to pull them down Yoosung’s legs and toss them to the side. He reached down and gently placed his hand lightly on Yoosung’s cock again, purposefully teasing him still. Yoosung gripped hold of Saeran’s hair and pulled back from the kiss.

“Please,” his voice was hoarse and desperate, but he didn’t care. He wanted Saeran to touch him.

“If you insist,” Saeran raised his eyebrows, a smile tugging at the corners of his lips as he slid his hand down Yoosung’s boxers and grasped his cock so suddenly it made Yoosung cry out and buck his hips. Saeran caught Yoosung’s lips in another kiss, this time more desperate and frantic on Saeran’s behalf, but his hand was moving torturously slowly along Yoosung’s cock.

This felt better than Yoosung ever could have imagined it would. Saeran had barely even done anything yet, but just feeling a hand around his cock and knowing it was _his_ was enough to make Yoosung’s brain melt. Saeran’s thumb swiped the tip of Yoosung’s dick, and laughed into their kiss as Yoosung’s hips bucked into his hand again.

He pulled away from his lips and gently kissed the tingling spot on Yoosung’s neck that he’d marked earlier, before slowly moving down, trailing kisses down Yoosung’s chest, making sure to kiss both his nipples and circle them with his tongue for a moment before continuing. He kissed down to Yoosung’s stomach and gently removed his hand from in his boxers, earning a long, drawn out whine of complaint from Yoosung. He felt Saeran’s fingers playing with the waistband of his boxers as he pressed his lips just above it.

“S-Saeran,” Yoosung whimpered, looking down at Saeran who was staring straight back at him. His green eyes bore into his own, and the sight of that alone was almost enough to make Yoosung cum. He pressed his fist against his mouth and bit down on his knuckles, but Saeran raised his eyebrows disapprovingly.

“Noises, Yoosung. I like them.”

He reluctantly pulled his hand away from his mouth and clutched the bedsheets beside him before throwing his head back, breathing heavily as he felt Saeran’s fingers lift his boxers and pull them down.

Yoosung was nothing more than a ball of hypersensitive nerves in that moment. He could feel Saeran’s breath brushing against his cock, as his hands pushed his thighs further apart. He was blushing furiously, and couldn’t bring himself to look down at Saeran staring at his cock.

“You’re so beautiful,” Saeran said again a little breathlessly, and Yoosung shivered as he felt Saeran’s breath brushing against his bare skin as he spoke. Saeran’s hands gripped hold of Yoosung’s hips tightly, digging his nails in a little before his lips pressed against the tip of Yoosung’s dick.

Saeran’s grip stopped Yoosung’s hips from bucking again, and he pulled away. Yoosung let out a loud moan and his entire body shuddered as he felt Saeran’s tongue press against the base of his cock before slowly dragging up to the tip.

He swore he could’ve died in that moment and not cared. Heat was flowing rapidly through his body, shooting from everywhere Saeran touched. He attempted to buck his hips again as Saeran pressed his lips against the tip once more.

“So sensitive,” he whispered teasingly, lips rubbing against Yoosung’s dick before slowly sliding down so he took it into his mouth. For once, Yoosung didn’t moan. His breath caught in his throat and he just let out a high-pitched “Oh!” as Saeran gradually reached the bottom, taking Yoosung into his mouth entirely.

Feeling Saeran’s hot, wet mouth around him made him feel like he could fly. Saeran’s hands were still clutching Yoosung’s hips to prevent any sudden movements, but Yoosung doubted he would’ve been able to move in that moment anyway.

Saeran started moving his head back up before lowering it again, setting up a steady rhythm with made Yoosung’s toes curl and his grip on the bedsheets tighten. He arched his back as Saeran’s rhythm gradually increased, his fingernails digging harder into Yoosung’s hips, sending a feeling that was somewhere in the haze between pain and pleasure shooting through his oversensitive body.

“Saeran!” Yoosung moaned out his name. He was getting close already, “I-I’m… I’m close…”

Saeran gradually slowed down his pace. Yoosung tried desperately to thrust up into his mouth, but Saeran’s hands held him firmly against the bed. Eventually Saeran pulled away entirely, letting Yoosung’s dick fall from his mouth with a soft ‘pop’.

Yoosung was in a daze, and barely noticed Saeran was looking for something until he heard him rummaging in a drawer of the bedside table.

“W-what are you doing?” Yoosung asked, his breaths were quick and harsh and he was unable to slow them down. Saeran didn’t reply, but held up a white bottle and something red and square-shaped in his hand.

 _Oh_.

“Wait!” Yoosung said suddenly, sitting up. Saeran looked at him curiously, “I want… I want to do… I want to do something for you.”

Saeran’s eyes widened in surprise, “Are you sure?”

Yoosung nodded, and Saeran placed the lube and condom down on the bedside table before Yoosung dragged him into another kiss.

He rolled over, pushing Saeran down so he was underneath him, and kissed him full on the mouth, reaching down to fumble with the button and zip of his black jeans. Eventually he managed to clumsily undo them, and pulled away from the kiss to pull them down his legs, throwing them somewhere on the floor. He eagerly kissed Saeran’s neck, attempting to mimic exactly what Saeran had done to him earlier, sucking at the skin and digging his teeth in a little, drawing impossibly arousing moans and grunts from Saeran’s throat. His skin tasted vaguely salty from the sweat. He reached down and rest his hand over Saeran’s considerable length through his boxers, and felt Saeran’s body shudder underneath him.

He was _going_ to show Saeran he cared about him.

He remained at Saeran’s neck for a while to ensure he left some kind of mark while simply resting his hand on Saeran’s cock. He wasn’t entirely sure how long they usually took to make, but when he eventually pulled away he saw that he’d left a satisfyingly red mark, which he hoped would bruise.

Yoosung then kissed down Saeran’s chest in a similar way Saeran had done for him, and reached the waistband of his underwear. His stomach was churning with nerves, but he trusted Saeran would tell him if he did anything wrong. He looked up at Saeran, and saw that he had his head tilted back with his arm thrown over his face. Yoosung smiled at the sight, and pulled Saeran’s boxers down, tossing them aside. He pushed Saeran’s legs apart so he could more easily settle between them.

He couldn’t breathe for a considerable length of time as he admired Saeran for a moment. He could barely believe he was _actually_ in this situation. It was like a dream, staring at Saeran’s erection which was _for him_. It was a little daunting to look at, because he wasn’t entirely sure he would be able to take the whole thing in his mouth without choking, but he definitely wanted to try. He wrapped his hand around the base, earning himself another shudder from Saeran. There was precum leaking from the tip, and Yoosung licked it with his tongue experimentally, which made Saeran gasp. Yoosung liked that. He leaned down and pressed his lips against it before sliding his mouth down as far as he could.

He didn’t manage to get the entire length into his mouth, but he got far enough to make Saeran start moaning and grunting in a way he never had in any of the videos Yoosung had seen, and he felt a sense of pride swell in his chest. He was making Saeran _genuinely_ feel good. This soothed some of Yoosung’s nerves about not living up to Saeran’s expectations, and he started moving his head up and down, swirling his tongue as best as he could.

Suddenly, he felt Saeran’s hands gripping hold of his hair, and heard the rasping command, “Look at me.”

Yoosung looked up at Saeran from under his hair, directly into his piercing green eyes, watching as his mouth hung open in pleasure. Saeran’s hands guided Yoosung’s head, pressing him down and pulling him back up, thrusting into his mouth at the same time. Eventually, Saeran threw his head back, breaking eye contact, and Yoosung hollowed his cheeks to try and make everything feel as good as he possibly could.

“Yoosung,” Saeran breathed, “Oh… God.”

Yoosung continued bobbing his head up and down, guided by Saeran’s fingers gripping his hair, until eventually Saeran pulled him away.

“S-stop, I can’t… I can’t last much longer,” he rasped out, and Yoosung pulled back, wiping the trail of drool which had leaked down his chin. Saeran sat up in a daze, “Are you sure you’ve never done that before?”

“Never.” Yoosung felt himself smile, but he didn’t have much time to process the compliment before Saeran pulled him into a passionate and sloppy kiss, pushing him down onto the bed so was lying on his back. Saeran reached down, grabbing hold of Yoosung’s dick again, and Yoosung gasped and moaned as he realised Saeran was also holding his own against it. Saeran was thrusting backwards and forwards, rubbing against each other, and Yoosung could no longer keep up with the kiss, his mouth falling open, so Saeran opted for biting roughly at his lower-lip.

Saeran let go and, pulled back to rest his arms either side of Yoosung’s head.

“Are you sure you’re ready?” he asked.

“Yes, oh God, yes,” Yoosung blurted, sounding far more desperate than he had intended. Saeran reached to the side and grabbed the bottle, pushing Yoosung’s legs further apart before squeezing some of the liquid onto his fingers. Yoosung was panting heavily, and Saeran leaned in and kissed him softly for a moment before pulling away again.

“This will be uncomfortable at first,” he whispered, “Just try and relax. I’ll stop if you want me to.”

Yoosung nodded, unable to speak, and Saeran kissed him gently again before pressing his forehead against Yoosung’s. Yoosung felt a finger press against his entrance, and his immediate reaction was to tense, but he took Saeran’s advice and tried to relax. He felt Saeran’s finger push itself inside him, and he let out a nose that was a mix between a whimper and a squeak. It was a really odd feeling, but Saeran continued pushing his finger inside until it was in completely.

“Is this okay?” he whispered.

“Mmhm,” Yoosung nodded, “Feels weird.”

Saeran let out a quiet laugh, and pulled out his finger slightly so he could thrust it back in. He picked up a steady rhythm before whispering, “Are you ready for another?”

“Y-yes,” Yoosung whimpered, and he felt a second finger push itself inside, stretching him a little. He tried desperately to relax his body around Saeran’s fingers as they thrust in and out, and it got easier the more he got used to it.

“Another?”

“How many do you… need to put in?” he asked.

“Eleven,” Saeran said, before chuckling as Yoosung gasped in shock, “I’m kidding. Three should be fine. It’s just to get you used to it,” he explained.

“O-okay,” Yoosung nodded, and Saeran slid in a third finger. Yoosung gasped a little, but Saeran didn’t pause before starting to thrust again. He started curling his fingers a little, and Yoosung cried out in a mixture of shock and pleasure as his fingers found a spot that felt _really_ good.

“There,” Saeran muttered to himself, continuing to thrust his fingers. Yoosung gripped hold of Saeran’s back, digging his fingernails in as he threw his head back.

“A-ah, Saeran, p-please…” he begged. Saeran’s fingers slowed to a stop inside him and Yoosung whined in response.

“Are you ready?”

“Yes! Please... please, I want you,” Yoosung apparently had no shame anymore, writhing underneath him and begging him to finally just _do it_.

“If you insist,” Saeran grinned, carefully pulling out his fingers. He sat up and grabbed the condom from the side, ripping it open. He wrapped his hand around his cock and jerked his hand up and down a few times, shuddering slightly under his touch before rolling it onto his dick. He squeezed some of the lube into his hand and pumped a few times to spread it on himself, before leaning back down to get into position. He opened his mouth to speak, but Yoosung interrupted him.

“If you ask me if I’m ready one more time, I’m going to scream.”

Saeran looked surprised for a moment until a grin broke out across his face, “I wouldn’t mind that.”

Yoosung felt his face heat up, but didn’t have much time to feel embarrassed before he felt Saeran’s dick pressing against his entrance. Yoosung whimpered, and dug his fingernails deeper into Saeran’s back in anticipation. Saeran pressed against him, and he felt him start to push in. Yoosung opened his mouth to cry out, but any noise he could’ve made died in his throat as Saeran gradually pushed further and further inside Yoosung. Saeran’s quiet noises spilling from his throat eventually made Yoosung able to make noises of his own. He squeezed his eyes shut. It was smooth, but it hurt. Saeran’s dick was much bigger than three of his fingers. He tried to speak, although he wasn’t entirely sure what he was trying to say.

“Ch… I… ah… d-d…”

“Does it hurt?” Saeran whispered, leaning down so his hot breath hit Yoosung’s ear. Yoosung screwed his eyes shut and nodded, gripping Saeran tighter. “Do you want me to stop?”

“N-no!” Yoosung cried out, stammering more than he thought he ever had in his life, “No, d-don’t stop, just… just let me… fuck… I have to get used to it…”

Saeran grunted a little and held himself still, gently brushing some of Yoosung’s hair across his sweaty forehead and softly kissing his cheek. After a few moments, Yoosung nodded and Saeran continued pushing in slowly. He clutched hold of Saeran’s back and tried to relax himself at the foreign feeling of himself stretching to accommodate Saeran, until eventually he felt Saeran’s hips hit his skin.

“It’ll… probably be better if I k-keep moving,” Saeran told him, and Yoosung nodded. Saeran started pulling back incredibly slowly, and Yoosung let out a yelp as he suddenly pushed back into him. He picked up a regular pace, and Yoosung found himself getting used to it reasonably quickly, adjusting himself and screwing his eyes shut until…

“Ah!” he cried out as he felt Saeran angling himself in a way that repeatedly touched _that_ spot again, and something built up inside him not quite like anything he’d ever felt before. By God, Yoosung had never known anything could feel this good, but he didn’t have much time to think about it before Saeran slammed into him again, knocking the air out of his lungs. He was thrusting faster now, picking up his pace and making Yoosung’s entire body feel like jelly.

Suddenly, Saeran pressed his lips against Yoosung’s in a hungry, open-mouthed kiss. Yoosung couldn’t stop his moans, and the feeling of Saeran biting his lip only helped emphasise the pleasure Yoosung was feeling.

“S-Saeran!” Yoosung cried out, “F-fuck! I-I’m going to… ah!”

“Look at me… when you do,” he told him, and Yoosung locked eyes with him, watching how Saeran’s were lidded with pleasure and lust.

Yoosung could feel his orgasm building up inside him, and he desperately wanted to touch his cock but when he tried to reach down, Saeran quickly grabbed hold of his wrist.

“Don’t,” Saeran commanded, and with that word and the look in Saeran’s eyes it finally hit him full force.

He arched his back as he climaxed, scraping his fingernails across Saeran’s back and yelling things that were a mixture between Saeran’s name and various incoherent noises, but he didn’t break eye contact until his body jerked his eyes rolled back into his head. He could feel the pleasure throughout his entire body, and he could feel himself shaking and jerking. Just as he thought he was about to come down from it, Saeran pushed into him at _just_ the right angle again, seeming to be trying to push Yoosung to ride this out for as long as possible.

After a little while Saeran slowed down to a stop and Yoosung was panting heavily, nails digging into Saeran’s shoulders, his body still shaking slightly. His eyes fluttered open to look at Saeran.

“You ready to go again?”

“A-again?” Yoosung looked down at himself, realising that while he’d most definitely had an orgasm, he hadn’t actually… _released._ Yoosung looked back up at Saeran, blinking in confusion.

“Yes, again.”

“H-how?” Yoosung asked.

“That’s the beauty of it,” was all Saeran said in response, a lazy smile spreading across his face.

Yoosung nodded deliriously and Saeran started thrusting again, gradually getting faster. Yoosung was already whimpering, his body hypersensitive from his previous orgasm. Saeran leaned down to kiss him again, and Yoosung could barely respond, mouth hanging open as Saeran messily explored him with his tongue. The feeling of Saeran’s hot breath against him sent chills throughout his body, and paired with the way Saeran was thrusting into him… Yoosung wasn’t sure how much more he could take. His moans were getting louder again, and Saeran’s own, subdued moans were starting to mingle with them. He was almost certain he was drooling everywhere, too. He could feel Saeran’s thrusts getting faster and more erratic, and he eventually pulled back from the kiss to look directly into Yoosung’s eyes. Yoosung could feel that same pleasure building up inside him again, and suddenly Saeran reached down and gripped hold of Yoosung’s cock. That just about did it for him. Yoosung moaned embarrassingly loud as Saeran started pumping his dick, and felt his entire body start shaking again, the pleasure touching every corner of him. His eyes rolled back into his skull once more, unable to keep eye contact, and he yelled out a string of curse words and Saeran’s name. He felt his cum squirt out the tip more violently than usual, landing on his stomach and Saeran’s hand. Saeran was grunting heavily, and Yoosung tried to re-focus his vision so he could keep eye contact. Saeran was letting out moans which gradually got louder until he did two last hard thrusts and his body shuddered.

“Uh… Y-Yoosung,” he moaned, eyes involuntarily squeezing shut and mouth hanging open in a way that was so impossibly erotic it would be burned into Yoosung’s memory forever. Saeran slowed to a stop and his head fell down, burying itself into Yoosung’s neck.

Yoosung didn’t let go of Saeran’s back and Saeran didn’t make an effort to move, panting heavily in Yoosung’s ear. Yoosung could feel his heart racing in his chest and felt as though his brain was floating around, disconnected from the rest of him. His body was still shaking, and he was delirious with pleasure and happiness and every positive emotion he could possibly be feeling.

Eventually, Saeran lifted his body from Yoosung’s, arms shaking under his weight as he pulled himself out and sat up dizzily to remove the condom, tying it and throwing it aside to deal with later. Then he collapsed back down beside Yoosung, lying on his back, shoulders pressed together as they stared at the ceiling and came down from their high.

Saeran reached for the bedside table and grabbed a box of tissues, taking a few to clean up his hand and stomach where he’d pressed his body against Yoosung’s before handing the box to Yoosung to clear up too. Yoosung wiped away the evidence of what they’d just done from his stomach, his heart still pounding in his neck.

Once they’d cleared up as best as they could, Yoosung rolled onto his side to look at Saeran, who had loosely thrown his arm above his head. He had never felt this comfortable around someone before, and he looked at Saeran’s profile as he stared into space, eyes glazed over, lips slightly swollen and a darkening bruise on his neck. Yoosung reached out and lightly trailed his fingers across Saeran’s rapidly moving chest, watching as Saeran’s lips curved up into a smile. He could feel a warm, glowing sensation in his heart when he looked at him. He wanted to stay like this forever.

“I love you.”

Wait. What?

Yoosung froze at his own words, and Saeran’s head snapped to the side to look at Yoosung. He quickly yanked his hand away from Saeran’s chest, clutching it against his own.

“I’m sorry,” he whispered, feeling tears start threatening at his eyelids. _Stupid!!!_ “I-I don’t know why… it just slipped out.”

Saeran’s mouth opened and closed a few times before he managed to speak, “Did you… do you mean it?”

Yoosung’s mouth opened but no sound came out. His voice was caught in his throat in shock and his eyes were so wide they felt like they might fall out of his head.

After a long silence where Yoosung’s floating brain scrambled to find an excuse, he eventually dropped his eyes from Saeran’s and admitted, “Yes.”

His heart ached. This had definitely been the wrong time to confess that, but it was too late now.

“Yoosung,” Saeran said softly, and Yoosung jumped when he felt Saeran’s fingers brushing against his cheek, “I… I think I do too.”

“W-what?” Yoosung stammered, searching Saeran’s eyes for any trace of a lie.

Saeran cleared his throat before speaking again, “I love you.”

Yoosung felt his heart leap, and barely dared to believe his own ears. He watched Saeran for a few seconds, waiting for him to change his mind or say it was a joke, but nothing happened. Nothing changed.

Yoosung threw his arm across Saeran, burying his face into his neck and letting out a sob he hadn’t realised was building up.

“Oh, thank God!” he said a little hysterically, and he felt Saeran laugh as he rolled over to face him, stroking his hair. Their bodies were still sweaty, but neither of them cared in that moment. All that mattered was that Saeran was real and he was here. “Is it not too soon?”

“Maybe,” Saeran said softly, “It’s been… what, two weeks? Doesn’t change how I… how I feel though. Maybe it’s too soon. I… I don’t know. But I think… I think that’s what this is,” Saeran stammered over his explanation, as though he was trying to make sense of it in his own head as he spoke, “I don’t know what it is about you, but you’ve always felt different to anyone I’ve ever met. Ever since I first saw you in the coffee shop.”

Yoosung pressed himself closer into Saeran.

“You feel different too,” he whispered, “Like I’m drawn to you for some reason.” Saeran sighed in relief.

“I’m… that makes me happy.”

Yoosung closed his eyes. “That’s all I want.”


	7. Our Own World

After a few moments Yoosung pulled back so he could look at Saeran’s face. He stared into his green eyes and found his hand absently reach up to stroke along his cheekbone.

“Can I see your real eye colour?” Yoosung asked suddenly before his face quickly morphed into a frown. Where had that question come from? Saeran’s eyes widened in surprise and he tensed a little.

“Oh… uh, okay.”

“You don’t have to. I don’t know why I said that,” Yoosung told him, blinking in surprise at himself.

“No, it’s fine,” Saeran smiled, “I do want to. You just surprised me, that’s all.” Saeran rolled over and sat up on the edge of the bed, causing Yoosung to whine in protest at the sudden loss of body heat, but Saeran just laughed. “I’ll be right back.” Saeran stood and left the room.

Yoosung rolled over onto his back as he waited, his breathing still pretty irregular and vision still slightly blurry. He was aching _down there,_ and when he moved it felt strange. It wasn’t hurting a lot, it was just kind of uncomfortable, but he wasn’t sure how it would be if he tried to walk.

Eventually, Saeran came back into the room carrying a small pot and sat on the bed. Yoosung sat up and watched curiously. He’d never used contacts before, so he wasn’t sure how they worked. Saeran gave him a half-smile before reaching up and pinching the contact with his thumb and forefinger and pulling it out his eye. Yoosung let out a small squeal. It looked as though Saeran was peeling off an entire layer of his eye. Saeran looked at him amusedly, and Yoosung gasped as he caught sight of his eye.

“Gold,” he whispered, and Saeran grinned.

“Don’t get sappy,” he joked before reaching up to remove the other one and put it in the pot, carefully closing it and placing it on the bedside table. He blinked a few times to adjust his vision, and then looked up at Yoosung properly.

“Well, there you go,” he gave a small shrug. Yoosung was mesmerized, staring into Saeran’s eyes.

The green was beautiful in a sharp, striking, intense kind of way. But this… this was different. The gold was beautiful in a soft, deep, impossible kind of way.

“And I thought the green was pretty…” Yoosung trailed off, and Saeran bit down on his bottom lip.

“You’re the first person to see me without them since I was 18,” he confessed.

“Really?” Yoosung breathed, his mind bouncing all over the place, “Can I kiss you?”

Saeran raised his eyebrows at him, “Of course you can, stupid.”

Yoosung leaned in, staring into Saeran’s now golden eyes as he pressed their lips together. It was soft and sweet and made Yoosung’s entire body tingle. Yoosung’s eyes fluttered closed, as did Saeran’s, and he felt Saeran’s hand reach out and lace their fingers together.

The kiss was only short, and they soon pulled apart and pressed their foreheads together.

“I’m so lucky I get to do this with you,” Saeran breathed.

“ _You’re_ lucky?” Yoosung exclaimed, “I think you mean _I’m_ lucky!”

“Oh, don’t do this to me,” Saeran laughed, “I’m not about to get into one of _those_ fights with you.”

“Hmph. Fine then,” Yoosung sighed, and they leaned back from each other, Saeran looking at Yoosung with a smile lighting up his golden eyes.

“You’re so ridiculous,” he shook his head.

Yoosung folded his arms across his chest and scowled, but the defensive gesture was lost due to the fact he was still naked. Saeran snorted and then grabbed Yoosung’s face, pulling him in for another quick kiss.

“You know what?” Saeran said, and his voice was lighter and more carefree than Yoosung had ever heard it before, “We still have the entire day to ourselves. Is there anything you want to do?”

“Oh… uh, I don’t know,” Yoosung stuttered, “Um, I really don’t mind at all. I just like…” he trailed off and looked down at their joined hands, “I just like spending time with you.” Suddenly, a thought struck Yoosung, “Wait, there’s something I wanted to ask you.”

“Oh? Okay, go ahead,” Saeran cocked his head to the side a little, and Yoosung felt his throat start to close up and his face flush.

“I was… uh, I was wondering… are we…” he gulped, “What are we? Are we… are you my boyfriend? It’s just… I don’t know… maybe it’s stupid, but we never officially… I don’t know...” Yoosung knew he was stumbling over his words, but Saeran gently interrupted him.

“Yoosung Kim,” Saeran said, placing his hand under his chin and tilting his head up towards him so he could look into his eyes, “Will you be my boyfriend? Officially.”

“Yes!” Yoosung squeaked, and Saeran laughed, leaning forwards to place a kiss on his lips.

“Great. Now you’re my boyfriend,” Saeran confirmed, a wide smile across his face which mirrored Yoosung’s, “But, listen, the one problem is that we’re still kind of… sticky.”

“Oh,” Yoosung felt his face heat up, “Uhm, yeah, kind of,” he admitted. Despite having somewhat cleaned up, he could feel the aftereffects of where he’d released onto his stomach, as well as the sweat all over his body.

“Maybe we should take a shower?” Saeran suggested.

“Together?” Yoosung exclaimed, his face flushing ever harder. He didn’t know why the idea seemed so outrageous to him after what they’d just done.

“Well… yeah? If you want to,” Saeran said, and a sly grin crossed his face, “I mean, we’re already naked.”

Yoosung buried his face into his free hand, “I don’t know why I’m still embarrassed.”

“Hey, it’s okay,” Saeran reassured him, “You’re cute.”

“I told you not to call me that,” Yoosung mumbled into his hand.

“Well, you _are_ ,” Saeran told him, pausing before saying, “But not all the time.”

“Woah, woah, woah!” Yoosung pulled his hand from his face and glared at Saeran, “Say that one more time, I dare you.”

Saeran burst out laughing at that, “Oh, God, that’s not what I meant,” he insisted, “I meant… I meant you’re not always cute because sometimes you’re hot instead.”

“W-what?”

“You’re hot,” Saeran shrugged, still grinning, and leaned in closer to Yoosung, “Sexy, whatever you want to call it. Especially your face when you cum. And your moans,” he groaned in a way that made Yoosung’s entire body heat up, and only after he started blushing did he realise Saeran was doing this on purpose to get him riled up, “Oh, _God,_ those are anything _but_ cute.”

Yoosung didn’t reply, he just raised his eyebrows at Saeran, trying to look disinterested but he was certain his blush was giving him away. Saeran snorted.

“Come on,” Saeran urged him, taking hold of his wrist and tugging him slightly, “Let’s go shower.”

Yoosung got up, trying to suppress his blush and embarrassment as Saeran pulled him to his feet.

“Woah!” Yoosung cried as his legs gave way beneath him. Saeran caught him in his arms.

“Ah, shit, didn’t think of that,” he murmured to himself, “How about a bath instead? You wait here and I’ll go run one.”

“It’s okay,” Yoosung insisted, trying to right himself, gripping Saeran’s arms. His legs were shaking and, now that he was standing, his aches felt like they were a hundred times worse, “I don’t mind a shower.”

“Yoosung, you clearly can’t take a shower right now,” Saeran pointed out, lowering him to sit back on the bed, “It’s okay, no big deal. Just wait here a sec.”

Saeran glanced at the floor and picked up the used condom to dispose of it properly before heading out the room. Yoosung sighed and stretched his legs out in front of him, wiggling his toes a little.

Everything still felt kind of surreal. The dim glow of the room made him feel as though he were in a dream, and the fact he’d _actually just had sex with someone_ was almost too much to get his head around. And a guy, no less. If anyone had told him this was going to happen a month, or even two weeks ago, he probably wouldn’t have believed them.

He wondered what it must have felt like for Saeran. It had seemed like it felt good, but Yoosung was curious. He had loved being on the bottom more than he ever could have expected, because it felt like someone else was controlling and guiding him, but part of him was curious to know what it would be like from the… _other end_. He wasn’t sure how Saeran would react if Yoosung told him that. Maybe he’d wait a little while to bring it up.

Or he’d just blurt it out at the worst possible moment. That seemed to be his style.

He was lucky enough that most of his verbal outbursts with Saeran had turned out to be a good decision. His sudden and awkward confession of love would probably haunt him for a while, but he was so incredibly lucky that Saeran felt the same way too. The thought made his heart sing.

In this moment he felt clingy. Clingier than usual. He knew Saeran was only in the next room, and he could hear the soft rush of water as the bath filled up, but he wanted to be close to him. He wanted some kind of physical contact. He wanted to keep proving he cared about him, and he wanted Saeran to do the same.

He pushed himself to his feet. His legs were still shaking, but he figured he should be able to walk. His body was aching slightly in places it had never ached before – places he didn’t even know _could_ ache – but he reached the door of the bedroom without too much trouble. He stepped outside, and followed the sound of the running water. The lights in the hall were bright, so Yoosung looked down at his body. He noticed that there were faint, pink marks on his hips from Saeran’s fingernails. He ran his own fingers over them gently, shivering with happiness at the memory. It was proof this had _really happened_. It was confirmation that Saeran was real, and that they belonged to each other. No matter how many people Saeran slept with for his job, Yoosung still had the most important claim over him. That in itself was enough to make him grin.

Just as Yoosung was about to step into what he had figured out was the bathroom, Saeran stepped out and they almost collided.

“Yoosung!” he exclaimed, grabbing Yoosung’s shoulders to keep him upright, eyes wide with shock. Yoosung had forgotten how beautiful and gold they were, and he smiled at him. He felt almost drunk, it was a weird feeling. Like nothing could possibly go wrong. “What are you doing? I told you to wait,” Saeran said, but there was a small smile sneaking its way onto his face.

“I wanted to see you,” Yoosung told him.

“Yeah, of course. It’s been _ages_ ,” Saeran rolled his eyes, and led Yoosung into the bathroom, “The bath’s not full yet, but I guess we can stay in here. It shouldn’t be much longer now.”

“That’s fine,” Yoosung told Saeran, turning to wrap his arms around his waist from the side, and leaning in to him. Saeran’s hand lifted to start stroking his hair, almost automatically.

“What’s gotten into you?” Saeran laughed softly.

“You,” Yoosung said without thinking, and then he froze, “Wait. No, that’s not what I meant, oh my God.”

Saeran snorted, “Well, I mean, you’re not wrong.”

“Shut up, I was trying to be sweet,” Yoosung grumbled, trying to lean away from Saeran, only to be pulled back firmly and spun round so his back was pressed against Saeran’s chest.

“You don’t need to try to be sweet. You already _are_ sweet,” Saeran said, his hot breath brushing against Yoosung’s ear, sending shivers down his body. Saeran seemed to notice this, and Yoosung felt him softly take his earlobe between his teeth.

“What are you- ah!” Yoosung surprised himself with a moan as Saeran bit down lightly on his ear. He had never expected something like that to feel so good.

“Bath’s ready,” Saeran growled into his ear before stepping back, and Yoosung sighed at the loss of contact as Saeran turned the taps off. “After you,” he held out a hand, and Yoosung took it before climbing in and sitting down, sighing as the warm water soaked over his aching muscles. Saeran climbed in after him, sitting facing him and sliding his legs under Yoosung’s.

“Thank you,” Yoosung murmured, smiling as he looked up at Saeran’s gold eyes.

“That’s okay,” Saeran smiled back, before his face twisted into a teasing expression, “I can’t help but notice… you seem to like some, uh… things I wouldn’t have expected.”

“Huh? What do you mean?” Yoosung asked, frowning.

“You seem to like… um, being told what to do. And… well, pain,” Saeran observed casually, gesturing to the ear he’d just bitten.

“Uh… I…” Yoosung stammered, eyes widening.

“It’s okay, I don’t mind. I actually… heh, I guess I kind of like telling you what to do. And I love how you sound when I bite you or scratch you,” Saeran admitted, laughing at Yoosung’s expression, “I think you bring out the sadist in me.”

“S-sadist?”

“Don’t pretend like you don’t know what that is,” Saeran grinned, and Yoosung blushed, looking away, “And don’t tell me you don’t know you’re a masochist, either.”

“I... uh, what’s a masochist?” Yoosung stammered lamely, trying to act like the term was new to him, but Saeran just raised his eyebrows, “Okay, okay, _fine_. I guess I just like how it feels. And being told what to do is…” Yoosung coughed, totally avoiding eye contact, “Uh, I don’t know. Being controlled and stuff. It’s pretty… uh, I guess I like it.”

“Maybe we’ll have to experiment with it?” Saeran suggested. Yoosung nearly choked on his own breath.

“M-maybe,” Yoosung stammered, and then he thought back to what had been on his mind earlier. How would it feel if the roles were reversed…? Part of him wanted to know how it would feel to actually be inside Saeran.

“What are you thinking about?” Saeran asked, and Yoosung’s eyes snapped up to look at him. His head was tilted to the side with a soft smile on his face, and Yoosung felt his heart skip for a moment at how beautiful he was.

“Oh… uhm, it doesn’t really matter,” he shook his head, trying to push the image of Saeran moaning underneath him out of his thoughts.

“Tell me,” Saeran said softly, “If there’s anything you want to try, I’ll probably be open to it.”

Yoosung drew in a deep breath, “Okay… um, well, I was wondering how it feels… how it would feel from the other end.”

“The other end?”

“How it would feel if I were the one who was… you know…” Yoosung blushed furiously, “On top.” Saeran’s eyes widened with realisation.

“ _Oh_ ,” Saeran raised his eyebrows in surprise, “If you want to, then yeah, sure.”

“Really?” Yoosung asked, surprised at how willingly Saeran had accepted it.

“Of course,” Saeran smiled at him.

“I mean… I still like being controlled and stuff,” he murmured, “But, I don’t know. I guess I’m curious.”

“That’s okay. And we could always switch, but I could still be in control?”

“Really?” Yoosung felt his eyebrows furrow, “How?”

“I could ride you,” Saeran shrugged, and Yoosung almost choked on his breath again at how casually he spoke about it, “And tell you what to do at the same time.”

“I never… I never thought about that,” Yoosung confessed. In all the videos he’d watched of Saeran, he had always been the one giving, and the receiver had _never_ been riding him. He had always been on top. But perhaps that was just the audience he appealed to. Suddenly there was a whole other world open to Yoosung. Saeran could ride him. He could ride Saeran. Saeran could take him from behind. He could take Saeran from behind… he blushed at all the new thoughts, and he’d barely even covered a tiny fraction of the possibilities. “Have you ever done that before?”

“I’ve received before, if that’s what you mean,” Saeran told him.

“Really?” Yoosung didn’t know why he was so surprised.

“Yeah, only twice. It was in my first relationship and I guess we tried switching it up a bit,” he scratched the back of his neck, “It’s been a while though. A good four or five years, actually.”

“Well, it had been twenty years for me, so I think you can handle it,” Yoosung pointed out, and Saeran burst out laughing. Yoosung hadn’t intended it to be funny, but he was always glad to make Saeran laugh. It made him feel impossibly happy as he watched how his eyes screwed up and his body shook when he did, and it made his heart grow that little bit more every time.

“I suppose you’re right,” Saeran eventually said, the laughter still in his voice. Suddenly, Yoosung realised what Saeran had said.

“Wait… five years? You were sixteen?”

“Yeah, that’s when I lost my virginity,” Saeran told him, “It was kind of stupid, and we didn’t particularly care about each other all that much. It was just because he was the only other gay guy in the neighbourhood who was out at the time, and we ended up experimenting and stuff,” he shrugged, “It was fun, but nothing special.”

“How many people have you slept with?” Yoosung blurted out, “I mean, excluding work, obviously.”

“Oh, um… two…?” Saeran frowned slightly, “No, three. Well, four now, I guess,” he winked and Yoosung felt himself flush.

“Could you… uh… could you tell me about them?” Yoosung looked down, “If you want to, I mean.”

“It’s fine. Uh, well the first one is the one I already told you about. Only gay in the village and all that. Second one was sort of the same, but a little more serious. We ended once I finished high school. The third one I kind of forgot about actually,” Saeran laughed awkwardly, “Uh, we filmed a video together and then hooked up for real afterwards.”

“Oh, really?” Yoosung was kind of surprised.

“Yeah. It was early on in my career, and I think it was his first video so he got a little attached. But then after we hooked up we agreed it would be best not to carry on.”

“Did you… did you like him?” Yoosung asked, looking up at Saeran and trying to ignore the strange feeling of jealousy growing inside him. _No. You’re the one who asked about it, idiot. You’re not allowed to get jealous._

“He was okay,” Saeran shrugged, “He claimed it was for ‘practice’ but… I dunno. It didn’t feel like that.”

“So… this was early on in your career?”

“Yeah, when I was eighteen,” Saeran nodded.

“Wait! So you haven’t… you haven’t… had sex since then?”

“Nope,” Saeran shook his head, “And I think… well, no, I _know_ that you’re the first person I’ve slept with who I’ve genuinely cared about and who has genuinely cared about me.”

“That’s…” Yoosung felt like he should feel honoured, but strangely he didn’t, “…really sad, actually.”

“It’s alright,” Saeran shrugged, suddenly a little awkward, “It’s in the past now. Anyway, we should probably, like… wash.”

“Oh, right, yeah,” Yoosung nodded.

“Turn around,” Saeran told him softly, and so Yoosung shuffled round, gasping in surprise when Saeran’s arms locked around his chest and pulled him closer.

“Th-this isn’t washing,” Yoosung stammered, feeling himself flush at Saeran’s chest pressed against his back.

“Be patient, silly,” Saeran teased as he reached out for something behind him and brought it round to Yoosung’s front. It was a sponge, and he gently started washing Yoosung’s stomach where he’d made a mess before, and worked his way up to his chest. Yoosung sighed and leaned back into him, and Saeran nuzzled into his neck, planting a few soft kisses near the place he’d marked. He felt himself shiver slightly as Saeran teased the sponge over his nipples, and he chuckled softly against the sensitive skin of his neck.

“This doesn’t feel like proper washing either,” Yoosung breathed.

“I’m cleaning you, aren’t I?” Saeran murmured, and his hand stopped moving momentarily. Yoosung opened his mouth to ask what he was doing before suddenly his face was engulfed with the sponge as Saeran slapped it against his face. Yoosung spluttered and coughed, and Saeran burst out laughing behind him, his body shaking as he pulled Yoosung closer against his chest, “I’m sorry! I’m sorry!” he apologised through his laughter.

“W-what was that for?!” Yoosung asked, grabbing hold of Saeran’s wrist and tugging the sponge from his hand. Saeran hid his face in Yoosung’s neck again, meaning Yoosung couldn’t get him back without risking getting water in his own face.

“You kept complaining I wasn’t washing you, so I washed your face.”

“That wasn’t _washing_!” Yoosung exclaimed, getting mad at the fact a smile was breaking out across his face at the sound of Saeran’s laughter, “That was _mean_.”

Saeran didn’t reply, but Yoosung felt his body shaking as he tried to suppress his laughter. So he just sighed, and slapped the sponge on top of Saeran’s head, getting his hair wet. His arms around Yoosung tightened and he suddenly bit into his shoulder, making Yoosung yelp, dropping the sponge into the water. Saeran reached out and grabbed it before he could pick it up again.

“I guess biting probably isn’t the best way to get revenge at you, is it?” Saeran teased, “You enjoy it too much.”

“Hey, listen, just because we’ve had sex now doesn’t mean you can make fun of me all the time!” Yoosung complained, blushing as the words came out his mouth.

“Uh huh, okay,” Saeran mumbled, “You do like getting bitten, though,” he said, digging his teeth lightly into Yoosung’s shoulder again.

“W-well, you like biting,” Yoosung retorted weakly.

“Mmhm,” Saeran mumbled in agreement, pulling back from Yoosung’s shoulder slightly to speak, “Unashamedly.”

“Gah!” Yoosung exclaimed in frustration, which made Saeran giggle. Eventually, his laughter subsided and they sat in silence for a moment.

“You make me soft, you know?” Saeran murmured in a low voice.

“What do you mean?”

“I’m not usually this… I don’t know, comfortable, I suppose,” Saeran confessed, “You bring out this soft side of me that I don’t think even _I_ knew I had.”

“Well… I’m glad I get to see it,” Yoosung said gently, tilting his head to the side to rest his cheek against Saeran’s now-wet hair. He hadn’t moved from his position, even though Yoosung had hit him with a sponge.

“Mmm,” Saeran hummed, “It feels weird. I’m used to being a sarcastic asshole.”

“Anyone who calls themselves a sarcastic asshole is probably _not_ a sarcastic asshole,” Yoosung told him.

“Fuck off,” Saeran mumbled against his skin, “I’m punk rock.”

Yoosung snorted, “You’re not punk rock if you call yourself punk rock, either.”

“I _am_.”

“All your video titles call you emo,” Yoosung pointed out.

“They’re mistaken,” Saeran shook his head, “I can’t believe they mislabel me. It’s sickening.”

“Well, I think ‘emo guy fucks pretty boy’ is probably a more catchy title than ‘self-proclaimed punk rock guy fucks pretty boy’,” Yoosung pointed out. Saeran chuckled.

“You don’t swear much,” Saeran observed, “It’s kinda cute when you do.”

“How is it _cute?_ ”

“It sounds weird when you say it,” Saeran told him, “And I get the impression you only do it when you’re comfortable.”

“Huh.” Yoosung pondered over that for a moment.

“Also, you were swearing while we were having sex, which was really hot,” Saeran whispered into his ear.

“Agh!” Yoosung felt his face flush, and pressed his hands against his face, “Why do you always have to embarrass me?”

“I’ve told you already.” Saeran sighed, “Don’t make me softer than I need to be.”

“Right, gotta keep up your punk rock-ness,” Yoosung nodded, pulling his hands away from his face.

“Yup,” Saeran agreed, leaning forwards slightly to kiss the sensitive part of Yoosung’s neck, “I left another mark there. I’m sorry.”

“You don’t sound sorry,” Yoosung grinned.

“I know, but I was just trying to be polite.”

“I think I left one on you too,” Yoosung told him.

“I think you scratched up my back pretty bad as well,” Saeran admitted.

“Wait… really?” Yoosung asked. He hadn’t noticed that when Saeran had been leaving the room before, but he supposed the lights had been dim, “Let me see.” Yoosung shuffled forwards and turned around. Saeran turned so Yoosung could see his back and gasped loudly.

“That bad, huh?” Saeran snickered, “My agent’s gonna be mad.”

Saeran’s back was covered in red, angry lines. Only a few seemed to have actually broken the skin, so the rest would fade reasonably fast, but they looked pretty bad right now.

“Oh my God, do they hurt?” Yoosung asked frantically, “I’m so sorry!”

“It’s fine,” Saeran laughed, “They don’t hurt too much. Felt kinda good, actually.”

“Pass me the sponge?” Yoosung asked, and Saeran handed it back to him.

“Don’t hit me with it.”

“Don’t worry, I’m not a sadist like you.”

“The scratches on my back say otherwise,” Saeran pointed out.

“Well, you said you liked them. Doesn’t that make you a masochist?” Yoosung commented, dipping the sponge in the water before bringing it to the top of Saeran’s back and gently dabbing at the marks. Saeran winced a little. “Does that hurt?”

“It’s fine,” Saeran reassured him, “And I guess it does mean I’m a masochist. At least I can admit it, though.”

“Shut up,” Yoosung mumbled, placing his other hand on Saeran’s shoulder to steady himself. Saeran shuffled backwards a little so he could be closer to Yoosung.

“I don’t like not looking at you,” Saeran complained, pulling his legs to his chest and resting his chin on his knees. Yoosung felt his face heat up.

“Well, I have to clean the scratches,” Yoosung insisted, gently wiping down Saeran’s back. Some of them looked pretty bad, and Yoosung had no idea when they would heal, “Is your agent going to be… _really_ mad?”

“Probably,” Saeran shrugged, “He’s said he likes the whole ‘clean’ image, but I guess this ruins that for a little while.”

“Hm,” Yoosung huffed, “That’s stupid.”

“It makes sense, I guess,” Saeran told him, “I mean, if a regular actor has any marks like this, they need to be covered up. They’re just not usually completely naked so they can hide them with clothes.”

Yoosung sighed, dropping his hand into the water and leaning forwards to rest his forehead on Saeran’s back, although he carefully avoided the angry looking scratches. He squeezed his eyes shut.

“Hey, what is it?” Saeran asked, turning around and pulling Yoosung into his lap. Yoosung curled up smaller.

“Everything’s okay when we’re like this, just as soon as I leave and you have to go back to work…” he shook his head, “I don’t know. It just really sucks.”

“I’ve been meaning to ask you this for a while,” Saeran said slowly, “I was just wondering whether you’re… jealous?”

Yoosung buried his face into Saeran’s chest, “I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t. But… it’s only when I’m away from you for too long, really. I start getting a little paranoid.”

There was a moment of silence, and Yoosung didn’t interrupt it. He could almost hear Saeran’s brain whirring, but he didn’t respond.

Yoosung trailed his finger lightly along Saeran’s chest, smiling when he felt him shiver beneath his touch. There were a few moments of silence, his words hanging in the air.

“We should get out now,” Saeran finally said, “The water’s getting cold.”

“We barely even washed,” Yoosung pointed out. Saeran responded by grabbing the sponge and submerging it in water before bringing it up to rub Yoosung’s chest. Yoosung squealed.

“Which parts of you are still dirty?” Saeran asked, a teasing tone to his voice.

“Uh… uhm, I don’t know!” Yoosung stammered, jumping back slightly, looking at Saeran, who was grinning. Saeran slid the sponge up Yoosung’s chest to the back of his neck, pulling his face closer to place a quick kiss on his lips.

“Okay, the water’s too cold for me,” Saeran complained, placing the sponge on the side behind him and leaning out the bath to grab one of the towels on the rack. He leaned over the edge of the bath and ruffled his hair in it a little to dry it, even though it was already pretty much dry already. Yoosung found it oddly hot, and had to look away to hide his blush. Saeran climbed out the bath and wrapped the towel on his waist before reaching out to retrieve another, holding it up for Yoosung to step into while grinning.

“I’m not a kid, Saeran,” Yoosung raised his eyebrows, but started climbing out the bath anyway.

“I should hope not,” Saeran told him as he caught him in his arms as Yoosung’s legs shook underneath him, “And _that’s_ why I did it, so you wouldn’t fall.”

“Fine,” Yoosung huffed, holding the towel around his body, trying desperately not to let his eyes stray to Saeran’s chest, or the tattoo on his arm which was suddenly _extremely_ hot as it glistened under a thin sheen of water, “Thank you.”

They headed back into Saeran’s room and picked up the clothes which had been thrown into various corners.

“Where are my-” Yoosung started, but was interrupted by his boxers hitting in in the face, “Hey, don’t throw things at me!” Yoosung pouted.

“You look like a puppy when you’re upset,” Saeran grinned.

“Woof,” Yoosung replied grumpily, which made Saeran burst out laughing, and Yoosung couldn’t help giggling a little along with him.

They fell quiet for a few moments as they dressed.

“Is there anything in particular you want to do now?” Saeran asked.

“I don’t mind,” Yoosung smiled at him from across the room.

“How about a movie?”

Yoosung nodded, and so they headed downstairs, sitting down and getting comfortable on the sofa before Saeran realised he had yet to actually put a movie on. He groaned and hugged Yoosung to him.

“Don’t make me get up again,” he whined.

“We can just watch regular TV,” Yoosung suggested, grinning.

“Genius,” Saeran muttered, picking up the TV remote and hitting one of the buttons. Saeran shuffled so he was lying on his side, head propped up on a cushion. “Spoon with me?” he asked quietly.

“O-okay,” Yoosung stammered, lying on his side in front of Saeran. Saeran wrapped his arm around Yoosung’s waist and pulled him closer so their bodies were pressed together. Yoosung felt his eyes dropping shut. He desperately tried to keep them open, but the television droned in the background and Saeran’s warm body was pressed against him and his steady calming breaths sounded next to his ear... He told himself he’d just rest his eyelids for a moment.

Just… a little while…

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> after this update it's super unlikely I'll be able to keep updating daily. this is as far as I've properly planned the story, and although I have a basic outline for what I want to happen, I haven't mapped it out chapter by chapter just yet ;_;  
> I'll still try and update as regularly as I possible can, though!


	8. Back To Reality

Yoosung woke up feeling groggy and disoriented as someone gently shook him by the shoulder.

“Wha’?” he murmured, rubbing his eyes and turning to look at who is was.

“Hey,” Saeran smiled at him softly, and Yoosung was momentarily surprised when he was met with gold eyes rather than green.

“Ah!” Yoosung let out a small, apologetic squeak, “I’m sorry! I didn’t mean to fall asleep.”

“It’s okay,” Saeran reassured him, “It was kind of cute.”

“How long has it been?”

“Not that long. Maybe like… twenty minutes.”

Yoosung shuffled a little so he could face Saeran properly, only to feel a burning ache in his muscles. “Ow,” he complained.

“What is it?” Saeran’s eyes widened with worry and he loosened his arms around Yoosung.

“N-nothing,” Yoosung stammered, trying to hide his blush.

“Oh, you’re aching,” Saeran nodded in understanding, pulling Yoosung against his chest, “It’s okay.”

“I feel so… stupid,” Yoosung mumbled.

“Why?”

“I dunno,” Yoosung shrugged, “I’m not very experienced at… any of this, really. Especially the… you know… sex.”

“Hmm,” Saeran hummed, “You shouldn’t feel stupid for that. I can help you.”

“How?”

“Well, I can help you figure out what you like and what you don’t like. I’m… uh, I’m not very experienced with romance either, so I guess it’ll be kind of the same for me in that…area,” he admitted awkwardly, “But we can help each other with all that, right?”

“I guess so,” Yoosung agreed, his stomach fluttering at the thought of _romance_ with Saeran, “I at least have _some_ kind of idea how romance works.”

“Oh, really?” Saeran raised his eyebrow.

“Well… I mean, I’ve watched a lot of movies…” Yoosung blushed, breaking eye contact.

“Right, so what’s supposed to happen?”

“Well… I mean, I guess we’ve already been for walks and kissed and stuff. And I’ve bought you presents. Like, the ice cream and popcorn, so it’s-”

“Wait,” Saeran interrupted, his voice urgent, “The ice cream.”

“Uh… yeah?” Yoosung frowned at his sudden tense expression.

“Shit,” he scrambled away from Yoosung, having to jump over him a little to get off the sofa and stand up.

“What are you doing?” Yoosung asked dazedly, a little too tired for so much action. He rubbed his eyes and sat up.

“I didn’t put it in the freezer,” Saeran explained quickly, rushing out the room into the hallway. He vaguely remembered Saeran dropping the ice cream so he could kiss him and… oh. Right. They must have forgotten about it when they’d gone upstairs. He bit his lip and blushed a little at the memory as he stood up to follow Saeran, ignoring the ache in his body and the sleepiness of his brain. When he stepped out into the hallway he could see him a little distance away, crouched on the floor and pulling the tub of ice cream out the bag, holding it up to examine it. Yoosung sighed and walked over to him, smiling a little.

“It’s okay, if it’s melted I can buy you some more,” Yoosung promised, but Saeran already looked utterly heartbroken. He had no idea how someone so… well, someone who looked like _him_ could get so adorably upset over something like this. Saeran looked up at him sadly, clutching the tub in his hands.

“It… it might be okay if I put it in the freezer now,” Saeran reasoned with himself, pushing himself to his feet and hurrying past Yoosung. Yoosung sighed, watching him as he all but ran to the kitchen, and felt an overwhelming sense of affection swell up inside him. Each tiny new thing Yoosung discovered or noticed about Saeran just made that affection grow more and more. He followed Saeran to the kitchen and watched as he opened the freezer and attempted to shove the ice cream in, apparently having some trouble. Yoosung frowned and leaned in to see what the problem was.

“What is it?”

“It’s too full already,” Saeran grunted, but apparently finally found a space for the tub, shoving it in, “There.”

The freezer was almost entirely filled with ice cream, and Yoosung couldn’t help but laugh, “Wow, you really like ice cream, huh?”

Saeran closed the door and stood up straight, glaring at Yoosung in embarrassment and folding his arms defensively, “I guess.”

“No! I’m not trying to embarrass you or anything!” Yoosung insisted, still grinning, “I just… it’s cute.”

“ _Cute_?” Saeran repeated, raising his eyebrows, “I am not _cute_.”

“You… you can be,” Yoosung tilted his head to the side, trying to supress his smile at how cute Saeran looked, even now when he was arguing with him.

“I’m not _cute_ , I’m-”

Suddenly Saeran cut himself off mid-sentence and frowned. He slowly unfolded his arms and pulled his phone out his back pocket, his eyebrows instantly pulling into a frown as he looked at the screen.

“What is it?” Yoosung asked, stepping closer in a slight panic at Saeran’s expression.

“My agent,” he said, his thumb moving towards the screen before stopping halfway, “I missed it.”

“Is it… is it important?” Yoosung asked.

“Apparently,” Saeran frowned again, tilting the screen to show Yoosung that he had six missed calls and ten unread messages.

“Oh,” Yoosung’s eyes widened in surprise, “Are you in trouble?”

“I don’t know,” Saeran shook his head, tapping on the contact for his agent and pausing for a moment, “He must have called while we were busy.” He sighed. “I guess… I’m going to have to call him back.”

“Go ahead, I’ll go wait in the other room…?” Yoosung’s question trailed off at the end. Saeran nodded, his mouth pressed into a thin, irritated line, and Yoosung turned and headed back into the living room, taking a seat on the couch. He could hear Saeran’s voice from the kitchen, and he couldn’t help but listen.

“…weren’t supposed to call me today, I don’t _need_ to answer.” He sounded annoyed. Yoosung had never heard him like this, and for some reason he felt guilty. If it hadn’t been for him Saeran wouldn’t have missed all the calls. “Well, it had better be good.” There was another pause, and Yoosung strained to hear whether Saeran was making any kind of noise. It was completely silent for too long for it to be considered comfortable, and he found himself holding his breath. Eventually Saeran let out a low, angry sounding, “No.” Yoosung felt heat rush through his body at the word. “Right now? No way, I’m busy.” He pulled his knees up and hugged them against his chest. “ _No_. You can’t come here, I was supposed to have a day off today and not have to see you.” Yoosung sucked in a breath at how angry Saeran sounded. Was he really _allowed_ to speak to his agent like that? “Why can’t you just tell me over the phone?” Saeran let out a loud, deliberate groan. “Fucking fine then. But I want you gone within ten minutes.”

Yoosung heard Saeran walking back down the hall towards the living room and he stepped through the door. His eyes were narrowed and his jaw was clenched.

“Sorry,” he apologised, sitting down next to Yoosung and not making eye contact, “Turns out he can’t take no for a fucking answer. He’ll be here in about fifteen minutes.”

“What?! What for?”

Saeran shrugged sharply, “Hell if I know.”

“Do you… should I leave?” Yoosung asked. He was a little upset that he might have to leave earlier than expected, but he _really_ didn’t want to get Saeran into any more trouble.

“What?” Saeran’s head snapped round to look at him, his face suddenly softening when their eyes met, “No… no, of course not.”

“I don’t want to get in the way,” Yoosung mumbled, looking down at his knees and hugging them a little closer to his chest.

“You won’t. Trust me,” Saeran said, his voice far more gentle now. Yoosung felt his arms slide their way around him and pull him against his chest, “He’s the one getting in the way. This was supposed to be _our_ day.”

Yoosung shivered at the words, and leaned into Saeran’s embrace, “I guess so.”

“Hey, don’t sound so sad,” Saeran rest his cheek against the top of Yoosung’s head, “We can… you know what, we should do something else during the week. When are you free?”

“Oh… uhm… I’m free on Wednesday from 2…?”

“Perfect,” Saeran whispered, “Do you want to come over again? Then maybe we could go on a walk or something so I can make this up to you. There are some pretty nice places around here that I’d love to show you.”

“Really?” Yoosung asked, his voice higher-pitched than he’d intended. The thought of Saeran wanting to show him something like that felt strangely personal, and his heart jumped a little at the thought, “That sounds really good.”

Saeran hummed in agreement, and Yoosung could feel the sound vibrating through his body. He loved the feeling of Saeran’s arms around him like this as he was curled up in a ball. It made him feel as though Saeran was protecting him, and Yoosung found that he absolutely adored that feeling. He could feel Saeran’s breathing as his chest slowly rose and fell, and if he concentrated enough he could hear Saeran’s soft heartbeat.

After a few moments Saeran gradually loosened his arms around Yoosung. “I’m… uh, I’m just gonna go put in my contacts again,” he explained, and Yoosung nodded and leaned back as Saeran left the room. He felt kind of honoured that he was the only one to see Saeran’s _real_ eye colour.

Yoosung was a little scared, to say the least. He wasn’t quite sure what to expect when Saeran’s agent arrived, but he figured he would probably hide himself out the way somewhere. From what Saeran had said, it didn’t seem like he would be staying long.

After a little while Saeran came back into the room, his eyes back to green again, and sat down, wrapping his arms around Yoosung again without a word.

He was content to sit with him like this forever, but as the minutes crawled by, Yoosung found himself growing anxious.

“Should I… hide upstairs or something?” he asked quietly.

“What?” Saeran seemed surprised at the question, “I’m not ashamed of you.”

“No, that’s not what I meant,” Yoosung gave his head a small shake, “I mean so I don’t annoy your agent any more than he already is.”

“Mr Cho can fucking deal with it,” Saeran said in a low voice, irritation leaking into his words.

“I just… I don’t want to annoy him even more.”

“I don’t care if he gets annoyed. I’d rather you were here when he comes in. Maybe he’ll realise I actually have a fucking life outside this job.”

“Does he do this a lot?” Yoosung asked cautiously.

“More times than I can count,” Saeran sighed, turning his head to bury his face into Yoosung’s hair. He continued in a muffled voice, “I guess it shouldn’t come as a surprise. I’m just annoyed because I wanted to spend time with you instead and just forget about all this.”

“Don’t you think that maybe-” Yoosung started, but was interrupted by a knock on the door, making him jump and causing Saeran’s arms to tighten around him.

“Of course he’s early,” he groaned, and waited until a second knock sounded before finally letting go of Yoosung and standing up to go and answer the door.

“How lovely to see you,” Saeran said in the driest voice Yoosung thought he had ever heard, “I would invite you in, but you seem to have already done that yourself.”

“Don’t give me cheek, Saeran,” Yoosung heard a gruff, male voice say, and he lowered his legs from the sofa. He didn’t want to appear too stupid or childlike in front of this man, and he was still half considering running and finding somewhere to hide. “This is important.”

“Couldn’t it have waited until tomorrow?”

“No, they want an answer by tonight.” The voices were getting closer to the room Yoosung was in, and he felt his heart pounding heavily against his chest.

“Tonight? Why so soon?”

As Saeran said this, the door to the room was pushed open he stepped in, followed by a tall man, probably somewhere in his mid-30s wearing an expensive looking black jacket. His face was sharp and pointed, and he looked like one of those people who was perpetually irritated. He blinked when he saw Yoosung on the sofa, and glanced at Saeran.

“I didn’t know you had company,” the man, who Yoosung assumed was Mr Cho, said in an even tone.

“I told you I was busy,” Saeran snapped back, folding his arms as he stood just in front of Yoosung. “Now, hurry up. Why do they want an answer so soon?”

Mr Cho’s eyes lingered on Yoosung for a moment, and Yoosung wasn’t sure whether to smile or scowl or… what? Eventually, after a calculating stare, he tore his eyes away and looked back at Saeran, apparently realising Yoosung was no real threat to whatever business this was.

“Do you remember how I was trying to get you a job with that man I mentioned to you before? The famous one?”

“You mean Zen?” Yoosung could tell Saeran was slightly taken off guard by this, “Uh… yeah, why?”

“His agent got into contact with me and said they’re willing to work with us, but the only time they offered was this Tuesday at 2pm. That’s why I need to get back to them tonight.”

“Oh,” Saeran frowned, biting at his lip a little, “I’m not sure… I’m not sure if that will be possible.”

“What?” Mr Cho’s face was very slowly turning red with frustration, “Why the hell not?”

“I have some… I didn’t realise I had anything other than meetings with people this week. I thought I would next be filming on Saturday.”

“Why is that an issue?” His voice was harsh and unpleasant.

Yoosung stared at Saeran, feeling the tension in the room rising. He noticed Saeran slowly glance at Yoosung out of the corner of his eye, before sighing and yanking his shirt up over his head and balling it up in his fist. He turned around, leaving the scratches on his back on full display to Mr Cho as Yoosung desperately tried not to squeal. He couldn’t control the heat he felt rushing to his face, and he pressed his hand against his mouth to try and hide his embarrassment. Mr Cho sighed loudly.

“You idiot, Saeran, I’ve been trying to get you this job for _months_ ,” he sounded more frustrated than angry as Saeran started turning back around, “No, wait, let me look properly.”

Mr Cho stepped closer to Saeran and leaned in to look at his back, narrowing his eyes a little and poking at some of the nastier looking ones, causing Saeran to flinch. Yoosung opened his mouth to protest, but quickly closed it. He didn’t know whether he might make things worse.

“I have a life, you know. I need warning for these things,” Saeran paused, speaking through gritted teeth as Mr Cho continued prodding at his back. Was this even necessary? Was it _allowed_? “They only happened, like, an hour ago, so they could fade.”

“These are ridiculous,” Mr Cho muttered, standing back up and pinching the bridge of his nose. Saeran turned around and pulled his shirt back on, “I can’t believe this. Since when did you even _have_ a fuckbuddy?” Mr Cho looked at Yoosung, who tried desperately not to squirm away from the accusing glare.

“Boyfriend, actually. And it’s none of your business,” Saeran told him cooly, folding his arms again, “You’ll have to tell Zen’s agent that I can’t do it on Tuesday.”

“Maybe… if I explain the situation and emphasise how _stupid_ you are, they’ll still allow you to do it. Or maybe they’ll allow for rescheduling,” he sighed in irritation, “I need to go and sort this out right away. Whatever happens, I’ll see you tomorrow and let you know what’s happening.”

“Can’t wait,” Saeran muttered as Mr Cho turned and left the room. Saeran looked at Yoosung apologetically before following him to the front door. No more words were exchanged, and eventually Yoosung heard the door slam slightly more violently than usual, and then Saeran’s soft footsteps made their way back towards him.

As soon as he stepped into the room, he headed to the sofa and collapsed next to Yoosung, curling up into a ball at his side and nuzzling into him. “Cuddle me,” he whined. Yoosung wrapped his arms around him and cradled him against his chest similarly to the way Saeran had been doing to him earlier.

“Are you okay?” Yoosung whispered.

“Why does life hate me?” Saeran complained, and if he hadn’t been so worried about him, Yoosung probably would have laughed, “I’ve been trying to get work with Zen for _ages._ ”

“Who… who’s Zen?” Yoosung asked. He wasn’t sure he’d watched any of his videos.

“He’s really big in the industry, and anyone who works with him instantly gets loads more jobs thrown at them,” Saeran told him, his voice small.

“I don’t think I’ve heard of him,” Yoosung admitted.

“Really?” Saeran seemed surprised, before he nuzzled into Yoosung more, “Too busy creeping on me, huh?”

Yoosung almost choked on his breath, “H-hey, that’s not… that isn’t… I wasn’t creeping!” It felt like a lie as soon as he said it. Honestly, he may well have seen some of Zen’s videos, but he hadn’t remembered any names besides Saeran’s.

Saeran snorted at Yoosung’s blatant lie, “It’s fine, I don’t mind. I’m glad, actually,” he admitted, sounding a little sheepish. He paused for a moment. “Zen’s… well, he’s pretty much the guy the rest of us try and model ourselves on in one way or another. The videos he’s in often have more story to them, and honestly he could be a regular actor if he wanted to be.”

“Huh,” was all Yoosung could think to respond.

“Whatever. Looks like it’s not going to happen anyway,” Saeran sighed, leaning into Yoosung a little more.

“I… I’m sorry,” Yoosung gulped, feeling guilt wash over him. This seemed as though it could have been a _huge_ deal for Saeran, and he’d gone ahead and ruined it because he couldn’t keep his hands to himself.

“No,” Saeran said firmly, his arms suddenly wrapping around Yoosung’s waist and squeezing him tightly, “Don’t apologise. I wouldn’t change a single thing.” He paused for a moment. “Well… except my fucking agent, I guess.”

“Why don’t you… why don’t you get a new one?” Yoosung suggested.

“It’s not really that simple,” Saeran sighed, “I mean… I’ve been with Mr Cho since the start, so I kind of owe him a lot. He’s the one who first found me. I guess… I don’t know. I feel like if I fired him, I would have trouble finding someone else. I’m not exactly known in the industry for being… the nicest of people.”

“I don’t like the way he treats you,” Yoosung admitted, resting his cheek on the top of Saeran’s head.

“He’s a jerk,” Saeran agreed, shrugging a little, “Nothing I can do about it.”

“I don’t like it,” Yoosung reiterated, frowning.

“Don’t worry about it,” Saeran mumbled. There was a short pause before Saeran suddenly sat up and shuffled so he was sitting facing Yoosung, “I talk about myself way too much. I want to know more about _you_.”

“Me?” Yoosung’s eyes widened, “I… uh, I’m really not that interesting.”

“That sounds like a lie,” Saeran arched an eyebrow at him and gave him a small smile, “Tell me something. Anything. What do you like doing in your free time?”

Yoosung’s face heat up at this as his brain immediately started thinking about the amount of time he dedicated to watching porn. “I… uh, I game a little,” he admitted, and then sighed, “Okay, maybe a lot.”

“Really? What games?”

“Uhm, I… I mostly just play LOLOL,” Yoosung looked down at his hands, fidgeting with them in his lap.

“Oh, I know that game,” Saeran said, and Yoosung instantly looked up at him in surprise, “I’ve played it a couple of times.”

“Really?” Yoosung could feel himself getting excited, and tried to reign in the enthusiasm a little, but he couldn’t stop the smile that spread across his face, “Did you like it?”

“Yeah! I’m pretty awful. I only played it because my brother made me, and I was determined to hate it, but it was actually really fun,” he let out a small laugh.

“Your brother plays?”

“Yep, I think he’s number one in one of the servers,” Saeran said, shaking his head, “I don’t really remember. I usually zone out when he’s talking.”

“I’m number two in my server!” Yoosung exclaimed proudly.

“Which server?”

“Shooting Star,” Yoosung said, and then finds himself blushing, “I mean… considering my name, I just thought it would be… I guess I like stars and stuff.”

“That’s cute,” Saeran grinned, “Actually, that rings a bell. Maybe that’s the one S-” He stops abruptly, catching himself. “Luciel plays in?”

“Hacker God?” Yoosung asked, feeling the frustration build up inside him at the username. He was _sure_ this person must have hacked into the game. No _way_ was it possible for him to continue maintaining his lead so steadily.

Saeran groaned, “Yep, that sounds like something he’d be called.”

Yoosung folded his arms and scowled, “I already hate him.” Saeran let out a laugh at that, and reached out to poke Yoosung’s cheek.

“Don’t be so mean. It doesn’t suit you,” he teased.

“I’ll be as mean as I want when it comes to LOLOL.” Yoosung was having trouble sustaining his anger while Saeran poked his cheek again.

“Are you one of those… rage gamers?” Saeran asked, pretending to be shocked at the mere concept.

“Oh, yeah,” Yoosung nodded, “I scream and curse at anyone who gets in my way. I’ve had lots of noise complaints from neighbours.” That part was a lie. He usually managed to keep his anger quiet enough so as not to disturb the people living nearby, but it was true that he yelled at people sometimes. It wasn’t his fault people were _idiots_.

“I can imagine,” Saeran snorted, “What else do you do in your spare time?”

“I… uh…” Yoosung wracked his brains to try and think of his interests… just _anything_ , “I… I don’t do much,” he finally admitted.

“Nothing extra at college?” Saeran asked.

“I mean, I’ve tried out a few things,” Yoosung shrugged. He hated that he was so uninteresting, “I don’t really stick with things for very long though.”

“Hmm, I’m kind of like that too,” Saeran admitted, “But… you want to be a vet, right?”

“I… yeah, I do,” Yoosung stammered.

“How come?”

“Uhm… I don’t know. It’s just something that’s always been in the back of my mind, I guess,” he scratched his neck nervously.

“Well, I totally think you can do it,” Saeran told him confidently, and Yoosung raised his eyebrows, a little doubtful.

“Hm.”

“Hey, don’t give me that look. You’re definitely smart enough.”

“I…” Yoosung wasn’t sure what to say, “Even if I were, I don’t have the motivation.”

“You seemed to be studying most of the times I’ve seen you in the coffee shop,” Saeran pointed out.

“Whatever, let’s not talk about my future. It’s scary,” Yoosung deflected, shaking his head to signal that he didn’t want to have this conversation any longer.

“Fine,” Saeran said, shuffling a little before reaching out and pulling Yoosung into his arms again. Yoosung leaned his head on Saeran’s shoulder, and one of Saeran’s hands found its way up to Yoosung’s hair. He began twirling it between his fingers, and Yoosung shuddered at the pleasant tingling feeling spreading through him.

Saeran had already managed to make him feel impossibly happy in the space of just two weeks, and he really hoped he could do the same. He desperately wanted Saeran to stop working with Mr Cho if it meant he was so unhappy, but he knew he wasn’t really in a place to make his decisions for him. Ultimately, it was up to Saeran.

He just hoped he’d do what was right for _him_.


	9. Conflict

Yoosung didn’t hear from Saeran the following day. Or the day after that. He’d text him a few times, but hadn’t received a single response.

He’d managed to reassure himself for two days, but come Tuesday evening he found that he was starting to panic. His brain couldn’t seem to decide whether he was panicking over the possibility of something bad having happened to Saeran, or over the chance that… perhaps Saeran really _had_ only been in it for the sex. Or maybe Yoosung had just been _that_ bad in bed that Saeran had been permanently put off him. Every time these thoughts started, he couldn’t stop them until he lay down on the floor or his bed and focused on returning his breathing and heartbeat to a more regular pace. He knew logically that Saeran would never do that. But his brain wasn’t listening to logic, and even so, there was still the chance something bad had happened to him.

Yoosung had even checked the news to see if there was anything there, but nothing came up.

_He’s okay. He’s okay. He’s okay. He’s usually bad at texting, anyway._

When his phone buzzed at exactly eleven minutes past midnight early Wednesday morning, he barely even realised what he was reacting to until he was sat bolt upright in his bed with his phone in his hand, reading the new text from Saeran.

 

            **(00:11)** Hey cutie, mind if I call?

 

Yoosung typed out the response so quickly he had to delete the whole thing and retype it because of all the errors.

 

            **(00:11)** Of course you can!

 

As soon as the text was sent he clutched his phone in his hands, waiting desperately for it to buzz. Once it did, it was barely a second before he had it pressed against his ear.

“Saeran,” he breathed.

“Yoosung,” Saeran responded, his voice desperate and apologetic. Even so, just hearing it helped soothed Yoosung’s worries, as though the sound was seeping into his bloodstream and easing all the tension in his body that had built up over the past two days. “I’m _so_ sorry I haven’t been replying. I’ve been so busy and exhausted… I know that isn’t really an excuse.”

“It’s okay,” Yoosung found himself laughing, dizzy with relief that Saeran was okay and that he hadn’t abandoned him, “I’m so glad you’re okay.”

“Are _you_ okay?” Saeran asked.

“I… yeah, I am now,” Yoosung slowly lay back down on his bed, “I was worried about you.”

“I’m fine. I’m sorry.” Saeran’s voice was soft. He sounded pretty tired, and Yoosung felt bad for keeping him up this late.

“Are you tired?” he asked.

“Yeah, a little, but I wanted to talk to you,” he told him. Yoosung could hear the smile in his voice, and he couldn’t stop his own smile from spreading across his face.

“I’m glad. So… uhm, what have you been doing the past few days?” Yoosung was aching to know. He’d missed Saeran more than he’d expected he would, especially after such a short time.

“I’ve been really busy. Monday I met with my agent and he took me to meet Zen and his agent to confirm things. Yesterday I was filming. I got your texts, and I meant to reply, but I kept telling myself I just needed to get this one thing done first and then I’d answer, and ended up forgetting because I was so tired. I just… ugh,” Saeran’s voice became muffled and Yoosung suspected he was pressing his face into something – perhaps his pillow, “I feel terrible.”

“No! It’s fine,” Yoosung insisted, “So… uh, you did the video with Zen?”

“Yeah,” Saeran sounded excited, his voice getting clearer again, “I did. Turns out his agent really didn’t care all that much. He thought the scratches made me look edgier,” Saeran let out a laugh and then paused for a moment, “You… you don’t mind me talking about all this, do you?”

“What? No, of course not! I’m the one who asked you about it,” Yoosung tilted his head to the side a little, “I want to know what you’ve been up to.”

“Oh, right,” Saeran let out a long breath, “What about you? What have you been doing?”

“Just going to classes really,” Yoosung murmured, “The usual.”

“Hm. Sounds fun.”

“It’s really not,” Yoosung groaned, “I missed you.”

There was a pause, and he heard Saeran’s breath catching in his throat. He wondered if he’d overstepped an unspoken line by saying that, but then Saeran spoke.

“I missed you too.” His voice was barely a whisper, “I… my pillow still smells of you.” Yoosung feels his heart jump a little.

“I hope that’s a good thing,” Yoosung joked softly, a warm, fluttery sort of feeling growing in his stomach.

“It really is. Although, it might just be me imagining things,” Saeran sighed, “It’s not even nearly the same as actually being able to see you.”

Yoosung gulped and closed his eyes. His heart ached right now. He wanted to see Saeran. He was about to speak when Saeran continued talking.

“I wish you were here.”

Yoosung inhaled deeply to calm himself. This conversation was making him emotional and he wasn’t sure why. “I’ll see you tomorrow though, right?”

“Of course.” Yoosung could hear Saeran shifting his weight on the other end of the line. “No matter what happens, I’ll see you tomorrow.”

Yoosung frowned at that. “What do you mean, no matter what happens?”

“Just… it doesn’t really matter. I doubt anything will come of it.”

“Tell me anyway?” Yoosung pressed gently.

“I… it’s my brother. I think he got into some kind of trouble at his job because of me.”

“Did you do something?” Yoosung asked, worry flashing through his head.

“No, I think someone he works with found one of my videos. He called me today to tell me,” Saeran sighed, “I don’t really know what he expects me to do, though. I’ve already changed my hair and eyes, _and_ got a tattoo so I wouldn’t look like him. I don’t even wear glasses like he does.”

“How did the people he worked with even recognise any similarities?” Yoosung asked, bewildered at the thought. Saeran and his twin must be pretty identical if people started picking up on it when Saeran had gone out of his way to change how he looked so dramatically.

“The place he works… it’s kind of intense,” Saeran said carefully.

“Where does he work?”

“I… I’m not sure if I’m allowed to tell you,” Saeran sighed.

That could only really mean a handful of things. It was obviously something secret. Perhaps Luciel was some kind of security guard? Or maybe he worked for the government as a spy. Or a scientist who studied aliens. That would actually be really cool. Yoosung’s mind was wandering, but if Luciel’s job was a secret then he could see why it would be an issue if his identical twin brother was in the spotlight so openly.

“Well, I hope everything works out,” Yoosung told him honestly.

“I’m sure it will,” Saeran replied, but he didn’t _sound_ sure. Yoosung was about to comment on it when he heard a strange, muffled noise on the other end of the line.

“What was that?”

“What was what?” Saeran replied instantly.

“That noise?”

“Oh… uh, nothing,” Saeran said too quickly. Yoosung rolled his eyes.

“It was a yawn, wasn’t it?” he smiled a little.

“N-no,” Saeran denied, yawning again.

“Well, _that_ definitely was,” Yoosung accused, “You should get some sleep, it’s getting late.”

“So should you,” Saeran replied, “Can’t be tired for tomorrow.”

“No, definitely not,” Yoosung grinned, “I can’t wait to see you again!”

“Me either.” He could hear the smile in Saeran’s voice, “I… I…”

There was a pause, and Yoosung frowned in confusion, “You… what?”

“I… uh, I don’t know,” Saeran said dismissively, before he sighed in frustration, “I’ve already said it once. I don’t know why it’s so hard to say again.”

“Say what?” Yoosung was clueless. He had no idea what Saeran was talking about.

“I… I lov-” he coughed, and then said quickly, “Iloveyou.”

“Oh,” Yoosung’s mouth fell open. Of all the things he’d expected to hear, that wasn’t one of them. “I… I love you, too.”

Saeran exhaled heavily in relief, “Good. Good. I think… I don’t know, maybe I was worried you’d changed your mind. I don’t know,” he rambled, “I’m glad you haven’t, though. That would really suck. For me, I mean.”

Yoosung could help but laugh at Saeran getting so flustered.

“Saeran, it’s fine.”

“Okay, yeah, I know,” Saeran was still speaking quickly, “I… uh, I’ll see you tomorrow then.”

“Yeah, see you tomorrow. Goodnight, Saeran.”

“Goodnight, Yoosung.”

The other end of the line went dead and Yoosung lay there for a few moments before finally pulling his phone away from his ear and locking it. He felt as though he was floating, and he thought about how amazing it was that his mood could change so drastically just from hearing Saeran’s voice.

2pm couldn’t come quickly enough.

* * *

Yoosung was fidgeting throughout the entire day, bouncing his knee so much that he earned himself a considerable number of glares from his classmates. He didn’t really care all that much, though, and as soon as he was finished for the day he didn’t bother heading home first. He just headed straight to Saeran’s. He had to get a different bus than usual, and it dropped him off at a stop about 3 minutes from Saeran’s house, meaning he didn’t have to walk too far.

As he walked along Saeran’s road he felt his excitement pick up even more, and he barely even noticed that there was someone else standing outside Saeran’s door until he had almost reached it.

“Oh, uh, hi…” Yoosung greeted from a little distance. The guy standing there looked like he wanted to see Saeran. He appeared to be around Yoosung’s age with bright red hair and… a strange choice of glasses, to say the least. He wore a black jacket with weird yellow circles, and had orange headphones hanging around his neck as though he’d just taken them off. When he turned and made eye contact, Yoosung stopped in his tracks for a second. He had the same golden eyes as Saeran.

This must be Luciel.

“You’re Saeran’s twin,” Yoosung blurted out. Wow. Good first impression, Yoosung.

He probably wouldn’t have realised if it weren’t for his eyes, but as soon as he’d noticed that, their other similarities started popping out. Obviously, being identical meant they were the same height, but there was also their noses which were the same, and their facial structure was incredibly similar. Although, it was already evident that Luciel’s facial expressions were quite different to Saeran’s, and Saeran’s skin was slightly paler. Luciel’s hair was scruffier, and he held himself differently as he stood. Yoosung couldn’t quite put his finger on it. Slightly less stiff than Saeran, maybe? His arms hung at his sides more casually, whereas Saeran often had his hands in his pockets or fidgeted with something. It was actually kind of weird how much Yoosung could pick out in regards to their similarities and differences, despite only having known Saeran for around three weeks.

“Um, yeah, I am,” Luciel scanned Yoosung up and down, “You know Saeran? Who are you?” His voice was different to Saeran’s, too. It was more bouncy than smooth, like Saeran’s was, but it was still pleasant to listen to. Just from those few words, Yoosung could already hear that it was a little more expressive.

“Oh, right, I’m Yoosung. Saeran’s b-boyfriend.” It felt strange to say it. He felt a little giddy.

“Oh!” Luciel’s eyes widened, “Uh, nice to meet you. I’m Seven.”

“Seven?” Yoosung was confused. That was an even stranger ‘name’ than Luciel. “Saeran told me your name was Luciel.”

“Oh… uh, well I guess you can call me either. Wait… he talked about me?” Luciel… or Seven said in surprise.

“Well… yeah. You’re his brother,” Yoosung let out an awkward laugh, “I’m guessing you’re here to see him?”

“Yeah, I am. Do you think you can get him to answer the door for me?” Seven asked, casting his eyes to the door with a hopeless kind of look.

“I… he’s not letting you in?” Yoosung asked.

“Nope,” Seven shook his head in exasperation, pushing his glasses up his nose.

“Um… I mean, I guess I can try,” Yoosung gulped nervously, as Seven stepped away from the door so he could knock. He tapped three times with his knuckles. “Saeran?” Yoosung called out nervously. There was a pause. A long pause. So long that Yoosung thought Saeran wasn’t going to come to the door. He looked at Seven apologetically just as the door opened.

“Yoosung,” Saeran greeted, face void of the usual smile he gave him, simply glaring at Seven, “I see you’ve met my brother.”

“Uh… yeah,” Yoosung wasn’t quite sure what to do. Should he leave? This seemed pretty serious. It was most likely to do with what Saeran had mentioned during their phone call.

Saeran finally looked at Yoosung for the first time since opening the door. His expression instantly softened a little, and he let out a small sigh.

“Come on in,” Saeran said, pulling the door open for Yoosung, “ _You_ can stay outside.”

“Saeran, please,” Seven begged, “I need to talk to you.”

“You talked to me enough yesterday. There’s nothing I can do,” Saeran spat as he stepped out the way for Yoosung to get past. Yoosung stayed standing in the doorframe next to Saeran, looking guiltily at Seven.

“Saeran,” Yoosung said in a soft voice, not daring to make eye contact with him, “Maybe… maybe you should let him in.”

“Why?” Saeran asked incredulously.

“B-because, I mean, he’s family,” Yoosung stumbled over his words and hated himself for not being more eloquent, “It just… it seems wrong to leave him standing out here.”

He chanced a look at Saeran, who was staring at him with his sharp, green eyes. Yoosung almost flinched, but stood his ground.

After what felt like an eternity Saeran finally spoke. “Fine.”

Yoosung breathed a sigh of relief and continued into the house, catching Seven giving him a grateful look as he followed through. The three of them headed into the living room, and Saeran gestured for Yoosung and Seven to sit down. Yoosung sat at the end, and Seven sat a little distance away. Saeran remained standing, and folded his arms. Yoosung noted how he never seemed to sit whenever anyone else was in the room. It was like he felt the need to constantly defend himself, which was odd because he’d never acted like that around Yoosung.

“First things first, do I really have to call you Luciel right now?” Saeran said harshly.

“Uh…” Yoosung could feel Seven glancing at him out the corner of his eye.

“And, no, he’s not leaving. We were supposed to be hanging out today.”

“Fine, you don’t have to,” Seven shrugged. Saeran seemed to relax a little at this.

“Good. Now what the fuck else do you have to say to me that you couldn’t say over the phone?”

“I’ve figured out a way to stop this,” Seven said, leaning forward a little on the sofa.

“Stop what? Me getting mistaken for you?” Saeran snorted, “If it involves changing how I look any more, I’m fine like this, thanks. I don’t see _you_ changing your appearance.”

“No, it’s not that,” Seven shook his head, “It’s… it’s something I’m not sure you’ll like.”

Saeran narrowed his eyes doubtfully, “What is it?”

Yoosung heard Luciel inhale a deep breath before he spoke. “You could quit.”

The words hung in the air for a moment, and Saeran’s lips were slightly parted in shock as he stared daggers at his twin.

“ _Quit?_ ” he spat the word, “You abandon me as a teenager to escape, and then I find a stable job so I can get the fuck out too, and now you’re telling me to just _quit?_ ”

“I wouldn’t exactly call it a _stable_ job-”

“Shut the hell up, you don’t know anything.”

“I…it’s just the only way I can see that will make this finally stop for good. You know I’ll help you with money or anything you-”

“No! Saeyoung, don’t you get it?” Saeran said in a low, dangerous voice, “I _like_ my job. I want to keep doing it.”

“It puts you in danger.” Seven… Luciel… Saeyoung… ugh, Yoosung wasn’t sure what to call him. He decided on Saeyoung, because that was what Saeran seemed to be calling him.

Saeran’s frown became harsher, “Don’t pretend like that’s the reason you’re doing this.”

“Why else would I be doing it?” Yoosung noticed the hurt look in Saeyoung’s eyes.

Saeran shrugged, “Oh, I don’t know, maybe because you’re ashamed of me.”

Saeyoung boke eye contact. “Not… ashamed. Just worried. You know the stereotypes around the industry, right?”

“Of course I fucking do,” Saeran snapped.

“I… uh,” Yoosung spoke up before he could stop himself, “I think Saeran breaks a lot of those stereotypes.”

Both the twins turned to look at him in surprise.

“How?” Saeyoung asked slowly.

“Well…” Yoosung swallowed, “Um, he’s just like a regular guy, really. It’s like… when I met him… it’s like with celebrities. You expect them to be really narcissistic and nasty, but Saeran’s neither of those things.” Yoosung shrugged awkwardly, looking down at his fidgeting fingers. He knew he was doing a crappy job at explaining this, but he needed to keep trying. “He’s genuine. He’s human.”

There was a short pause before Saeyoung spoke, “Yeah… I get that. But people who’ve never met him won’t know that. They’ll just… they’ll just think he’s sleazy.”

“Why does that even matter?” Saeran shot at him, “I don’t understand what the fuck this has to do with you wanting me to quit because of your job.”

Saeyoung sighed, “Listen, I’m just worried about you, Saeran.”

“You know _nothing_ about the industry. It’s not how people think it is,” Saeran unfolded his arms and clenched his fists at his sides, “It’s _not_ totally immoral and disgusting – not if you look in the right places. My agent’s a dick, but he’s not _corrupt_.”

“You could do _anything,_ Saeran,” Saeyoung said in a small voice, “You could… I don’t know, you could become a real actor. Or a model. Either way, you’d still have the same kind of fame, but it wouldn’t put either of us at so much risk.”

“I thought you were worried about your own exposure?” Saeran seemed confused for a moment, before his face morphed into an expression of realisation, “Unless that’s just an excuse for you to get me to quit. You don’t like the thought of creeps jacking off to me, huh?”

“Ugh, just…” Saeyoung ran his fingers through his hair, and the gesture struck Yoosung as something so _Saeran_ it knocked him off guard for a moment, “Don’t talk about that. That’s not what this is about.”

“ _Isn’t it?_ ”

“No! Of course not!” Saeyoung was starting to raise his voice in his frustration, “I just think-”

“Okay, enough!” Yoosung was surprised to hear himself shout. Where had this confidence come from? The weird anger and frustration he could feel boiling up inside him had apparently started spilling out. “You guys are just going around in circles. Saeyoung,” he turned to said twin, “You want Saeran to quit. And, Saeran,” he turned to the other twin, “You don’t want to quit.” Yoosung drew in a deep breath, clenching his fists in determination. “All I want is for Saeran to be happy and safe, and whether that means quitting or keeping his job, then I’ll support that, and I think you should too,” he looked at Saeyoung, “It’s _his_ life, so he should be able to do what he wants. If it’s inconveniencing you directly, that’s different. But from the sound of it, that isn’t the reason you want him to quit. It seems to be more… you just don’t like his particular job.”

“I don’t like your job either, by the way,” Saeran snapped at Saeyoung. Yoosung shot him a look, and Saeran instantly shrunk down a little. When he turned to Saeyoung, he saw his face break into an incredibly inappropriately timed grin, and he made a whipping motion with his hand towards his brother along with a quiet sound.

“Whipped.”

“Shut the fuck up,” Saeran growled at his brother.

“Shut up _both_ of you,” Yoosung interrupted their stupid argument before they ended up in a physical fight, “Just… I think you both live your own lives and you both need to deal with that. Saeyoung, you can’t tell Saeran what to do all the time. And, Saeran, you can’t be so bitter to him all the time. You both need to just get over your differences. You’re _twins_ for Christ’s sake!”

There was a long, pregnant pause where the twins were too shocked to speak, and Yoosung was trying to calm himself down. He felt a little guilty already. After all, he had only technically been dating Saeran for three days, and he’d known Saeyoung for all of twenty minutes, if that, so he wasn’t exactly in the right position to do something like this. But he needed to or they’d be at each other’s throats for the rest of the day.

“I… I’m sorry.” Saeyoung was the first to break the silence, looking down at his hands awkwardly, “I just… I worry about you. That’s all.”

Yoosung looked up at Saeran, who was staring at Saeyoung, and gulped. His clenched fists were shaking a little, but Yoosung could see the anger draining from his face.

“I know,” Saeran said in a small voice, “You just go about it in the wrong way.”

Yoosung quietly stood up and stepped out the room. He needed to give them some time alone to work whatever this was out.

* * *

It was only about fifteen minutes before both twins came into the kitchen where Yoosung was, guiltily holding a bowl of ice cream he’d stolen from Saeran’s supply. As soon as he saw Saeran his eyes widened in mild panic at being caught red-handed, but Saeran just glanced at the finished bowl of ice cream in his hands and smirked.

“Saeyoung’s leaving,” he said, and Saeyoung peered around from behind his brother.

“Yep, and we’re best friends now!” Saeyoung said in a sing-song voice, slinging his arm around Saeran and grinning lopsidedly.

“Uh, no,” Saeran shot him down, pushing his arm off his shoulder and stepping out of reach, “Wouldn’t go that far. Now say goodbye and get the fuck out of my house.” Despite the harsh words, the bite wasn’t there. It was Saeran’s way of joking, and Yoosung caught himself smiling.

Saeyoung didn’t seem fazed as he bounced over to Yoosung, who hastily put down his bowl on the counter behind him. Saeyoung placed his hands on Yoosung’s shoulders, looking him dead in the eye with a scarily serious expression on his face.

“You is kind. You is smart. You is important,” he deadpanned, and Yoosung couldn’t help but snort at the stupid reference. Saeyoung kissed him gently on the forehead, which wiped the grin right of Yoosung’s face. This was… um, okay then. “And you’re gonna take good care of my baby bro, I just know it.”

“Uh…” Yoosung wasn’t entirely sure how to respond to this.

“Anyway,” Saeyoung dropped his hands from Yoosung’s shoulders, “It was good to meet you. We should hang out sometime.”

“Right, yeah,” Yoosung agreed, partly out of obligation, and partly because he found he kind of liked Saeyoung already. He started walking away, but suddenly Yoosung remembered something. “Wait!”

Saeyoung turned around, his confusion evident. “Yeah?”

“Are you Hacker God on LOLOL?”

Saeyoung’s eyes widened, and a grin broke out across his face. “No way. Are you Superman Yoosung?”

“Yeah, I am.”

“Oh my God,” Saeyoung laughed, “Well, looks like you’re the guy who’s always aggressively trying to beat me.” He cocked his head to the side. “Never gonna happen, though.”

Yoosung clenched his fists by his sides. “We’ll see.”

Saeyoung turned to Saeran and nudged him with his elbow, “Hey, you’ve got a cutie. Hold on to this one.”

“I plan to,” Saeran looked at him, trying to seem irritated, but Yoosung could see the tight smile on his lips.

“Right,” Saeyoung clapped his hands together, “Well, I don’t want to get in the way any more than I already have. I’ll leave you two to… whatever you’re planning on doing. I don’t want to know.” Yoosung felt his cheeks heat up, and he reached up to adjust the clips in his hair so he could hide his face.

“Bye,” he mumbled.

Saeyoung showed himself out, and Saeran leaned back a little so he could watch him walk out the door. As soon as the front door slammed shut, he headed over to Yoosung. Yoosung thought he was going to wrap his arms around his waist, but instead he reached behind him and grabbed the bowl of ice cream from the counter.

“Stealing my ice cream, huh?” Saeran scolded, lifting the spoon from the bowl.

“Sorry,” Yoosung grinned, not sorry at all.

“What am I going to do with you?” Saeran asked, tapping the cold spoon against Yoosung’s nose.

“Hey!” Yoosung squeaked, and Saeran caught his arm as he attempted to reach up to wipe the slightly melted ice cream off his nose.

“Oops,” Saeran smirked, leaning in and licking the ice cream off his skin. The grin suddenly fell from Yoosung’s face, and he felt his entire body heat up. That should _not_ have been arousing.

Saeran twirled the spoon between his fingers and licked his lips, “Hmm, this is good ice cream.” Before he knew what was happening, Saeran had pressed the spoon to Yoosung’s neck. He squealed at the coldness, but didn’t have time to complain before Saeran had started licking it up. Yoosung shivered at the feeling of Saeran’s tongue swirling across his skin, and let out a small noise of satisfaction as Saeran pressed his lips against his neck and sucked on it lightly. He pulled away far too soon, causing Yoosung to sigh in complaint. Saeran chuckled.

“Don’t get so grumpy,” he teased, lifting the spoon again and cocking his head to the side contemplatively, “Where now?”

Yoosung leaned in and pressed his lips daringly against the spoon, not breaking eye contact with Saeran as he did. He could feel the excitement and anticipation building up inside him. As soon as he pulled back, Saeran practically flung the bowl and spoon aside, grabbing Yoosung’s hips and licking across his lips once before initiating a desperate, open-mouthed kiss. Yoosung wrapped his arms around Saeran’s neck and pulled him closer, pressing their chests up against each other. He could already feel his crotch reacting to Saeran, and he may have yelped a little when Saeran slid his hands round behind Yoosung and squeezed his ass.

“Sorry,” Saeran murmured between kisses, “You have a _really_ good ass.”

“I don’t mind,” Yoosung told him breathlessly, which earnt him another squeeze. Suddenly, Saeran slammed him back against the side, and ran his hands down to Yoosung’s thighs, lifting up so he was sat on the counter. Yoosung wrapped his legs around Saeran’s waist and kissed him harder, not able to contain himself much longer. He was pretty much entirely hard already – Saeran squeezing his ass had seen to that – and he tried to grind up against him. He felt Saeran’s hands let go of his thighs, and suddenly felt them fumbling at his jeans, attempting to get them undone. He did so reasonably quickly. Yoosung expected him to tease him for a little while, and so cried out in surprise when Saeran shoved his hand straight down his boxers and grabbed hold of his dick, immediately starting to pump.

“Uu…uh, S-Saeran,” Yoosung whimpered, pulling away from the kiss and dropping his head into Saeran’s shoulder. Saeran responded by turning his head and biting hungrily at his neck. Yoosung’s legs fell limply from being locked around Saeran’s waist, and he spread them open a little more to give Saeran better access to him. This felt _really_ good, and also kind of indecent in the best possible way.

Yoosung was shuddering under Saeran’s touch, and his moans were getting louder until Saeran stopped pumping his hand and pulled his teeth away from his neck.

“I think we should take this upstairs.”

Yoosung felt excitement course through his veins.

“Okay.”


	10. Intensity

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I feel like this chapter is kind of weak?? I'm not sure why, but I'm gonna post it anyway.

Saeran practically dragged Yoosung into his bedroom, and as soon as the door was closed he found himself pressed up against it with Saeran’s hungry mouth at his neck and his hand down his boxers. Yoosung’s mouth hung open, and he didn’t bother attempting to supress his moans as he gripped hold of the back of Saeran’s t-shirt in his fists. Every time he let out a noise, it just made Saeran’s kisses and bites to his neck more intense and his hand grip his cock more tightly.

Eventually, Saeran seemed to start getting annoyed at Yoosung’s jeans getting in the way, and pulled his hand away so he could push them down his legs, along with his boxers. Yoosung gasped as his dick was freed, and he could feel his clothes being pulled down to pool around his ankles. As they did, Saeran dropped to the floor along with them.

Yoosung glanced down at Saeran as he knelt in front of him. “S-Saeran, what’re you-” Yoosung didn’t have a chance to finish his sentence before Saeran had taken Yoosung entirely into his mouth, making him moan out a soft “Oh!”

This was all so sudden, and the intensity with which Saeran was doing everything made Yoosung’s head spin. Saeran’s hands found their way to Yoosung’s ass, gripping hold of it as he bobbed his head up and down his cock. Yoosung could feel his knees shaking as he threw his head back, and he pressed his hands against the door to try and support himself, but his efforts were futile and it wasn’t long before he had to beg Saeran to stop so he wouldn’t fall over.

“W-wait, I can’t… uh… I can’t…” Yoosung stammered, and Saeran slowed to a stop, pulling his warm mouth away and held his cock in his hand. Yoosung chanced a look down, and whimpered at the sight of Saeran on his knees, grasping his cock in his fist and looking up at him with those sharp, green eyes. He smirked.

“Too much?”

“I… I…” Yoosung broke eye contact, glancing across the room, “C-can we go to the bed?”

Saeran responded by standing up and pressing a closed-mouthed but rough kiss against his lips, before he reached to take his hand and tugged it gently. Yoosung stepped out of his jeans so he wouldn’t trip over, abandoning them by the door. Suddenly it seemed as though Saeran’s confidence had cracked slightly, and he had a nervous air to him as he cast his eyes to the side and hid under his hair. Yoosung squeezed his hand.

“Are you okay?” he asked a little worriedly.

“I… yeah. I was thinking about some things,” Saeran said as he led him towards the bed, stopping next to it and still refusing to make eye contact.

“Oh?” Yoosung wasn’t certain what Saeran was talking about.

“About… positions.”

“Oh,” Yoosung said again, his eyebrows shooting up.

“I don’t know whether you’d be up for it, but… uh, I’d quite like to do doggy style,” Saeran murmured. Yoosung couldn’t help but laugh, despite the fact he was also blushing.

“Why are you so nervous about asking me?”

“I… I dunno,” Saeran shrugged, looking up at him again and giving him a small smile, “I feel like I might be a little obsessed with your ass.”

Yoosung didn’t even have time to respond before Saeran had grabbed hold of his hips and spun him round, pulling him back so his bare ass was pressed up against Saeran’s still clothed crotch. Saeran’s arms slid around Yoosung’s middle, and he lowered his head to his neck, kissing at it gently.

“So,” he said between kisses, his hot breath hitting Yoosung’s skin and making his entire body sweat, “Are you up for it?”

“Anything,” Yoosung breathed, and he meant it. Right now, he would do _anything_ Saeran wanted. Saeran gripped hold of the bottom of Yoosung’s t-shirt and pulled it up over his head.

Yoosung found that there was something oddly thrilling about being entirely exposed and naked while Saeran still hadn’t taken off a single piece of his own clothing. It made him feel… submissive. He liked that feeling. A lot.

Saeran wrapped his arms back around Yoosung’s middle and pulled him so his back was pressed entirely against his chest and started attacking his neck again. One of his hands slowly crept down Yoosung’s stomach, and he shivered and let out an accidental whine when his hand stopped moving, brushing just above his cock. Saeran gave a teasing laugh against Yoosung’s neck at the noise.

“Beg for it.” His voice was firm and commanding, and Yoosung’s entire body was both hot and cold at the same time.

“I… I…” he stammered weakly, “P-please.”

Saeran hummed in dissatisfaction, digging his teeth into the skin of Yoosung’s neck before pulling away and saying in that same tone of voice, “You’ll have to do better than that.”

“S-Saeran,” Yoosung whined, “Please. I… I want you to touch me.”

“I am touching you,” he growled against his neck and started to nip and suck at the skin. His other hand slid up Yoosung’s stomach and chest before gripping hold of his neck loosely to pull his head to the side and allow easier access. Yoosung could barely breathe already, but with the light pressure now against his throat, his brain felt as though it was spinning out of control from lack of oxygen.

“Y-you know where I want you to touch me,” he rasped out, his body flushing with embarrassment at how desperate he sounded. He arched his back to press against Saeran’s crotch a little harder, and Saeran hissed against his neck in pleasure, his hand finally sliding down to lightly wrap around Yoosung’s cock. Yoosung whimpered and threw his head back even more, trying to thrust himself into Saeran’s hand, but the grip was too loose for him to successfully satisfy himself.

“I love it when you get like this,” Saeran told him in a low, hoarse voice which made Yoosung shiver, “Tell me what you want from me.”

“I-I want you to f… fuck me,” Yoosung stammered, and if his face hadn’t already been burning up, it definitely would be now. It was humiliating to sound so desperate, but he _loved_ it.

“Oh?” Saeran pressed his crotch harder against Yoosung’s ass and gripped his dick more tightly, starting to slowly move his hand up and down, “Do you really?”

“Y-yes,” Yoosung stumbled over the simple word, but he couldn’t stop himself from talking. “I… uhh… I want to f-feel you inside me again.” Saeran lifted his head a little.

“You want me to bend you over and fuck you?” Saeran growled directly into his ear before taking Yoosung’s earlobe between his teeth and biting it hard enough for it to hurt, but not hard enough for it to override the pleasure Yoosung was feeling. In fact, if anything it enhanced the pleasure coming from Saeran’s torturously slow movements along his cock.

“Y-yes, please, Saeran,” Yoosung begged, his breathing getting more and more broken. Yoosung felt as though Saeran’s hold on his neck was tightening slightly, but he couldn’t be certain because it could just be that he was unable to breathe properly anyway. Saeran hummed into his ear and started sliding the hand on Yoosung’s neck down his body, back to his hips.

“Get on the bed,” he growled, letting go of Yoosung’s cock, “All fours.”

Yoosung whimpered again, and quickly obeyed, getting on the bed on his knees and bending over so his hands rest on the sheets. Saeran made a noise of approval at the sight of him, and Yoosung heard him rummaging around in his drawer. Yoosung’s arms were shaking beneath him. He was _so ready_ for this.

Eventually he felt Saeran’s weight denting the mattress as he climbed onto the bed, kneeling just behind Yoosung. Yoosung arched his back a little so his ass stuck up, and he heard Saeran groan in appreciation as a hand gripped hold of it. Yoosung moaned under his touch, and shuddered as he felt one of Saeran’s fingers pressing against his entrance.

“Relax,” Saeran whispered, and Yoosung did. It was easier this time as Saeran slid a finger into him and started moving it in and out. He knew how to relax his body around it now, and it was considerably less time before Saeran put in a second finger.

“S-Saeran please,” Yoosung begged, _needing_ to feel him inside him again.

“Be patient,” Saeran told him, a teasing tone in his voice as he slid in a third finger, starting to curl them round as he kept thrusting. Yoosung cried out when Saeran found that spot inside him again, and his legs and arms shook so much that he had to lower himself to his elbows.

“P-please,” Yoosung rasped out, and Saeran pulled his fingers out. After a few seconds Yoosung felt his dick pressing against his entrance, but he wasn’t pushing hard enough for it actually to go in.

“What do you want?” Saeran’s voice was becoming less commanding and controlled, and was beginning to sound more breathless and desperate as his right hand gripped hold of Yoosung’s ass so hard that he was certain it would bruise.

“Y-you.” Yoosung’s voice was barely audible, but as soon as he spoke, Saeran started pushing into him, causing him to cry out. Saeran grunted until, eventually, he was in entirely, and gripped hold of Yoosung’s hips with both hands.

“Uhh,” Saeran groaned, and Yoosung could feel that his arms were shaking slightly, “Yoosung.”

Hearing his own name drop from his lips in such an erotic way made Yoosung moan again, and Saeran started thrusting into him. He let out a small whimper every time, burying his face into the sheets and arching his back as much as he could so Saeran could access him more easily. Saeran’s fingernails dug into his hips for a few moments before he slid his arms up his body and then let go entirely and placing his hands on the bed on either side of Yoosung, his chest pressed against his back. Yoosung gasped at the sudden skin-to-skin contact, not having realised Saeran had taken off his shirt. He gasped once more as Saeran bit down on his shoulder and adjusted the angle he was thrusting into Yoosung.

“S-Saeran?” Yoosung managed to say, and Saeran grunted in acknowledgement, “C-can you… can you p-pull my hair?”

He felt Saeran grin against the skin he’d just bitten and pull away from Yoosung so his chest was no longer pressed against him. Yoosung missed the contact, but didn’t have much time to think about it before Saeran tangled his fingers into his hair and tugged his head back, forcing Yoosung to raise his body slightly. He cried out in pleasure, not having expected it to feel _that_ good. Saeran’s other hand gripped hold of his hip again, and he used Yoosung’s hair as leverage for his movements, pulling back on it every time he thrust inside him.

This was all getting too much for Yoosung, and his moans were getting louder and more broken as he felt the pleasure building up inside him. He could feel himself clenching around Saeran, and Saeran’s thrusts got less and less consistent in their rhythm. He resisted reaching down and grabbing hold of his dick, hoping that perhaps he would be able to orgasm twice like last time.

“S-Saeran, I… I…” Yoosung managed to stammer out before it hit him full force. He cried out as Saeran pulled at his hair, forcing his head back and making his moan come out louder than he’d expected, spilling from his throat in an uncontrolled mess of sounds and curses. Yoosung briefly wondered if Saeran had neighbours who could hear this. His back arched up into Saeran, begging him to keep pressing against that spot inside of him, and he rode out his orgasm until he finally collapsed, face falling into the sheets as his arms became limp underneath him. It was a miracle he was still managing to hold his ass in the air from the way his legs were shaking. Saeran slowed his thrusts as Yoosung fell until he came to a complete stop.

There was a moment of silence – or rather, it would have been silent if both of them weren’t breathing so heavily. Yoosung tried to control the shakes throughout his body, but the feeling of Saeran still inside him was almost too much to handle. He chanced a look down and saw that he hadn’t released, like last time, and he shivered in the knowledge that there was more to come.

“You’re so loud. I love it,” Saeran eventually breathed.

“Mmph,” Yoosung mumbled against the sheets.

“Are you ready to go again?” Saeran asked, loosening his grip on Yoosung’s hips.

“Yes, but…” Yoosung trailed off, attempting to push himself up onto his elbows, “Can we try something else?” He had _loved_ this position, but a part of him wanted to just try _everything_ with Saeran.

“Like what?” Saeran sounded interested.

“Like… me r-riding you,” Yoosung suggested.

“Oh,” Saeran breathed, and there was a pause before Saeran pulled gently out of him, “Of course.”

Yoosung could feel himself shaking with excitement as he twisted round, watching as Saeran lay himself on the bed, a small, delirious smile on his face. Yoosung shuffled until he was kneeling next to Saeran, glancing at his cock.

“Uh… how should I…?” He was embarrassed that he wasn’t entirely sure what to do, but he wanted to do it right.

“Put your leg over to the other side,” Saeran told him, tapping on his thigh. Yoosung carefully raised his leg over Saeran onto the other side so that he was straddling him, feeling his face heat up at his position. Saeran lightly gripped hold of his hips and pushed him back slightly so he was in the right place, before gripping hold of his dick and pointing it at the right angle for Yoosung to align himself properly. Yoosung gulped a little nervously, and lowered himself down just enough for him to feel Saeran pressed against him, but not enough so he was actually inside yet. Saeran groaned at the contact, and Yoosung looked at him just as he screwed his eyes shut. He eventually started lowering himself down, and watched as Saeran’s mouth fell open in pleasure and his facial features softened. He opened his eyes to see Yoosung watching him, and a breathless smile crossed his face for a moment. Yoosung eventually lowered himself enough so that Saeran was entirely inside him once more, and leaned forwards to rest his hands on either side of Saeran. Saeran’s hands found their way to Yoosung’s hips and started gently easing him upwards before pulling him back down on himself. Yoosung started moving his hips too, trying desperately to make Saeran feel good.

“Y-Yoosung,” Saeran murmured, looking up at him, “Do it for _you_.”

“But I w-want you to feel good,” Yoosung whispered.

“I do, but I’ll feel even better if you’re cumming,” he told him, reaching up to softly brush some of Yoosung’s hair out his eyes before lowering his hand back down to his hip.

“O-okay,” Yoosung nodded, not really in much of a state of mind to argue. He started bobbing himself up and down, moving his hips around as much as he could to try and find the right angle. He was still incredibly sensitive, but he used that to enhance the feeling and make himself moan more loudly for Saeran because he’d said he liked it. This was confirmed when Yoosung let out a particularly broken and surprised moan as he angled himself just right, and felt Saeran’s fingers digging into his hips harder.

“Kiss me,” Saeran rasped, and Yoosung slid his hands forwards to rest his elbows on the bed so he could press his lips to Saeran’s. Neither of them were very focused on the kiss and it was sloppy and inconsistent, but Yoosung didn’t care and Saeran didn’t seem to either. Yoosung could feel himself getting closer and closer, and from Saeran’s moans and gasps, he was too.

All of a sudden one of Saeran’s hands slid from Yoosung’s hip to his dick, grasping hold of it and starting to pump, and Yoosung could no longer maintain kissing Saeran. He lifted himself up a little so he could look down at his face, still moving himself up and down on his dick. His eyes were half-closed, and his cheeks were flushed, and he was completely and utterly beautiful. His lips parted as he gazed up at him.

“Cum for me, cutie.”

Saeran’s voice pushed him over the edge, and he instantly came hard all over Saeran’s hand and stomach, but Saeran didn’t stop pumping. Yoosung’s movements became more and more irregular, and Saeran helped him out by continuing to thrust up into him. After a few seconds, just as Yoosung was coming down from his high, Saeran’s face twisted below him and he let out a loud, gasping moan. His body shuddered and he jerked up into Yoosung one last time, squeezing hold of Yoosung’s dick and making him whimper. Again, his face was something Yoosung would never forget, even in the dazed state he was in right now. His white and pink hair was slightly spread out across the pillow, and his mouth hung open. Yoosung could see how his eyes were rolling back in his head underneath his eyelids, and he made a split second decision to kiss him heavily right then. He was greeted with Saeran’s moans spilling out into his mouth, reverberating throughout his body as he eventually let out one last gasp and his head fell back limply. Yoosung pulled his lips away from Saeran’s and moved to his neck, where he could see the bruise he’d left the other day, and attached his lips to a spot just underneath it. He didn’t want to leave another mark too dark, because he recalled a fuzzy memory of Saeran said he was filming at some point this week. But he wanted to make him feel good anyway.

Saeran moaned softly as Yoosung sucked at his skin, and felt the fingers of his right hand tangle in his hair, his left still around Yoosung’s dick.

After a little while, and a few satisfying noises from Saeran, Yoosung pulled away and lifted himself so that Saeran’s dick fell free. As he rolled to the side onto his back next to Saeran, Saeran reached down and pulled off the condom, tying it and tossing is aside as he had done last time. Yoosung looked at Saeran’s stomach, a little embarrassed at the mess he’d made.

“Should we… uh…?” Yoosung trailed off, gesturing to his stomach.

“Probably.” Saeran’s voice came out as a whisper, and Yoosung couldn’t tell whether that was intentional or not. He reached to the tissues on his bedside table and handed some to Yoosung.

Once they’d wiped up, Saeran rolled onto his side to face him, and Yoosung did the same.

“Was that okay?” Saeran asked a little nervously, reaching out with his hand and brushing his fingers across Yoosung’s neck. Yoosung smiled and nodded.

“Of course it was,” Yoosung breathed, “I don’t think I’ll ever get sick of doing this with you.”

“Me either,” Saeran let out a sigh of relief at Yoosung’s words, “I was… I was worried I was too rough for the second time.”

“No,” Yoosung shook his head quickly, “No way, definitely not.”

Saeran smirked a little at him, “You liked it, then?”

“Mmhm,” Yoosung confirmed.

“Well… you have more marks on your neck now,” Saeran told him.

“Good,” Yoosung said, shuffling forwards a little and curling up into a ball against Saeran’s chest, sighing happily. “I like that too.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this chapter now has fanart! [check it out](http://lyxy.tumblr.com/post/158215300492/nsfw-chapter-10-close-to-me-by)


	11. Here and Now

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this chapter was the hardest to write so far, but ended up being longer than any of the others anyway ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
> 
> also, there are vague references to past abuse about two thirds of the way through, but it's not too heavy or explicit so hopefully it's alright. please be careful anyway if you're uncomfortable with that kind of thing ;__;

Saeran threw his arm over Yoosung in a loose embrace which made him sigh happily. After placing a soft kiss on the top of Yoosung’s head he murmured into his hair, “Weren’t we supposed to be going on a walk today?”

“Oh… yeah, I forgot about that,” Yoosung admitted.

“We still could. If you wanted to, I mean.”

Suddenly, the exhaustion was completely wiped from Yoosung’s body, and he pulled back so he could look at Saeran enthusiastically. “Yeah!”

Saeran just stared at him, mouth slightly parted and eyes wide. Yoosung wondered what the matter was, and he frowned.

“What is it? Why are you staring?”

Saeran blinked and shook his head, as though shaking himself from a trance. “Nothing.”

“Please tell me. Is there something on my face?” Oh, God, that would be embarrassing.

“No… no, it’s nothing like that,” Saeran looked down, casting his eyes away from Yoosung, “It’s just… it’s stupid.”

“I bet it’s not.”

“It is. It’s just…” Saeran seemed to be having trouble forming proper sentences, and his arm around Yoosung tightened a little, “When you get excited, you get this look. I don’t know.”

“What look?” Yoosung asked. A stupid look?

“Like… I don’t know. Your entire face lights up and your eyes… sparkle, I guess.” Yoosung could see that Saeran’s cheeks were turning pink as he stumbled clumsily over his words, “That’s so corny, I’m sorry.”

“N-no!” Yoosung blurted, unbelievably flustered, “I… I…” he swallowed, trying to make himself speak properly, “I like it.”

Saeran sighed, and buried his face further into Yoosung’s hair, which Yoosung was certain was still sweaty. He didn’t seem to mind.

After a few moments of silence Saeran suddenly spoke again. “Do you… uh, wish you had more experience?” He started to stroke Yoosung’s hair, running it through his fingers. Yoosung sighed and leaned into his touch.

“What do you mean?”

Saeran swallowed. “I mean with relationships.”

“Uh, I don’t know, really,” Yoosung answered honestly, “It would be nice to have a little more of an idea about what to do. But… this way all my first times will be with you. And that makes it feel more special. I like it.”

“Are you sure you’re okay with that, though?” Saeran asked, suddenly sounding nervous, “I mean… you really want all that with _me_?”

“Well, it’s a little late to take a lot of it back now,” Yoosung said with a laugh, but he felt Saeran tense at his comment and his hand stopped stroking through his hair. “Not that I would!” Yoosung insisted desperately, starting to panic a little. “I… I’m so happy everything happened this way!”

“Hm,” Saeran huffed, pressing his face further into his hair as though he was hiding.

“I promise,” Yoosung said a little more calmly, “I love you, remember.”

“Right,” Saeran answered, and Yoosung was surprised to hear a giggle escape his lips, “Because you’re a massive dork.”

“That’s not how you’re supposed to reply,” Yoosung told him sulkily, and Saeran pulled back to look him in the face, booping him on the nose. He laughed at Yoosung’s surprised expression.

“Okay, fine. I love you too, dork.”

Yoosung’s stomach flipped at the sound of the words that were so simple but held so much weight when they came from Saeran. It was obvious by the way he said them that he didn’t take them lightly, and that they were actually pretty difficult for him to say at all. Yoosung loved that _he_ was the one who got to hear them.

“Better,” Yoosung mumbled, nuzzling back into Saeran’s chest and sliding his arms around him.

“I... uh, I hate to ruin the moment, but if we wanted to go on a walk, we should probably head out soon.”

“Right,” Yoosung agreed, tightening his grip around Saeran and making no effort to move. Saeran let out a small laugh.

“Yoooosuuung,” he sang, gently prying himself out of his arms, “I mean, we _could_ just stay here if you wanted to?”

“No… no,” Yoosung shook his head, pushing himself into a sitting position, “It’ll be nice to go out.” He rubbed his hand over his face and heard Saeran snort with laughter. He looked over at him. “What?” he asked defensively.

“Nothing, you’re just…” Saeran grinned and sat up next to him, “Your clips are falling out.” Saeran reached towards Yoosung and pulled them out of his hair, making the loose strands fall into his eyes. “Why do you wear these, anyway?”

“It keeps my hair out of the way. Why else would I do it?” Yoosung shrugged, holding out his palm for Saeran to give him the clips, but he just held them between his fingers and looked directly at Yoosung.

“I don’t think I’ve seen you without them before.”

“Oh, right,” Yoosung acknowledged, but Saeran continued staring. He shifted a little uncomfortably. “Do I really look that different?”

“Not really,” Saeran blinked and shook his head, reaching out with his free hand to gently brush Yoosung’s hair out of his eyes, “It just… I don’t know.” Saeran leaned in and pressed a soft kiss against Yoosung’s lips, hand still holding his hair out of his face. Yoosung sighed into it and his eyes fluttered closed, getting lost in Saeran’s gentle touch.

Too soon he pulled away. “Let’s get going,” he whispered, placing a quick kiss on Yoosung’s nose before handing him his clips and moving himself to the edge of the bed. As he did, Yoosung got a look at his back. The marks had faded considerably into nothing more than a few faint lines down his skin.

“Your back looks better,” he commented. Saeran turned to look at him over his shoulder as Yoosung shuffled towards him.

“Yeah, it’s not too bad,” he nodded, smiling at Yoosung as he swung his legs over the edge of the bed. Saeran stood first and reached to pull on his boxers. Yoosung just looked at him in awe, and after a moment Saeran caught him staring. “What?”

“Hm? Oh, nothing,” Yoosung said with a shake of his head. No point telling Saeran he was still in absolute disbelief that he’d even met him, let alone was his _boyfriend._ He went to stand up, and found that he was aching and a little shaky. He figured he’d be fine once he’d walked around a little. Once they were clothed again, they turned to each other, and Yoosung felt that same clinginess building up inside him that he’d felt last time.

He headed over to Saeran and slid his arms around his middle, resting his head in the crook of his neck and sighing into his skin. Saeran chuckled softly and wrapped his arms around his shoulders to pull him into him. They just stood there for a moment, and Yoosung could feel the warmth of Saeran’s body against his own in a way that was just as intimate as sex. He loved this feeling. This feeling of being closer and closer to Saeran every time they touched.

“Are you feeling okay?” Saeran asked gently, pulling back to look Yoosung in the face.

“Yeah,” Yoosung nodded, “Achy, but okay.”

Saeran nodded and smiled at him. “Then, let’s go.”

 

* * *

 

As it turned out there was a quiet, secluded footpath near Saeran’s house. It was simple but pretty – a tunnel of trees with the soft sunlight filtering through the branches. Saeran gently intertwined his fingers with Yoosung’s as they walked, and Yoosung felt his heart leap. He would never get used to this feeling.

There was a dull ache throughout his body, and he knew he was limping a little as he walked to try and stop himself hurting too much. Luckily, it wasn’t all that bad, and Saeran didn’t comment on it, but he did notice how occasionally Saeran would squeeze his hand a little harder and subtly take some of Yoosung’s weight for him as they walked without making it too obvious.

He glanced over at Saeran out of the corner of his eye to see his head tilted back slightly to look up at the patches of sky visible through the trees. He looked… peaceful. Content. Happy in a way Yoosung had never seen him before, and it took his breath away for a moment as they slowed to a stop under a gap in the branches. A small smile crossed Saeran’s face.

“Look,” he whispered, as though speaking too loudly would blow the clouds away. He raised his arm and pointed upwards, leaning closer to Yoosung. “That one looks like a cat.”

Yoosung tore his eyes from Saeran to look where he was pointing. He inhaled sharply in excitement when he found the cloud Saeran was talking about. It looked like a chubby cat with a slightly wonky head, and he let out a small laugh. “Oh yeah!” he scanned the sky in an attempt to find something else. “Hmm, that one kind of looks like a butterfly?” he said uncertainly, pointing to a cloud that, quite frankly, just looked like a blob.

“I guess if you squint hard enough,” Saeran teased, and Yoosung looked over to him at the same time Saeran turned his head to look at him too. Yoosung gazed at him for a moment.

“Are you happy?” Yoosung blurted out suddenly. He hadn’t realised that question had been burning inside him so aggressively for so long, but as soon as he said it he felt a weight off his shoulders. At Saeran’s perplexed expression he elaborated. “I mean… are you happy with everything in your life?”

Saeran blinked at him leaning back a little and letting out a heavy breath. “That’s a big question.”

“I… I’m just worried about you,” Yoosung admitted, squeezing his hand and hoping he wasn’t pushing him too far. He stepped round so he was standing directly in front of him and took hold of Saeran’s other hand in his. “I know you like your job and everything…”

“I…” Saeran gulped, casting his eyes to the side, “I’m happy.”

“That sounds like a lie.”

“I’m happy with you,” Saeran specified, looking back up at him, “And I’m happy with how my career is going. And… I guess I’m happy that things are going better with my brother.”

“But…” Yoosung pressed gently.

“I guess there are some things bothering me.”

“Like… your agent?”

Saeran blinked at him before sighing and looking down at their joined hands. “Yeah. Like my agent.”

“I think it would be best for you to drop him,” Yoosung told him softly, “If he’s really making your life that much more difficult. I don’t think someone like you would have too much trouble finding a new one, especially after your video with Zen.”

Saeran bit his lip in thought. “I’ve been considering it. But I’m still not sure.”

“You don’t have to do it right now, but just know that I’ll try and help you in any way I can.”

Saeran looked up at him from under his eyelashes. “You’re too good to me.”

“I care about you,” Yoosung shrugged, “Nothing wrong with that.”

“Guess I’m just not used to it,” Saeran replied. His tone was casual but his grip on Yoosung’s hands tightened.

“Well, get used to it,” Yoosung said firmly, yanking Saeran closer, “I’m so lucky to have you, so the least I can do is show you I care.”

Saeran finally looked up at him properly and cocked his head to the side, giving him a small, lopsided smile. “Pretty sure I’m the lucky one.”

“I’m basically dating my celebrity crush,” Yoosung raised an eyebrow, “It doesn’t get much better than that.”

“I guess you’re right, unless you’re dating the boy you were gazing at longingly from a distance for two months as he stood in a coffee shop,” Saeran teased. It took a couple of seconds for the words suddenly hit Yoosung.

“T-two months?” Yoosung stammered. He knew Saeran had said he’d seen him in the coffee shop, but he’d figured it had been maybe… two or three times. Not for _two months_.

“Oh… uh…” Saeran’s eyes suddenly widened and his smile fell from his face. “I mean… uh…”

“ _Two months?_ ” Yoosung exclaimed, a little louder this time, “Holy shit.”

“I was nervous,” Saeran’s face was getting pink, and he looked down at the ground so he could hide behind his hair, “I thought you were cute.”

“ _You_ were nervous?” Yoosung could barely believe it, “But you’re…” He pulled a hand away to gesture up and down at Saeran’s body. “You’re…”

“I’m…?”

“You’re _hot_ ,” Yoosung admitted with a blush forming on his cheeks as he whispered, “Two months. My God.”

The thought of Saeran watching him from outside the window. Seeing him as he spoke to Jaehee and Nayoung. Seeing him as he made his order and then headed back home.  Seeing him on the _very days he was going home to masturbate to his videos._ It was too much to handle.

“I’m sorry,” Saeran mumbled, “I didn’t mean to tell you that. It’s weird.”

“Saeran,” Yoosung said, “That is _not_ weird.”

Saeran looked up at him. “Kind of is.”

“It’s really not. If you… if you think about how I recognised you…” Yoosung’s face was burning up now, and it was his turn to break eye contact and look at the floor, “I think that’s a little weirder.”

Saeran snorted. “I guess we’re both pretty weird, huh.”

“But… but I’m glad,” Yoosung told him determinedly, looking up at him despite knowing that his face was probably embarrassingly red. “Because if we weren’t, then this would never have happened.” He gestured between them, and Saeran’s expression softened, slowly tilting his head to the side.

“Yeah. You’re right.” His eyes trailed down to Yoosung’s lips. “I’m glad we’re weird.”

Yoosung could feel the pressure building inside him as Saeran slowly leaned in to press their lips together. His eyes closed and his heart sped up until he was certain it was going to fly straight out his chest. The only parts of their bodies touching were their lips and their hands, which were still intertwined between them, and somehow that made the kiss even more electric. Yoosung could feel excitement pulsing through him, and he was already getting breathless. Saeran’s fingers tightened around his, and he pulled back from the kiss, resting their foreheads together. Yoosung felt a thrill when he noticed Saeran seemed to be just as breathless as he was. The fact he could make Saeran feel that way… it was too good to be true.

Yet here they were.

“This is surreal,” Saeran whispered, breath brushing against his lips. Yoosung’s eyes opened to look at him in surprise.

“Are you kidding? This is surreal for _me_.”

To his surprise, Saeran chuckled softly. “We’re never going to get anywhere in this relationship if we keep arguing over who’s the most lucky. I don’t want to be one of _those_ couples.”

“Well, let’s just agree that I’m the lucky one, then.”

“Yoosung,” Saeran said warningly, “No.”

“But I _am_.”

“Oh my God, shut up you dork,” Saeran laughed, pulling his forehead away.

“Hmph,” Yoosung huffed, trying to look angry but failing miserably.

“If there’s one thing you’re lucky about, it’s your ass.”

Yoosung squealed a little and looked down at the ground to hide his blush. “Stop teasing me,” he complained.

“I’m being serious,” Saeran told him, “I wasn’t kidding about you having a good ass.”

“What does that even _mean_?” Yoosung yanked one of his hands from Saeran’s and pressed it against his face in embarrassment.

“Maybe you’ll never understand, because I don’t have a good ass,” Saeran said, his tone light and joking.

“ _What?”_

“There’s a reason I’m usually a top, Yoosung,” Saeran was obviously trying desperately to hold in his laughter.

“What makes mine any better than yours?” Yoosung asked, pulling his hand away from his face and looking back up at Saeran.

Saeran shook his head, a grin on his face. “Good for grabbing?” he suggested, and Yoosung swatted at his shoulder in annoyance. Saeran just let out a high-pitched giggle as he attempted unsuccessfully to dodge.

“Yours is good for grabbing, too,” Yoosung mumbled.

“How would you know? You’ve never tried,” Saeran pointed out.

“Oh my God, let’s change the subject,” Yoosung begged, shaking his head.

“To what?” Saeran asked, his voice still teasing.

“Um… uhm…” Yoosung blinked rapidly, trying to think of something, “How about… we kiss instead?”

Suddenly there was a muffled noise and the sound of voices in the distance, getting closer.

“Maybe… in a second,” Saeran grinned at him, dropping his hand quickly.

As the two people walked past them, Yoosung’s head spun. Why had Saeran let go of his hand? Was he ashamed of him? He had done it so quickly, as though Yoosung’s hand had burnt him. Did he not want anyone to know they were together? Yoosung’s insecurities suddenly started flaring up, and he knew they were probably irrational, but he couldn’t stop them as they gradually started consuming his thoughts.

Once the other people – Yoosung hadn’t really bothered even looking at them – were far enough away, Saeran reached out for his hand again, taking it gently in his own. Yoosung looked down at it, frowning.

“What is it?” Saeran asked gently.

“I… why did you let go of my hand?” Yoosung asked, and he couldn’t help his paranoia leaking into his voice.

“I just… I thought-”

“Are you ashamed of me?”

“What?! No!” Saeran gripped his hand tighter and pulled him closer, placing his other hand under Yoosung’s chin to lift his head and look at him, “That’s not why I did it.”

“Then, _why_?”

“I wasn’t sure whether you wanted other people to know just yet,” Saeran told him, but his excuse sounded weak.

“But we’ve held hands in public before,” Yoosung pointed out, trying desperately not to cry. He knew he was overreacting, but he couldn’t help himself. “We’ve _kissed_ in public before. Why is this different?”

“I…” Saeran gulped, dropping his hand from Yoosung’s chin and turning his head to the side, “I just… I wasn’t sure…” Saeran swallowed roughly.

Okay. Yoosung could tell something was bothering Saeran, and he could also tell that cornering him like this was only making him panic. He paused and took a few deep breaths to calm down, clenching hold of Saeran’s hand a little tighter to try and ground himself.

“What is it?” he eventually managed to ask in a reasonably steady voice.

“It just… it reminded me of when I came out,” Saeran eventually said, “Well, I wouldn’t exactly say I came out so much as fell flat on my face.”

“Oh… really?” Yoosung asked, instantly feeling impossibly guilty over freaking out.

“Yeah.” Saeran scratched the back of his neck with his free hand.

“What happened?” Yoosung questioned carefully. He didn’t want to force Saeran to tell him, but he wanted him to know that he could tell him.

Saeran paused for a moment. “I was with a guy, Jinhyuk, in this secret kind of area in school hidden in some trees. Kind of like here.” Saeran gestured vaguely around them. “It was pretty much where people went to… well… make out.” He paused for a moment, exhaling heavily before saying, “Are you sure you want to hear this?”

“Yeah, but only if you want to tell me,” Yoosung told him, squeezing his hand reassuringly.

“Okay, uhm, well…” Saeran stammered, running his hand through his hair, “I was making out with him. I think I was 13 and he was a little older, maybe 15. Honestly, I don’t really remember. He was quietly ‘out’ to a few of his friends, but I wasn’t out to anyone yet. Not even Saeyoung. I was just… curious. And then one of the teachers found us. It was…” Saeran shuddered. “It was messy. She shouted a lot and dragged us to the principal’s office. Everyone saw us. And then, once we were there, she called our parents. Jinhyuk got pulled out of school the next day, and I think he moved away. I don’t really know exactly what happened to him, but there were rumours he got sent to a religious camp or something. I dunno, I hope they weren’t true. Luckily my mother didn’t seem to care all that much about me. She hated me anyway.” Saeran closed his eyes for a moment and shook his head slowly. “Saeyoung helped me get through that. I guess it was just… it ruined both mine and Saeyoung’s reputations quite a lot. Not everyone in our neighbourhood was accepting of that kind of thing.”

“Why… why was Saeyoung’s reputation ruined too?” Yoosung asked gently, still trying to process all this.

“Because we’re twins,” Saeran shrugged, “We looked a lot more similar then. And he stood up for me whenever anyone called me names. I think people thought he was gay too. Which… well, I don’t know what he is. He’s pretty vague about that kind of thing.”

“Hmm,” Yoosung hummed, “I’m… I’m sorry for freaking out.”

“It’s fine,” Saeran shook his head, “I just… I guess I was being kind of stupid, huh?”

“No! You really weren’t,” Yoosung insisted, “But I’m glad you told me about that.”

“Me too,” Saeran smiled at him.

Yoosung stepped forwards, dropping Saeran’s hand to slide his arms around his waist and bury his head in the crook of his neck. Saeran sighed and his arms made their way around Yoosung too, tilting his head slightly so his rest on Yoosung’s hair.

“When did you realise you were gay?” Yoosung murmured.

“I don’t really remember,” Saeran admitted quietly, “I suppose… I’d just never been that interested in girls. It wasn’t until I heard about Jinhyuk that I started properly questioning it. So I guess I was around 12 or 13.”

“That’s so young. I feel like I’m realising all this stuff kind of late.”

“Everyone’s different,” Saeran told him, his hand reaching up to stroke Yoosung’s hair, “You just couldn’t resist my impossible good looks.”

Yoosung giggled. “That must be it.”

Saeran’s head lifted from Yoosung’s and he pulled back a little. Yoosung raised his own head to look at him, and watched as Saeran’s eyes slid to look at the sky again.

“I… uh… why did your mother hate you?” Yoosung whispered, trying desperately to make his voice as soft as possible. Saeran flinched anyway. “You don’t have to tell me,” Yoosung said quickly, “I just thought I’d ask, so you know you can tell me whenever you want to. If you want to. You don’t have to.”

“I… I don’t mind telling you,” Saeran told him, voice thick in his throat as he looked from the sky to glance around them, “Uh… let’s walk and talk.”

“Okay,” Yoosung nodded, and Saeran pulled his arms from around him, grabbing hold of his hand again and lacing their fingers together. They fell into step beside each other, and Yoosung could feel that Saeran was tense. He didn’t say anything, waiting for Saeran to tell him in his own time.

“I was always weaker than Saeyoung,” Saeran started, his voice strained, “And that annoyed her. She was an alcoholic, and took her anger out on both of us, but especially me because she used Saeyoung to go to the store and buy her things. We’ve never met our father, but that’s a whole other story.” He exhaled heavily.

“Did you… what happened?” Yoosung could barely believe what he was hearing. He’d always lived such a sheltered life, and he felt terrible that people _actually_ had to experience things like this.

“When we were young, Saeyoung would go to church, and he met a couple there who started to suspect something was up. They came over one day and managed to convince our mother to at least send us to school. That was when we were about 8, and after that she actually… lay off us a little. We had an excuse to not be in the house.” Saeran ran his fingers through his hair, “Most days after school we just hung around in the park down the road from our house until it got dark so we didn’t have to go home straight away.”

Yoosung could feel tears in his eyes at the thought of the twins sitting alone in an abandoned park, terrified to go home. He wasn’t entirely sure what Saeran meant when he said their mother ‘took out her anger’ on them, but he also wasn’t sure it was a good time to ask.

“It was always us against her,” Saeran said, his voice small, “Which is why I’m still angry at him for leaving me with her when we were 16.”

Suddenly, Yoosung couldn’t handle it anymore. He flung himself in front of Saeran, stopping him in his tracks, and threw his arms around his shoulders, pulling him as close as he possibly could. “I’m so sorry all that happened to you.” He was trying desperately not to cry, but he could feel the tears threatening to roll down his cheeks.

“It’s okay,” Saeran whispered, wrapping his arms around Yoosung, “It’s over now.”

“No one should have to go through that. You don’t deserve any of it,” Yoosung said determinedly. He pulled back from Saeran and angrily wiped at the tears which had fallen from his eyes, “I’m going to help you be happy.”

To his surprise, Saeran let out a small laugh, reaching out to take hold of his hand. “You already make me happy.” Yoosung smiled at him as best as he could. “Hey, don’t cry,” Saeran whispered, reaching out with his free hand and using his thumb to wipe away another tear which had fallen down his cheek. Yoosung sighed and leaned into his touch. He hoped he was as comforting to Saeran as Saeran was to him.

They silently started walking again, making their way along the footpath and heading back to Saeran’s house.

“What about you?” Saeran asked suddenly, making Yoosung jump a little.

“Me?”

“Yeah, what’s your family like? I just realised I don’t really know anything about them.”

“Oh… uh, it’s not really that interesting,” Yoosung told him sheepishly, “We’re a pretty normal family, I guess.”

“Tell me about them,” Saeran pressed, nudging Yoosung a little, “I want to know.”

“Well, uhm, both my parents are teachers. I have an older sister who’s training to be a teacher, too. I guess my family always assumed that I would want to go into teaching, but I don’t really think I’d be that good at it. It’s not want I want to do, anyway.” He paused for a moment. “They pushed me really hard to study in school, but as soon as I got to university… I guess I lost motivation.”

“How come?”

Yoosung shrugged. Honestly, he didn’t really know. “I suppose I feel kind of… entitled because I got in on a scholarship.”

Saeran furrowed his eyebrows as though trying to remember something. “Which university do you go to?”

“SKY,” Yoosung told him, blushing and looking down.

“Holy shit, you got into _SKY_ University on a scholarship?” Saeran exclaimed, and then whispered dramatically, “I’m dating a genius.”

“Shut up,” Yoosung mumbled, hiding behind his hair, “It’s just because my parents helped me.”

“I guess it helped that they knew what you needed to do, but that doesn’t take away from the fact you earned that yourself,” Saeran told him, “Fuck. You’re smart. I feel inferior.”

“Noo!” Yoosung whined, pressing his hand against his face, “You’re smart too.”

Saeran just snorted, but didn’t respond. Hadn’t Saeran said his brother had graduated early? Surely that was more impressive than Yoosung getting into a university on a scholarship and then messing everything up.

“Are you busy on Saturday?” Saeran asked suddenly. “Saturday evening, I mean.”

“Oh… uh, I don’t think so?” Yoosung looked up at him questioningly.

“Why don’t we go out?” he suggested, looking at him.

“Out?”

“Yeah, like… drinking,” Saeran shrugged, “If you drink, I mean.”

“I do, but… I’m not great at holding my drink,” Yoosung admitted. They were nearing Saeran’s house again, and the sky was darkening above them.

“Even better,” Saeran grinned at him, “So, are you up for it?”

“Fine,” Yoosung rolled his eyes, trying to hide his excitement. Going out with Saeran would be fun, but he would have to try and hold back on how much he drank so he didn’t embarrass himself too much. He knew that when he got drunk he tended to… say things. Embarrassing things. It wasn’t a pretty sight.

They came to a stop outside Saeran’s front door, and he glanced up at the sky.

“It’s getting dark,” he observed.

“I guess I should go home,” Yoosung sighed. Saeran squeezed his hand, looking back at him.

“I feel like I’ve kind of ranted to you a lot today,” he admitted nervously, “I’m glad you know all this stuff but… don’t feel bad about any of it. I don’t want you to change.”

Yoosung opened his mouth to speak, but closed it quickly. How could he possibly _not_ change after finding out more about Saeran’s past? He wanted to help him and show him that he deserved every ounce of love Yoosung could possibly give him, and more. He wanted to help him be as happy as he possibly could be, no matter what that meant. But, then again, was that really a change?

“What do you mean by change?” he asked slowly.

“I want you to stay just as you are,” Saeran told him, avoiding eye contact and looking at the ground, “I don’t want to be the one to… corrupt you, I guess.”

“You could never corrupt me,” Yoosung said with certainty, but Saeran still didn’t look up at him, “You’d have to be corrupted yourself to do that. Which you’re not.”

“Hm.” Saeran sounded doubtful. “My job would disagree with you.”

“The industry isn’t corrupt! You said so yourself, and I know you believe it.”

“But there’s… what happened with my mother…”

“Just because you’ve gone through a bunch of bad stuff in your life, that doesn’t mean you’re a bad person. Maybe some of the people around you are, but you’re not. Your favourite food is ice cream, for God’s sake.”

Saeran let out a single, breathy laugh and looked up at Yoosung. “I suppose so.” He shook his head, smiling. “I’m going to end up like Zen if you’re not careful.”

“Zen?” Yoosung asked, suddenly confused. What did Zen have to do with this?

“He’s the most narcissistic person I’ve ever met,” Saeran laughed, “It’s actually kind of funny. But, if you keep telling me all these things, then I might end up referring to myself as ‘God’s gift’ like he did.”

“He _said_ that?” Yoosung’s mouth fell open, and Saeran nodded, clearly trying to suppress his laughter.

“Yeah. I wasn’t sure whether he was being serious, but it seemed like he was.”

“Hmph. Well, I bet when I watch the video of you guys I won’t care about him,” Yoosung said before he fully realised what he was saying.

“ _When_ you watch it?” Saeran smirked, raising an eyebrow, “So you’re _definitely_ going to?”

“N-no! I just… I…” Yoosung stammered, his face flushing furiously. Why did he say things? Saeran snorted and kissed him quickly on the nose.

“I don’t mind,” he told him, “If it means you get all flustered like this, it makes me want to keep talking about it.”

Yoosung squealed in protest, pressing his hands against his face. He felt Saeran’s fingers slide themselves around his wrists and gently try pulling his hands away, but Yoosung refused to let them move. Not until his face wasn’t so red. Suddenly he felt Saeran press a gentle kiss on top of his head.

“At least let me kiss you properly before you leave,” he said softly as he pulled back, and Yoosung slowly lowered his hands from his face to look back up at Saeran nervously. Saeran’s hands slid from his wrists to link their fingers together.

In that moment, it hit Yoosung how truly lucky he was. Saeran stood directly in front of him, only half an inch taller, yet somehow it felt as though he contained the universe inside him. Yoosung didn’t even care how cheesy that sounded, because it was exactly how he felt. Everything Saeran did had meaning, and out of every possible outcome of Yoosung’s life, he was infinitely grateful that he had made the choices which led to the ending where he met Saeran. No matter what happened in the future, Saeran would always hold a place in his heart that could never be stolen away by anyone else. He wanted to know everything about him. He wanted to discover every thought he’d ever had, every emotion he’d ever felt, every place he’d ever been… everything. He wanted to completely and entirely belong to Saeran, and he knew that no matter what, this intense feeling inside him would stick forever. He hoped Saeran felt even a fraction of what Yoosung felt for him, and as he gazed at him under the darkening sky, he dared to believe that he did.

“Why are you staring at me?” Saeran asked, a small, nervous smile on his face and a faint pink flush finding his cheeks.

“Because I love you,” Yoosung told him.

Saeran’s eyes widened a little, and the blush deepened. “O-oh,” he stammered, biting his lip, “I… I don’t think I’ll ever get used to hearing that.”

“If it means you get all flustered like this, it makes me want to keep talking about it,” Yoosung echoed Saeran’s own words with a grin. “Now, are you going to kiss me, or what?”

Saeran rolled his eyes. “Fine.” He sounded annoyed, but he couldn’t hold back his smile as he leaned in and softly pressed their lips together. Yoosung’s grip tightened around Saeran’s hands as their mouths opened and they slowly edged their bodies closer to one another. Yoosung could feel his heart pounding in his chest and his breathing getting faster and faster, as it usually did when he kissed Saeran. It was amazing that he could now call kissing Saeran a _usual_ thing. He hoped that never changed.

Eventually they pulled back, and Yoosung had to press his lips together to stop himself from making any embarrassing noises of excitement.

“So, Saturday?” Saeran asked. Yoosung nodded, and after a few moments allowed himself to open his mouth again.

“Sounds good.”

“If you text me your address I can pick you up?” he suggested, “Not… like, in a car or anything. But if we walk or get a taxi or something, we may as well do it together.”

“Okay, yeah,” Yoosung nodded, “I can text it to you when I get home.”

“How about I come over at… 9?” he suggested.

“Any time’s good for me,” Yoosung shrugged, “I’ll see you then.” He made no attempt to move.

“Yeah.” Saeran didn’t either.

They stared at each other for a moment.

“I don’t want to leave,” Yoosung confessed.

“I don’t want you to either,” Saeran agreed, “But… you have class tomorrow, don’t you?”

Yoosung sighed, “Yeah.”

“Well, good luck,” Saeran leaned in and gave him another quick kiss on the lips.

Eventually, Saeran went and grabbed Yoosung’s bag from inside his house to hand it to him, and Yoosung managed to tear himself away and start heading home. He didn’t want it to get too dark, because he was pretty certain he still had some kind of homework due tomorrow. Fun.

He was still aching a little as he walked, but it sent thrills through his body to know it was because of Saeran. He felt a weird pull which was begging him to turn back and go and see him, but he couldn’t. Not yet. He could wait until Saturday… it wasn’t too far away. He raised his fingers to his neck and prodded at the tender spot Saeran had been sucking on earlier, loving the fact he was going to have to hide it from all his friends. He relished the excitement of having a secret, although part of him wanted someone to see the bruises and ask him about them.

Was he ready to ‘come out’? He wasn’t worried about his friends so much as his family. He was pretty certain his friends wouldn’t mind too much, but his parents… he just didn’t know. Of course, he wanted to think they’d be accepting of him no matter what, but the thought of outright _telling_ them was still terrifying. Along with that, he wasn’t even entirely sure what he _was_. He didn’t think he was gay, but he hadn’t really considered it all that much. Not until Saeran. He could tell them he had a boyfriend and leave it at that, but then there could be potentially awkward questions when they asked about him. Like his job. He was pretty sure his parents would _not_ be too happy with that.

If Saeran was okay with it, which he felt like he would be, Yoosung wanted to wait a while before telling his parents. It was all well and good telling his friends at university, because he knew a fair few of them weren’t straight, but parents was another story entirely. Especially when Yoosung had barely had time to come to terms with it himself.

He shook his head. He didn’t need to think about this now. When he eventually introduced Saeran to his parents he was certain they’d love him. Yoosung hastily pushed the awkward conversations that would no doubt ensue out of his mind.

Once Yoosung arrived back home, he found his curiosity spiking. Turning on his computer, he opened one of the usual porn websites and searched for Saeran. There was nothing new yet. Yoosung wasn’t sure how long it took for videos to get uploaded, but he didn’t doubt he would be checking every day for the new one with Zen. He wasn’t sure if that was weird. Probably.

As Yoosung lay in bed that night, he tried desperately not to think of the things Saeran had told him today. He tried to think of the Saeran he knew now, rather than considering a sad, hopeless Saeran crying himself to sleep because his mother didn’t want him. He thought of how free he looked when he looked up at the sky, and how impossible he looked with the glowing sunset behind him, and how beautiful he looked as he lay beneath him on the bed with his eyes closed and his mouth hanging open. He thought about his smile. His eyes. Green and gold. Gold and green. Both were almost too much for Yoosung to handle looking at without getting lost. He thought about his hair. He wondered if he’d ever get to see it as its natural colour. He wondered if Saeran had guessed he wasn’t a natural blond. Maybe they could grow their hair out together? For some reason, that particular thought excited Yoosung. He thought about how Saeran seemed to like touching Yoosung’s face in a way that felt both innocent and intimate at the same time.

Everything about Saeran felt right and warm and safe. He never wanted to let that go.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this chapter now has fanart! [check it out!](http://cannibalkats.tumblr.com/post/157882025977/mysticmessengervibes-pornstar-au-is-killing-me)


	12. One Night

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> there's new fanart for chapters 2, 3 and 11!! if you go to them I've put a link at the end of each one so you can take a look!
> 
> this chapter involves alcohol and mentions of vomiting (no actual vomiting, but it's briefly talked about for like 4 sentences) so I just thought I'd let you guys know in case you don't like that kind of thing.
> 
> verrrrrrryy dialogue heavy ;; and longest chapter so far ;;;; and all over the place with a few very irrelevant original characters ;;;;;;;;; and it's 6am so I need sleep ;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;
> 
> also I'm so sorry updates are getting less regular I'm tryin my bestest

Yoosung wasn’t entirely sure what to expect from Saturday night, but he made a promise to himself that he wouldn’t drink too much. He still wasn’t quite ready to embarrass himself _that_ much in front of Saeran yet. Not more than was strictly necessary, anyway.

Despite his nerves, he was still excited. He couldn’t wait to spend more time with Saeran and, as much as he enjoyed their time alone, he also loved the idea of being able to show him off in public. As his _boyfriend_.

He wasn’t sure what to wear, so he settled for something simple. Luckily, he owned some black jeans which weren’t overly faded, and a black t-shirt with coloured diamonds across the front which didn’t look too childish. He also opted to go without his hairclips, partly because he might lose them and partly because it seemed as though Saeran had liked it when he hadn’t been wearing them before. His hair would probably end up falling in his eyes a little, but he could deal with that.

The clock crawled at a painfully sluggish rate, and Yoosung could’ve sworn the hands were dragging round more slowly than usual. He desperately wanted to see Saeran.

Nerves were beginning to bubble up inside him and he started feeling a little dizzy, so he had to sit down on his desk chair to calm himself. He glanced at his computer. There was still no sign of Saeran’s video with Zen on any of the usual websites, and Yoosung contemplated checking again, just to be sure. He tapped the space bar on the keyboard to wake up his computer and quickly searched Saeran’s name. Nothing new. Yoosung let out a sigh. Perhaps there was some kind of schedule these websites uploaded to?

At that moment, his phone buzzed on his desk and he may or may not have almost fallen out of his chair in surprise.

 

            **(21:03)** I’m just outside the building, you ready?

 

Yoosung stood from his seat and tapped out a quick reply.

 

            **(21:03)** Yep, be down in a second.

 

He grabbed his jacket and pulled it on hurriedly, shoving his phone and wallet into his pocket and stepping into his shoes. He rushed down the stairs so quickly he almost tripped, and had to stop for a moment to calm himself down. He wouldn’t be able to go out with Saeran if he had a concussion.

Eventually he managed to reach the exit to the building and pressed the button to open the door so he could step outside and find Saeran. He glanced around for a moment and quickly spotted him leaning against the side of the building, gazing up at the sky. It was clear he’d decided to dress up a little, and boy had it paid off. He wore black skinny jeans with rips in the knees, a leather jacket, and what looked like a red tank top underneath. Yoosung was certain he’d seen it somewhere before… maybe in a photo or something. He was also wearing his usual choker and a pair of black combat boots. Yoosung was still in disbelief someone like _that_ had decided to date him. Luck had definitely been on his side recently.

He was surprised when Saeran raised his hand, bringing a cigarette to his lips and inhaling.

“You smoke?” Yoosung blurted out. He hadn’t known that. Saeran had never smelt of smoke before when Yoosung had seen him…

Saeran jumped at the outburst and turned to face him as he stood a little distance away, eyes wide with surprise. “Oh, I didn’t know you would be down so fast,” he admitted a little guiltily, pressing the cigarette into the ashtray on the ledge beside him. “Only sometimes. Not much, really.”

“I didn’t know that.”

“Does it bother you?” Saeran asked nervously, walking over to him.

“Well… it’s not good for you,” Yoosung told him.

“Like I said, I don’t do it often,” Saeran shook his head as he came to a stop in front of Yoosung.

“Why were you doing it just now?” Yoosung asked disapprovingly. He could smell the lingering scent of smoke around Saeran, and he wasn’t sure he liked it all that much. Admittedly, it did fit with his whole aesthetic, but that didn’t mean Yoosung had to like it.

“Nerves,” Saeran admitted, shrugging and looking down as he scuffed his boot on the ground, “It’s only the second time I’ve done it since we met, though. I’m working on quitting.”

“Second time?”

Saeran shrugged again, burying his hands in his jacket pockets. Yoosung tried to ignore how hot he looked so he could maintain his disapproval. “Zen smokes too, so after filming he offered me one.”

“Hmph.” Yoosung folded his arms across his chest.

“I’m sorry,” Saeran apologised softly, looking up at him again, “I’m trying to stop, and it’s mostly working.”

Yoosung sighed. He couldn’t stay mad. “Okay, fine. As long as you’re quitting I guess that’s okay.” He paused for a moment before suddenly starting to dig through his pockets. After a few seconds he pulled out a half-empty packet of gum. “Have this.” He handed it to him, and Saeran took it, glancing down at it in mild amusement. “So your breath doesn’t smell.” Yoosung explained.

“Okay, grandma.”

“Don’t be _rude_ ,” Yoosung scolded, folding his arms as Saeran took out a piece and put it in his mouth, shoving the rest of the pack in his pocket. “Now, are we going or what?”

“Can I at least hold your hand?” Saeran asked in a teasing tone. Yoosung scowled at him, trying desperately to keep his grumpy face.

“I never said you couldn’t,” he mumbled.

“Good.” Saeran reached out and grabbed hold of Yoosung’s hand, lacing their fingers together and starting to walk. From Yoosung’s apartment, it would only take around ten minutes to walk into town. He wondered where Saeran was planning on taking him, and he felt excitement start to grow inside him once more.

Now that Yoosung was over his half-real, half-exaggerated disgust over Saeran smoking, he could fully admire just how good he looked. He had black eyeliner smudged around his eyes, which worked to make the green contacts look even more striking. The leather jacket hung off his right shoulder a little, showing the top part of his tattoo. Yoosung wondered if the jacket was too big for him, or if it was intentional for this whole emo thing he had going on. Either way, it looked good.

“What does your tattoo mean?”

“Hm?” Saeran seemed surprised at the question, and glanced down at his exposed shoulder. “Oh, right. I dunno, it doesn’t really mean anything.” He shrugged.

“Well, it’s really cool,” Yoosung told him.

“Thanks,” Saeran grinned.

“Did it hurt?” he asked. He wasn’t planning on getting a tattoo himself, and probably never would, but he was curious.

“Nah, felt like someone was tickling me.”

“Really?” Yoosung asked in surprise.

“No, idiot. Of course it hurt,” Saeran grinned, and Yoosung scowled.

“Shut up,” he complained weakly, embarrassed at the fact he was so gullible even when things were _obviously_ not true.

“I’m just kidding,” Saeran nudged him playfully. There was a short pause. “By the way, you look really good tonight.”

“R-really?” Yoosung cursed himself for stammering over the word.

“Mmhm,” Saeran nodded.

“Well… so do you,” Yoosung admitted, blushing a little. Saeran responded by squeezing his hand, and they kept walking, surrounded by comfortable silence. Yoosung couldn’t think of anything to say, but for once he didn’t feel the need to fill the quiet with meaningless chatter.

After a little while, Yoosung decided to break the silence simply because he wanted to hear Saeran’s voice again.

“Were you working today?”

“Yeah. Filming again,” he told him.

“How did it go?” There was a pause, which dragged out a little longer than usual, and this time the silence wasn’t so comfortable. As each second passed, Yoosung felt worry starting to gnaw at him from the inside. Had it gone badly? Was that part of the reason Saeran had been smoking earlier?

“Are you really okay with this?” Saeran asked suddenly, sounding strangely distressed. Yoosung looked up at him in surprise.

“Huh? What do you mean?”

“My job,” Saeran said, and his voice was getting more and more panicked as he spoke, “You just seem to be _completely fine_ with it. With the fact I’m literally having sex with other people. It’s… I don’t know. If you hate it, _please_ tell me, because I… I feel so guilty sometimes…”

“Saeran…” Yoosung paused for a moment to think. Did it bother him? Was it even _allowed_ to bother him? Without Saeran doing what he did, chances are he and Yoosung never would have met. “I don’t think it bothers me?”

“You don’t sound sure.”

“It feels different.” Yoosung spoke slowly, trying to process his feelings at the same time as he tried to figure out his words. “I guess… in my head it’s separate. It’s a job.” He pressed his lips together for a moment, humming in thought. “I haven’t watched a video since we properly started seeing each other. I think… it’s different. I don’t know.”

“What do you mean ‘it’s different’?” Saeran asked desperately.

“When we… you know… have sex. It feels different to how it looks in the videos. You react differently. You… I don’t know. You’re not acting, I guess?”

Saeran bit at his bottom lip, still looking anxious. How long had this worry been building up inside him? Yoosung wanted to diffuse it and reassure Saeran everything was okay, because there was no way he deserved to be this stressed out over it.

“It’s funny, actually,” Yoosung continued, softening his voice a little, “I would have expected myself to get crazy jealous and protective. That’s what happened with past crushes, but with you… I guess I know this is real.”

“So you’re not insecure about it? Not even a little?”

“I try not to think about it too much,” Yoosung shrugged, “But I suppose when I do… I don’t _like_ the idea of it. But I don’t exactly _dis_ like it either. If you’re happy, I don’t care.” He paused for a second. “ _Should_ I be insecure?”

“No! God, no,” Saeran shook his head, “I would never do anything like that. Never in a million years.”

“You mean cheat on me?”

Saeran flinched at the word. “I would never _ever_ do that. _Ever_. I love you, Yoosung.” He said it more confidently than he ever had before, and Yoosung felt his stomach flutter. “I love you _so_ much. And the last thing I want is for you to feel uncomfortable.” He hesitated for a second, as though weighing his words before he spoke. “I’m not going to be doing this job forever. I just wanted to make sure it’s not a problem for me to carry on for now.”

“No, it’s not,” Yoosung smiled at him.

“I never want to hurt you,” Saeran murmured.

“Well… uh…” Yoosung wondered whether this was the right time for a joke. He decided to go for it anyway. “I don’t want you to stop completely.”

“What?” Saeran asked, looking confused.

“Hurting me, I mean,” Yoosung tried to suppress his blush, but he didn’t doubt he was failing horribly. “I don’t want you to stop… you know… pulling my hair and stuff.” Wow, this joke was really falling flat. Saeran looked at him incredulously for a moment, before a smile slowly spread across his face and he started laughing.

“Oh my God.” He slapped his hand against his face to try and stifle his laughter. “I was _trying_ to be serious.”

“Me too,” Yoosung grinned, “Absolutely serious.”

“You’re such a dork,” Saeran was still laughing, his voice muffled behind his hand, “I can’t believe I’m in love with you.” Suddenly his laughter stopped for a split second and his hand flew to his throat, as though he were choking.

“What is it?” Yoosung asked, immediately flipping into panic mode.

“You made me swallow my fucking gum, asshole.” Saeran coughed, and Yoosung couldn’t help laughing. Saeran glared at him half-heartedly. Before Yoosung could react further, Saeran had yanked on his hand and pulled him towards him, spinning him round and grabbing his waist so he could smash a hard kiss against his lips. Yoosung let out a small yelp as Saeran wasted no time opening their mouths and sliding his tongue into Yoosung’s mouth. Yoosung found himself quickly grasping hold of Saeran’s jacket with his free hand, clenching it in his fist as he whimpered into the sudden and surprisingly rough kiss.

It was quick and intense, and Saeran pulled back sooner than Yoosung had expected him to, leaving him gasping for more.

“Maybe that’ll stop you laughing at me,” he practically growled, and Yoosung’s entire body suddenly became warmer at the sound. He dropped his hand from Yoosung’s waist and gently pulled back so his jacket fell from his grip.

“I… I…” Yoosung wasn’t sure what to say as Saeran just grinned at him and continued walking, being forced to pull him along so he wasn’t just standing there like an idiot.

The gum hadn’t entirely overpowered the ashy taste in Saeran’s mouth from the cigarette, but Yoosung found that, surprisingly, he didn’t mind all that much.

“Is that the only reason you did it?” he asked, sounding slightly dazed. They were nearing the town centre now, and Saeran seemed to have somewhere in mind that he was taking him. There were a few people around already, although it was still pretty early for a ‘night out’. Yoosung wondered if he would see anyone from any of his classes, and he felt both excited and nervous at the thought of introducing Saeran as his boyfriend.

“No,” Saeran answered the question he’d almost forgotten he’d asked, “I’ve been wanting to do it since I first saw you.”

Yoosung bit his lip, unsuccessfully supressing a smile.

They eventually reached a bar which Yoosung recognised the name of, but couldn’t recall ever having come to before. He had been on a few nights out with his friends, but he didn’t go as often as a lot of people he knew.

They stepped inside and were greeted by a pretty warm, comfortable atmosphere. It was early in the evening, so no one was being too loud yet. He couldn’t help but feel happy when Saeran didn’t drop his hand, as he had before, when they headed to the bar.

“What do you want?” Saeran asked, letting go of Yoosung’s hand to pull out his wallet, “I’ll buy.”

“Oh… uh, no that’s fine!” Yoosung insisted, digging into his own pocket to pull out his money. He was surprised to feel Saeran’s hand resting on his arm to stop him.

“Hey, you always buy me ice cream. Let me at least get you a drink.”

“I’ve bought you ice cream like… twice.”

“Shush. Tell me what you want or I’ll order you the grossest thing they have,” Saeran threatened raising his eyebrows at Yoosung in amusement.

“Ugh, fine. But I’m getting you one next.”

Saeran agreed, ordering them a beer each and heading to one of the tables. Most of them were already taken, but there was one in the middle of the room which was free, so they sat down and Saeran scooted his chair a little closer to Yoosung.

“So, where do you usually go on nights out? Being a student, and all,” he asked, propping his chin up on his hand as he rest his elbow on the table. Yoosung found that action strangely flustering, and had to look down at his drink to compose himself. He took a quick drink of it before speaking.

“I don’t actually go out that much,” he admitted, shrugging, “And when I do, I don’t tend to remember the names of the places I go.”

“Wow, so on weekends you’re either being totally mature and responsible by doing your work at home, or getting completely hammered and collapsing in the street?”

“Well... no,” Yoosung raised his eyebrows, “More like I’m either being completely irresponsible and gaming for fourteen hours solid, or…” he trailed off.

“Collapsing in the street?” Saeran finished for him, grinning and taking a drink.

“No! I’ve never collapsed in the street!” Yoosung insisted, “Just…”

“Just… what?”

“Well, I mean my friends have had to carry me home before,” he mumbled looking down at his drink, “But that wasn’t my fault.”

“ _How_ wasn’t it your fault?” Saeran snorted.

“It was my birthday and they kept buying me shots. I lost track of how many I had.”

“And I suppose they forced you to drink them?”

“Well… I couldn’t exactly be rude and say no after they’d bought them…” Yoosung trailed off, the lie falling flat. “Okay, fine. I wanted them.”

“How many did you have?”

“I dunno. My friend kept going up to order just one, but coming back with three saying he’d ‘accidentally’ ordered too many. I had them all, though.” Yoosung shook his head, a little embarrassed at the memory, but also amused. “I started singing karaoke and I’m pretty sure we got kicked out.”

“Wow, I want to see _that_ Yoosung,” Saeran laughed.

“No way. I’m never drinking that much ever again,” Yoosung shook his head determinedly.

“Hmph, fine,” Saeran huffed, and Yoosung was surprised when he felt Saeran swing his legs over him so they were resting on his lap. Yoosung tried not to act too flustered because Saeran had done it so casually, and he quickly took a drink.

“What about you?” he asked, “Any drunk stories?”

“Nope. I’m a good boy,” Saeran insisted, and Yoosung snorted doubtfully.

“Okay, fine. Once I accidentally threw up out my friend’s bedroom window onto the roof.”

“ _What?_ ”

“I dunno. I don’t really remember. She told me about it the next day, but I can’t imagine it was fun for me.”

“Oh my God,” Yoosung snorted, “That’s gross.”

“Alright, alright, Mr Karaoke,” Saeran teased, poking his cheek, “I want to hear you sing.”

“Um, no,” Yoosung said immediately. He knew he didn’t have a _bad_ voice, but the idea of singing in front of anyone made him nervous. At least while sober.

“Why not?”

“Because no.” Yoosung felt his cheeks heat up, and took a long drink to somewhat hide his face, ending up emptying the glass of half its contents.

“Maybe when you’ve drunk more?”

“Sure. Whatever. Probably not.”

“Woah, don’t get so defensive!” He poked Yoosung’s cheek again, “I was just kidding.”

“Maybe _you_ should sing for _me_ ,” Yoosung attempted to twist the conversation away from himself.

“Ugh,” Saeran buried his face into his hands, hair falling over him so Yoosung couldn’t see his expression.

“What?” Yoosung asked, frowning. That seemed like a… strange response?

“I just… ugh,” Saeran took his hands away from his face and propped his head back up on his hand, not making eye contact with Yoosung, “I haven’t sung to anyone in a really long time.”

“You have before?”

“I… uh…” Saeran coughed, “Yeah. Maybe.”

“Wait,” Yoosung turned to face him a little more, absently placing a hand on Saeran’s leg as it lay across his lap. “There’s more to this story.”

“Kind of…” Saeran was blushing more furiously than Yoosung had ever seen him blush before.

“Tell me,” Yoosung insisted, leaning forwards, taking a long drink.

“When… when I was in school…” he stammered, pausing to cough, “I guess I kind of… uh… was in some musicals.”

“ _Musicals?”_

“Shut up.”

“Which ones?”

“A few. Um, Aladdin was the most recent one, when I was like 16.”

“Who did you play?” Yoosung asked. Saeran mumbled and coughed, covering up whatever his response was. “What?”

“I… I played Aladdin.”

“ _Oh my God._ ”

“Shut _up_.”

“And you sung his songs? From the movie?”

“Only ‘A Whole New World’,” he buried his face in his hands again, “I can’t believe I’m telling you this.”

“I _really_ want to hear this now,” Yoosung grinned, loving that he was managing to make Saeran just as flustered as he often got.

“Only if you’re my Jasmine,” Saeran murmured, dropping his arms to fold on the table. He looked back at Yoosung, still adorably pink, and cocked his head to the side, “You can sing with me.”

“Uh…” Yoosung trailed off, “I… hm.”

Saeran shrugged, looking smug. “I won’t sing if you don’t.”

“I guess… we’ll see…” he said vaguely. He wondered if there was a video of Saeran singing. Maybe he should ask Saeyoung next time he saw him?

Yoosung lifted his glass to take another drink, and was surprised to realise it was almost empty. That had been fast.

“Oh! You’re finished. Do you want another?” Saeran asked.

“Yeah, I’ll just-”

“Okay,” Saeran answered before he quickly took his legs off Yoosung and jumped to his feet, scurrying over to the bar. But… Yoosung was supposed to buy their next drinks, wasn’t he? He hadn’t had a chance to protest before Saeran had hurried off. Oh well. He would just buy the ones after these.

Yoosung glanced around. It was getting a little busier and louder now, and he could already feel a soft buzz from the beer he’d had. It wasn’t much, but honestly, Yoosung didn’t need much.

To Yoosung’s disappointment, when Saeran returned to the table he didn’t drape his legs over him as he had before, but as they sat chatting a little more Yoosung found Saeran’s hand resting on his own on the table top. He liked physical contact with Saeran. It helped remind him all this was _actually real._

Once they’d finished their second drinks (almost equally as quickly as the first time – Yoosung really needed to slow down) they decided to head to a different bar to get some shots. Yoosung said he would only have _one_. That was all.

This bar was much busier. There was a pool table in the middle of the room with a crowd of people standing around it, either cheering or stumbling to and from the bar. Or both. There were sofas and tables around the room, but those were all taken. There were a few seats free at the bar, and Saeran grabbed Yoosung’s hand, skilfully navigating through some people who were in the way, before quickly claiming one of the stools. He glanced around, but there wasn’t another spare one nearby.

“You can sit here,” he said, starting to get up, but Yoosung put his hand on his chest quickly.

“No, it’s fine. I don’t mind standing.”

It was difficult to hear each other over the crowd and loud music, but Saeran grabbed Yoosung’s waist and tugged him closer so he was standing between his legs as he ordered something Yoosung couldn’t hear the name of.

“Wasn’t I supposed to be buying drinks?” Yoosung asked, raising his voice so Saeran would hear him. Saeran turned to him, hand still on his waist and pulled him a little closer.

“Tonight’s on me.”

“Not _all_ of it!” Yoosung protested as the bar staff placed two weird, pink drinks in jars in front of them as well as two shots, which faded from a dark red at the top into yellow towards the bottom. Saeran handed over the money before Yoosung could complain any further, and he found himself getting distracted and staring at the pink drinks trying to figure out what they were. Saeran nudged one of the shot glasses towards Yoosung and picked up the other.

“You don’t have to drink it if you don’t want to,” he told him. Yoosung picked it up, and clinked it against Saeran’s, grinning to tell Saeran he was fine with it. They downed them at the same time, and Yoosung grimaced at the taste, as he usually did with shots. He shuddered a little and placed the empty glass on the table, pointing to the pink drinks.

“What’s that?”

“It’s called Moonshine. If you don’t like it I can get you something else.”

Yoosung grasped hold of one of the drinks in the weird pots and prodded at one of the two straws in it before finally trying some. It was… actually really good. Yoosung hadn’t encountered much alcohol he genuinely liked the taste of, but this was pretty good. Saeran squeezed at his waist a little, pulling him further towards him again. He leaned in closer than necessary so that Yoosung could feel his breath brushing his ear, making him shudder.

“Do you mind if I kiss you right now?” Saeran asked, “There’s a girl over there looking at you. I don’t like it.”

Yoosung allowed his eyes to slide to the side, making brief eye contact with a girl at a table with a bunch of her friends before she hastily looked down at her drink.

“She’s not looking anymore.”

“Can I kiss you anyway?”

Yoosung felt his heart start to race. In a room filled with this many people… the thought of kissing Saeran felt both dangerous and exciting. He nodded, and Saeran pulled back from his ear and cupped his jaw with his hand, pulling Yoosung’s face towards him so he could press their lips together. The sound of their surroundings was deafening in Yoosung’s ears, but in that moment he didn’t care because all he could feel was the slight buzz of his brain and the thrill of Saeran’s skin on his. He could taste traces of Saeran’s drinks, but they didn’t deepen the kiss any further than just pressing their lips together. Anything more probably would have been too far for a public place like this. Not that Yoosung would have minded all that much, but he figured it was only polite to restrain himself, at least a little.

When they pulled back he realised that his hand had somehow found its way to Saeran’s jacket and was gripping hold of it tightly. He quickly let it go and dared to rest it on Saeran’s thigh instead, shuffling a little closer so he was further nestled between his legs. It felt good to be like this. It felt… safe.

As Saeran was taking a drink, his eyes suddenly shot to his right and he leaned in.

“You know him?” He nodded his head to the side and Yoosung turned.

There was a guy there heading over to them with a huge grin on his face. Yoosung knew him – he was in his maths class – but he couldn’t for the life of him remember his name. His brain was getting fuzzier from the alcohol, so he used that as an excuse, but in reality he knew he probably wouldn’t have been able to remember anyway.

“Yoosung!” the guy said enthusiastically, slurring his words and obviously pretty drunk already, “S’good to see you.”

“Yeah, good to see you too,” Yoosung grinned at him, tilting his head to the side.

“I’m here with-” He hiccupped and giggled before carrying on. “I’m here wiiiiith… uhm, Sehun and… uh… Mansoo…” He looked around the room for a moment as though trying to find them, but gave up pretty quickly and glanced at Saeran instead. “And you’re here with… this guy?”

“Yeah, this is Saeran.”

“Is he like… your friend?” the guy asked, hiccupping again. Saeran raised his eyebrows and glanced down at his hand on Yoosung’s waist, and Yoosung’s hand on his thigh.

“Uh… no,” Yoosung told him, a little nervous. He doubted this guy would probably even remember anything he said tonight, so he steeled himself and said it anyway. “He’s my boyfriend.”

The guy’s mouth dropped open almost comically, before he let out a sudden high-pitched squeal and threw his arms around Yoosung, knocking Saeran’s hand from his waist and forcing Yoosung to grab hold of him to steady them both. He held out his drink in an attempt not to spill it… actually, he didn’t remember even picking it up.

“I _knew_ it!” he sang happily, “I _knew_ you were gay.”

“Well… uh, I’m not-”

“Congratulations!” he said, pulling back and looking at Saeran, “It’s good to meet you, I’m… it’s nice to meet. My name is Joonki.”

 _Of course!_ Yoosung remembered now.

“Good to meet you, Joonki,” Saeran grinned at him, placing his hand on Yoosung’s waist again more firmly this time.

“Wait…” Joonki trailed off, tilting his head to the side and screwing his face up as he looked at Saeran, “Do I know you?”

“Uh…” Saeran bit his lip a little, and it wasn’t obvious, but Yoosung could tell he was holding back a laugh.

“Probably not,” Yoosung interjected.

“It feels to be… I seen before sometimes…” Joonki rambled, hiccupping again, “Maybe once.”

Saeran snorted, and Yoosung couldn’t tell whether it was from the lack of sense Joonki was making, or whether it was because he apparently recognised Saeran, which could only really mean one thing…

Yoosung’s face felt like it was on fire.

“Probably in town or something,” Saeran reasoned.

“Ya…” Joonki blinked a few times before suddenly snapping out of it and looking back at Yoosung. “So I need to find them. Sehun and Mansoo. They’re playing… I think… the pool table. I should see. I can tell them about your boyfriend. Can I?”

“Sure,” Yoosung shrugged.

“Sae… Se… Sebin?”

“Saeran,” Yoosung corrected with a smile.

“Right. Sae- no, Saeran. Right. Okay. See you soon.”

He left too quickly for Yoosung to be able to say goodbye, and Saeran leaned into Yoosung as he watched him go.

“Seems like your friends already know me.”

“He’s not… he’s not really my friend,” Yoosung shook his head, turning back to Saeran who was smirking, “I couldn’t even remember his name until he introduced himself to you.”

Saeran chuckled and wrapped his arms around Yoosung, nuzzling his face into his neck.

“Is that the first time you’ve told someone I’m your boyfriend?”

Yoosung slid his hand up Saeran’s thigh a little, too woozy to properly think about what they were doing. Why did he need to restrain himself? He couldn’t remember. Maybe he didn’t _want_ to remember. “Yeah. Wait… I told your brother. But besides that, yeah.”

“I’m proud of you,” Saeran told him, gripping hold of him a little tighter. Yoosung wondered how drunk Saeran was right now. He probably wasn’t too bad, but his words were starting to become slurred. Maybe he was faking it a little so he had an excuse to touch Yoosung, which Yoosung definitely did not mind in the slightest. Saeran pulled back to take a drink, and Yoosung picked up his own drink and went to take a sip, but found it was entirely empty.

“When did I finish this?” he asked in shock, and Saeran giggled. It was adorable.

“You were drinking it when we were talking to… uh… Joonki? Was that his name?”

“I was?” Yoosung was totally surprised. He hadn’t even realised.

“Yeah, you were playing with the straw. It was super cute.”

“But I… I’m not even that drunk,” Yoosung frowned. Sure, he felt a little dizzy, but he wasn’t _that_ bad.

Saeran giggled again. “You were right. You’re a total lightweight.”

“Shut uuup,” Yoosung complained, shoving him lightly against his chest, which only made Saeran laugh even harder. “Stop laughing or I’m gonna push you off that stool.”

“You couldn’t if you tried,” Saeran snorted.

“Are you calling me _weak?_ ” Yoosung shrieked.

“What you gonna do about it?” Saeran challenged, still grinning. Yoosung thought for a moment before an absolutely _brilliant_ idea struck him.

“Arm-wrestle!”

“What?” Saeran attempted to hold back his laughter, but he apparently couldn’t stop.

“See who’s stronger by doing an arm wrestle,” Yoosung clarified.

“Fine,” Saeran agreed, scanning the room quickly, “There’s a free table just there. Quick, grab it. I’ll get more drinks.”

Yoosung jumped away from Saeran and all but ran towards the table, almost overshooting the chair he was aiming for and ending up toppling to the floor.

“Wait, I was supposed to buy them!” Yoosung exclaimed to no one, looking over as Saeran ordered.

It wasn’t too long before Saeran made his way back over to the table and sat down, propping up his arm. “Can’t back out now.” Yoosung rest his right elbow on the table and grasped hold of Saeran’s hand, in position for arm wrestling.

“No cheating,” Yoosung said sternly.

“How the fuck would I even cheat?” Saeran asked, already sounding offended.

“Just… I dunno, let’s go.”

“Okay. Three, two, one, go.”

Yoosung started pushing with all his strength against Saeran’s hand, but Saeran was stronger than he had expected. They were pretty even for a few moments before Yoosung finally started pulling ahead, eventually slamming Saeran’s hand on the table.

“Yes! I knew it!”

“Left hand,” Saeran ordered, holding up his other hand.

“No! I already won!” Yoosung protested.

“That’s not fair, I’m left-handed,” Saeran whined.

“You are?”

“Yeah, fucking fight me,” he challenged. Yoosung sighed and grasped hold of his hand again, this time with his left. He already felt at a disadvantage. His left arm really wasn’t strong at all.

“Three, two, one, go.”

This one was over much more quickly, Saeran efficiently pushing Yoosung’s hand down on the table within a few seconds. On top of that, Yoosung got the impression he’d been going easy which didn’t make him feel much better.

“I didn’t know you were left-handed,” Yoosung sulked, folding his arms and angrily drinking the drink Saeran had bought him. Yoosung found it far too difficult to stay angry while drinking through a straw, but he tried his best. Saeran had bought him a vodka coke this time. He didn’t mind, it just surprised him a little when it first hit his tongue.

“I said fight me,” Saeran shot at him, taking a drink of his own.

“Don’t be so _rude_.”

“Suck my dick, pretty boy.” Saeran snapped, but he was biting back a grin and there was no harshness in his words.

“Why are you swearing so much?”

“Hey, I called you a pretty boy. That’s polite, right?” He paused to take a drink. “ _And_ I even offered to let you suck my dick.”

Yoosung snorted and rolled his eyes, ignoring the heat he could feel creeping up to his face and the fact that his thoughts immediately jumped on the fact that he did, in fact, want to do just that.

“Whatever.”

“Did you want to, like…” Saeran trailed off for a moment as he thought about what he was going to say, “Do more shots?”

“Why? Do you _?_ ” Yoosung asked. He wasn’t as opposed to the idea as he probably should be.

“Kinda, yeah,” Saeran nodded, “Feels good. But wait!” Suddenly he was yelling, and Yoosung jumped a little as he leaned across the table and held out his finger, pointing at Yoosung accusingly. “No matter _what_ happens, don’t let me smoke.”

“Yes, sir,” Yoosung nodded and Saeran grinned lopsidedly, lowering his finger as Yoosung asked, “Do you even have any more cigarettes with you?”

“No,” Saeran shook his head, “But that might not stop me from leeching off other people. Anyway, I’ll get shots.”

“Wait!” This time it was Yoosung’s turn to yell, and he grabbed hold of Saeran’s jacket as he went to stand, pulling him towards him so he was leaning back over the table. “It’s my turn to buy.”

“Next time,” Saeran said dismissively.

“But you’ve bought _everything_ so far.”

“It’s fine, it’s just two shots,” Saeran grinned, prying Yoosung’s hands from his jacket, “I’ll be right back.”

Yoosung let out an annoyed sound as he watched Saeran go and looked down at his drink grumpily. He really appreciated Saeran buying drinks for him, because he actually didn’t have that much money, but he also felt _bad_. He wanted to buy things for Saeran too.

“Hey,” came a soft voice from in front of him. He looked up in surprise to see a girl sitting where Saeran had been, “You alright?”

“Uh… yeah?” Yoosung replied slowly. He recognised her, and thought she was probably in one of his classes.

“I’m Sunmi, we’re in History together?” she reminded him.

“Oh! Yeah, of course,” he shook his head, and the action felt clumsy. Every action felt clumsy. “Sorry, I’m dumb right now.”

She giggled a little. “It’s fine. I didn’t really expect you to remember me.”

“No, no I do! I’ve just drunk… uh…” Yoosung glanced down at his glass which was half empty, “A bit. Took me a second.”

She let out another small laugh, and there was a pause. “Listen, Yoosung,” she said, sounding determined. Yoosung frowned a little. Why was she suddenly so serious? “I… uh… I wouldn’t be saying this if I hadn’t had some drinks, and my friends hadn’t made me.” She glared at a table to the side, and Yoosung glanced over to see a bunch of girls pretending not to look their way. “But… uhm… I like you.”

“Like me?” he asked, confused, “Like… friends?”

She shook her head. “No. Like, a crush.”

Saeran chose that moment to come back over, standing next to Yoosung’s chair as Sunmi sat in his. He handed the shot to Yoosung, grinning.

“Three, two, one.” They clinked glasses and Yoosung downed it, a little dazed from Sumni’s sudden confession. He barely even noticed the taste as the liquid burned down his throat.

Once he and Saeran had put their glasses down, Saeran decided it would be a good idea to sit on Yoosung’s lap.

“Who’s this?” he asked, wrapping his arms around Yoosung’s shoulders.

“Uh… Sunmi. She’s in my class.”

“Cool. Nice to meet you. I’m Yoosung’s _boyfriend_.” He put emphasis on the word ‘boyfriend’ and Yoosung immediately knew he must have overheard at least part of their conversation.

“Oh,” Sunmi’s face morphed into an expression of confusion, “Uh… boyfriend?”

“Yep,” Saeran confirmed, kissing Yoosung on the cheek a little sloppily, and Yoosung blushed.

“Oh… um… okay then,” she mumbled awkwardly, standing up from the chair, “I’ll… uh… I’ll leave you guys to it.”

Yoosung watched her as she hurried away and turned to Saeran disapprovingly. “You could’ve been nicer.”

“I don’t like her,” Saeran growled as he watched her go, tightening his arms around Yoosung possessively.

“You don’t even know her,” Yoosung pointed out.

“She was hitting on you!”

Yoosung sighed in exasperation. He had to admit, he kind of liked this side of Saeran. It was… strangely endearing.

“She doesn’t get this booty,” Saeran murmured, finally turning back to Yoosung who burst out laughing.

“You’re an idiot.”

“Fuck off.”

“Don’t be _rude_.”

Saeran just responded by grabbing Yoosung’s face in his hand and pressing their lips together. He was squishing Yoosung’s cheeks as he did, and Yoosung couldn’t help laughing a little at the weird feeling. Saeran’s kiss was messy, but Yoosung didn’t really care all that much. When they pulled back from each other, Saeran didn’t let go of Yoosung’s cheeks, squeezing them together slightly.

“Can I…?” Yoosung trailed off into laughter at his voice as Saeran pressed the air out his mouth. He grinned and let go.

“Can you what?”

“Can I top next time? In sex?”

“Ya,” Saeran nodded and looked around the busy room, “Right here, right now?”

“Wait, really?”

Saeran snorted. “No _._ ” He paused for a moment, narrowing his eyes suggestively at Yoosung and smirking a little. “Unless you want to?”

“ _No!”_ Yoosung shook his head, blushing at the thought.

Saeran giggled. “Hey, did you want to go like… to a club or something after this?”

“Isn’t it still kinda early?”

“Nah, it’s like midnight.”

“ _What?_ ” Where had the time gone? He could’ve sworn they’d only been out for an hour at most.

“We don’t have to if you don’t want to.”

“No! No, that sounds good! I do want to,” Yoosung stammered, shifting his weight a little under Saeran so he could turn to pick up his drink. He ignored the straw and just gulped down the rest of it straight from the glass. “Okay, ready!”

Saeran stood up, freeing Yoosung so he could stand too. When he was on his feet again he swayed a little, but Saeran grabbed hold of his arms before he could fall. He was suddenly really dizzy. It felt kinda good.

“Woah, you okay?” Saeran asked, sounding worried. Yoosung giggled.

“Yep! I feel awesome,” he told him. He pursed his lips for a moment. “Can we hold hands?”

“Gross,” Saeran groaned, but he slid one of his hands down Yoosung’s arm and laced their fingers together anyway.

It was pretty cold outside, and the sky was entirely clouded over which meant the moon was nothing more than a pale, blurry glow in the sky. Or maybe the blur was from Yoosung’s vision. He was pretty pleased with the fact he wasn’t stumbling as they walked, and he felt so immensely happy that he got to spend time with Saeran like this. He squeezed his hand and felt Saeran squeeze back, which made him grin. Saeran seemed to be heading in a particular direction, but Yoosung wasn’t sure exactly where they were going. Maybe he should ask Saeran if they could get some food afterwards. He was getting kind of hungry.

They continued walking in silence for a little while and Yoosung’s ears were ringing in the quiet night. It was dark and peaceful, but he still felt excitement racing through his veins. It wasn’t too long before he started picking up the noise of a small crowd getting closer, and figured they must almost be at whichever club Saeran was taking him to. That was a shorter walk than he’d expected. Or maybe he’d just zoned out? Who knew?

“Can you dance?” Yoosung asked. He couldn’t really imagine Saeran dancing, but he figured he must be able to if he’d been in musicals at school.

“Uh… depends what you classify as ‘dancing’,” Saeran replied doubtfully, and Yoosung giggled, “Can you?”

“Ugh, no,” Yoosung shook his head, “But… I’ll dance with you if you want.”

As it turned out, there wasn’t much room for dancing once they got inside, what with all the people bouncing around and falling over. In addition to that Yoosung wasn’t particularly in the mood for anything other than kissing Saeran in the corner of the room. It was exciting and daring and Yoosung could feel adrenaline rushing through him as he stood there with his hands knotted in Saeran’s hair and their tongues in each other’s mouths. He never would have expected he’d be comfortable with such public displays of affection, but he _really_ didn’t want to stop. They barely even noticed when people bumped into them, too engrossed in each other while music too loud for Yoosung to distinguish played in the background.

It was exhilarating.

They only pulled apart when someone fell into them so hard they barely managed to stay upright. Yoosung quickly let go of Saeran, and they both attempted to catch the girl who had collided with them.

“Are you okay?” Yoosung yelled as loudly as he could, leaning closer so she could hear him. She nodded, grinning widely, and leaned in to yell into Yoosung’s ear.

“I’m so happy for you two!” She smelt strongly of tequila.

Yoosung pulled back and mouthed a sheepish ‘thanks’ just before the girl threw her arms around them both.

“I love you guys!”

Yoosung glanced at Saeran out the corner of his eye, and saw he had raised his eyebrows in surprise, and was swaying slightly under the weight of this girl. Eventually, a group of girls came and apologetically dragged her away and she was quickly lost in the crowd. Saeran placed his hand on Yoosung’s waist and leaned in to yell in his ear over the music.

“Do you want to get going?”

Yoosung thought for a while. As exciting as this was, it was pretty repetitive, so he nodded at Saeran who grabbed hold of his hand and led him through the crowd to get to the exit.

They stumbled outside, and Yoosung missed the step down to the pavement, only just managing to avoid falling flat on his face because of Saeran’s quick reflexes.

“My hero!” Yoosung placed the back of his hand against his forehead and pretended to swoon. Saeran grinned at him and pulled him upright.

“Stop being such a dork.” He took hold of his hand again and led them to a taxi on the other side of the road. Yoosung was immediately struck with how miraculously convenient it was that there was a taxi _right there._

“Wow! What a coincidence there’s a taxi here!”

“There are always taxis nears clubs,” Saeran grinned, poking his cheek.

They climbed into the backseat and Saeran leaned forwards to give the driver the address. When he sat back, Yoosung snuggled against his shoulder contently. It was so quiet in here compared to the club, and Yoosung’s ears were ringing more than they had been before, and he felt the excitement and energy gradually seeping from him as he clung to Saeran. Now he just felt sleepy.

“Am I staying at yours?” Yoosung mumbled.

“If you want to? Or you could go back home.”

“No! I want to stay with yoou!” Yoosung sang. Saeran slid his arms around Yoosung and pulled him closer, nuzzling his face into his hair.

“Good.”

The ride was quick, and Saeran reached for his wallet to pay, but Yoosung grabbed his arm.

“ _No_. You’ve paid for everything tonight. _I’m_ paying for this.”

Saeran raised his eyebrows at him in mild amusement and shrugged as Yoosung pulled out his money and handed it to the driver. He made sure to say thank you for being such an _absolutely incredible_ driver as they got out, and they began heading down the street until they reached Saeran’s door.

It took Saeran a moment of fumbling through his jacket pockets before he finally found his key and unlocked the door, and Yoosung breathed out a sigh as he stepped into the increasingly familiar hallway.

“Do you want anything to drink? Or eat?” Saeran asked, swaying a little where he stood as Yoosung shut the door behind him. Yoosung thought for a moment, pressing his finger against his chin.

“String cheese.”

“What?”

“String cheese. Cheese string. Do you have any?”

“I… uh, I think I have normal cheese…”

“No, no, no.” Yoosung shook his head in disappointment, “ _String_ cheese. It’s important.”

“Why is it important?” Saeran frowned.

“Because it’s _string cheese!_ ” Yoosung exclaimed as though that explained everything. Saeran’s expression remained confused. “It’s _cheese_ which you can peel into _strings._ ”

“I… don’t have any of that.” Saeran told him.

“ _Why?_ ”

“Because… I don’t?” Saeran was starting to grin.

“But I want ching strees.”

“You mean string cheese?”

“That’s what I said!”

“Whatever, just come take a look in the fridge.”

Yoosung folded his arms grumpily. “I bet you don’t even peel it,” he mumbled under his breath as he followed Saeran to the kitchen.

“Huh?”

“Bet you just bite straight into it like a _barbarian_.”

“It tastes better that way.”

“ _What?!_ ” Yoosung could barely believe his ears, “I was _joking_!”

“It’s just food,” Saeran shrugged as they reached the kitchen and he pulled open the fridge door.

“It’s food which is called _string_ cheese, not _chomp_ cheese!” Yoosung was yelling now.

“Look, I have some regular cheese. Chomp on that.” Saeran pulled out a block of cheddar and handed it to Yoosung.

“You’re disgusting,” Yoosung mumbled, biting straight into the cheese.

“Says the guy eating a block of cheese.”

“At least I’m not some kind of _animal_ who _bites_ into _string cheese_.”

“Is this our first fight?” Saeran snorted.

“It’ll be our _last_ damn fight if you’re not careful, mister,” Yoosung warned him, waving the block of cheese in his face.

Saeran held his hands up in surrender, but couldn’t hold back his laughter.

“I want to sleep,” Yoosung said sulkily, and Saeran cocked his head to the side.

“Had enough cheese?” he asked in amusement. Yoosung nodded and held it up for him to take back.

They headed up to Saeran’s room, and Yoosung quickly remembered he wasn’t at all prepared to spend the night here.

“I don’t have any pyjamas!” he complained.

“You can borrow a t-shirt if you want?”

Yoosung nodded, and Saeran dug through his wardrobe for a few moments before throwing a black t-shirt at him. Yoosung pulled his own t-shirt over his head and replaced it with the black one. It was just about the right size for him, and Yoosung sighed happily as he brought it to his nose and sniffed it. It smelled like Saeran. After wiggling out of his jeans, he climbed under the bedsheets and lay down on his side. It wasn’t long before Saeran eventually turned out the lights and crawled next to him.

“How do you usually sleep?” Saeran asked, his voice soft. Yoosung couldn’t see Saeran in the darkness, but he was hyperaware of his presence.

“On my back,” Yoosung told him.

“Perfect,” Saeran whispered, nudging Yoosung a little so he was pushed onto his back. Then he rest his head on Yoosung’s chest, snuggling into him. “I sleep on my side.”

Saeran threw his arm across his body and hooked his legs around Yoosung’s, and Yoosung raised his hand to gently comb through Saeran’s hair.

It was incredible being this close to him. For some odd reason, it was making him feel strangely emotional, and he had to fight back tears at the feeling of Saeran’s warm, soft body pressed against his own. He could hear his steady breathing, and smell the lingering scent of alcohol that, surprisingly, wasn’t entirely unpleasant. They would probably need to shower in the morning, but that didn’t matter right now. His hair was soft as Yoosung stroked through it gently with his fingers, and he could feel his heartbeat as his chest pressed against Yoosung’s side.

“Goodnight, Yoosung,” Saeran whispered, and Yoosung felt the hum of his voice vibrating through his body.

“Goodnight, Saeran,” he whispered into the comforting darkness as he closed his heavy eyelids. There was a short silence, before Saeran started saying something softly.

“…huh?” Yoosung made a confused noise, leaning his head towards Saeran a little.

“…shining, shimmering splendid.” _Oh._ Saeran was _singing_. “Tell me, princess, now when did you last let your heart decide?”

“Oh my God,” Yoosung whispered.

“I know what I said earlier, but… you don’t have to sing with me if you don’t want to,” Saeran mumbled into his chest, and Yoosung giggled. He was so cute. Yoosung could barely believe he was real.

“Skip to the chorus,” Yoosung requested softly. Saeran buried his face into the t-shirt Yoosung was wearing.

“Now I’m embarrassed.”

“You have a good voice,” Yoosung told him honestly. It had only been quiet, but he could hear that it had a soft, easy sound to it.

“Maybe tomorrow I’ll sing more,” Saeran vaguely promised.

“Okay.”

Yoosung had already known, but this moment reaffirmed it…

Saeran was everything Yoosung had ever wanted.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> special mention to Lee and Six for getting into an argument about string cheese after I said Saeran was a barbarian for biting instead of peeling (I never meant to start a fight, I just didn't think anyone actually bit into string cheese like some _goddamn animal_ )


	13. Something New

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I HAVE BEEN SO!! BUSY!! THIS WEEK!!!!!  
> I'm so sorry for leaving this so long without an update omg I'm hoping to get back into the swing of it soon. another long chapter to hopefully make up for it ;;

Yoosung’s senses were both subdued and heightened at the same time. His brain was ringing, but muffled. He could feel a weight on his chest, but he couldn’t quite connect it to reality. His body was aching, but it was a dull kind of ache that could be mistaken for a dream.

It was an odd feeling.

Gradually, his senses started sharpening, and he became aware that the weight on his chest was warm and was moving a little.

_Saeran._

Yoosung forced his eyes open. The room was dark, but fortunately there was enough light filtering through from behind the curtains for him to be able to see. He looked down, and felt his breath hitch in his throat when he saw a head of white hair resting on his chest, and Saeran’s hand clenched into a loose fist next to it. He was moving up and down gently along with Yoosung’s chest rising and falling, and Yoosung desperately wished he could see his face right now. His hair looked… different. It was a little wavier than usual, which he found weirdly cute.

Yoosung swallowed, and only then did he realise just how dry his throat was. How much had he had to drink last night? He couldn’t quite remember, but he didn’t feel as awful as he’d expected. His head throbbed with a mild ache, but it was nothing he couldn’t handle. In all honesty, the worst part was his throat, but he couldn’t move to get a glass of water while Saeran was still sleeping. He didn’t want to wake him up.

As he was considering what he should do, Saeran let out a small, tired noise and shifted his weight so his face was buried in Yoosung’s t-shirt. Wait… this wasn’t his t-shirt. He vaguely remembered borrowing one from Saeran. Every new memory was making his stomach twist with a weird kind of happiness, but he tried to stop it in case it started to make him feel nauseous. Saeran’s hot breath was soaking through the t-shirt, and his fist tightened a little. He let out a groan.

He was waking up.

Yoosung raised his hand up to Saeran’s head, resting it there gently and tangling his fingers loosely in his hair. Saeran let out another groan that sounded like it was supposed to be some kind of complaint, and Yoosung couldn’t help smiling.

“Hey,” he said softly. Saeran shifted again, turning over so he could rest the other side of his face on Yoosung’s chest and look up at him.

“Hi,” Saeran replied, his voice croaking. Yoosung was startled for a moment when he saw his gold eyes, but figured he must have taken out his contacts last night when he hadn’t been paying attention. “What time is it?”

“I’m not sure.” Yoosung’s phone was in his jacket pocket, and he couldn’t remember where he’d left it last night. He didn’t want to get up and find it. Saeran didn’t seem to want him to either.

Yoosung blinked a few times to focus his vision on Saeran. He looked really cute. His eyes blinked groggily, not quite fully open yet, and his hair was messed up. It didn’t look as though he’d taken off his eyeliner last night, because it had evolved into nothing more than a grey smudge around his eyes. His mouth was pressed shut, and he was breathing heavily through his nose as he nuzzled the side of his face against Yoosung’s chest.

“How are you feeling?” Yoosung asked. Saeran closed his eyes and seemed to think about it for a moment.

“Not as bad as I thought,” he said. His voice was unbelievably hoarse, and Yoosung wondered whether he was on the verge of losing it completely. “Mostly tired. And gross.”

“Gross?”

“Need a shower,” he mumbled, turning his head to bury his full face into Yoosung’s chest.

“Now?”

“Don’t want to move,” his voice broke a little at the end.

“I think you’re losing your voice,” Yoosung said, breathing out a laugh.

“Always do,” Saeran croaked, “’Specially with the smoking. Remind me to stop that.”

“I already told you I didn’t like it.” Yoosung reminded him.

“Mmhm, forgot.”

“Idiot,” Yoosung whispered fondly, stroking his hair.

At that, Saeran reluctantly lifted his head, propping himself up on his elbows to look at Yoosung properly. Yoosung let out a giggle at how messy his hair was.

“What’s so funny?” Saeran narrowed his eyes.

“Your hair. It’s… cute.”

Saeran’s hand immediately found its way up to his hair and he unsuccessfully attempted to flatten it down. “Shit. Don’t laugh.”

“It’s kinda wavy. I like it,” Yoosung told him honestly. He’d only really seen Saeran with his hair straight, or a little wavy. This was different. Almost like it was actually _curly._

“Well, your hair’s pretty bad too,” Saeran said huskily, reaching up to Yoosung’s head and prodding at his hair which was no doubt messier than usual.

“My hair’s always a mess,” Yoosung shrugged, pushing himself up into a sitting position. “Can I get some water?”

Saeran grinned lazily and nodded towards the bedside table where two unopened bottles were sitting, along with some aspirin.

“Always prepared,” Saeran told him, and Yoosung made a noise of appreciation as he reached out to grab the bottles and handed one to Saeran, just in case he wanted some too.

The water felt as though it was pretty much saving his entire life as it slid down his throat. He washed it around in his mouth a little too, attempting to get rid of some of the weird taste.

“Can I take a shower?” Yoosung asked.

“Mmhm,” Saeran nodded as he lay back down on the bed, resting his head on the pillow. His voice was a little less croaky after the water. “Hope you don’t mind if I don’t join you.”

“Probably best if you don’t,” Yoosung told him honestly. He wanted to _properly_ wash himself this time. Yoosung swung his legs over the side of the bed, and felt heat rush to his face when he realised he was only wearing a t-shirt and boxers.

“You can borrow some clothes if you want,” Saeran attempted to raise his voice, but it was still cracking. Yoosung turned and Saeran raised an arm to point as his wardrobe, “Just pick out anything. It’ll be fine.”

Yoosung pushed himself to his feet, swaying a little before he managed to gain his balance. He headed over to the wardrobe and pulled it open, nearly snorting when he saw that it was almost entirely black. He pulled out a plain t-shirt, pretty much identical to the one he was already wearing, and glanced over at his jeans which were heaped on the floor where he’d dumped them last night.

“Don’t.”

Yoosung looked over his shoulder in confusion, and felt his cheeks heat up when he saw how Saeran was propped up on his elbow, watching him.

“What?”

“You don’t need any trousers,” he said with a smirk, “I like the view I have right now.” His eyes trailed pointedly down Yoosung’s body. Yoosung bit his lip and turned his head back, facing away from Saeran to hide his blush.

“Pervert,” he mumbled under his breath, and from the way Saeran let out a laugh behind him he figured he’d heard. “Can I borrow underwear, too?”

“You can borrow whatever you need, cutie.”

“Stop flirting with me,” Yoosung huffed, trying to sound annoyed but probably just sounding flustered instead.

“Never.”

Yoosung took a pair of boxers, barely even looking at them as he held them up for Saeran to see. “These ones okay?”

“Yeah. There’re towels in the bathroom, and there should be a spare toothbrush in the cabinet,” Saeran told him, his voice sounding muffled. Yoosung suspected he had buried his face into the pillow, and when he turned to look he saw that his theory was confirmed.

“Thanks,” Yoosung hurried out the room, wanting to get back to Saeran as quickly as possible.

The shower wasn’t too complicated to figure out, although he couldn’t quite get it to the right temperature and ended up standing under a stream of water which was slightly too hot. Not uncomfortable… just a little on the warm side. He decided to wash his hair too, figuring it might help to make him feel less gross. He hoped Saeran didn’t mind him borrowing his shampoo.

He stepped out the shower and wrapped one of Saeran’s towels around himself, breathing a sigh of relief at finally feeling clean. He dried himself off and pulled on the clean clothes, twirling his hair up in the towel to make it sit on the top of his head like a hat. It always amused him when it was like this. Everyone called it cute, and he half-considered walking out for Saeran to see him like this. Maybe another time.

He opened the cabinet and found an unused toothbrush, setting to brush his teeth and rid himself of the weird taste in his mouth as best as he could. Once he was done, he took off the towel hat, ruffling his hair to try and dry it as much as he could be bothered. His hair usually dried pretty quickly anyway, so he figured it wouldn’t be too outrageous if he went back into the bedroom and lay down again. He took one last look in the mirror. He didn’t look too bad. Tired, admittedly, but not awful. Saeran’s t-shirt was the exact right size for him, but his boxers were a little on the tight side. He guessed that maybe Saeran liked them tighter than normal because of the skinny jeans he usually wore.

He headed back to the bedroom, and was surprised to find Saeran standing up and rummaging through his wardrobe.

“Oh, hey, I-” Saeran’s sentence cut off midway and his mouth fell open a little as his eyes found Yoosung.

“What?” Yoosung asked worriedly, looking down at himself in confusion, and then back up at Saeran. Saeran blinked, and his gold eyes darted down Yoosung’s body quickly before he shook his head.

“Nothing, you just… you look good,” he mumbled, and Yoosung could’ve sworn he saw his face getting a little pink. “Anyway, I was going to take a shower. I won’t be long.”

Yoosung nodded, walking over to the bed and flopping back down on it face first so he could lie on his stomach. He was surprised to hear Saeran groaning behind him.

“What?” he asked into the pillow.

“You’re doing this on purpose.”

“Doing what?” Yoosung asked, genuinely confused. He lifted his head so he could look at Saeran over his shoulder.

“This,” Saeran gestured up and down Yoosung’s body, eyes lingering on his ass which was covered with nothing more than a pair of slightly-too-tight boxers. _Oh_.

“I’m not doing anything,” he said, arching his back slightly so his ass stuck out more.

“You’re _provoking_ me,” Saeran whined, but his voice cracked at the end which made Yoosung giggle.

“Just go take a shower,” Yoosung rolled his eyes, burying his face back into the pillow, his ‘provoking’ position no longer completely unintentional. Saeran sighed in frustration, and Yoosung stifled a giggle as he heard him leave the room. As much as he loved the intense, emotional moments between them, he also loved the stupid ones too.

Yoosung lifted his head from the pillow, and twisted a little awkwardly in an attempt to get a look at his ass. Why _was_ Saeran so obsessed with it? Not that he minded. In fact, he actually liked it, he just wasn’t entirely sure he _got_ it.

He was sure as hell going to use it, though.

He plopped his head back down on the pillow and didn’t shift his position as he listened to the shower running in the bathroom. He wondered if Saeran usually sang in the shower… was that weird to think about? He’d sung to Yoosung last night, he remembered. As far as he could recall his voice had been… soft. And calming. But that could just have been because he had been quiet. Regardless, Yoosung wanted to hear more.

The water shut off, and Yoosung closed his eyes, thinking that maybe he should move so he was under the sheets. Or did he want to keep… _provoking_?

He decided to stay put.

The door creaked quietly as Saeran opened it, and Yoosung didn’t bother moving, waiting to see what he would do.

“Are you asleep?” Saeran asked, his voice soft and still crackly. Yoosung made a noise into the pillow to signal ‘no’, but didn’t move his position. He heard Saeran laugh under his breath, and felt his weight dent the bed behind him. Yoosung’s breath hitched in his throat. “Are you doing this on purpose?”

He turned his head to the side a little so he could speak properly. “Doing what?”

“This,” Saeran specified, gently placing his hands on the backs of his bare thighs. Yoosung shivered under the touch.

“Maybe.”

There was a pause, and Yoosung wondered whether he was supposed to elaborate, but suddenly he was letting out a yelp as he felt Saeran’s chin resting on his ass. Saeran laughed at his reaction.

“You can dish it out, but you sure can’t take it,” he teased, and Yoosung could feel his chin moving against him, only the fabric of the boxers between them. He could already feel himself getting hard, and that was just from Saeran’s _chin_. He gulped, and dared to arch himself a little more.

It worked. Saeran’s immediate response was to slide his hands up a fraction, so they were just below where the boxers began.

“What do you want?” he breathed hoarsely, and Yoosung shivered at the sound.

“Whatever you want,” Yoosung replied. Saeran’s hands slid up a little more, so they were now resting on his ass.

“I… if you want me to stop just tell me,” Saeran said, his voice thick in a way that almost made Yoosung whimper.

“Okay,” he breathed, and he felt Saeran’s fingers gently crawl upwards to hook around the elastic waistband of the boxers. Yoosung shivered as he slowly dragged them down, and tried unsuccessfully not to blush as he realised how hard he was already. Saeran inhaled sharply as he dragged the boxers to his knees, and eventually he was entirely exposed. Yoosung buried his face into the pillow to supress his whimpers.

What now? Was Saeran going to get the lube from the drawer? It didn’t feel like it as his hands made their way back up to squeeze his ass, and his lips pressed against the back of his thigh, dragging the skin between his teeth and nipping at it gently. Yoosung shuddered and moaned quietly into the pillow. He never would have expected he would like this so much.

He felt Saeran pull away. “Tell me if you want me to stop,” he repeated, and Yoosung nodded, letting out a noise of agreement. He was already falling apart under Saeran’s touch as his fingers gripped hold of his ass firmly, pulling it upwards and forcing Yoosung to support himself with his knees. He felt more exposed than he ever had in his entire life.

And he loved it.

He waited for a second until he felt it. Saeran’s tongue darted against his entrance, licking it quickly before pulling back, and Yoosung let out a loud whimper in response.

“Is this okay?”

Yoosung didn’t respond verbally, and just arched even more to push closer to Saeran. He felt Saeran’s hot breath as he let out a husky laugh.

“Good.”

Saeran lifted a little, and Yoosung felt something wet fall just above the hole, and realised it was Saeran’s spit. It dribbled down, and honestly, felt a little strange, but then Saeran’s tongue pressed against it to spread it. As though out of reflex, Yoosung raised his head, throwing it back and letting out a loud moan as Saeran started swirling his tongue in a circular motion. His noises were broken and desperate, and his entire body was flushed with a combination of embarrassment and arousal. Every tiny movement Saeran made, both with his tongue and with his hands, shot through Yoosung’s body and escaped him in the form of a moan. He felt Saeran’s hands grip his asscheeks tighter and push them apart a little to allow him easier access. Yoosung felt tremors running through his body as Saeran breathed hotly on him, and it was as though the wetness was making it all the more sensitive. Yoosung whined, and a string of incoherent words fell from his mouth. Even _he_ wasn’t sure what he was trying to say. His brain was fuzzy, and Saeran kept pulling back to spit a little more, and then leaning in again and pressing the flat of his tongue against it to spread it around.

It wasn’t long until he decided to go a little further, and he started licking in smaller motions, narrowing his tongue and teasing at Yoosung’s entrance. Yoosung trembled and his breaths came out in short, panting moans.

After a little while, Saeran slowed down, and Yoosung half-collapsed so his face was back in the pillow. Saeran pulled back.

“Roll over.”

Yoosung wasn’t really in much of a state to protest. He was already a stammering, moaning mess, so he obeyed and rolled over to his back. Saeran gripped hold of his hips and leaned in to kiss his thigh softly, and Yoosung whimpered in response, clutching at the bedsheets. When he looked down at Saeran, he let out an embarrassing noise. Saeran’s golden eyes were staring right up at him as he gently kissed at Yoosung’s skin. His hair was still slightly wet from the shower, and the way it dripped over his face, along with the look in his eyes, was almost too much for Yoosung to handle. Not to mention he wasn’t wearing a shirt. Only boxers.

“What do you want?” Saeran mumbled against his skin.

“I… I w-want…” he trailed off, crying out when Saeran bit the skin of his thigh. It wasn’t particularly hard, but it was enough.

“What do you want?” he repeated, a little louder this time. The huskiness in his voice made everything feel more sensual and erotic, and Yoosung had to look away. “Hey, look at me.”

“I c-can’t.”

“Look at me,” Saeran ordered, his voice firmer this time as he dug his nails into Yoosung’s hips. Yoosung swallowed and looked back down, just in time to see Saeran moving one of his hands from his hips to grasp hold of his dick. Yoosung bit his bottom lip but didn’t break eye contact as Saeran slowly kissed up his thigh.

When he finally placed a kiss on the tip of Yoosung’s cock, he bucked his hips and threw his head back automatically. This made Saeran pull away.

“I told you to look at me.”

“S-Saeran,” Yoosung whimpered, “I-I can’t.”

“Look. At. Me.” Yoosung inhaled sharply at the commanding tone, and slowly dragged his vision back down to look at him as his face hovered over his dick. He smiled appreciatively. “Good boy.”

Yoosung whimpered again at this. “W-why do I have to look at y-you?”

“I want to see your pretty face,” Saeran told him with a smirk. “You look away, I stop.”

“Saeran… please…”

“My rules.”

Yoosung threw his head back one more time, partly in frustration and partly because _damn_ he loved this. He loved being ordered around and told what to do, and denied things when he disobeyed. After a few seconds of heavy breathing and attempting to compose himself, he looked back down at him.

“Okay,” he whispered, and Saeran slowly leaned in and kissed the tip again. Yoosung bit his lip and gripped hold of the sheets, making sure he kept staring into Saeran’s eyes. This was intense, and he was loving every second of it.

His eyes fluttered a little when Saeran started lowering his mouth down around him. Saeran’s hand let go of Yoosung’s hip, and Yoosung was surprised when he felt it nudging against his own hand. He loosened his hold of the bedsheets and Saeran laced his fingers through Yoosung’s. His other hand left his dick and moved to his thigh, digging his fingernails in as he took him entirely in his hot, wet mouth.

It was taking every ounce of Yoosung’s practically non-existent concentration for him to maintain eye contact with Saeran right now as he started moving his lips up and down. He was already getting close, and he didn’t want Saeran to pull away when he was just about to finish.

His breaths were getting heavier, his moans louder, and he was certain that he was probably crushing Saeran’s hand in his grip.

“S-Saeran, I c-can’t look…” he stammered, his body starting to convulse a little. Saeran acknowledged by squeezing his hand and making a mumbled noise around his dick. Yoosung took this to mean that he could look away, and he immediately threw his head back, overjoyed when Saeran didn’t stop. He let out three more panted breaths before he finally released into Saeran’s mouth with a loud cry. Saeran hummed a little as he did so, and Yoosung’s cries and moans became even louder at the vibrations, his free hand flying up to grip hold of the headboard as he arched his back with his orgasm.

He felt Saeran pull away and loosen his grip on his hand to let go, and then his weight left the bed entirely. Yoosung looked up, his vision blurry and his brain dazed.

“Where are you going?”

Saeran pointed to his mouth, “To brush my teeth again.”

Yoosung blinked in surprise as he watched Saeran wipe his mouth with the back of his hand. “You swallowed?”

“’Course I did,” he said with a lopsided grin.

For some reason this made Yoosung’s face heat up, and Saeran turned to leave the room.

He pressed his hand against his face and breathed out heavily. He had been feeling mildly tired before, but now he felt as though he could sleep for days.

But… he also wanted to give something back.

By the time Saeran was back, Yoosung had pulled his boxers up and was sitting up on the bed with his legs crossed. Saeran smirked as he sat down next to him. Yoosung was a little upset that he was now wearing a t-shirt, but he figured he could deal with that.

“So, how was it?” he asked with a grin. Yoosung responded by grabbing a fistful of the unwelcome t-shirt and crashing their lips together. He felt excitement start to course through his veins once again as Saeran let out a small yelp of surprise. Yoosung wasted no time pushing him so he was lying down, straddling him while desperately pressing his tongue into his mouth.

Saeran gripped hold of his shoulders and pushed him back a little so their lips broke apart, and Yoosung looked down at him in confusion.

“You don’t have to do this if you don’t want to,” Saeran told him, and Yoosung just smirked.

“Don’t worry. I want to.” He wasn’t certain where this sudden confidence had come from, but he decided to roll with it, pressing his lips against Saeran’s neck suddenly, nipping and sucking at it. Saeran’s breath caught in his throat, and his hands grabbed Yoosung’s t-shirt. Yoosung raised his lips to Saeran’s ear. “Now it’s your turn.” He felt Saeran shiver as he pulled back. “Roll over.” Yoosung told him, his voice firmer than he’d expected. Saeran blinked up at him for a second before obediently shifting underneath Yoosung to lay on his stomach.

Yoosung shuffled back down the bed and took hold of Saeran’s hips, pulling his ass into the air so he was in the same position Yoosung had been in earlier. He hooked his fingers around the waistband of his boxers, and grinned when he felt Saeran shiver and heard him gasp. He pulled them down slowly, making sure to brush as much skin with his fingertips as he possibly could in the process.

Yoosung had never done this before, but he’d watched a lot of porn and… well, he knew what Saeran had just done, so he figured he couldn’t be too terrible. He grabbed hold of Saeran’s asscheeks, pulling them apart as he built up some saliva in his mouth and spit carefully. Once he’d done so, he quickly flicked his tongue against the hole, just as Saeran had done to him.

The reaction was _incredible._

Saeran whimpered and his body jerked back towards Yoosung, so Yoosung took it as an invitation to just… go for it. He pressed his tongue against Saeran, and was greeted with a loud moan falling from his mouth. It was a higher pitch than usual while still being hoarse due to him losing his voice. Saeran seemed to _really_ like this.

Yoosung continued exploring with his tongue, relishing every whimper and squeak and moan that fell from Saeran’s mouth. He was already being louder than Yoosung had ever heard him before.

“Y-Yoosung…” Saeran whined, and Yoosung felt his body flush at the way he said it. He hummed in response. “P-please.”

Yoosung pulled back a little. “Please what?”

“C-can you… uuh…” Saeran could barely string a sentence together. “Finger? Pl… pl… please?”

 _Oh_. Yoosung pulled back a little further. “Will it be okay without lube?”

Saeran was panting heavily, but he managed to respond. “S-spit.”

Yoosung spit once more and then put his index finger in his mouth to make sure it was wet enough. He prodded it against Saeran’s asshole, and Saeran whimpered again. He gently pressed against it and it slid inside, and Saeran let out a loud cry, clenching around Yoosung’s finger and throwing his head down into the pillow which muffled his moans. Yoosung straightened a little and leaned forwards so he could grab hold of Saeran’s hair and tug at it, forcing his head back. He _loved_ these noises, and he understood now why Saeran hated him supressing his own.

Saeran was a whining, whimpering mess as Yoosung started thrusting his finger in and out, curling it a little in the same way Saeran did when he was preparing him.

Suddenly, Yoosung remembered something.

He pulled his finger out, and Saeran whined in response, an incoherent protest spilling from his lips.

“Stop whining and lay on your back,” Yoosung told him, letting go of his hair. Saeran did so immediately, and as soon as he had, Yoosung slid his finger back into his ass again. Now he could see his face too, and it was the best thing Yoosung could recall ever having seen in his life. His eyes were squeezed shut and his hair fell messily across his forehead and his mouth hung open and was releasing an array of sounds Yoosung had never imagined Saeran making. As Yoosung started thrusting Saeran was writhing around on the bed, sweating and gripping the sheets.

Saeran wasn’t looking at Yoosung, so it took him entirely by surprise when Yoosung suddenly wrapped his mouth around his cock and immediately started moving his head up and down. He let out a high-pitched moan, and Yoosung curled his finger as he continued thrusting it into Saeran. The noises he was making were causing Yoosung’s crotch to stir again. He was a whimpering mess beneath him.

This was what he had remembered. In his videos, Saeran had seemed to like it when his partner fingered his ass at the same time as sucking him off. It was pretty obvious that this was _very_ true, but Yoosung hadn’t expected _this_ kind of reaction from him. It was amazing.

He used his free hand to grip hold of Saeran’s hip, trying to stop him from jerking into his mouth too much, because Yoosung didn’t want to gag. He was actually doing pretty well so far.

Suddenly, Saeran let out moan louder than any of the others he’d made, “Y-Yoosung, I-I’m gonna-” His sentence cut off with his body shuddering, and he cried out and threw his head back as Yoosung felt Saeran’s ass clench and a warm liquid release into his mouth. He continued bobbing his head up and down and thrusting his finger until Saeran’s moans faded into a hoarse whisper, and his arching body started relaxing. Yoosung pulled back, making sure to keep his mouth airtight so nothing dribbled out. He took his finger out of Saeran, and suddenly found himself grimacing at the taste of… well, what was in his mouth. He wasn’t sure what he’d been expecting. It tasted bitter and salty, but he closed his eyes and swallowed it anyway. It wasn’t _so_ bad.

When he opened his eyes, he looked back at Saeran who still had his own eyes closed. His chest was rising and falling at a fast pace, and his hair was sticking to his sweaty forehead as his mouth hung open. One of his hands was resting on his chest, and the other was still loosely gripping the bedsheets. Yoosung couldn’t help but smile, and he desperately wanted to just crawl right next to him and cuddle, but he knew he should probably brush his teeth again first.

“I’ll be right back,” he said, darting from the room and to the bathroom.

When he looked in the mirror he noticed there was a stray drop of white stuff crawling down to his chin from his lower lip, and the sight of it made Yoosung blush. He hastily wiped it away and started brushing his teeth as quickly as he could while still being thorough. When he rushed back into the bedroom Saeran still hadn’t moved, and Yoosung climbed to sit on the bed next to him again, trailing a finger along his thigh.

“I didn’t realise you could be so loud,” Yoosung teased, and Saeran turned his head to the side and threw his arm over his face.

“I’m so sorry.”

“No! I loved it,” Yoosung told him. Saeran didn’t respond, and Yoosung reached up and attempted to tug his arm from his face. “Hey, let me look at you.”

“No, I’m embarrassed,” Saeran said stubbornly, and Yoosung couldn’t help but laugh as he glanced down at Saeran’s still exposed dick.

“Well… your boxers are still halfway down your legs,” he pointed out, and Saeran quickly reached down to pull them up, sitting up and pulling his knees against his chest so he could bury his face in them. “Hey, you didn’t even do anything embarrassing.”

“I was so _loud_ ,” he mumbled.

“No worse than me,” Yoosung shrugged as he reached out for Saeran’s hand and tugged it away from his legs so he could lace their fingers together. “But, if it’s any consolation, I can’t wait to top now.”

Saeran finally looked up and glared at him. “That’s _no_ consolation, asshole.”

“Well… you seemed to like it…” Yoosung bit his lip, and Saeran buried his head back into his knees.

“I hate you,” he mumbled, and Yoosung let out a laugh. He opted to throw his arms around Saeran and hug him against his chest, which turned out to be a good idea because he immediately melted into it, lowering his knees and sliding his arms around Yoosung’s torso. “I lied,” he whispered, “I don’t hate you.”

“Good, I hope not,” Yoosung giggled, stroking his hair. Up this close, he could see a hint of his red roots peeking through the white.

“Do you think you’ll ever grow your hair out?” he asked. Saeran pulled back and blinked at him in confusion at the sudden change of subject.

“Uh… I guess at some point I probably will…?” he answered uncertainly, “Why?”

“I dunno,” Yoosung shrugged, “It would just be cool to see. Maybe I could grow mine out at the same time.”

Saeran gasped dramatically, and the gasp cracked in the middle. It was kind of funny how much he was losing his voice, and Yoosung didn’t doubt all the moaning hadn’t helped. “You mean you’re _not_ a natural blond?” He pressed the back of his hand against his forehead and fell backwards so he was lying on the bed. “How am I supposed to date you now?”

Yoosung giggled and crawled to lay next to Saeran, turning on his side so he could face him. Saeran did the same, their fingers still intertwined.

“What’s your natural colour?” Saeran asked, studying Yoosung’s hair closely to try and figure it out. Yoosung saved him the trouble.

“Dark brown.”

“Why did you go blond?”

Yoosung shrugged with one shoulder. “Dunno. I guess I thought it would get me a girlfriend.” He paused for a second. “Which it didn’t.”

“Hey, it got you me. Aren’t I a thousand times better?”

Yoosung snorted and rolled his eyes. “I guess.”

Saeran sighed and looked down, reaching out to trace light patterns across Yoosung’s chest with his finger. There was a moment of silence, but Yoosung could tell something was on Saeran’s mind. He thought about asking what it was, but then Saeran finally spoke.

“I’ve been considering it.”

Yoosung frowned. “Considering what?”

Saeran’s golden eyes held Yoosung’s gaze for a moment before they dropped back down to observe his finger dancing across his chest. “Firing my agent.”

Yoosung sucked in a sharp breath. The air surrounding them felt tense – as though this could potentially be a turning point in Saeran’s life depending how the conversation panned out.

“Really?”

Saeran nodded, and his hand flopped down to rest on the sheets. He let out a sigh. “You were right. If I’m not happy, what’s the point?”

“Do you… do you know what will happen after that?” Yoosung dared to ask, and Saeran sighed.

“I don’t know. Maybe I’ll take a break? I’m not sure. I don’t know if people do that,” he shook his head in frustration and let out a small laugh. “You know, for someone who’s _in_ the industry, I don’t actually know much about it.”

“Well… that’s okay,” Yoosung told him firmly, “In the long run it’ll be a good thing, even if it means you won’t get any work for a while. But,” Yoosung said suddenly, “I bet someone else will come and pick you up. You’re good at what you do.”

“I guess,” Saeran furrowed his eyebrows as he thought. It was pretty cute. “But I don’t have the typical look agents tend to go for.”

“What do you mean?”

“I’m… I mean, I’m a top. And that’s good. There are fewer of us in the industry, but… I’m not particularly tall or muscular or anything. That was why it was so unexpected I managed to get a job with Zen. He’s quite a bit taller than me, but I think his agent wanted to try out a new dynamic where he bottomed for someone more… I dunno, weedy.” Saeran shrugged. “Not many people think like that though. That’s why I’m often put with ‘twinks’, because they’re usually shorter than I am and look weaker. People like that more.”

“Hmm,” Yoosung tried to process this information, “I suppose I see what you mean. But, still, you’re pretty successful now, right? There’s bound to be someone who’s willing to take you on.”

“I guess,” Saeran finally looked back up at Yoosung, “Guess I’m just not… I dunno.”

“You think too low of yourself,” Yoosung told him, “You’re better than you think.”

Saeran gave him a small smile. “What would I do without you?”

“Dunno,” Yoosung shrugged, trying unsuccessfully not to grin, “I guess you wouldn’t moan as much.”

“Shut _up_ ,” Saeran complained, swatting at his chest with his hand, but Yoosung just giggled. “I was trying to be nice.”

Yoosung continued talking once he’d stopped giggling so much. “Oh, I was wondering. Do you… do you have neighbours?”

“Uh… yeah?”

“Like… neighbours who can _hear_ us?” Yoosung asked.

He wasn’t sure what he’d been expecting, but it definitely hadn’t been Saeran’s face entirely draining of colour and his body tensing up.

“Oh my God.”

“What?”

“I never… I never thought…” Saeran stumbled over his words. “I’ve never had… anyone round before… oh my _God_.”

“Do you know your neighbours?”

Saeran pressed his hand to his mouth, eyes flicking to the side. “I know them. They don’t know my job, though,” he paused for a moment, “Oh, God.”

Yoosung couldn’t help but burst out laughing at Saeran’s expression, and Saeran glared at him.

“This isn’t _funny_.” His voice cracked at the end, making it even funnier.

“Kind of is,” Yoosung snickered.

Saeran sighed in frustration, pulling his hand away from his mouth. “I guess… I guess we can hope they didn’t hear.”

“What are the chances of that?” Yoosung asked doubtfully, trying to supress his giggles.

“Well… this side of the house,” Saeran reached up and pointed at the wall at the head of the bed, “It’s just an old couple. Maybe their hearing isn’t… oh God, I don’t know.”

He pulled his hand away from Yoosung’s and rolled over onto his back, pressing the heels of his hands against his eyes in frustration. Yoosung bit his lip.

“Well, I don’t want to stop doing this,” he said, and Saeran pulled his hands away from his face just enough to shoot Yoosung a ‘look’.

“ _You’re_ not the one who has to live next to them.”

Yoosung shrugged, and pretended to be upset, letting his face fall as he looked down sadly. “I mean, we can stop if you want,” he mumbled.

“Wait, no.” Saeran hurriedly pulled his hands from his face and grabbed hold of Yoosung’s hands. “I don’t mind.”

Yoosung attempted to bite back a laugh, but it didn’t work, and he looked up at Saeran in time to see his face break out in a frown at the realisation that he was kidding.

“You asshole.”

Yoosung was still laughing as Saeran leaned in to kiss him, and he managed to calm down enough to respond to the kiss, squeezing Saeran’s hands.

“You love me,” Yoosung dared to say as he pulled back. Saeran raised his eyebrows doubtfully, but he was smiling, his golden eyes soft as they gazed at Yoosung.

“Yeah,” he said softly, “No idea why.”


	14. Natural Habitat

When Yoosung arrived home from Saeran’s in the early-evening, he decided to push his studying aside and play a round or two of LOLOL. He was still tired and a little groggy, and he felt as though he hadn’t played properly in a little while because he’d been so distracted with everything else that had been happening.

Four hours later he realised he may have played a few more than just one or two rounds, but ultimately he supposed it didn’t make much difference. It wasn’t like he had anything better to do. Except study.

But that wasn’t fun.

He was working on a specific quest his guild had been stuck on for a while, and they were getting closer and closer to completing it. This time was looking hopeful, because usually by now more than half of their team would have died, but only two out of six of them were dead and one would revive within the next five minutes. It was intense, and Yoosung was screaming into his microphone for everyone to _get behind those fucking rocks or you’ll die this happens every fucking time_.

That’s when it happened. Someone intercepted their raid. With independent players it was always difficult to tell whether they were there to help or mess things up, but this one seemed to be… helping? They were a pretty high level, probably around the same as Yoosung, so it was nice they had decided to help them out. In fact, their magic level seemed to be more advanced than any of them, so it was immensely useful when they kept sending maximum-damage spells to wipe out the enemies in threes.

That was until they suddenly turned around and killed every single one of Yoosung’s guild in one blast.

Yoosung screamed in anger, a string of curse words falling from his mouth. What kind of asshole even _did_ stuff like that!? He pulled off his headphones and threw them onto his desk, burying his face in his hands and clutching his hair in frustration as he continued mumbling under his breath.

Suddenly he felt the vibrations of his phone through his desk, and he sighed and tried to calm himself down before he picked it up. It was a number his phone didn’t recognise, but he flipped it open and answered it anyway.

“Hello?”

“Yoosung!” came a familiar voice Yoosung couldn’t quite place.

“Oh… uh…?”

“It’s me! Saeyoung.”

“ _Saeyoung_?” Yoosung sat up straight in shock, a thousand thoughts rushing through his head “How did you get my number?”

Saeyoung giggled, “Secret.”

“I’m serious! How the hell did you get it? Isn’t this like… an invasion of privacy or something?” Had Saeran given it to him? It’s not that he minded too much, it was just a surprise. And… a little weird to get a call out of the blue like this.

“Nope, it’s part of my job,” Saeyoung told him chirpily. “Anyway, I was just calling to apologise.”

“Apologise… for what?” Yoosung asked doubtfully, still thrown off by his confusion over how the hell he’d managed to get his number. On top of that, Saeyoung’s voice was too bouncy to be genuine right now, so Yoosung felt the need to be wary. Why would he need to apologise?

“For messing up your quest.”

It took Yoosung a moment to process what he’d said.

“That was _you?_ ” he all but yelled, “What the hell was that for?!”

“I wanted to get your attention,” Saeyoung sang, and Yoosung could feel himself getting angry again.

“What _for?_ ”

“Well, I said I wanted to hang out sometime, right?”

Yoosung paused, his mood rapidly transitioning from anger to disbelief. “You want to hang out with me?” he clarified, speaking slowly.

“Yeah!”

Yoosung paused for a moment, barely able to believe what he was hearing. “So… you decided it would be a good idea to hijack my quest, kill me and my guild, and then call me even though you’re not even supposed to have my number?”

“Yoosung-”

“I don’t know why, but I feel as though there may have been _better ways_ to try and talk to me,” he told him, voice dripping with sarcasm.

“Yoosung,” Saeyoung sang, “I can make it up to you, I swear.”

“Oh yeah? How?”

“Honey Buddha Chips.”

Yoosung left the words hanging in the air for a few seconds to make sure he’d heard them correctly. “What?”

“Honey Buddha Chips,” Saeyoung repeated, “I have boxes of them. You can have some if you come over.”

“You’re bribing me?” Yoosung asked, trying to sound annoyed, but it came off weakly. He was actually… oddly intrigued. Saeyoung seemed strange, but part of him actually _liked_ him, despite the fact he’d just destroyed his entire team and messed up half an hour of effort.

“That was my master plan all along,” Saeyoung told him, and Yoosung could hear the grin in his voice, “So, what do you say?”

Yoosung thought about it for a moment. “When?”

“Tomorrow? You finish class at 3:30 on Mondays, right?”

“How do you-”

“Great! I’ll see you then! I’ll text you my address, but it’s super top secret so you can’t tell anyone. Oh, also save my number under the name ‘707’ and not my actual name.”

“Wait, how do you know my class schedule?”

“It’s not that difficult to hack into,” Saeyoung told him nonchalantly.

Yoosung blinked in surprise, sitting up a little straighter. “You’re a hacker?”

“Beep. Beep. Beep. Access denied. You must reach level 7 friendship to unlock my tragic backstory.”

Yoosung couldn’t help but laugh in disbelief at Saeyoung. His attitude and manner of speaking was entirely different to Saeran, so much so that you might not even have guessed they were twins. Despite that… Yoosung felt as though he could get along with Saeyoung. He was easy to talk to, and Yoosung liked that. He felt as though he could fall into a nice rhythm with him.

“Fine. I’ll come over. To play LOLOL, right?” Yoosung asked, “As long as you don’t murder my friends again.”

“Actually, I happen to own the best game ever created of all time, and once I show it to you we probably won’t play anything else,” Saeyoung declared proudly.

“What game?”

“I doubt you’ve heard of it,” Saeyoung dismissed, “I’ll show it to you when you get here.”

“Right, okay,” Yoosung snorted doubtfully.

“Nice! I’ll see you tomorrow.”

“Uh… yeah, see you.”

They hung up and Yoosung pulled his phone away from his ear, staring at it in half-confusion, half-amusement. That phone call had all been absolutely bizarre. He supposed that Saeyoung was a bizarre guy in general, and Yoosung still wasn’t quite sure what to make of him. He thought for a moment before scrolling through his contacts and pressing Saeran’s number to call him. Saeran picked up surprisingly quickly.

“Yoosung?”

“Hey, yeah, it’s me,” Yoosung said. He felt a little awkward, because he didn’t want to come across as accusing.

“What’s up?” His voice was still a little hoarse.

“I was just wondering… did you give your brother my number?”

“What? No?” Saeran answered, sounding confused.

“Huh. Then how did he get it?”

“He has your number?” Saeran asked in surprise.

“Yeah, he just called me. I never gave it to him.”

“Oh for fuck’s sake,” Saeran mumbled under his breath, “It’s… he’s a hacker.”

“Oh! I thought so!” Yoosung was surprisingly happy that he’d guessed right. “He said he hacked into my schedule, too.”

“Your schedule? What did he even want?”

“He… he told me to come over tomorrow to, uh… play videogames,” Yoosung admitted sheepishly. There was a short pause.

“He’s such a fucking idiot.”

“And guess what he did!” Yoosung exclaimed, not pausing to give Saeran a chance to guess, “He killed all my teammates in LOLOL on purpose just to get my attention and then called me to _apologise_.”

“Like I said, fucking idiot,” Saeran repeated, and Yoosung snorted. “Are you going to go?”

“I… I guess? I sort of want to…” Yoosung said carefully. He didn’t want to go if it would upset Saeran. “But I can always text him and tell him I’m not going if you don’t want me to.”

“What? No! I don’t want you to not hang out with him just because of me,” Saeran told him quickly, “It’s… uh… it’s a little weird, I guess, but if you guys get along… that’s… probably a good thing?” He sounded as though he was trying to convince himself as much as he was trying to convince Yoosung.

“Are you sure?”

“Of course I am,” Saeran said, his voice softening a little, and Yoosung bit his lip and smiled as he did. “I want you to have a good time.”

“Thank you,” Yoosung answered as he tilted his head to the side a little, “Hey, Saeran?”

“Yeah?”

“Guess what?” Yoosung asked quietly.

“What?”

“No!” Yoosung complained, “You have to guess!”

Saeran let out a small laugh on the other end of the line. “I have no idea. Give me a clue?”

“Hmm…” Yoosung thought for a moment, “It’s to do with you.”

“Me?” Saeran sounded mildly surprised. “I… I don’t know…?”

“Think _really_ hard.” There was a short pause.

“Um… you, uh… miss me?” Saeran sounded a little flustered, and Yoosung giggled.

“Well, yeah. But more than that.” Yoosung leaned over to his desk to rest his chin in his hand, propping himself up on his elbow.

“You want to see me?”

“Isn’t that the same thing?” Yoosung pointed out, and bit his lip as he smiled and shook his head. “You’re bad at this game.”

“You haven’t really given me much to go on,” Saeran told him, and Yoosung could hear the smile in his voice. “Can’t you just tell me?”

“Hmm…” Yoosung pretended to consider it for a moment. “Okay, are you ready?”

“Ready.”

“I love you.”

He heard Saeran let out a low, breathy laugh. “You’re such a dork.”

“And…” Yoosung encouraged, and Saeran sighed in amusement.

“Fine. I love you too.”

“Good!” Yoosung felt his heart leap as Saeran said it. “Anyway, I’ll let you get back to… whatever you were doing?”

“I’m not doing much,” Saeran admitted sheepishly, “Mostly just… missing you.”

Yoosung felt heat flood to his face. “Now who’s being a dork?”

“But I should probably go anyway,” Saeran told him, “My voice is… uh…”

“Oh no, is it hurting?” Yoosung asked, frowning in concern.

“It’s not too bad. I just probably shouldn’t talk too much. It’ll be fine tomorrow.”

“I hope so,” Yoosung said softly. There was a short pause. Yoosung didn’t want to say goodbye, and it seemed like Saeran didn’t either. “When can I next see you?”

“I… I’m not sure. Um… I was going to… uh…” he trailed off, “I’ll let you know?”

“You were going to…?”

“No, it’s fine. Don’t worry about it. I’ll tell you… tomorrow.”

“Oh, uh, okay then,” Yoosung said awkwardly.

“Hey, don’t worry.” There was a short pause, and Yoosung was about to say something until he heard Saeran speak softly. “I love you.”

“I love you too,” Yoosung told him, smiling, “I’ll talk to you tomorrow?”

“Yeah, definitely. Bye, Yoosung.”

“Bye, Saeran.”

They hung up and Yoosung flipped his phone shut and frowned. What had all that been about towards the end? He probably should have pressed Saeran on it, but it hadn’t seemed like he had wanted to elaborate just yet. He shook his head.

He was sure everything would be fine.

 

* * *

 

Yoosung hitched his backpack up to fix it after it had slid down his shoulder as he walked from the bus stop to Saeyoung’s house. He came to a stop outside what seemed to be a large, metal door, and blinked in confusion. He pulled out his phone to double check the text Saeyoung had sent him. This was the right address, wasn’t it?

Before he had time to check, a loud, female, robotic voice spoke to him, almost making him jump out of his skin.

_“Please look directly into the iris scanner and say ‘the spaghetti is cooking’ in Arabic.”_

“What…?” Yoosung blinked in confusion. “I don’t… what?”

_“Please look directly into the iris scanner and say ‘the spaghetti is cooking’ in Arabic.”_

“Yes, okay, I heard you,” Yoosung mumbled. Was this some stupid joke? He fumbled with his phone and clicked on Saeyoung’s contact, pressing the call button.

_“Please look directly-”_

“Yes! I know!” Yoosung yelled, and to his surprise, the door stopped talking. The door was silent for a moment as the phone rang against his ear, and he could only pray Saeyoung picked up before…

_“Please look directly into the-”_

“Shut up! I can’t speak Arabic!” There was another pause and Yoosung tapped his foot irritably.

_“Do they not teach it in schools these days?”_

Yoosung looked up at the door in shock and almost dropped his phone just as Saeyoung picked up.

“Nyello?”

“Oh… uh, Saeyoung. I’m just outside, and…” Yoosung squinted at the door. “Your door is talking to me.”

“Isn’t she charming?”

“No, she’s… I mean, _it’s_ asking me to speak in Arabic to get in.”

“Ohoo, you’d better do what she says,” Saeyoung told him, and Yoosung scowled.

_“Please look direct-”_

“Shut up!” he yelled at the door before lowering his voice to speak to Saeyoung, “I can’t speak Arabic.”

“You can always try and guess the forty-two digit override code if that’s easier,” Saeyoung suggested.

“Let. Me. _In_.”

“Okay, okay, fine. But first!” Saeyoung yelled suddenly, “Wave at the camera!”

“Camera…?” Yoosung glanced around and, sure enough, in the top right corner of the door there was a security camera pointed directly at him. He didn’t wave, he just glared.

“Hey! Don’t give me that face,” Saeyoung laughed, “Okay, fine, I’ll let you in.”

Sure enough, there was a clicking sound.

_“Door unlocked.”_

Yoosung pressed his hand against it and pushed it so is swung open.

“Yoosung!” Saeyoung greeted him, rushing over to the door and pulling it the rest of the way open for him. “Welcome to my humble abode.”

“What the hell is up with your door?” Yoosung asked grumpily.

“Gotta be safe,” Saeyoung flashed him a grin. Yoosung looked around. Saeyoung had a pretty nice house. Or at least, it _would_ be nice if it didn’t have so many empty PhD Pepper cans and junk food wrappers lying around. Yoosung wasn’t exactly one to talk about being tidy, but he could at least say his room was better than this.

“I haven’t even known you that long and I already feel like you’re trying to ruin my life,” he said to Saeyoung, only half-joking.

“Hey! I’m just having fun!” Saeyoung told him, pouting dramatically. “ _And_ I’m even letting you play the best game ever with me.”

“What is it?”

“Go sit over there, I’ll get it set up,” he said, gesturing vaguely to the sofa as he rushed off to another room that looked like it might be the kitchen.

“Uh… okay,” Yoosung told the air as he headed over to the sofa, dumping his bag on the floor and sitting down.

Saeyoung was odd, to say the least. But he couldn’t be _dangerous_. He was Saeran’s twin, after all, and Saeran would have told him if he was a bad person. His personality was a little overwhelming, but Yoosung sensed there was something more to him than met the eye. Something behind those stupid glasses and bright red hair and goofy grin.

Well, he could tell he was going to have fun, anyway.

He was curious what this ‘best game ever’ was. Apparently it was one he probably hadn’t heard of it, and he desperately wanted to know what it could be.

It wasn’t too long before Saeyoung came back into the room, handing a bag to Yoosung.

“What…?” Yoosung looked at it, and couldn’t contain his excitement. “Honey Buddha Chips?!”

“As promised,” Saeyoung grinned, putting his own bag on the coffee table in front of them before heading over to the TV.

“So, what’s the game?” Yoosung asked, eagerly ripping the bag open and pulling one out to shove in his mouth. Saeyoung shot him a grin over his shoulder and held up the box for Yoosung to see. Yoosung blinked as he looked at it.

“Mario Kart,” he stated.

“Yep! Best game ever!”

“Are you kidding?” Yoosung couldn’t help but snort out a laugh, “Saeran was right, you’re an idiot.”

Saeyoung shrugged, still grinning as he turned around to put the game in. “Actually, I’m pretty much a genius.”

“Whatever,” Yoosung rolled his eyes. He didn’t doubt that, to be honest. Saeyoung must be pretty smart if he was a hacker. Saeyoung came back to the sofa and flopped down beside Yoosung, handing him a controller before reaching out and grabbing his Honey Buddha Chips.

“So, how was school, cutie?” Saeyoung asked, and Yoosung almost choked on air as the memory Saeran’s voice flashed through his head.

_Cum for me, cutie._

“Don’t call me that!” Yoosung squealed, and he felt his face burning up as the image of Saeran sweating and panting underneath him filled his brain. He tried desperately to push it away.

“Why? You _are_ a cutie.”

“I said don’t!” Yoosung pressed the palm of his hand against his face. “Please.”

“Why not?” Saeyoung asked teasingly.

“I… I…” he gulped and mumbled into his hand, “It’s what… it’s what Saeran sometimes calls me.” That should be enough, and he definitely didn’t need to specify _when_. He peered at Saeyoung out the corner of his eye and saw him staring at him thoughtfully, as though he _knew_ what was going on in Yoosung’s head. But there was no way…

“Yikes, okay, his territory. Got it,” Saeyoung said with a grin as he turned to face the screen. “Can I call you honey, instead? Or sweetcheeks?”

“Why don’t you just call me Yoosung?” he suggested, pulling his hand away from his face and focusing on the screen. He could barely believe that Saeyoung was flirtier than Saeran could be, even if it was obviously a joke.

“Okay, snugglemuffin.”

Yoosung groaned as Saeyoung clicked through the menu and got to the character selection screen.

“Wait!” Saeyoung blurted out, “Let me guess… Yoshi?”

“How the hell did you know that?” Yoosung asked, looking at him incredulously. Saeyoung shrugged.

“Lucky guess.”

Yoosung chose Yoshi and Saeyoung chose Waluigi.

“Really? Waluigi?” Yoosung raised an eyebrow.

“Hey, don’t be mean to him. Just make sure you don’t pick a course that’s NSFW.” Yoosung just blinked at him in confusion, and Saeyoung raised his eyebrows as though he were an idiot. “Not Safe For Waluigi,” he deadpanned. Yoosung had absolutely no doubt that Saeyoung had chosen Waluigi for the sole purpose of that stupid joke.

“I’m not an idiot, Saeyoung. I know what NSFW stands for.”

“Oh, I don’t doubt you do,” Saeyoung said, his voice dangerously casual. “How did you meet my brother, again?”

Yoosung felt the blood rush to his face and he looked away as quickly as he could. “Shut up,” he mumbled, and Saeyoung giggled.

Naturally, for their first race Saeyoung chose Rainbow Road, and Yoosung almost screamed at him in frustration. Once they got started, Yoosung actually wasn’t too terrible and managed to stay above fourth place for the entire race. Saeyoung was first place, and Yoosung tried desperately to catch up, but ended up just scraping second.

They played a few rounds while eating Honey Buddha Chips, and it got to the point where they were yelling at each other uncontrollably. Saeyoung kept purposefully falling _just_ behind Yoosung so he could send a red shell to him and take the lead once more.

They finished the fifth race, and Yoosung had consistently come second. Every. Single. Time. He was determined to beat Saeyoung at least once, but he had the feeling it wasn’t going to happen.

“Do you want a drink?” Saeyoung asked placing his controller down and standing up.

“Hm? Oh… sure,” Yoosung nodded, running his fingers through his hair. “What have you got?”

“How about a hot chocolate?”

“Oh… uh, okay,” Yoosung said slowly with a small grin. That seemed pretty out of the blue. Saeyoung headed to the kitchen, and Yoosung let out a heavy sigh as he leaned back on the sofa.

He felt as though he got along well with Saeyoung. Despite the fact he was… eccentric, he was actually a pretty decent guy. Although he teased and joked around a lot, he seemed to know where the line was and was never genuinely _mean_. Yoosung pulled out his phone. He had nothing from Saeran yet, and he frowned a little. He wondered when he was going to call. Or… should Yoosung call him? He made a promise with himself that if Saeran hadn’t called by the time he arrived back home, he would call him himself.

He didn’t have to wait long before Saeyoung came back into the room carrying two steaming mugs and handing one to Yoosung. He’d gone all out, adding marshmallows and cream too. Yoosung grinned as he looked down at it.

“Thanks.”

They played a couple more races, both of which were won by Saeyoung again (although Yoosung swore he was getting closer each time) and then Saeyoung sighed and looked down at his drink. Yoosung looked at him questioningly as he picked up his own and took a sip.

“Isn’t it good to see them in their natural habitat?” Saeyoung gave a small smile as he looked down at his drink. Yoosung pulled his own drink away from his mouth and looked into it before looking back at Saeyoung, total confusion across his face. Had he put something in their drinks?

“What?”

“The marshmallows. Isn’t it nice to see them like this?” Yoosung stared at Saeyoung for a moment before he looked back down at his hot chocolate, a few semi-melted marshmallows floating on the surface.

“What are you talking about?” Yoosung asked, looking at Saeyoung once more. Saeyoung looked up at him in surprise.

“The marshmallows…” he trailed off in confusion. “They’re back where they belong. I mean, obviously it’s not _exactly_ the same, but it’s close enough.”

“What are you _talking_ about?” Yoosung repeated, furrowing his eyebrows in confusion. “Marshmallows are just sugar.”

To his surprise, Saeyoung snorted. “Good one.”

“What? It wasn’t a joke…”

Saeyoung’s eyes widened. “You mean… you don’t know where they _actually_ come from?”

“I… of course I do,” Yoosung told him, but he felt a little less certain now. “They’re… sugar. A few other things too, but mostly sugar.”

“Yoosung…” Saeyoung shook his head and blinked, as though he couldn’t believe what he was hearing. “Marshmallows are a type of fish.”

Okay. He was kidding. Of course.

But… he looked so serious?

Yoosung let out a short laugh anyway. “Yeah, sure.”

“No! They are!” Saeyoung told him, holding out his mug and pointing at one of them for Yoosung to see, “The pink ones are rarer than the white ones, that’s why you see the white ones more. The fishermen catch them in their nets and cut off their legs.”

“Fish don’t have legs.”

“Marshmallows do, they’re one of the exceptions.” Saeyoung shook his head in disbelief. “You really don’t know this?”

“I… they’re not fish,” Yoosung said, but he could feel his confidence in this ‘fact’ crumbling.

“They are. For sure. Look.” Saeyoung pointed to a marshmallow in Yoosung’s mug this time. “Obviously this one’s dead, but look at it when you shake it a little.” Saeyoung nudged the mug with his finger. “See how it moves? You can see how it manages to swim around in the ocean.”

Yoosung frowned down at his mug before looking back up at Saeyoung. “You’re making fun of me,” he said weakly.

“I’m not! It’s true! That’s why vegetarians don’t eat marshmallows.”

Yoosung couldn’t argue with that one. One of his friends at university was vegetarian, and he knew she didn’t eat marshmallows, but he’d just figured… they had something like gelatin in them…

“Really?” Yoosung asked in a small voice. He could barely believe that something he’d taken for granted as a fact was turning out not to be true.

“Of course. You’ve never seen one in the sea?”

“No…” Yoosung mumbled in confusion. “Why aren’t they in aquariums?”

“Because they’re too aggressive,” Saeyoung told him matter-of-factly.

It all seemed to add up, and Yoosung couldn’t quite wrap his head around how this particular knowledge had passed him by. Maybe he needed to pay better attention in class.

“Huh. I can’t believe I never knew this.” He tilted his mug a little and watched the marshmallows swirl around in the liquid. It was weird to think that they were dead fish, but he supposed he ate fish the rest of the time so he couldn’t exactly feel guilty. He wondered what they looked like when they were alive.

“Anyway, want to play again?” Saeyoung piped up again, and Yoosung put his mug down, trying to forget that it had _dead fish_ in it. He shuddered a little. It felt oddly morbid.

“Yep, but I’ll beat you this time.”

Saeyoung snorted doubtfully as they picked up the controllers.

Just as they finished the third race (Yoosung was in second place _again_ ), he felt his phone buzzing in his pocket. Saeyoung made a noise of complaint as he pulled it out and read the name on the display.

“Wait, it’s Saeran,” Yoosung told him, pressing the answer button, which only made Saeyoung groan louder. Yoosung glared at him,

“Hey,” he greeted him.

“Yoosung,” Saeran said, his voice sounding strained. It was still a little hoarse, but overall he sounded better. “Are you free to talk?”

“What is it? What’s wrong?” Yoosung was instantly alert and worried, standing up from the sofa. “I’ll be right back,” he said to Saeyoung as he headed towards the kitchen.

“Are… are you with Saeyoung?”

“Yeah, I’m just going to another room,” he told him as he pulled the kitchen door shut behind him. “Did something happen?”

“I… uh…” Saeran swallowed. Yoosung was getting more and more worried the longer Saeran left the silence. Eventually he exhaled heavily and carried on. “The video with Zen went up today.”

“Oh.” Yoosung frowned in confusion. “Isn’t that a good thing?”

“Yeah… yeah, it’s really good,” Saeran sighed, “It’s just that… um… I kind of… fired my agent straight after.”

“Really?” Yoosung blurted, “That’s… that’s good too, right?”

“Ultimately… I guess so.”

“Well, I’m glad you did,” Yoosung told him, softening his voice as he leaned back against the door. “I’m proud of you.”

“I just don’t really know what I’m going to do now.”

“It’s okay, Saeran,” Yoosung said in what he hoped was a soothing voice, “You can take time to figure it out.”

“I… I sent out a tript today, but I don’t know how many agents regularly check Tripter. I don’t… I don’t know how else to go about it.”

“I guess all you can do is wait it out?” Yoosung suggested. He really didn’t know what else to say to help him feel better. He felt useless.

“I suppose so,” Saeran sighed. “Would it be… would it be possible to see you tomorrow?”

Yoosung hesitated for a moment. He had classes on Tuesdays. “All day?”

“Whenever you’re free.”

“You know what, I can skip class,” Yoosung mumbled to himself before speaking to Saeran again, “I can meet you somewhere as early as you need.”

“Wait, no, you can’t skip class.”

“Yeah, I can. I’ve never skipped before, so I’ll be fine missing a day.”

“You… you can’t,” Saeran protested weakly, but it was obvious he desperately wanted to see Yoosung. Yoosung felt his heart warm at the thought.

“I can and I will. I’ll do anything for you.” There was a pause as the words hung in the air, feeling oddly heavy.

“Y-Yoosung,” Saeran choked out, “Thank you.”

“It’s okay… hey, are you crying?” Yoosung asked worriedly, listening to Saeran’s uneven and jerky gasps.

“I-I’m fine.” He was definitely crying.

“Oh, God, Saeran.” Yoosung could feel tears prickling in his own eyes, and he slid to the floor with his back against the door. “You’ll be okay, I promise.”

“I know... I’m j-just stressed, I guess.” His voice was so small, and it tugged at Yoosung’s heart strings. “I’m sorry. I’m being so… ugh.”

“You don’t need to apologise,” Yoosung told him gently, and felt a lump forming in his throat. “I want to be here for you.” There was a pause in conversation. “Hey, Saeran?”

“Yeah.” His voice was soft and sad.

“Guess what.”

Saeran let out something that sounded like a cross between a laugh and a quiet sob. “What?”

“You have to guess.” Yoosung insisted quietly.

“Is it… the same as before?”

“Maybe. You have to say it, though.”

“You… you love me?” he said quietly and uncertainly. Yoosung bit his lip and smiled as a tear rolled down one of his cheeks.

“You’re getting better at this game.”

He heard Saeran gulp on the other end of the line, but it sounded as though he’d mostly stopped crying now. Yoosung wiped his own tears off his cheeks. “Soon I’ll be able to read your mind.”

“I wish you could. Then you’d know exactly how much I love you.”

He heard Saeran inhale sharply. “I… I love you too,” he replied quietly, his voice thick with emotion. He paused, and Yoosung heard him sigh. “How’s it going with Saeyoung?”

“He’s… odd. But I think I like him,” Yoosung answered carefully.

“Has he tried pranking you yet?”

“Oh… um, he tried to make me say ‘the spaghetti is cooking’ in Arabic using his door.”

“The spaghetti is… what? What’s that even supposed to mean?”

“I don’t know.”

Saeran let out a sigh. “He used to prank me all the time. I remember once… actually, it’s kind of embarrassing.”

“Hey, tell me,” Yoosung encouraged him gently, feeling a smile break out across his face.

“We… uh… we went to the beach on a school trip once when we were about eight, I think?” Saeran paused, “And he… okay, listen, it sounds stupid now, but it made sense at the time. You can’t make fun of me.”

“Of course I won’t!” Yoosung insisted.

“He managed to convince me marshmallows were a type of fish.”

Yoosung felt his heart drop.

“What?”

“I know, it’s weird. He was… pretty convincing though. We were sharing a bag, and I think that after he told me I started crying and refusing to eat them because I thought it was mean.”

“I…” Yoosung was at a loss for words, and he could feel the gears in his brain turning. “Oh my God. He… he…”

“Are you okay?”

“He…” Yoosung could feel his face heating up. “He… did the same.”

“Wait, what?”

“He told me… he told me they were fish. He said fishermen cut off their legs when they catch them.” Yoosung screwed his eyes shut. “Oh my God, I’m so stupid.”

“You believed him?” Saeran sounded surprised, but also amused. Yoosung buried his face into his hands.

“Oh my _God_.”

“Hey, it’s fine. I fell for it too.”

“Yeah, when you were _eight._ I’m twenty.” Yoosung let out a loud groan and leaned over forwards, curling in on himself to try and stop the embarrassment. “He told me the pink ones were rarer, and that they were too aggressive which is why they’re not in aquariums.”

Saeran let out a snort of laughter that he’d clearly been holding back for a while. “Oh, Yoosung,” he snickered, “I can’t believe this.”

“Don’t laugh at me!”

“I’m sorry… I’m sorry. But, if it helps, it makes me feel better to know you fell for it too. It’s kinda cute.”

“It’s not _cute,_ ” Yoosung protested. “Okay, I’m really sorry, but I’m going to have to go back to Saeyoung now so I can punch him.”

“Don’t mess up your pretty hands,” Saeran told him, still laughing.

“ _Stop patronising me_ ,” Yoosung said in exasperation.

“I’m flirting, actually.”

“I swear, I’m gonna set fire to both you damn Chois one day.”

“Okay, okay, I’m sorry,” Saeran apologised, finally calming down from his laughter. “I’ll let you get back to Saeyoung.”

Yoosung took a few breaths to calm back down. “I’ll see you tomorrow. Text me the details?”

“Yeah. Thanks for making me feel better.”

“Good thing I’m an idiot.”

“Don’t say that! You’re not an idiot!” Saeran insisted.

“Whatever,” Yoosung replied through gritted teeth. He wasn’t so much angry as he was humiliated. “Bye.”

“I love you.”

Yoosung felt a warmth spread inside him and he closed his eyes. “Okay, fine. I love you, too,” he mumbled.

They said their goodbyes and hung up, and Yoosung just sat there for a moment, leaning his head back against the door. Why did he have to be such an idiot? He always fell for stuff like this, and it made him feel really stupid. He pressed his phone against his chin and tried to calm himself down a little. On the bright side it seemed to have cheered Saeran up, which was a good thing. He sighed and pushed himself to his feet, opening the door and walking to the sofa where Saeyoung was doing something on his phone. Yoosung folded his arms and stood there for a second until Saeyoung looked up.

“Yoosung! How’s Saeran?”

“Marshmallows aren’t fish,” Yoosung said through gritted teeth.

“Whaaat?” Saeyoung faked innocence, “Who told you that?”

“Saeran said you played the exact same prank on him when you guys were eight.”

“Nine, actually,” Saeyoung corrected.

“ _Why?_ ”

Saeyoung shrugged and grinned. “Wanted to try it out. But don’t feel bad, it took you much longer to convince than him.”

“ _I’m twenty years old_.”

“Yeah, well… I guess it’s proof you and Saeran are soulmates, right?” Saeyoung clasped his hands over his heart and batted his eyelashes at Yoosung. “How romantic. You both fall for the same pranks. You’ll never look at marshmallows the same way again because now they’re a symbol of your love! You should be thanking me!”

Yoosung unfolded his arms and clenched his fists at his sides. “I think I’m going to go home now.”

“Wait!” Saeyoung yelped, jumping up from the sofa to stand directly in front of Yoosung. “You can’t leave angry!”

“I’m…” Yoosung exhaled heavily as he unclenched his fists and looked away from Saeyoung. “I’m not angry. Just embarrassed.”

“Do you forgive me?” Saeyoung asked. Yoosung looked at him before rolling his eyes. He wasn’t really one to hold grudges.

“Fine.”

“Good,” Saeyoung nodded, smiling at him. His grin was lopsided, kind of like Saeran’s. “Can I hug you?”

“Oh… uh, okay.” Yoosung smiled back at him as Saeyoung pulled him into a hug, yanking Yoosung down so his face was squished against his chest. It was awkward, but it was such a _Saeyoung_ thing to do that Yoosung couldn’t help but giggle. It wasn’t too long before they pulled apart.

“Uh… I know I’ve kind of pissed around a lot today, but I do genuinely think you’re good for Saeran,” Saeyoung told him sincerely.

“Were all the jokes some kind of test?” Yoosung folded his arms and raised his eyebrows.

“Partly,” Saeyoung smirked before regaining his composed expression. “Honestly, though. You two are good for each other. I’m glad he found you.”

“I… uh…” Yoosung didn’t really know what to say, and he felt the heat rushing to his face. “Thank you.”

Saeyoung saw him to the big, metal door, and as soon as Yoosung heard it clang shut behind him he let out a deep breath. Today had been more emotionally exhausting than he had expected, and he needed to just get home and wind down.

He looked up at the darkening sky, watching as the clouds moved lazily across it. He wondered if Saeran was looking at it too.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this chapter makes me cringe so hard because the marshmallow prank saeyoung plays on yoosung is an actual thing my dad convinced me was true when I was younger. I want Death


	15. Luck

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I started naming the chapters for some reason I don't know whyyyy  
> Also I know this is way overdue but I'm trying to update as much as I can. This week has been fhskjfhskfghkjh  
> Only three chapters left after this one!

Wind down. Yoosung needed to wind down.

He sat in front of his computer, finger tapping his desk sporadically as he stared at the black screen. It wasn’t as though he’d never done it before… but this felt different. Not quite _wrong_ , but maybe it would make things awkward or uncomfortable. He wasn’t addicted to it, he just enjoyed it. It made him feel… calm. And he hadn’t seen Saeran today, so could that justify it?

His finger hovered over the power button for a moment before he finally decided to press it. He couldn’t help his curiosity. Zen was supposed to be good at what he did, so… why not indulge? Just this once.

Would it be so wrong?

Except it wasn’t ‘just this once’. He knew that. But… he told himself he would never be able to rest properly until he watched it. Part of him wanted to see how he felt watching Saeran do _that_ with someone else while being Yoosung’s boyfriend.

If he watched this objectively it wouldn’t be too bad. He just needed to test whether or not he was jealous. He went to the website and found that he didn’t even need to type in Saeran’s name to try and find it. It was the first one to come up on the homepage.

**‘emo twink tames the wolf’**

Yoosung gulped nervously as he slid the mouse towards it. Was he really going to do this?

Before he clicked, he reached over to his phone and put it on silent. He didn’t need the vibrations to make him jump while he was in the middle of… what he was about to do. That had happened before and it hadn’t been fun.

He inhaled and clicked on the video.

The first thing Yoosung noticed was how attractive Zen was. He wasn’t just attractive, in fact. He was _ridiculously beautiful_. He had long, white hair tied back into a ponytail and red eyes which, rather than looking sharp like Saeran’s mint-green ones did, looked soft and gentle. Yoosung wondered if his hair and eye colour were natural. He was tall, too. Quite a lot taller than Saeran, although Yoosung assumed they wouldn’t be standing up long.

Just the sight of Saeran on the screen and the anticipation for what was about to happen was already making Yoosung’s jeans tighten.

Saeran had been right. Zen’s videos seemed to have more plot to them than the majority of the other videos Yoosung had seen, but this one, surprisingly enough, wasn’t _bad_. Zen was genuinely a good actor, and although Saeran wasn’t quite _as_ good, he was still… pretty amazing. Yoosung was in awe.

It wasn’t long before Saeran grabbed hold of Zen’s collar and yanked him in for a messy kiss. Yoosung felt his breath catch in his throat, but to his surprise he didn’t feel any of the jealousy he’d been preparing for. The way Saeran was kissing Zen wasn’t the same way he kissed Yoosung, and Yoosung couldn’t help but feel smug.

Zen was pushed onto his back while Saeran simultaneously tore off his shirt and started kissing roughly down his chest. Yoosung had already given up trying to watch this objectively, and so unbuttoned his jeans and shuffled them down his thighs. The new freedom made him sigh, and he watched as Saeran yanked down Zen’s jeans and underwear in one, tossing them aside before pulling off his own shirt.

Yoosung tore his eyes from Saeran so he could look at Zen and… wow. Zen’s dick was nice. More than nice. It was… huh. Yoosung was at a loss for words. It was smooth and, quite honestly, pretty pleasant to look at. Yoosung guessed it was probably an average length, but it was slender which somehow made it look longer. It was milky white in colour and very obviously well groomed… Yoosung shook his head, trying to drag himself back to reality. He watched as Saeran grasped hold of it and Zen let out a soft whine.

“Please,” Zen begged, clutching at the bedsheets.  He had a smooth voice, but Yoosung wasn’t paying attention to Zen anymore. All he cared about was Saeran and the way his tattoo looked even more striking than usual next to Zen’s pale complexion.

Saeran took him in his mouth hungrily, and Yoosung bit his lip as he reached down and gently touched himself through his underwear. Saeran was really going all out, and the sight of it was making Yoosung remember the time he’d been staring down at him, trying desperately not to break eye contact as he got closer and closer to his release. It didn’t help that he spotted a glimpse of the red scratches running down Saeran’s back. Those had been _his_ doing, and he let out a whimper at the thought.

Saeran was pretty messy, Yoosung was coming to realise. He didn’t care how much he drooled just as long as he got the job done and, despite the fact it was clear he was holding some of it back in the video, he was still messy as he sucked Zen’s cock.

Yoosung’s breathing was getting faster, and he finally shoved his hand down his boxers so he could stroke himself properly. When Saeran pulled back and the camera switched to an angle directly in front of him, Yoosung let out a whimper. Saeran unbuttoned his jeans and pulled them down, pulling his dick free and pumping it a little.

Yoosung’s vision was starting to go blurry, and he vaguely registered as Saeran flipped Zen over, but zoned out a little after that. Next thing he knew, Saeran had slammed himself into Zen, having grabbed hold of his ponytail and started yanking his head back. Zen was grunting and letting out low moans, but Yoosung found he couldn’t care less about Zen right now. He just wanted to watch Saeran.

Saeran’s face was determined, but his eyes were glazed over as he let out soft noises of pleasure. Again, Yoosung didn’t feel jealous. He knew the kind of noises he could make when he felt _really_ good. The thought made Yoosung flush, and he started pumping his hand faster.

Saeran leaned forwards over Zen a little, tugging at his ponytail to force his head back.

“Are you gonna be a good boy?” he said smoothly into Zen’s ear.

That was it. After hearing those words Yoosung couldn’t take it anymore, and he cried out and threw his head back as he came hard into his hand.

“S-Saeran,” he moaned brokenly, still pumping his hand as he rode out his orgasm.

Eventually, he collapsed back into his chair breathing heavily, and looked up at the screen in a daze. Saeran was still pounding into Zen, but it was only a few seconds before Zen came, releasing a pretty impressive amount all over the sheets. Saeran pulled out once Zen had finished, and the camera switched angles to Zen’s face. Yoosung watched as Saeran pulled Zen off the bed and onto his knees, hand gripping the base of his ponytail as he nudged at his slightly parted lips with the tip of his cock. Zen opened his mouth obediently and Saeran proceeded to start thrusting in and out of his mouth, pulling his hair roughly to make sure Zen moved where he wanted him to go. Yoosung gazed at the screen, making a mental note to remind Saeran to fuck his face like that. He had a feeling he would like it.

Yoosung felt his cock twitch as he saw Saeran’s mouth fall open in pleasure, and he thrust hard into Zen’s mouth three more times before he shuddered and pulled out, jerking his hand up and down as he made sure to release all over his face. The camera switched to Zen as he hung his mouth open in an attempt to catch some of it, but it got almost everywhere else too. Yoosung couldn’t deny it was pretty fucking hot, and he thought that the added knowledge that it was _Saeran’s_ cum made it even more so.

The final shot was Zen licking his lips and staring directly into the camera as it faded out to black, and Yoosung was still panting in his chair.

He felt conflicted. Everything in his brain was screaming that he _should_ feel jealous or at least uncomfortable with all this, but for some reason he just… didn’t. Maybe it was because Saeran acted so differently when he _actually_ felt good. Yoosung knew how Saeran moaned and shuddered under his touch and, while he attempted to capture that in video, there were some things that he just couldn’t act. If anything, it made Yoosung feel _more_ secure in their relationship, because he could tell the difference between the two. He could tell Saeran was genuine when he was with him. He was free to whine and beg all he wanted, and he didn’t have to care how his face looked.

Yoosung pulled his hand out his boxers and cleared himself up with some tissues. He should probably take a shower, actually. Especially if he was going to see Saeran tomorrow. Not that he expected anything sexual to happen. In fact, he expected most of his time to be spent comforting Saeran and reassuring him he was going to be okay.

Yoosung suddenly felt immensely guilty over wanking to the video.

Once he’d cleaned up, he picked up his phone and looked at it. He had a text from Saeran.

 

            **(19:20)** How about we meet at Jaehee’s coffee shop tomorrow?

 

Yoosung sat back down on his chair as he typed out a response.

 

            **(19:33)** Sure! What time?

 

He put his phone back on vibrate and placed it down on his desk, sighing a little. Would Saeran find it weird if he knew what Yoosung had just done? The guilt was starting to eat away at him, and he felt as though he’d regressed all the way back to square one in terms of trying not to objectify Saeran. His phone buzzed after not too long, and he picked it up to read it.

 

            **(19:36)** Does 11 sound okay?

 

Yoosung drew in a deep breath. He was _really_ going to skip class for this. It felt… dangerous, but in an exciting way.

 

            **(19:36)** It sounds great! I can’t wait to see you.

 

Once he’d sent it, he hesitated for a moment. Should he tell Saeran he had watched the video? It felt oddly like lying if he didn’t, but he wasn’t sure if now was really the right time to bring it up. He blinked in surprise as his phone buzzed in his hand, and then again a few seconds later.

 

            **(19:37)** Me either.

            **(19:37)** I hope this isn’t awkward to ask, but did you watch the new video?

 

Yoosung gulped. Well, at least now he wouldn’t have to bring it up himself.

 

            **(19:38)** Yeah… I hope that’s not weird?

 

Yoosung felt his hands start shaking a little as he pressed send. Had Saeran hoped he hadn’t? Would he have preferred it if Yoosung lied about it? Yoosung bit his lip as he read the next messages that came through.

 

            **(19:38)** Nope, not weird.

            **(19:38)** Just wondering what you thought.

 

Oh man. Yoosung felt himself blush at the message. How was he supposed to respond to that? It was difficult to tell what kind of mood Saeran was in right now. That last message could have been intended as flirty, pissed off, or maybe even genuinely curious. Yoosung thought for a moment before typing out his response.

 

            **(19:39)** It’s good. I can see why Zen’s popular.

 

As soon as he hit send, he instantly regretted it. If Saeran was pissed off, that was definitely _not_ the response Yoosung should have sent, and he held his breath as a reply came through.

 

            **(19:39)** Yeah, I’m lucky I got to film with him.

            **(19:40)** Did you like it?

 

Yoosung frowned at the message for a moment before another quickly came through.

 

            **(19:40)** And by like I mean did you jerk off.

 

Yoosung let out a squeal and clamped his hand to his mouth at Saeran’s bluntness. He almost dropped his phone in surprise when he received a fourth text.

 

            **(19:40)** Because it’s totally okay if you did ;)

 

He exhaled heavily and tried to calm down his heartbeat, which had suddenly rapidly increased. How should he respond? He had no idea.

 

            **(19:41)** You can’t just ask me that!

 

He couldn’t bring himself to elaborate, so he bit down on his lip as he prayed for Saeran to respond quickly.

 

            **(19:42)** Just wanted to make you blush.

 

Yoosung felt his hand shoot up to his face and was frustrated to find that it was burning under his fingers. He scowled as he typed a response.

 

            **(19:42)** Jerk.

 

It didn’t take long for Saeran to reply.

 

            **(19:43)** Love you too, cutie.

 

* * *

 

Yoosung stood outside the coffee shop the following morning scrolling through Tripter on his phone. He was a little early, but he couldn’t help it. He was too excited.

He felt nervous about the fact he was skipping class, but he knew a lot of people who regularly ditched. He wasn’t one of them so he hoped his teachers wouldn’t mind too much. If worst came to worst, he could just say he’d been feeling ill. It wasn’t as though he had anything particularly important today, anyway.

Eventually he felt a light tap on his shoulder, making him jump, and he looked up to see Saeran standing there giving him a small smile.

“Saeran!” Yoosung exclaimed, throwing his arms around his shoulders and almost dropping his phone in the process.

“Hey,” Saeran replied, sounding surprised at the sudden hug as he slid his arms around Yoosung’s waist.

“Are you okay?” Yoosung asked, nuzzling his face into Saeran’s shoulder. Saeran chuckled, and Yoosung felt the sound vibrate through his body.

“Better now you’re here.” Saeran pulled back, hands still resting on Yoosung’s waist. Yoosung settled his on his shoulders. “So much has happened since I last saw you. I feel like it’s been ages…” Saeran’s sentence trailed off, and he cast his eyes aside. Yoosung nodded.

“I know what you mean,” he said softly. His hands slid from Saeran’s shoulders to cup his face and make him look at him. “I’m just glad you’re okay,” he whispered before pulling him gently in for a soft kiss. He felt Saeran sigh into it, and Yoosung hoped against hope that spending time together would make Saeran feel better. He wouldn’t be able to help much as far as advice went – he didn’t really know anything about the industry – but he wanted to be whatever Saeran needed for today. They pulled out of the kiss and Saeran gave him a soft smile that made Yoosung’s heart leap.

“Let’s get some coffee,” he all but whispered.

“Okay, but I’m buying,” Yoosung insisted as they stepped apart. Yoosung wanted to reach out and hold his hand, but he wasn’t sure whether there was much point in the short time they would be walking through the door and to the counter.

Yoosung held the door open for Saeran, earning himself a grin. “Trying to sweep me off my feet again?”

Yoosung snorted as Saeran stepped inside. “Pretty sure you’re the one who swept me off my feet,” he said as he followed him through.

“I am _not_ having this argument with you.”

“Scared you’ll lose?” Yoosung teased, and Saeran rolled his eyes. “You can go sit down somewhere. What coffee do you want?”

“Oh… uh…” Saeran stammered, suddenly seeming awkward. “I… uh, I usually just…” He trailed off, and Yoosung frowned.

“What’s the matter?”

“Nothing,” Saeran shook his head, “I just… I usually don’t get coffee.”

“Huh? What do you mean?”

“I usually… I usually get hot chocolate,” he mumbled, and Yoosung bit back the grin that threatened to break out across his face. He was too cute.

“That’s fine,” he said, “I’ll get one for you.”

Saeran went and sat at a table as Yoosung headed over to the counter.

“Yoosung,” Jaehee greeted him, “I haven’t seen you in a little while. How have you been?”

“I’ve been great!” Yoosung told her, leaning against the counter, “How about you?”

“Busy,” she said with a smile. “Do you just want the usual?”

“Yes please, and a hot chocolate, too.”

“Oh?” Jaehee’s eyes widened. “Are you here with someone?”

Yoosung bit his lip, unable to supress a smile. “Maybe.”

“A date?” Jaehee asks, quirking an eyebrow.

“Sort of,” Yoosung admitted, eyes flicking to the side. “I mean… uh… he’s already my boyfriend.”

“You have a boyfriend?” A smile broke out across her face and her eyes sparkled. “Wow! Congratulations!”

Yoosung couldn’t hold back the blush that he felt spreading across his cheeks. “Thanks.”

“What’s he called? Where is he?” Jaehee asked enthusiastically, and Yoosung couldn’t help but giggle.

“He’s called Saeran,” Yoosung turned around and spotted where Saeran was sitting, tapping his phone. Yoosung pointed at him. “He’s just there.”

He watched him for a moment before turning back to Jaehee, and to his surprise she was staring at him with wide eyes.

“He’s your boyfriend?” she asked, and her expression was scarily unreadable.

“Yeah…” Yoosung replied uncertainly, turning back to glance at Saeran again. “Don’t you recognise him from before? He’s been in here a few times…”

“Yeah… I just… didn’t connect…” she trailed off.

“Is everything okay?”

Jaehee gulped and leaned closer to Yoosung over the counter, finally looking at him. “Do you… uh… are you aware of his job?”

“His…” Yoosung trailed off, and his mouth fell open in shock. “You _know_ him?”

“Shh!” Jaehee squealed, her face flushing a furious shade of pink. “No! I… I only… uh, only _saw_ him yesterday.”

“In one of his videos?” Yoosung’s brain was working a thousand times faster than usual. He had never expected _this_. “You mean the one with Zen?”

“Yoosung,” Jaehee said with a cough, “This is… this is improper conversation.”

“Are you a fan of Zen?” Yoosung asked incredulously.

“Let me get your drinks,” Jaehee mumbled quickly, hurrying over to the coffee machine as Yoosung watched her in shock.

Well… as it turned out, he’d accidentally learnt something new about Jaehee today. He felt as though he should feel awkward, but instead he just felt… amused? He had to admit, it was a little funny that Jaehee was a big enough fan of Zen to keep up with his videos so efficiently. The one with Saeran had only been released yesterday. She was fast.

Jaehee handed the coffee and hot chocolate to Yoosung, avoiding eye contact.

“I hope you two are happy,” she mumbled, and although she was clearly embarrassed, Yoosung could tell she meant it.

“Thanks,” he replied brightly before heading over to Saeran. He smiled as he looked up from his phone, and Yoosung sat himself down opposite, sliding the hot chocolate across the table. “There, now I’ve _actually_ bought you something.”

Saeran raised an eyebrow in amusement. “You already bought me ice cream before,” he pointed out.

“Well… yeah, but we weren’t, like… _out_ ,” Yoosung reasoned, punctuating his point with a shrug. He considered telling Saeran about Jaehee, but quickly decided against it. That was personal. It wasn’t his place to say.

“I didn’t realise it meant so much to you,” Saeran grinned, taking a sip of his drink and leaning forward on his elbow. “I just figured I should pay because you’re still a student.”

Yoosung sighed, eyes dropping to his drink. “I must seem like such a child to you.”

“What?” Saeran sounded surprised at the abrupt change in conversation.

“Like… I’m still in school. I’m super inexperienced. On top of that, I don’t exactly _look_ like I’m twenty…” He trailed off, sighing in defeat. He wasn’t entirely sure where all this negativity was suddenly coming from.

“Hey, I don’t think of you like that,” Saeran said, reaching out across the table and grabbing Yoosung’s hand in his own. Yoosung looked up at him. “I think you’re really smart. You got into SKY University on a _scholarship_. That doesn’t seem like something a child could do,” Saeran pointed out as he cocked his head to the side. “As for experience… what do you mean?”

“Like… dating. Sex. Stuff like that,” Yoosung specified with a blush. To his surprise, Saeran rolled his eyes and smirked in response.

“You really think I care about that?” he asked. “Besides, you’re experienced _now_ , right?”

Yoosung felt his face heat up even more. “I… I guess,” he stammered. “But I still feel stupid sometimes.”

Saeran’s eyes softened, and he squeezed Yoosung’s hand reassuringly. “Hey, you shouldn’t. Experience doesn’t matter, you of all people know that,” Saeran said, raising his eyebrows pointedly. “You’re better than a lot of ‘experienced’ people I know.”

“Really?” Yoosung doubted that was true. Saeran nodded.

“Yeah. Do you… want me to go into specifics?” he asked a little awkwardly. Yoosung bit his lip in thought. He supposed he could use some reassurance… or maybe he just wanted his ego stroked. Either way he wanted to know, so he nodded. Saeran ran his fingers through his hair and averted his eyes. “Okay… um… I don’t know where to start.” Yoosung could see the soft pink flush of his cheeks, and couldn’t help but smile. No matter what Saeran said, he was _definitely_ cute. “You put care into things,” he explained slowly. “During sex most people tend to be selfish and want things for themselves, but even when you’re receiving things, you’re still… giving at the same time. You don’t just take.” Saeran shook his head. “I don’t know if that makes sense. To put it bluntly, when I’m sucking you off I can still tell that you care.”

Yoosung squeaked a little and pressed his free hand over his mouth.

“Another thing is that, even if that weren’t true, you’re still fucking _good_ ,” Saeran said, looking up at him again. “Honestly, it’s as though you know exactly what I want, and you _do_ it.”

“L-like when?” Yoosung dared to ask as he lowered his hand from his mouth.

“Like… when you suck me off. I was surprised when you said you’d never done it before. You seem to know exactly what to do, it’s crazy.” Saeran laughed and shook his head in amusement. “And the way you arch… oh man…”

Yoosung’s face was absolutely burning by this point. “Okay! I think I get it!”

Saeran squeezed his hand and grinned at him. “Also, you’re super cute when you blush.”

“Shut up!” Yoosung buried his face into his hand.

“Saeran Choi?”

The deep voice that came from next to them made them both jump. Yoosung reflexively pulled his hand away from Saeran’s and looked up.

“I apologise if I startled you,” said the man. He had black hair, hard silver eyes, and was wearing a suit. He looked and sounded incredibly formal, even though he was holding a takeaway coffee in his hand. “Do you have a moment to spare?”

“Uh… that depends…” Saeran frowned in confusion.

“Allow me to introduce myself. My name is Jumin Han, and I heard you’re lacking an agent as of yesterday. I was wondering whether you would consider me as a potential candidate.”

Saeran’s eyebrows shot up. “You’re Jumin Han?”

“That would be me,” Jumin confirmed, glancing over at Yoosung. “Am I interrupting anything?”

“No!” Yoosung quickly interjected before Saeran could speak, “Not at all. I can leave for a minute if you guys wanted to talk…?”

Saeran looked at him, his eyes wide and grateful. “Thank you.”

“This won’t take long,” Jumin promised, giving Yoosung a small smile. Yoosung nodded and picked up his drink, standing so Jumin could sit.

“I’ll just be over there,” he gestured over to Jaehee, who was standing behind the counter cleaning one of the machines. He figured it couldn’t hurt to catch up for a little while, especially as this seemed like such an impossibly good opportunity for Saeran. He apparently recognised this man, which probably meant he was successful. Yoosung felt excitement in his stomach. He was so happy things seemed to finally be working out, and so quickly, too!

He headed over to the counter and leaned against it. Jaehee looked up at him in surprise.

“Oh? Yoosung, is everything okay? Did you want another drink?”

He shook his head, “No, I’m fine. I just thought I’d come over here for a chat.”

“What about your date?” she asked in confusion, glancing behind Yoosung at Saeran. Yoosung turned and saw Saeran leaning forward on the table, apparently deep in conversation with Jumin Han.

“He’s… talking to someone else,” Yoosung said vaguely. He wasn’t sure how much Saeran would want Jaehee to know about the trouble he’d had with agents, so he figured he just wouldn’t mention it.

“Oh… okay,” Jaehee replied uncertainly, “So… how has school been?”

Yoosung and Jaehee fell into an initially awkward but eventually easy conversation about the goings on in their lives. Yoosung noticed that Jaehee seemed to be tactfully avoiding any talk of Saeran, attempting to stick to the topic of how Yoosung’s work was going and how his family was. Actually… Yoosung realised he hadn’t seen or spoken to his family in a while. He wondered whether he should tell them about Saeran…

He knew Jaehee was trying to avoid talking about him, but Yoosung needed someone to ask for some kind of advice. Jaehee was someone he looked up to, so he figured she would probably be the best person. “Jaehee… I was just wondering… how do you think I should go about telling my parents? About Saeran, I mean.”

Jaehee raised her eyebrows in surprise. “How much do they know already?”

“Nothing,” Yoosung shook his head and scratched the back of his neck. “I… uh, I haven’t told them I’m into guys. I didn’t even _realise_ until I met Saeran.”

“That’s… tricky,” Jaehee said slowly, “Do you feel as though they’d be understanding?”

Yoosung furrowed his eyebrows and thought about it. In all honesty, his parents had always been caring and understanding no matter what he’d done, as long as it wasn’t morally wrong. But where did their morals stand for things like this? Yoosung just didn’t know. It had never been a topic of conversation, and so he wasn’t sure how to gauge their possible reactions.

Jaehee seemed to sense Yoosung’s conflict, and asked a different question. “How serious are you about Saeran?”

Yoosung looked up at her in confusion. “What do you mean?”

“I mean… is this just an experiment? To see if you like boys or not, because if so, maybe it’s best to hold off ‘coming out’ until you’re certain.”

Yoosung shook his head determinedly. “It’s not an experiment. I love him. I’m _in_ love with him. I know that for sure.”

Jaehee’s eyes widened in surprise. “Oh. Then… I guess it’s not an issue of uncertainty in yourself.” She paused for a moment as she thought. “Nayoung was in the same position as you not too long ago.”

“She was?” Yoosung felt his eyes widen at this revelation.

“Yes,” Jaehee nodded, “I never had the issue because I don’t talk to my family, but Nayoung told her parents by just… introducing me to them.”

“Wait!” Yoosung cried out a little louder than he’d intended. “You’re dating?”

Jaehee blinked at him, staring for a moment. “Yes…”

“Wow… uhm, okay, I had no idea,” Yoosung ran his fingers through his hair, looking at the ground. _How_ had he not realised that? Was he really that oblivious?

“We’re subtle about it, I suppose,” Jaehee said with a small smile. “But, anyway, she was in a very similar position to you. She just introduced me as her girlfriend, and her parents took it surprisingly well.”

“Maybe… maybe I should do that…” Yoosung contemplated.

“Maybe. It gets all the shock out of the way in one go so then you can start building from there,” Jaehee explained softly. “Although, your situation is a little different.”

“How?” Yoosung looked back at her and frowned.

Jaehee swallowed in embarrassment, her eyes flicking to Saeran behind him. “Nayoung owns a coffee shop with me. Saeran’s job is… quite different.”

“Oh,” Yoosung’s eyes widened in realisation. “Well… um, I guess we just won’t tell them about that.”

“What will you say if they ask what his job is?”

“Uh…” Yoosung thought for a moment. “I guess… we could say he goes to university with me?”

“I understand why you feel the need to say that, but I’m not sure a lie would be a good way to start Saeran’s relationship with your parents.”

“You think I should tell them the truth?” Yoosung asked in surprise.

“Maybe not quite yet, but it might be a good idea to not tell an outright lie just in case they question it,” Jaehee told him softly, and it was evident she was desperately trying to think of a way around it.

“Hopefully they won’t ask,” Yoosung mumbled.

“Hopefully,” Jaehee agreed with a nod, glancing behind Yoosung at Saeran and Jumin. “It looks as though they’re done.”

Yoosung turned to see Jumin standing from his seat. Saeran stood up along with him and they shook hands. Saeran was smiling, but Jumin made a comment which made the polite smile turn into a smirk and a shrug, and Yoosung couldn’t help but grin at the exchange. They were such different people, but he loved that Saeran wasn’t changing his attitude just to impress him.

To his surprise, Jumin headed over to Yoosung before leaving.

“I apologise for interrupting your date,” he said sincerely.

“Oh, no, that’s fine,” Yoosung insisted, smiling up at him. He was intimidated, but he attempted to act normally. “I hope everything went well.”

“It did,” Jumin told him, giving a quick nod before looking over Yoosung’s shoulder at Jaehee. “Thank you for the coffee, Ms Kang.”

“Not a problem.” She bowed her head politely as Jumin turned to leave.

“I’ll talk to you soon,” Yoosung promised Jaehee before rushing over to the table with Saeran and sitting down. “So, how did it go?” he asked excitedly. Saeran’s eyes were shining.

“Really well,” Saeran told him with a smile, leaning forwards eagerly. “He saw my video with Zen and one of his other clients mentioned they’d seen my Tript, and he said he immediately wanted to contact me.”

“How did he find you _here_?”

“He said that was a total coincidence,” Saeran shook his head in amazement. “I can’t really believe my luck recently.”

“Is Jumin Han famous?”

“He’s… pretty good. He’s one of the best agents in the industry, and is apparently really good at getting people work. He also said he’d listen to what I have to say and not apply or agree to anything without consulting me first,” Saeran gushed. “Although, it’s not finalised yet. We still need to do a proper interview and everything, but things are looking up. Even if he _did_ say I was shorter than he’d expected.”

Yoosung grinned and reached across the table so he could grab hold of Saeran’s hand. “I’m so happy for you, Saeran.”

“I feel like this is all thanks to you,” he whispered, looking at Yoosung in a way that made his heart melt.

“Me?” Yoosung breathed.

“You convinced me to get rid of Mr Cho.”

“But you did that yourself!” Yoosung told him, “You just needed a little push.”

Saeran shrugged. “Still, I wanted to thank you.”

Yoosung bit his lip, a sudden thought flicking through his head. He started to push it away, but… then he realised he didn’t _want_ to. He wanted to act on it.

“How about we celebrate?” Yoosung suggested.

“Celebrate? How?” Saeran asked in confusion.

“Your… your house isn’t too far, right?” Yoosung said slowly.

“About a ten minute walk. Why?”

Yoosung pressed his lips together for a moment. “I… I want to congratulate you,” he told him as heat rushed to his face. “I want… to make you feel good.”

“Oh…” Saeran’s eyes widened in understanding, and he shot Yoosung a lopsided grin. “I guess we’d better get going, then.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I would like to thank Six for coming up with 'emo twink tames the wolf' as the title of the video, and Lee for inspiring me to describe Zen's dick as 'milky white'. They both definitely deserve credit and I am eternally grateful


	16. Difficult

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I have a love-hate relationship with this chapter

They walked back to Saeran’s hand in hand, and Yoosung could barely contain his excitement. He wasn’t sure whether this need he was suddenly overwhelmed with stemmed from wanting to prove that he was right about the difference between the videos and reality, or whether it was simply because he wanted to claim Saeran as his own. Perhaps a mixture of both.

He hoped Jumin Han wasn’t too picky about marks on Saeran’s body.

Once they reached the front door Saeran fumbled around in his pocket for a moment for his keys before finally finding them and unlocking it. He stood back so Yoosung could step into the hallway first, and as soon as Saeran closed the door behind him, Yoosung slammed him up against it and started kissing him hungrily. Saeran let out a yelp of surprise, but relaxed within a few seconds, sliding his hands to Yoosung’s waist to tug him closer. Their tongues slid together desperately and their bodies were already pressed up against each other, but Yoosung wanted _more_. He wasted no time yanking at Saeran’s jacket to slide it off before throwing it to the floor in a hurry.

Saeran pulled out of the kiss for a second. “Someone’s excited,” he noted breathlessly, grinning at Yoosung.

“Problem?” Yoosung asked, not giving him a chance to respond before lunging at his neck with his mouth.

“N-no,” Saeran shuddered, leaning his head to the side to expose his neck a little more. Yoosung bit it gently and pulled the skin between his teeth, sucking at it hard. Saeran let out a small whimper, and Yoosung felt his hands slide down from his waist to his hips. Yoosung moved closer and pressed their crotches together, which earned him a breathy gasp from Saeran’s slightly parted lips. Yoosung was already half-hard, and it felt as though Saeran was too. The thought made him bite down harder on his neck, and Saeran’s hands slid behind him to grip hold of his ass. He dragged him closer, pressing his crotch more firmly against Yoosung’s.

“Y-Yoosung,” he whimpered, squeezing his ass as he threw his head back and pressed it against the door. This new position allowed Yoosung to kiss across his neck, just underneath his choker until he reached the other side.

“You know,” he mumbled hotly against Saeran’s skin, “this is getting in the way.” He brought his hand up and slid his index finger underneath the black, leather band around his neck.

“T-take it off, then,” Saeran told him breathlessly. Yoosung leaned far enough back to see what he was doing as he reached up to unbuckle it at the front and slide it off. He threw it on top of Saeran’s discarded jacket on the floor before attacking his skin again, starting at his collarbone and then leaving a trail of gentle bite marks as his lips and teeth travelled up his neck. He reached the spot just below Saeran’s ear and then quickly took the lobe between his teeth, pulling at it lightly. Saeran let out a desperate moan and squeezed Yoosung’s ass harder which caused him to let out a moan of his own in response. This desperation he was feeling was like nothing he’d ever felt before. He couldn’t care less about himself right now. He just wanted to make Saeran feel as good as he possibly could.

His head was spinning as he started fumbling with the buttons of Saeran’s jeans, and as soon as he managed to undo them he pulled back from his neck to look him in the eyes. They were dazed and unfocused, and Yoosung couldn’t stop himself from grabbing a fistful of his t-shirt to pull him in for a rough kiss. Saeran moaned into it needily as Yoosung pushed his jeans down his thighs with his free hand. When he pulled out of the kiss, they were both breathing heavily, and Yoosung’s heart felt like it was beating a thousand times faster than usual. His entire body was flushed with need as he hooked his fingers around the band of Saeran’s underwear, but before he could slide them down Saeran spoke.

“W-wait,” he panted, “Are we doing this h-here?”

“Don’t see why not,” Yoosung replied in a low voice, “As long as you want to?”

Saeran nodded, mouth loosely open as Yoosung sank to his knees in front of him, simultaneously pulling his boxers down so they pooled around his ankles along with his jeans. Saeran’s hands quickly found their way to Yoosung’s hair, and Yoosung slowly took hold of Saeran’s dick in his hand, pleased to see it was already hard. He took a second just to admire it, and he wasn’t sure whether that was weird or not. He didn’t really care. If he wanted to look at it, he damn well would. He pressed his tongue lightly against the tip of Saeran’s length, and grinned when he saw his entire body shudder in response. Yoosung gazed up at him from under his eyelashes, and Saeran looked down at him desperately.

“F-fuck,” he stammered.

“What?” Yoosung hummed questioningly.

“You look s-so fucking good like this,” he breathed, and Yoosung felt his face heat up. He tightened his grasp on the base of Saeran’s cock as he slid his mouth around it. Saeran’s grip in his hair tightened and he let out a low moan, throwing his head back again, apparently unable to maintain eye contact. Yoosung let go of the base with his hand, gripping hold of Saeran’s hips instead and digging his nails in slightly. He wanted to take Saeran in his mouth completely, so he slowly moved his lips down its length. He managed to get most of it in, but he felt like any further might be a bad idea for his gag reflex. He couldn’t help but feel disappointed in himself.

“You d-don’t have to take the whole thing,” Saeran told him, and Yoosung looked up at him to see him watching him with half-lidded eyes. Yoosung couldn’t speak, so he frowned instead to show his disappointment in himself. Saeran’s grip tightened in his hair, and he blinked in an attempt to focus his vision before speaking. “You’re g-good at it anyway, it doesn’t matter if you c-can’t take it all.”

Yoosung slowly moved his head, easing his mouth up Saeran’s dick, and he watched as Saeran screwed his eyes shut in response to the movement. He took hold of it in his hand again, and spoke so his lips were brushing against the tip.

“I want you to fuck my face,” he said softly, in a way that was so innocent and casual he could have just been asking for ice cream. Saeran let out a loud groan.

“Oh, God, I’m gonna die,” he whined, “You’re gonna kill me.”

“Fuck my face,” Yoosung repeated, unable to stop his smile. Saeran bit his lip for a moment, exhaling heavily.

“D-do you want to try something... more?”

“Like what?” Yoosung asked in confusion, pulling his lips away a little.

“Something I’ve been thinking about,” Saeran told him as he grinned at him and let go of his hair. Yoosung let go of Saeran’s dick as he crouched down next to him and reached for the choker that had been thrown carelessly on the floor. Yoosung blinked at him in confusion when Saeran held it up.

“Put your hands behind your back,” Saeran told him, and Yoosung felt his mouth drop open in surprise. He did as Saeran said and turned his body so the choker could be wound around his wrists and buckled tightly. “Is this okay?” Yoosung nodded enthusiastically, giving his new restraint a quick tug. It didn’t budge, and Yoosung felt his stomach leap in excitement as Saeran got back to his feet.

“Fuck my face,” Yoosung requested for a third time.

“Open your mouth, then,” Saeran told him with a lazy grin. Yoosung did so, not breaking eye contact as he hung it open just a millimetre or so from Saeran’s dick. “Fuck,” Saeran breathed at the sight of him. He gripped Yoosung’s hair tightly to hold him in place as he slid in slowly. Yoosung tightened his lips around his length as he did, and it wasn’t long before Saeran pulled out and slammed back into his mouth desperately. He threw his head back once more, and Yoosung focused on moving his tongue as much as he could. His wrists being bound behind his back added a new kind of excitement to this, and he _loved_ it. Saeran was thrusting into his mouth more forcefully now, and Yoosung was pleased to find that he wasn’t gagging at all. Despite his desperation, Saeran seemed to be holding back just enough for him to be able to take it. Yoosung curled his fingers behind his back and tugged at the choker around his wrists once more to test it, feeling excitement course through his veins again when he could barely move his hands at all. The slight pain of the choker bound tightly around his wrists along with the grip Saeran had on his hair and the sharp pulls he was giving it made this whole thing feel better as Saeran slammed into his mouth. He felt helpless. He felt submissive. He felt like Saeran _owned_ him.

He was painfully hard.

Saeran’s thrusts became more irregular, and he started slowing down, loosening his fingers in Yoosung’s hair.

“I… I can’t go… anymore, or I’m gonna…” he told him breathlessly, and Yoosung gave the tip of Saeran’s cock one last swirl with his tongue before pulling back entirely and letting it fall from his mouth. He looked up at him eagerly, and Saeran groaned in response as his hands fell from Yoosung’s hair. “Fuck. You look _so_ fucking good.”

“I’m still wearing my clothes,” Yoosung pointed out with a grin, trying to ignore his blush.

“Well, that’s gonna have to change,” Saeran told him. Yoosung stood up with some difficulty due to his wrists being bound and his dick straining against his jeans. Saeran gestured for him to turn around, and when Yoosung did he felt him undo the choker. He whined in disappointment when it was removed, and he heard Saeran chuckle behind him as his head fell into the crook of Yoosung’s neck. He kissed his skin softly which sent a shiver through Yoosung’s body. “Maybe we should take this to the bedroom?” he suggested in a whisper.

“Yes,” Yoosung breathed, turning back around to face him. He looked down at his wrists. There was a faint red indent around both of them, and the sight of it sent a thrill through his body. Saeran pulled his jeans back up but didn’t bother buttoning them, taking Yoosung’s hand and leading him up the stairs to his bedroom.

Saeran’s bedroom was shrouded in a soft darkness, and he didn’t stop pulling Yoosung along until they’d reached the bed. He gave him a small smirk as he placed his hands gently on Yoosung’s chest and pushed him down until he was lying on his back with Saeran straddling him. He leaned in and gently kissed his neck, hair tickling Yoosung’s skin and making him shiver. Saeran gently kissed down to his collarbone, and Yoosung let out a small squeak each time he unexpectedly nipped at the skin. He rested his hands on Yoosung’s chest, and Yoosung squeaked when Saeran started gently circling his fingers around his nipples through the fabric of his t-shirt. He arched his back in desperation.

“Good boy,” Saeran mumbled against his skin, and Yoosung whimpered at the words. They sent a weird heat throughout his entire body, and he tightened his grip on the bedsheets. Saeran shuffled backwards on the bed while sliding his hands down Yoosung’s body, lifting the bottom of his t-shirt up slightly so he could lean in and press light kisses just above his jeans. Yoosung let out a small moan as his hands slid down and undid them.

Yoosung was delirious with need already, and so when Saeran suddenly stopped pulling them down his thighs, he whined in response. He looked down at him and was surprised to see he suddenly had a sly grin across his face.

“What?” Yoosung asked impatiently.

“Your phone’s ringing.”

Yoosung blinked as Saeran reached into his jean pocket and pulled his phone out, holding it out to Yoosung.

“W-what?” Yoosung asked in disbelief.

“You should answer that,” Saeran told him, “Be a good boy.”

Yoosung gulped and felt his hand reach out for his buzzing phone and take hold of it. He flipped it open and pressed it against his ear without looking at the display or thinking it through properly.

“Hello?” he said in a way he hoped sounded normal.

“Yoosung!” came a shrill voice from the other line. Yoosung blinked in surprise and went to sit up, but Saeran quickly pressed his hand against his chest and pushed him so he stayed lying down.

“Mum.” Yoosung gulped nervously as he caught Saeran’s grin as he registered the word. “Hi.”

“I hope I’m not interrupting while you’re in class,” she said obliviously, “I was just hoping to speak to you.”

“Oh… uh, yeah, I’m not in class,” he told her vaguely, biting back a gasp as he felt Saeran’s fingers trailing playfully just above the elastic of his boxers. He raised his eyebrows at Saeran as if to say ‘ _don’t you dare_ ’, and Saeran’s grin widened in response.

“Your father and I were thinking that we haven’t seen you in a while. Are you free this weekend?”

“Y-yeah, I think so,” Yoosung attempted to steady his voice as Saeran hooked his fingers around his boxers teasingly. He glared down at him.

“Are you okay?” she asked, sounding concerned, “You sound a little… out of breath?”

“Oh… uh… yeah, I had to run to catch up with my friend just now,” Yoosung lied, and he heard Saeran laugh quietly.

“Oh, okay. So you’re available this weekend?”

“Yep, I should be able to come.” As soon as the words left his mouth, Saeran pulled his boxers down, exposing his dick to the air, and Yoosung sharply hissed in a breath. His heart was pounding against his chest. This was _bad_. Saeran was _bad_. He was going to humiliate him, he could tell.

“Good!” Yoosung’s mother said as Saeran gently kissed the tip of his dick.

“Uhm, there’s someone I’d like you to meet, actually,” Yoosung blurted out. _Why_ was he making this conversation last longer than it needed to?

“Oh?” She sounded interested. “Who?”

Saeran raised an eyebrow up at him questioningly, but that didn’t stop him from grabbing the base of Yoosung’s cock in his hand. Yoosung bit back a moan.

“Just… someone important,” Yoosung told her vaguely. No backing out now.

“I see,” his mother replied knowingly, “Well, how about 1pm on Saturday. Is that a good time?”

Saeran nodded up at him, and Yoosung blinked in surprise. He hadn’t realised Saeran could hear the call, but he didn’t have much time to consider it before Saeran slid his mouth down and took Yoosung’s dick entirely in his mouth.

“Uh! Y-yeah,” Yoosung squeaked the words before desperately trying to cover over his slip-up, attempting to sound normal, “That sounds f-fine.”

“So, how have you been recently? How are classes going?”

“They’re good.” Yoosung faked a cough to cover his gasp as Saeran swirled his tongue around his dick and started bobbing his head up and down.

“I hope you’ve been studying well?”

“Yeah, I h-have.” Yoosung _really_ hoped his voice sounded normal right now. His mother didn’t seem to notice, and if she did, she wasn’t saying anything.

“Are you sure you’re okay? You sound… strange.”

Never mind.

“Yeah! I’m great,” Yoosung reassured her, desperately trying to ignore the feeling of Saeran’s hot mouth around his dick and his fingernails digging into his hips. “Sorry, I have to go now, my f-friend’s calling me.”

“Okay, I’ll see you on Saturday, sweetie! I can’t wait to see you again.”

“M-me either. Bye, mum,” Yoosung panted, yanking the phone away from his ear and hitting the red button. He threw it aside and looked down at Saeran. “What the hell?!”

Saeran moved his head back so Yoosung’s dick fell from his mouth. “Thought it would be funny,” he said with a lopsided grin, and although Yoosung was mad… he was frustrated to find that he couldn’t _stay_ mad.

“You can’t just act cute to get out of trouble,” Yoosung told him, sitting up and grabbing hold of Saeran, flipping him round so he could throw him onto his back.

“What are you gonna do about it?” Saeran teased, a little breathless as Yoosung pinned him down on the bed.

“I’m gonna fuck you,” he growled, yanking Saeran’s jeans down and pulling them off.

“That doesn’t seem like a punishment,” Saeran said, grinning up at him.

“Take off your shirt,” Yoosung told him, ignoring his comment. Saeran sat up slightly so he could pull off his t-shirt, and Yoosung took off his own as he kicked off his jeans and boxers and tossed them aside. He pulled down Saeran’s underwear and threw them somewhere behind him. “Is the lube in the drawer?”

Saeran nodded, biting his lip, and Yoosung could tell he was holding back a grin. What an ass.

Yoosung crawled over to the bedside table and opened the drawer, quickly finding the bottle of lube and a condom. He placed the condom aside for a moment and opened the bottle, squeezing some onto his fingers, trying to use about the same amount he’d seen Saeran using.

He leaned forwards, resting his non-lubed hand on the bed next to Saeran to steady himself. He prodded at Saeran’s hole with his finger experimentally, and Saeran hissed in a sharp breath.

“Ready?”

“Thought this was a punishment?” Saeran commented innocently. Yoosung bit his lip and fought back a laugh as he pushed his finger into Saeran. Saeran let out a whine and arched his back, clutching desperately at the sheets. He spread his legs wider for easier access, and it wasn’t long before Yoosung’s finger was entirely in. He started thrusting it in and out slowly, and Saeran was already gasping.

“More,” he begged.

“Already?” Yoosung said with a smirk, but he did as he said and slid in a second finger. This time Saeran’s moan was even louder, and he threw his head back. “I have no idea why you’re a top,” Yoosung teased.

“F-fuck off,” Saeran breathed, and Yoosung let out a laugh as he thrust his fingers into Saeran. He loved his reactions. He was already visibly sweating, and his face was screwed up with need as he clutched desperately at the bedsheets.

“More?” Yoosung asked.

“Just fuck me,” Saeran begged.

“One more first,” Yoosung told him, sliding in a third finger and spreading Saeran as much as he could. The way Saeran writhed beneath him was making his brain spin with need.

“P-please.” He let out a strained moan as Yoosung started curling his fingers at the angle he knew he himself liked. “Fuck,” Saeran whined, “Please just f-fuck me.”

“Don’t I need to do this more?” Yoosung asked. As much as he wanted to fuck him, he didn’t want it to hurt.

“It’s f-fine,” Saeran insisted, “I practice all the t-time.”

“Practice?” Yoosung felt his mouth fall open in surprise, but he didn’t slow the thrust of his fingers. “You mean, you have… toys?”

“Fuck off,” Saeran shot at him again, “I can d-do what the fuck I want. Y-you’re the one who wanks to my videos.”

Yoosung raised his eyebrows and couldn’t help grinning. “I don’t think you’re really in the position to insult me right now,” he pointed out, giving his fingers an extra hard thrust.

“F-fuck,” Saeran moaned, arching his back. It seemed as though Saeran’s vocabulary had been reduced to little more than the word ‘fuck’, and Yoosung actually found it really hot. His body felt as though it was burning up.

“Okay, I’ll fuck you,” Yoosung finally agreed, pulling his fingers out of Saeran. He opened the condom and looked at it for a moment, trying to figure out how to put it on.

“Here,” Saeran offered, sitting up and taking it from him impatiently. He gripped hold of Yoosung’s dick and rolled it on skilfully, and Yoosung shuddered at Saeran’s desperate touch and involuntarily let out a small whimper. Once it was on, Saeran lay back down and Yoosung squeezed out a little more lube and spread it over his dick.

Saeran was breathing heavily and had his head thrown to the side, and so Yoosung leaned forwards and grabbed his face in his hand, turning his head to face him. “Look at me,” he told him.

“Or what?” Saeran shot back. Yoosung couldn’t help but let out a burst of laughter.

“Stop being so _difficult_ ,” he said, resting his hand beside Saeran’s head and gripping hold of his dick to position himself. Saeran lifted his hips a little, panting heavily as he felt Yoosung prod against him.

Yoosung pushed in an inch or two and gasped at the feeling. It was warm and tight… so much so that Yoosung wondered whether he was hurting Saeran. Just as he was about to ask him, Saeran let out a loud moan and gripped hold of Yoosung’s back, digging his fingernails into the skin.

“Fuck,” he hissed.

Yoosung gradually pushed all the way in, letting out a low moan at this new sensation. He wasn’t sure how long he’d be able to last once he started moving, but he wanted to make Saeran cum first. This was for _him,_ after all. He pulled out slightly before moving his hips back forwards and pressing into Saeran again.

“Harder,” Saeran breathed, wrapping his legs around Yoosung’s waist. Yoosung thrust into him with more force this time. Saeran let out a high-pitched whine and threw his head back, and Yoosung couldn’t resists quickly diving in and sucking on the skin of his neck. Saeran let out a moan even louder than before, almost outright yelling in pleasure as Yoosung slammed into him again. Yoosung moaned against his neck, trying desperately to hold back his orgasm which he didn’t doubt would arrive soon if he wasn’t careful. Saeran was digging his nails into his back and making incoherent noises right by his ear, causing heat to rush through Yoosung’s body as he picked up a regular rhythm and pounded into him.

“Saeran,” Yoosung mumbled against the skin of his neck, biting down gently.

“Y-Yoosung,” Saeran moaned, “I… f- I…”

“Hm?” Yoosung hummed in amusement at Saeran’s inability to talk properly, and pulled back from his neck to look him in the face. Saeran looked up at him, his eyes unfocused and his body sliding back and forth on the bed beneath him as Yoosung continued his movements. Saeran gave him a delirious smile.

“Y-you fuck m-me good,” he stammered, and Yoosung couldn’t help but laugh. Saeran let out a noise that was a cross between a laugh and a moan. “Yoosung,” he rasped, “I-I love you.”

Yoosung felt his breath catch in his throat at how raw Saeran’s voice had sounded when he said it. “Are you s-sure you don’t just love my dick?” In this moment he was finding it difficult to focus his thoughts enough to speak and move his hips at the same time.

“Fuck off,” Saeran groaned, and he dug his fingernails into his back even harder and squeezed his eyes shut. “I was trying to be n-nice.”

“Okay, f-fine, I love you too,” Yoosung managed to say between pants. He _really_ wasn’t going to last much longer, and so he reached down and grabbed hold of Saeran’s dick between them. Saeran let out a loud gasp of surprise as he did.

“Oh, _fuck_ , I’m g-gonna-”

Saeran’s words were interrupted with a loud moan, and he arched his back as his entire body convulsed. Yoosung kept up his pace, watching Saeran underneath him. His eyes were screwed shut and his mouth hung open. He didn’t seem to care about the sounds spilling out of him, which resulted in a string of impossibly erotic and incoherent noises. His face and chest were flushed and his hair was sticking to the sweat on his forehead, and Yoosung had never seen anything more beautiful. He cried out loudly as he suddenly came all over his stomach and Yoosung’s hand, his legs tightening around Yoosung’s waist and his fingernails digging into his back harder. Yoosung continued thrusting and pumping until Saeran dropped his legs and allowed them to fall loosely onto the bed. His body was still shuddering, and he was letting out small, broken whimpers. Yoosung let go of his dick and placed his messy hand on the sheets so he could support himself better. He would clear that up later.

It wasn’t difficult for him to reach his own climax. He’d been holding it off for a while, so all it took was a few more hard thrusts into Saeran and his entire body was shuddering with pleasure. Saeran helped him out by scratching his nails down his back and pulling him closer so he could bite down on his shoulder hard. Yoosung heard himself moaning loudly at how _good_ it felt. He let out a loud cry that he suspected was some kind of variation of Saeran’s name as he came hard inside him, his thrusts becoming weaker until he was finally finished and slowed to a stop.

He pulled out of Saeran and collapsed on top of him, not caring that he was getting sticky from Saeran’s cum on his stomach. He felt Saeran’s hand reach up and slide his fingers through his hair softly, cradling his head against his neck.

“I still have no idea why you’re a top,” Yoosung whispered hoarsely, and Saeran let out a laugh.

“I have no ass, remember,” he reminded him. Yoosung felt his chest vibrate underneath him as he spoke.

“That just makes it easier to reach the right spot,” Yoosung mumbled, and Saeran snorted softly.

“I don’t think that’s how it works.”

There was a short pause before Yoosung spoke again.

“I’m sorry I couldn’t make you… you know, twice,” he said guiltily. He’d been hoping to give Saeran a dry orgasm, as Saeran usually did with him, but he’d ended up getting too carried away and probably wouldn’t have been able to last long enough.

“That’s fine,” Saeran reassured him, stroking his fingers through Yoosung’s hair, “It was still fucking good.”

Yoosung giggled. “You were pretty loud again.”

“Shut up,” Saeran flicked his head gently. “You’re not exactly the quietest person when you cum.”

“Guess you’re right,” Yoosung agreed, glad Saeran couldn’t see his blush at that comment.

There was a long, comfortable pause. Saeran stroked his fingers through Yoosung’s hair and Yoosung sighed happily at the feeling. He could fall asleep like this.

Then he remembered the stickiness.

He groaned into Saeran’s neck. “I don’t want to move, but I probably should.”

“Probably, unless you want all this to dry on us,” Saeran teased.

With another sigh, Yoosung pushed himself up to his knees. The condom was uncomfortable, so he pulled it off and tied it like he’d seen Saeran do. He didn’t do it quite as skilfully, but his hands were still shaking so he supposed it didn’t matter.

“I… um, where should I put this?” he asked, feeling his face heat up as he held it between his fingers.

“I’ll take it,” Saeran reached out and grabbed it as he sat up. “I’ll go clean up in the bathroom.” He glanced at Yoosung’s stomach for a second. “Actually, on second thought, you should probably come with me.”

Yoosung bit his lip and nodded, feeling weirdly embarrassed. He stood up from the bed and could feel his legs shaking beneath him as he did. He glanced over at Saeran and caught sight of his wince when he pushed himself to his feet.

“Are you okay?” Yoosung asked worriedly.

“Yeah…” Saeran replied, swaying on his feet for a second, “I’ll be fine.”

Yoosung took hold of his arm in the hopes it might help support his weight, and Saeran smiled at him gratefully. They headed to the bathroom, and Saeran threw the condom into the small bin in the corner before heading over to the sink. Yoosung stood in front of the sink and looked in the mirror. He looked… pretty dishevelled. His hair was a mess, his face looked sweaty, and he had a fairly deep bite-mark on his shoulder. He couldn’t help but smile when he saw it, and wondered whether he had scratches on his back too.

“We could have a bath?” Yoosung suggested as Saeran grabbed a sponge. To his surprise, Saeran shook his head.

“No, I want to cuddle in bed.”

“O-oh,” Yoosung stammered, and he felt his heart pounding against his ribcage. He barely even noticed as Saeran ran the sponge under the water until he felt it pressing against his chest. He loud out a yelp of surprise.

“Sorry,” Saeran apologised, grinning sheepishly. Yoosung looked at him, and pressed his lips together to supress a smile when he saw the scattering of faint pink marks on Saeran’s neck, as well as two darker ones which Yoosung hoped might stay for a little while.

Once they’d cleaned and dried themselves, Yoosung attempted to quickly adjust his hair in the mirror while the spare toothbrush hung from his mouth. Saeran had kept it from last time just in case he might need it again, and although Saeran hadn’t cum in his mouth this time, Yoosung thought he might feel better about kissing him if he brushed his teeth. Saeran decided to do the same.

Yoosung’s clips had almost completely fallen out of his hair, and he pulled them out in frustration. He attempted to put them back in three times, but for some reason they just didn’t seem to look right. He pulled the toothbrush out of his mouth and rinsed quickly before trying again, but they _still_ weren’t working. Almost as soon as he’d pulled them out for the fifth time, he felt Saeran’s fingers brushing against his forehead softly, pushing his hair to the side. Yoosung turned to look at him in surprise, and was shocked to be met with gold eyes rather than green. He must have taken his contacts out Yoosung had been fumbling with his clips.

“I can’t get them to sit right,” he told Saeran, feeling his heart warm at Saeran’s soft expression.

“Leave it loose, then,” Saeran suggested, his voice gentle. He leaned in and pressed a light kiss against Yoosung’s lips, making his breath catch in his throat. How did Saeran still manage to surprise him like this? “Should we go back to bed?” Saeran suggested once he’d pulled out of the kiss. Yoosung nodded, speechless for a reason he couldn’t quite place.

They reached the bedroom and Yoosung placed the clips on the bedside table as they climbed onto the bed and lay on their sides facing each other. Saeran rested his hand on Yoosung’s hip, trailing his thumb around in light circles which sent shivers through his body.

“I’m sorry for making you miss class,” Saeran whispered, and Yoosung smiled softly as he stared into his gold eyes.

“It was worth it,” Yoosung told him, and Saeran let out a small laugh.

“I’m also sorry for being… uh, _difficult_.”

Yoosung pressed his lips together for a second to supress a laugh. “That’s fine. It was funny.”

Saeran’s smile grew. “I’m glad I can laugh with you,” he said, shuffling a little closer to him on the bed. “And I’m glad I’m in love with you.”

Yoosung felt his cheeks heat up, and he buried his face in his hands. “I’m in love with you too,” he mumbled, and he heard Saeran laugh as the hand on his hip moved up so he could drape his arm loosely over Yoosung’s body. Yoosung pulled his hands away from his face and raised his leg up to hook it around Saeran’s legs tugging him closer as he also slid an arm around his torso. He nuzzled his face into his chest and sighed happily.

When Yoosung was with Saeran, everything felt calm and safe and _right_. It was getting to the point where he couldn’t picture his future without him, and perhaps it was too soon, but he couldn’t help it.

He never wanted to let him go.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> FANART FOR THIS CHAPTER!! I LOVE IT!! [loook!](https://synchxart.tumblr.com/post/158917018278/ehehthis-is-based-off-of-chapter-16-from-the-fic)


	17. Memories

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> changed my username! I figured it would be a good idea considering I don't really write for Harry Potter anymore lol  
> also, I'm sorry for making you all wait for such a long time for this chapter. the first draft was awful so it needed a lot of adjustment jkdfhgkdfjh  
> special thanks to [Blackprose](http://archiveofourown.org/users/Blackprose/pseuds/Blackprose) for proofreading for me! (also, go read her stuff she writes some fuckin good Yoorans)

The hands of the clock were crawling by both too slowly and too quickly at the same time. To say Yoosung was feeling nervous about introducing Saeran to his parents was an understatement, and he honestly felt as though he might throw up at the thought of it. He hadn’t eaten today and it was making him feel lightheaded, but he couldn’t bring himself to. He was too nervous.

Saeran had texted Yoosung a few minutes ago to say he was on his way over. They were catching the train to his parents’ house at 12:27, but Saeran had promised he would come to Yoosung’s early so they could spend a little time together beforehand. Yoosung was now starting to appreciate that a hell of a lot. It was as though Saeran had known Yoosung would be freaking out and would need him around to help his stomach feel less like it was going to twist its way out of his body.

The clock was doing strange things at the moment, as was Yoosung’s brain. Part of him wanted things to speed up so Saeran would get here sooner, but another part of him knew that as soon as Saeran _did_ turn up, it would make this whole situation feel more… real. His arrival was a symbol that the time to tell his parents was getting nearer, and Yoosung felt as though once he arrived, he would just want to curl up with him and let the rest of the world pass them by. He would want to take Saeran and disconnect from everything.

It was too late for that now.

Yoosung was sitting at his desk, bouncing his leg up and down out of nervous habit as he aimlessly scrolled through Tunglr. He didn’t even like Tunglr. Every time he heard any kind of noise, his hand shot to his phone lying on the desk in the hopes it was a text from Saeran to let him know he was here. He felt like he needed him to help him calm down.

He couldn’t deny that underneath the nerves there was a quiet feeling of excitement, and he suspected that that wasn’t helping with the nausea he felt in his stomach. He was anxious to find out what his parents thought of Saeran as a person, mostly because he knew they would love him. Yoosung couldn’t wait to finally help Saeran feel like he belonged. He just hoped they wouldn’t think him dating another boy was wrong, and that they would be able to look past that and see that Saeran was a genuinely good person. He _felt_ like they wouldn’t think of it as a bad thing, but the concept of ‘coming out’ was still… a little terrifying.

Had he not been so serious about his relationship with Saeran (which he had to keep reminding himself was still in its early stages) he probably wouldn’t have jumped so quickly into introductions and this whole conversation, which would undoubtedly be at least a little messy no matter how they took it. It would also be bad if they _recognised_ Saeran, but Yoosung absolutely refused to think about that. That was _not_ going to happen.

Finally Yoosung’s phone beeped at him and he grabbed it to see a text from Saeran.

           

            **(11:15)** Hey, I’m just outside

 

Yoosung jumped up and barely even remembered to put on his shoes and grab his key card before rushing out the door and almost falling down the stairs in his haste. As soon as he opened the door to the outside, he spotted Saeran. His heart was still pounding faster than it probably should be and he was breathing heavily, but the sight of his boyfriend standing in front of him stopped him in his tracks, and they stared at each other for a moment with a thousand unsaid words hanging in the air. A strange feeling washed through Yoosung’s body, as though he were both calm and panicking at the same time.

“Hi,” Yoosung finally whispered.

“Hi,” Saeran responded with a smile.

It was sunny today, and the way the light was hitting Saeran’s white and pink hair was making the colours look softer than usual. He was wearing a plain black t-shirt, a black jacket and black skinny jeans, but somehow everything about him still looked… warm. Like he was always open and welcoming. The only things breaking the soft image Yoosung was seeing right now were Saeran’s mint-green eyes. They always looked bright and sharp… so sharp that Yoosung constantly felt as though they were slicing right through him and seeing everything he was trying to hide. He liked that. Even when Saeran’s eyes were gold he still felt as though they could look into him in a way nothing else could. They weren’t sharp, but they pierced through to his core, because whenever Saeran looked at Yoosung in that way he always did, Yoosung felt as though the walls around him melted like ice on a hot day. This feeling of exposure he’d never felt before was strangely comforting, because he knew he could trust Saeran. He knew Saeran would always be there, and Yoosung hoped he could do the same for him.

They stared at each other for a few more moments, a metre or so apart, and Yoosung had the sudden overwhelming sense of déjà vu. He was suddenly transported back to the time when he’d met Saeran for the very first time outside the coffee shop and had been a stuttering, nervous mess. Back when Saeran had been nothing more than a celebrity. An untouchable person who Yoosung had absolutely no chance with. A lot had changed since then, but he suddenly felt like he was seeing him for the first time all over again. It sent an odd feeling of happiness through him. Saeran had become such an impossibly huge part of Yoosung’s life in such a short time.

It was kind of incredible.

“Come in.” Yoosung broke the silence once more in a quiet voice, and Saeran stepped towards him, following him into the building. As soon as they were inside, Yoosung grabbed hold of his hand perhaps a little violently. Saeran looked at him in surprise before apparently seeing the mild panic on his face and relaxing, squeezing his hand reassuringly. “I usually take the stairs because I’m only on the first floor, and the lift is really slow so I don’t really want to wait for it most of the time, and also it kind of smells too and I don’t like it in there that much. Oh, and it’s not that reliable either so I’m worried about getting stuck, which, I mean, will probably never actually happen, but I feel like-”

“Yoosung,” Saeran interrupted Yoosung’s rambling as they stepped through the door to take the stairs. “Calm down.” He squeezed his hand again and Yoosung drew in a deep breath.

“Sorry,” he apologised, “I… uh, I guess I’m a little stressed.”

“That’s okay. I’m here to try and help.”

“You’re already helping,” Yoosung confessed quietly.

They reached Yoosung’s room and he tried to unlock the door, but had trouble doing so because his hand were shaking too much. Saeran just chuckled and gently let go of Yoosung’s other hand so he could do it more easily, and he finally managed to unlock it and they stepped inside. Yoosung had spent the entire previous evening and this morning cleaning up, partly due to nerves, and partly due to him not wanting Saeran to think he lived like a complete animal, and he was a little surprised at how tidy everything looked.

“It’s not very big,” Yoosung said nervously, glancing around to make sure he hadn’t missed anything while cleaning. He jumped when he felt two hands resting on his shoulders from behind him and heard the door swing closed.

“I like it,” Saeran said, sliding his hands down so they lay on Yoosung’s arms instead. He leaned his head forward and rest his chin where one of his hands had just been. “It’s very… you.”

“Is that a good thing?” Yoosung asked uncertainly, and Saeran let out a soft laugh.

“Yeah. Yeah, it’s a really good thing.”

In reality, it was nothing much. Just a small, inexpensive studio apartment that fit Yoosung’s needs for now, but if Saeran liked it… that made him feel a little better.

“Hey,” Saeran whispered, dropping his hands and stepping round to stand beside Yoosung. “How are you feeling?”

Yoosung gulped. “Nervous,” he admitted. “But… I think it’ll probably be okay. It’s just…” He shook his head to try and organise his thoughts. “I don’t know. It feels like a big deal.”

“It _is_ a big deal. I admire you for doing this,” Saeran told him sincerely, and Yoosung felt himself blush. Saeran reached out and took both Yoosung’s hands in his, tugging him to face him. “I mean it.”

Yoosung sighed and leaned forwards, resting his forehead against Saeran’s and closing his eyes. “I’m so glad I have you.”

“And I’m so glad I totally swept you off your feet and somehow managed to get you to fall in love with me.”

Yoosung let out a small laugh and squeezed Saeran’s hands in his own. “They’ll like you. I know they will.” He felt the need to reassure Saeran. He was most likely freaking out too.

“I hope so.” Saeran paused. “What… um, what should I say if they ask me about my job?”

Yoosung swallowed anxiously. “I… I don’t know. It probably wouldn’t be good to lie, but… I don’t know.”

“I’ll think of something,” Saeran promised, leaning back and reaching up a little to place a soft kiss on Yoosung’s forehead. Yoosung smiled and let out a small giggle as Saeran settled back down in front of him.

“You know… um, there’s one thing that I think will help with my stress,” Yoosung told him, suddenly feeling shy.

“Oh?” Saeran looked at him expectantly.

“Um… I think… a kiss…”

Saeran’s face broke out into a grin. “I can do that.”

He leaned in and closed the distance between them, placing a slow but firm kiss on Yoosung’s lips. Somehow through the kiss, Yoosung could sense Saeran’s own nerves, which only made him want to kiss him harder. He dropped Saeran’s hands and reached up to snake them around his shoulders as Saeran’s hands found his waist and rested there gently. It sent shivers through Yoosung’s body, and he opened his mouth in an attempt to deepen the kiss, to which Saeran responded by doing the same. Their tongues met in the middle and Yoosung’s fingers suddenly tangled themselves in his hair and Saeran’s grip on his waist tightened. He could feel a significant chunk of his worry and anxiety melting away. No matter what his parents said or did, Yoosung would still have Saeran.

Suddenly Saeran pulled away.

“I don’t want to go too far right now,” Saeran told him. “It… it probably wouldn’t be a good idea.”

“Okay.” Yoosung nodded in agreement. He was too nervous, anyway.

“We… we should probably, uh… let’s go over here,” he suggested, gesturing to Yoosung’s bed. Yoosung nodded, and Saeran took his hand and led him over to the bed. They climbed onto it and lay next to each other, facing the ceiling in a breathless silence. Yoosung felt his body start to relax, especially when Saeran reached out and laced their fingers together and shuffled a little closer. Yoosung turned his head to look at him as Saeran did the same.

“Everything will be fine,” he promised, and Yoosung let out a heavy sigh.

“I think I know that. It just feels… strange,” he admitted, and he cast his eyes down. “You’re the first person I’ve ever been with, so I just… I feel like _everything’s_ new.”

“What do you mean?” Saeran asked softly.

“Like… the whole concept of dating,” Yoosung attempted to explain. “And kissing. And… everything else. But then there’s also the fact it’s with a _guy_.” He looked back up at Saeran. “I just never expected it to happen like this.”

“Do you wish it hadn’t?”

“What? No! I’m glad it did!” Yoosung insisted. It confused him to no end that Saeran was _still_ so insecure in their relationship. Yoosung wasn’t planning on going anywhere. “I’ve never been happier, honestly! It’s just… a lot.”

Saeran reached out with his free hand and gently stroked his fingers down the side of Yoosung’s face. “It’s okay. I think I get it. I’m always here if you need me, you know that, right?”

Yoosung closed his eyes and reached up, placing his hand over Saeran’s.

“Thank you.”

 

* * *

 

As they were on the train, Yoosung couldn’t bring himself to focus on any kind of conversation, so they sat in silence for most of the journey. He stared out the window while trying to control his breathing, and didn’t even notice he was bouncing his leg until he felt Saeran gently place his hand on it to steady it. He looked over at him in surprise, and then sighed and leaned to rest his head on his shoulder. The sight of him and the smell of him and… just everything about him felt calming.

They stayed in the same position for the rest of the journey, Yoosung’s head resting on Saeran’s shoulder and Saeran’s hand on Yoosung’s thigh for reassurance. Yoosung squeezed his eyes shut when it was announced they were at their stop.

“Ready?” Saeran asked him gently, and Yoosung lifted his head so he could stand up.

“I should be the one asking you that,” he pointed out as they walked down the aisle. Yoosung turned to glance at him when he spoke. “Aren’t you nervous, too?”

Saeran’s eyes flicked to the side for a moment, telling Yoosung that the answer to that was yes. “A little. But… don’t worry about me.”

They stepped off the train. “Of course I’m going to worry about you,” Yoosung told him in disbelief. “Are you… are you sure you’re okay with this?”

Saeran reached out and took hold of Yoosung’s hand as they stood on the platform, and now that Yoosung was looking at him properly and calming down a little, he could see that Saeran was wearing less eyeliner than usual.

“Of course I am,” he told him with certainty.

They started walking in the direction of Yoosung’s parent’s house, and Yoosung could feel his palm starting to sweat against Saeran’s. Saeran didn’t seem to mind, and although Yoosung was embarrassed he couldn’t bring himself to let go.

When Yoosung saw the house drawing nearer, he felt a nauseating kind of worry start to settle in his stomach. Realistically he _knew_ everything would be okay in one way or another, but that didn’t stop his invasive thoughts. Yoosung dropped Saeran’s hand as they grew closer. He needed to prepare what he was going to say.

They reached the door and Yoosung closed his eyes.

“Hey,” Saeran said softly, gently brushing his fingers against Yoosung’s. It was barely even a proper touch, but it was reassuring nonetheless. “It’ll be okay. I promise.”

Yoosung inhaled a deep breath and reached up to press down on the doorbell. He heard the familiar, shrill sound echoing inside the house, and it wasn’t long before the door opened to reveal his mother.

“Hi,” he greeted her, attempting a smile. His mother beamed at him and pulled him in for a hug. Yoosung noticed she’d put on a little weight since he last saw her, and decided it suited her.

“Yoosung! I feel like it’s been such a long time,” she said as she let go and glanced behind him at Saeran. Her smile stayed on her face, but Yoosung noticed confusion flicker through her eyes.

“Yeah, it’s been a while. Um, this is Saeran.”

“Saeran! It’s good to meet you. Come on in, both of you.”

“Thank you,” Yoosung heard Saeran say quietly as they stepped inside. Yoosung’s heart was pounding against his ribcage. He desperately wanted to comfort Saeran and to be comforted _by_ Saeran, but he was also frantically trying to figure out how he could possibly bring this up.

His mother led them into the living room and gestured for them to sit on one of the sofas. He and Saeran sat down next to each other, but the distance between them felt huge. In reality, it wasn’t much more of a gap than usual, but in this moment Yoosung wanted to hold his hand and press his thigh against his just to feel his touch in any way he could.

“Your father’s upstairs just… actually, I have no idea what he’s doing,” she laughed, and Yoosung let out a small exhale. He wanted to tell her now and get rid of this tension he could feel in the air, but he also didn’t want to repeat himself when his father came downstairs.

The silence was beginning to get awkward, but right on cue his father walked into the room.

“Yoosung!” he greeted him, and Yoosung barely had time to stand up before he was engulfed in a hug.

“Hi, dad.”

Once Yoosung had sat back down next to Saeran, his parents sat on the couch opposite. They looked relaxed enough. Maybe now was a good time…?

“This is Yoosung’s friend, Saeran,” his mother introduced him. Yoosung suddenly realised he’d completely forgotten to introduce him to his father.

“Right, yeah, um…” Yoosung stammered lamely. “Yeah, this is Saeran. He’s… um…” He trailed off and looked down at his hands fidgeting in his lap. He was surprised when he noticed Saeran was fidgeting in the exact same way, and for some reason it gave him a sudden, small burst of confidence.

“It’s good to meet you, Saeran,” Yoosung heard his father say, and when he looked up he could see both his parents looking at him questioningly.

“It’s good to meet you, too,” Saeran responded, bowing his head a little.

Should Yoosung tell them now? Would it be better to tell them right away to help them come to terms with it sooner, or would it be better to wait a little while until they got to know Saeran? But… what could they talk about while avoiding the topic? Especially if Yoosung didn’t want to just straight up lie about it. Yoosung glanced at Saeran out the corner of his eye. He loved this boy. He loved him more than he had ever thought he would be able to love someone, but he _did_ , and it was overwhelming and intense and he was lucky enough that Saeran even loved him back. He’d given everything to Saeran. His heart, his body, his soul... Saeran had it all, and Yoosung knew what he was feeling was real. His parents deserved to know their son was in love.

“He’s my boyfriend,” Yoosung blurted out, and left a short pause. “I love him.”

The looks they gave him were completely unreadable, which was, in a lot of ways, worse than anger.

While he still had his nerve, he shuffled closer to Saeran and reached out to take his hand and lace their fingers together. He immediately realised that was probably a bad idea, because if they _were_ angry, it would only make things worse. But… it was calming him down a little, and it proved he was being serious. He gave Saeran a small smile, and Saeran smiled back nervously.

“Boyfriend?” His mother was the first to speak. Yoosung looked back at his parents again and nodded.

“Yeah. We’ve been together for about a month now.”

“Oh.” She blinked at them in surprise, and she and Yoosung’s father shared a quick look that Yoosung couldn’t quite figure out before looking back at him. “That… well, I can’t say this is unexpected.”

“I… what?”

“You hadn’t spoken to us in a little while, so we had our suspicions,” she explained. “And when you said you wanted us to meet ‘someone important’ we sort of guessed… it would be a partner.”

“You… you’re not mad?” Yoosung asked in a small voice, and Saeran felt him squeeze his hand.

“Mad?” his father finally spoke. “No, not mad. Just… surprised.”

“So… so you’re _not_ mad?” he asked again. His brain was telling him to continuously ask this question until they gave him a _reason_ as to why they weren’t.

“No… hm…” His mother hummed in thought. “How about you tell us a little about yourself, Saeran?”

“Me?” Saeran said in surprise, his voice at a higher pitch than usual. This time it was Yoosung’s turn to squeeze his hand.

“Yes… so, how did you meet Yoosung? What… uh, attracted you to him? Things like that.”

“Oh, okay,” Saeran said, sounding a little more relieved as he ran his fingers through his hair nervously. Yoosung guessed that he didn’t want to talk about himself. Of course there were more things that defined Saeran aside from his past and his job, but Yoosung knew he wasn’t one to spill everything to strangers. No doubt he’d much rather talk about Yoosung. “Well… um, I first saw him in this coffee shop near where we both live.”

“Oh? So you didn’t meet through university?” Yoosung’s father asked in surprise.

“No,” Saeran shook his head. “I don’t go to university.”

“So you’re working instead? Where do you work?”

The dreaded question. Yoosung noticed Saeran swallow nervously. “I’m actually having a bit of trouble with my job at the moment,” he said smoothly. Yoosung could tell he’d practiced this in his head, and he blinked in surprise, suddenly overwhelmed with love. “But it’s nothing too major, and everything seems to be sorting itself out so hopefully I’ll be back on my feet within the next two weeks.”

Honestly, Yoosung was pretty impressed with that.

“That’s good. It’s good to be diligent,” his mother said, nodding. “So, I want to hear the rest of the story of how you two met.”

She seemed to be rapidly warming to Saeran, just as Yoosung had expected, but her sudden interest in their relationship was making Yoosung blush furiously. Part of him wanted to childishly whine at her to stop, but he was also immensely glad she seemed to approve.

“Uh… I saw him in the coffee shop a few times, but I wasn’t… I was too scared to actually talk to him for a while,” Saeran admitted, looking down with a blush.

“A while?” Yoosung’s father prompted after a short silence. Saeran bit his lips nervously.

“About a month.”

“You said two,” Yoosung blurted out, and then slapped his hand over his mouth. He realised too late that Saeran was trying to make himself sound less creepy. But Yoosung didn’t think it sounded creepy, anyway. Saeran looked up at him and raised his eyebrows pointedly.

“Mm, I did. Thanks for reminding me,” he said with a small, joking kind of glare. Yoosung was surprised to hear his parents laugh at that. Yoosung’s hand fell back into his lap and he felt a grin spread across his face.

“No problem.”

“Two months? That’s adorable,” Yoosung’s mother said. “Then what happened?”

“I… oh, God, do I have to tell this story? It’s embarrassing.” Saeran covered his blushing face with his hand.

“I think it’s cute,” Yoosung said honestly.

“Okay, fine, we… we walked into each other as he was leaving the coffee shop.”

“I think you mean _you_ walked into _me_ ,” Yoosung teased before turning back to look at his parents. He was surprised to see both of them smiling. “On purpose,” he clarified, just to make sure they understood.

“Why don’t _you_ tell this story?” Saeran mumbled, and Yoosung had no doubt he would have crossed his arms had they not still been holding hands.

“No, I like it when you say it.”

“Ugh,” Saeran groaned, but he continued anyway. “Then… the next day I went back to the coffee shop in case he was there again,” Saeran swallowed and ran his fingers through his hair. Yoosung noticed how he was totally avoiding eye contact with his parents. “And he was. So I bought him a coffee and… we started talking.”

“This is like something from a romance movie,” Yoosung’s father joked. Yoosung looked at him in surprise. Apparently he was warming up to Saeran too. This was all moving _much_ faster than Yoosung had expected, and he wasn’t sure what to think.

“It’s because Saeran’s cute,” Yoosung said boldly. Apparently his anxieties had melted into a weird kind of nervous energy that meant he had very little filter. Saeran immediately replied.

“I’m not cute, I-” He cut himself off. Yoosung let out a laugh.

“Yeah. You’re punk rock. I know.” Saeran squeezed his hand, but this was more out of embarrassment than to reassure Yoosung.

“So, Saeran, I’m assuming that’s not your natural hair colour?” Yoosung’s mother piped up.

“Hm? Oh… no it’s not,” he admitted, reaching up to tug at a strand of it. “It’s actually red.”

“Oh! That’s lovely! Why did you change it?”

“I… uh, I wanted to look less like my brother.”

“Brother? Do you look alike?”

Saeran grimaced a little. “Yeah. We’re twins.”

“Twins! That’s must be fun!” Yoosung glanced at Saeran out of the corner of his eye. He knew family was a sensitive topic, and he felt Saeran clutch hold of his hand a little more tightly.

“It’s… he’s really annoying,” Saeran said. There was a moment of silence and then both Yoosung’s parents laughed, and the tension dissolved.

 

* * *

 

Yoosung and Saeran managed to successfully steer the conversation away from the topic of Saeran’s job and his family whenever it came up, and his parents had even hugged Saeran as they said their goodbyes. Yoosung noticed how Saeran had slightly tensed up at the hug, but then he had relaxed into it so he didn’t say anything.

Just before Yoosung followed Saeran out of the door, his mother grabbed his arm and tugged him to a stop. Yoosung turned to look at her questioningly.

“You really love him?” she asked quietly.

Yoosung blinked at her in surprise. “What? Yes, of course I do.”

“I… I can tell how much he cares about you,” she said, giving him a warm smile. “The way he looks at you shows that he loves you too.”

“Muuuum,” Yoosung whined quietly, pressing his hand to his face as he blushed, but he felt happiness building inside him. She grinned and gave him a peck on the cheek.

“Don’t forget to call me sometimes,” she reminded him. He nodded and gave her a quick hug before stepping outside.

“That went really well,” Yoosung breathed happily as they walked back to the station, unashamedly hand in hand. He had known his parents would be supportive, but the reality of it felt so impossibly good.

“It did. I… actually didn’t expect it to go that well,” Saeran admitted. “Guess I’m just… not used to parents being nice.”

“Oh,” Yoosung said sadly and then a sudden realisation hit him. “Oh! Oh my God, Saeran, I’m so sorry!”

Saeran looked at him in confusion. “What?”

“I… I completely didn’t think that you might feel weird around parents. Oh, God, I’m so sorry.” Yoosung felt himself getting worked up. _How_ had he forgotten that? Of _course_ Saeran was going to be uncomfortable around parents. He hadn’t even given much of a thought to the abuse Saeran had experienced in his childhood because he’d been too wrapped up in his own worries.

“Hey, Yoosung, it’s okay,” Saeran told him, and he sounded sincere. Yoosung looked at him and Saeran was staring at him meaningfully. “Honestly. It’s fine. All that… stuff in my past. It feels like a lifetime ago.”

Yoosung knew it had only been three or so years, but he let out a breath to try and get rid of his worry. Saeran seemed okay so… there was no point getting worked up about it, right?

“If anything I do is insensitive or bothers you, please… just tell me?” Yoosung asked in a small voice and Saeran squeezed his hand.

“I will,” Saeran promised, and Yoosung felt himself relax.

On the train back, Yoosung chatted excitedly to Saeran about how well it had all gone, recounting everything in detail and combing through it to try and find things he might have missed the first time.

“It was like they were more surprised about me being in a relationship at all than in being in one with a guy!” he exclaimed as he clutched hold of one of Saeran’s hands in both of his. He knew he should probably feel at least a little offended by that, but he didn’t. He was kind grateful that apparently that had been the biggest shock to them.

“Honestly, I think they were more surprised about… the kind of guy I am,” Saeran said with a smirk as he gently reached up with his free hand and pushed a stray piece of hair out of Yoosung’s face. Yoosung shivered at the feeling of Saeran’s fingers softly brushing against his skin, and had to stop himself from complaining when his hand dropped back into his lap.

“The kind of guy? What do you mean?”

Saeran raised his eyebrows at him pointedly. “A guy as edgy and cool as I am, obviously.”

Yoosung couldn’t stop himself from snorting at that. “Right. Of course.”

“Okay, I was half-kidding, but it’s also kind of true. I’m glad I didn’t have my tattoo out, because they both gave me weird looks when they first saw me anyway.”

“I think they’d just been expecting me to bring a girl.”

“Maybe,” Saeran said, but he didn’t sound convinced.

“That doesn’t matter now, anyway,” Yoosung decided. “They definitely like you.”

“You think so?” Saeran looked at him hopefully.

“I _know_ so.”

“Oh, God, you’re such a nerd,” Saeran laughed and looked away, a smirk on his face.

The train journey back felt a lot faster, possibly because Yoosung was feeling far less stressed and nervous. As cliché as it sounded, he felt as though a weight had been lifted from his shoulders that he hadn’t fully realised was there.

They headed back to Yoosung’s, and as soon as they stepped in and closed the door behind them, Saeran had wrapped his arms around his torso from behind and buried his face into his neck.

“You know…” Saeran whispered, his lips brushing teasingly against his neck as he spoke, “if you’re up for it, I wouldn’t mind… congratulating you for doing so well today.”

“W-what do you mean?” Yoosung stammered as Saeran pressed a warm kiss against his skin.

“Oh, you know…” Saeran mumbled as he slid his hands to rest on Yoosung’s stomach, and slowly moved them so they were on his bare skin rather than the fabric of his t-shirt. “Just a little something to show you how proud I am.”

“Oh.” That was all Yoosung could say in response. Saeran’s hands started sliding down, brushing just above the waist of his jeans.  He squirmed slightly under the touch, his breaths quickening more and more by the second. Saeran’s chest was pressed up against his back, and Yoosung felt as though his entire body might melt from how hot it felt right now.

“But only if you want me to.” Saeran suddenly stopped the movement of his hands. Yoosung gasped in an attempt to breathe properly.

“Y-yes please.”

As soon as the words left his mouth, Saeran’s lips pressed against Yoosung’s neck once more and his hands continued travelling down, quickly undoing his jeans. Saeran hadn’t even properly touched him yet but Yoosung could tell that he was pretty hard already, and his body flushed with a mild embarrassment. Saeran’s left hand moved into Yoosung’s jeans, and he started palming him through his boxers. He pulled his lips away and lifted his head to gently nip Yoosung’s earlobe.

“We should take this to the bed,” he whispered hotly in his ear, and Yoosung shuddered and nodded probably a little too eagerly. Saeran let out a soft laugh and dragged his hand away, stepping back from Yoosung. Yoosung wasted no time heading over to the bed, and when he turned around to see if Saeran had followed he was met by a kiss. This kiss was intense, but not in the way they often kissed before they did something sexual. It was the kind of kiss that made Yoosung’s heart wrench in his chest, because the aching kind of passion Saeran was putting into it as he tangled his fingers in Yoosung’s hair showed him just how much he really cared about him. The love in the kiss was tangible, and Yoosung desperately gripped hold of Saeran’s waist and pulled him closer. He loved him _so_ much, and this sudden overwhelming emotion made a lump form in his throat.

He didn’t even notice he was crying until Saeran pulled back from the kiss,

“Yoosung? Are you okay?” He pulled his hands out of Yoosung’s hair, panic building in his voice. “We don’t have to do anything if you don’t want to. Oh, God, I didn’t mean for-”

“No!” Yoosung interrupted, bringing up his arms to wipe the tears away with his sleeve. “It’s n-not because I don’t want to. I j-just…” He gulped, trying to dislodge the lump in his throat. “I love you so much, Saeran.”

Saeran looked at him oddly for a moment. “You’re… crying because you love me?”

Yoosung nodded and let out a small, watery laugh as he looked down. “Kind of stupid. I’m sorry.”

“Yoosung, no.” Saeran’s hands were suddenly cupping his face and gently pulling it up so he would look at him. When he did, he saw that his eyes were filled with such an intense emotion that Yoosung forgot how to breathe for a moment. “It’s not stupid.”

Saeran leaned in and kissed him again. This time it was soft, but the ache was still there. Maybe Yoosung was just being a hopeless romantic, but he could have sworn he could _taste_ how much Saeran loved him. Yoosung opened his mouth, desperate to get closer to the person he loved, and as the kiss deepened Saeran gently guided him to lie down on the bed.

Saeran lay on his side, propped up by his elbow so he could lean over him. He had one hand resting on Yoosung’s stomach, and the other brushed against Yoosung’s before intertwining their fingers together and squeezing as he continued kissing him. The hand on Yoosung’s stomach slowly slid down until it was in his jeans again, and he gripped hold of Yoosung’s cock through his boxers. Yoosung shuddered and let out a small moan at the touch, the sound muffled by Saeran’s kiss. He felt Saeran smile.

Saeran moved his hand up and then back down so now he was directly touching Yoosung’s skin. He gripped hold of his cock and started lazily moving his hand along the length, causing Yoosung to whimper into his mouth once more. His body was shuddering at the slow movements, and he was intensely aware of Saeran lying next to him. Touching him. _Loving_ him. Yoosung was _loved_ by Saeran. The emotion in this moment was overwhelming him.

He didn’t manage to stop himself from crying again, but he clutched Saeran’s hand tightly in his so he would know it wasn’t bad.

Saeran’s firm grip and slow movements were gradually pushing Yoosung closer and closer to his release. Saeran still hadn’t stopped kissing him, and Yoosung was gripping hold of the bedsheets with one hand and squeezing Saeran’s with the other. His moans were getting louder, mixed with his sobs, and by this point Yoosung was too worked up to properly kiss Saeran back, but that didn’t stop him trying. His mouth movements were sloppy and inconsistent, but Saeran didn’t seem to mind too much. Saeran didn’t break the kiss until he pulled back to take Yoosung’s lower lip between his teeth and tug it gently. Yoosung gasped and let out a moan. He was _really_ close now, he could feel it, and Saeran seemed to be able to tell, and was speeding up the movement of his hand.

Suddenly, Yoosung’s body jolted forwards and he threw his free arm around Saeran, clutching at his shirt desperately to pull him closer. He buried his tear-stained face into the crook of his neck and let out a series of loud, irregular moans as he thrust himself into Saeran’s hand. Saeran gripped tighter and started moving his hand faster to help him out, and Yoosung panted heavily against his skin.

“Yoosung,” Saeran whispered, and Yoosung let out a high pitched choked sound as he came messily into Saeran’s hand. He pressed his face into his neck to muffle his gasping moans, and Saeran squeezed his hand while Yoosung came down from his release, shuddering as Saeran’s movements gradually slowed to a stop.

They lay there for a moment without speaking, the silence only being broken by Yoosung’s quick, panting breaths and slight whimpers due to the fact Saeran’s hand was still wrapped around his cock. Saeran pressed a soft kiss on the top of Yoosung’s head.

“C-can you…” Yoosung gulped nervously, his voice shaky. He trailed off. It was stupid.

“Can I what?” Saeran pressed, his voice quiet.

“Um… it’s kind of stupid…”

“Tell me,” he insisted, a smile in his voice.

“I… uh… can you call me a good boy?” Yoosung asked, blushing furiously and pressing his face into Saeran’s neck harder. He expected Saeran to laugh, and was surprised when he didn’t.

“You’re a good boy, Yoosung,” he said simply. “A really good boy. You did so well.”

Yoosung felt his body heat up in pride at Saeran’s praise, and Saeran’s hand moved so his thumb could stroke gently over the slit of Yoosung’s cock. Yoosung shivered and let out a small whine.

“Look at how you respond to my touch. Always sensitive. Always loud. You’re a good boy. _My_ good boy.”

The way Saeran said the word ‘my’ drew out another whimper from Yoosung, and he stroked the slit again gently.

“S-Saeran,” he stammered.

“Yeah?”

“I l-love you.”

There was barely a pause. “I love you too.”

They lay there panting for a few moments before Saeran pulled his hand out of Yoosung’s jeans carefully and pried his shirt out of his grip. Yoosung could feel the mess in his underwear, and he grimaced at the feeling as Saeran stood up from the bed.

“I need to change now,” he complained, sitting up.

“Let me wash my hands first so I can watch,” Saeran said with a grin. The words were enough to make Yoosung blush furiously, but the way his mint-green eyes pierced through him as he said them made it even _worse_.

“Saeran!” Yoosung complained, pressing his hands over his face to hide his blush. He heard Saeran chuckle as he headed to the bathroom.

“Be a good boy,” Saeran called back to him before the door swung closed, and Yoosung groaned into his hands, trying to supress his blush.

He wiped the drying tears from his cheeks. He had cried during a handjob. The thought suddenly hit him and he was overwhelmed with embarrassment. Who even _did_ that? Why had he got so emotional anyway? Saeran hadn’t seemed to mind, so… maybe it was normal? He supposed that as long as Saeran knew it hadn’t been for a bad reason, that was okay… right?

Yoosung shifted his position and was once again made aware of the sticky mess in his pants. Did Saeran _actually_ want him to wait? He wasn’t sure whether or not he was being serious. Yoosung shifted again slightly on the bed. Ugh. He felt way too gross to just leave it, so he stood up and grabbed the tissues from his desk to attempt to clean himself up. He pushed his jeans down and stepped out of them, shoving the tissue down his boxers to wipe some of the mess up. Just as he did so, Saeran stepped out of the bathroom.

“I see you’re already getting started,” he teased as he headed back over to the bed. Yoosung could feel his cheeks flushing as Saeran sat down and crossed his legs, leaning forwards and propping up his chin on his fists as his elbows rest on his knees. Yoosung stared at him for a moment, and Saeran grinned at him as he watched. “Continue.”

Yoosung bit his lip to supress a grin and a blush, both of which he did unsuccessfully. He finished with the tissues and pushed his boxers down without a second thought, tossing them in his laundry basket along with his jeans. Two could play at this game. He turned around, purposefully displaying his ass to Saeran as he walked over to his wardrobe and opened it. He bent down. He didn’t actually need to in order to reach his underwear, but it was worth it by the sound of Saeran’s groans. Yoosung turned, still bent over, and looked at him innocently.

“What?”

Saeran shook his head, his cheeks flushed pink. “You’re getting too good at this.”

“I’m not doing anything.”

Saeran groaned and pressed his hands to his cheeks to hide his blush. “Just let me flirt with you in peace.”

Yoosung shrugged and turned back to grab another pair of boxers and jeans before finally standing up and closing it.

“Not my fault you’re easily flustered.”

Yoosung turned to look at Saeran again, and saw as he smirked and narrowed his eyes. “You won’t be saying that next time I fuck you.”

“No, I won’t,” Yoosung agreed casually as he pulled on the clean underwear, “but I’m sure I will be next time _I_ fuck _you_.”

Saeran’s smirk dropped from his face and was replaced with a blush. “Oh my God,” Saeran mumbled, burying his face in his hands, and Yoosung laughed. He pulled on the jeans and headed back over to the bed to sit down next to Saeran. He placed his hand gently on his knee.

“Saeran,” he said softly.

“Mm?” Saeran mumbled into his hands in response.

“Did you want something… in return?” he asked.

“Huh?” Saeran looked up at him in momentary confusion. “Oh, right. No, I’m fine.”

“Really? Are you sure?” Yoosung questioned in surprise. “I don’t mind.”

“No, it’s okay,” Saeran said, smiling at him and cocking his head to the side a little. Yoosung suddenly found him unbearably cute. “I didn’t do it for anything in return.” Saeran lowered his hand and took hold of Yoosung’s. The way he was looking at him in that moment… it made Yoosung feel like he might cry again. Why was he so emotional today? He sighed heavily under the weight of the feeling he had for Saeran, and realised that, while he felt heavy, he also felt… light. Like he could do anything as long as Saeran was with him.

“I love you so much,” he said, his voice thick and heavy with emotion. Saeran looked at him in surprise for a moment, as though he still couldn’t believe Yoosung loved him. Yoosung needed to change that.

“I love you too,” Saeran replied with an equal weight to his voice, “so much.”

They both leaned in at the same time and their lips met in the middle. This felt good. This felt safe. This felt like home.

But… it also felt exciting. Even after everything they’d shared, Yoosung still felt the same spark in his stomach every time Saeran’s fingers brushed his skin and every time Saeran kissed him and every time Saeran looked at him in _that way_. Yoosung was entirely comfortable with him while still feeling as though everything was new and exciting at the same time.

He hoped that feeling would never change. He didn’t think it possibly could.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> only one more chapter left!


	18. The Promise

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> IT'S BEEN A MONTH I'M SORRY but here's the final chapter!  
> special thanks to [Blackprose](http://archiveofourown.org/users/Blackprose/) for giving me ideas for this chapter, and also to [StarlingHawke](http://archiveofourown.org/users/Bowm8935/pseuds/StarlingHawke), because some of the dialogue in this was based on a twitter rp we did!  
> I feel like this chapter might be kinda weak? But I TRIED and now it's OVER.

Yoosung knew he was getting unnecessarily snappy and irritable with Saeran. His exams were fast-approaching and he was trying desperately not to let it consume him, but the stress of having to catch up with his classes was wearing him down. He felt as though his brain was about to explode, and he spent every evening and weekend studying as much as he could. He hadn’t seen Saeran in over a week now, and they’d only spoken on the phone twice. Maybe that was part of the reason he was so irritable, but he couldn’t help himself.

 

            **(10:31) Hey, you busy?**

 

This particular text came through on the Saturday that marked two weeks since he had last seen Saeran, and Yoosung pulled out his phone. He had forgotten to put it on silent before he started studying.

 

            **(10:32) Yeah. Sorry.**

 

He put the phone down next to him and rest his head in his hands, tangling his fingers in his hair. He was less behind than he had been a few weeks ago, but he still had so much to catch up on. There were only two more weeks until his first exam, and he didn’t feel prepared at all. His phone buzzed. He’d forgotten to put it on silent again. Or… maybe his subconscious wanted to wait for a reply from Saeran. It buzzed a second and third time as he picked it up.

 

            **(10:33) Can’t you come over?**

**(10:33) Please.**

**(10:33) I miss you.**

 

Yoosung felt his heart clench at the messages, and he closed his eyes. Could he give up a day to spend time with him? He felt his phone buzz in his hand again and he opened his eyes.

 

            **(10:34) Or I can come over. Whichever you want.**

 

Yoosung gulped and slowly typed out a string of replies.

 

            **(10:34) I don’t know**

**(10:34) I want to see you**

**(10:34) I’m just so behind**

**(10:34) I’m sorry**

 

He had barely even sent the last reply when another message came through from Saeran.

 

            **(10:34) I think you need a break. Come over?**

 

Yoosung sighed. It had been two weeks. His heart had been aching almost solidly for that entire time. Maybe… maybe he could see Saeran. Just for a few hours. He groaned as he ran his fingers through his hair.

 

            **(10:36) I don’t know if I can.**

 

He sent the message. He desperately hoped Saeran would ask him again. Just… one more time, then he could feel less guilty about caving in.

He didn’t get a message for a while, and he started worrying he’d been too blunt with him. There was no way he was going to be able to focus now.

Suddenly, a notification popped up at the top of his screen saying he’d received a Slapchat. Huh. They’d added each other on it a while ago, but they hadn’t used it yet because Saeran wasn’t a fan of taking pictures of himself, but… now he had one from him. He clicked it, and up popped a picture of Saeran. Yoosung felt his breath catch in his throat. He hadn’t seen him and such a long time, but now… here he was. Lying on his bed and pouting in exaggerated grumpiness with the puppy filter over his face. The caption said ‘Don’t make me beg you’ and Yoosung couldn’t help but smile, and he immediately screenshot it, not caring that Saeran would know. He considered taking a picture of himself, but honestly, he was scared to see how exhausted he looked in his phone camera, so instead he opened up their text conversation again.

 

        **(10:40) Give me 20 minutes.**

 

Yoosung stood up, not bothering to close the book on his desk. He would only have to come straight back to it once he got back.

He went into the bathroom and looked in the mirror, and just as he’d expected, he looked like shit. His hair was a mess and the bags under his eyes were absolutely ridiculous. He shrugged. At least he’d showered that morning and was wearing clean clothes for the first time in three days, so he didn’t need to worry about that. Self-care at its finest.

He grabbed his hairbrush and managed to sort his hair out somewhat, and he slid in his usual clips. He leaned in and poked the bags under his eyes. There wasn’t much he could really do about those, so he hoped Saeran wouldn’t mind.

Yoosung didn’t bother getting a jacket, just sliding his shoes on and opening the door. He tried his hardest not to slam it behind him, he really did, but it ended up happening anyway because of his bitterness towards his textbooks.

It was sunny and warm as Yoosung walked, and he inhaled a deep breath to let the air seep into him and relax the tension in his muscles. He was excited about seeing Saeran, even if it just meant he got to lay and cuddle with him for a little while before he had to come back. He could forget all about studying. Just for now.

He reached Saeran’s house and knocked on the door. Then waited. Then knocked again.

He frowned. Why wasn’t he answering? Just as Yoosung was about to pull out his phone and text him, the door opened to a very dishevelled looking Saeran. His hair was a mess and he was breathing a little more heavily than usual, but Yoosung’s heart still leapt, especially when he smiled at him.

“Yoosung!” he said, swinging the door the rest of the way open and throwing his arms around him. “God, I missed you.”

“I did too.” Yoosung held him tightly, burying his face in his shoulder and breathing in his scent. He felt like all his stress was dissolving already.

“I have something planned,” Saeran said, pulling back from the hug and grinning.

“Oh?” Yoosung raised an eyebrow as Saeran gestured for him to go inside.

“Yep,” Saeran told him, nodding excitedly. “Look in the living room.”

Yoosung stepped into the house and headed to the living room, glancing through the door curiously.

“Saeran,” he said in confusion when he saw what was there. “What… what is this?”

The sofa was pulled out and had been turned the other way, and there were blankets and pillows all over the floor. There were a few chairs at the side of the room at various angles.

He felt Saeran squeeze past him into the room, and looked at him, frowning.

“What do you think?” Saeran asked, grinning at him.

“I… uh…” Yoosung stammered. “Are you moving house?”

To his surprise, Saeran just giggled. “Nope. We’re building a blanket fort.”

“A… a what?”

“A blanket fort! I’ve never built one before.”

Yoosung gasped. “You’ve never built a blanket fort before?!”

Saeran shook his head. “No, which is why we need to build one now.”

This was so ridiculous, that Yoosung couldn’t help but laugh. “Why do you suddenly want to build a blanket fort?”

Saeran shrugged as he headed over to the pile of blankets, and Yoosung followed him. “I saw a video on MeTube of someone making one, and I thought it looked really cool.” He grabbed one of the chairs and dragged it so it was a couple of metres from the sofa. Yoosung shook his head in disbelief as he headed over to the other chairs and grabbed it to place it nearby.

They got to work on fulfilling Saeran’s sudden need to build a blanket fort. The way Saeran acted sometimes… Yoosung sometimes found himself forgetting that he was actually twenty-one years old and not a child, but he wouldn’t have it any other way. It was really cute, actually.

Yoosung picked up a blanket covered in stars.

“Oh!” Saeran said, seeing him holding it. “I bought that for you.”

“Huh? Really?”

“Yeah,” he said, suddenly seeming sheepish. “I… uh… your name. It means shooting star, right?”

Yoosung blinked at him in surprise, a smile slowly spreading across his face. “Yeah,” he said, and he looked down at the blanket, biting his lip. “Yeah it does.”

It didn’t take them too long to finish, and Saeran was the first to excitedly crawl inside. Yoosung followed, unable to suppress his grin. Saeran sat up cross-legged.

“This is so cool!” he gushed.

“It is,” Yoosung agreed, nodding. It was nothing special, really, but it was something they’d made together, and Yoosung felt warm and fuzzy at the thought.

“I should’ve got some fairy lights,” Saeran decided, looking around them.

Yoosung nodded. “That would make it cuter, but I like it!”

Saeran’s face was one of such childlike excitement that Yoosung couldn’t help smiling back. In the dark confines of the blanket fort it was almost as though nothing else could touch them. They were the only people who existed in this moment. Saeran looked back at him and cocked his head to the side.

“I haven’t kissed you yet,” he stated.

“Do you want to?” Yoosung asked, raising an eyebrow in amusement.

Saeran responded by leaning forwards and adjusting his position so he was on all fours. He gently pressed his lips against Yoosung’s.

Yoosung had forgotten this feeling. Two weeks isn’t a long time in terms of most things, but not seeing or kissing or touching Saeran in two weeks… it was enough to make everything feel new again. Yoosung’s hand slowly raised up and slid into Saeran’s hair, and Saeran kept leaning forwards until Yoosung had no choice but to fall on his back. The kiss only broke for a second, but Saeran quickly found his lips again. Their mouths opened and their tongues slid along one another other, and Yoosung could feel heat shooting through his body.

Saeran only broke the kiss again to slowly trail gentle, lazy kisses down Yoosung’s neck before finally resting his head on Yoosung’s chest. Yoosung’s breathing was shallow, and he stroked through Saeran’s hair with his hand.

“I can hear your heart,” Saeran whispered.

Yoosung bit his lip as he felt a smile spread across his face. “Thump, thump,” he said quietly. “It’s talking to you.”

There was a short pause. “Hmm, you’re right,” Saeran hummed. “It’s telling me that… you should play with my hair more.”

Yoosung’s grin became even wider, and he started running his fingers through Saeran’s hair more deliberately, taking strands and rolling them between his fingers. “Is it? Huh. I guess I’d better listen to it.”

He felt Saeran shiver. “Now it’s telling me… Saeran thinks you’re doing a good job at that. And that you make Saeran happy.”

Yoosung felt like he could explode with happiness in that moment. “I’m glad it decided to tell me that. I hope it’s telling you that you make me happy, too.”

“Hmm. Yeah, it’s saying that too.”

Yoosung kept running his fingers gently through Saeran’s hair. He had no doubt that his heart was speeding up slightly. “At least it’s telling the truth,” he whispered. “Is there anything else I should know?”

There was a short pause as Saeran ‘listened’. “It’s saying you’re the cutest guy in the world,” he said quietly.

“Huh. That’s disappointing,” he said, feeling his cheeks flush. “I was hoping it wouldn’t lie.”

Saeran’s reaction was instant. He pushed himself up a little and looked at Yoosung in confusion. “What? It’s not lying.”

Yoosung grinned and dropped his hand from Saeran’s hair to poke his nose playfully. “Nope. _You’re_ the cutest guy in the world.”

“Wh…” Saeran looked at Yoosung incredulously, a grin starting to spread across his face. “Are you serious? There’s no way I’m cuter than you.”

“Looks like we’re going to have to agree to disagree,” Yoosung told him with a grin, and Saeran raised an eyebrow at him.

“Shut up, nerd,” he said as he leaned in to press another kiss against Yoosung’s lips. For some reason the kiss felt… nervous. Yoosung pulled back.

“Are you okay?” Yoosung asked with concern, stroking his hand through Saeran’s hair again. Saeran closed his eyes and drew in a deep breath.

“I have something for you,” he said simply, scooting back so he was kneeling. Yoosung sat up, letting his hand drop to his side, confusion etched across his face.

“Like a gift?”

“Kind of,” Saeran said awkwardly. “More like… a... a promise.”

A promise? What could that mean?

Saeran reached round behind him and pulled something out of his jean pocket. He held it behind him for a moment. Why did he look so nervous all of a sudden?

“Saeran,” Yoosung whispered, reaching up to gently stroke his face. “It’s okay.”

Saeran swallowed and nodded before bringing his hand round. Yoosung looked at what he was holding between his thumb and forefinger.

A ring.

Yoosung’s eyes widened, and his hand immediately fell back down to his side again. “Wh-what?”

Saeran looked at him in a mild panic. “I’m not proposing!” he said quickly. “It’s just… it’s a promise ring.”

“A… promise ring?” Yoosung looked at it. It was a simple silver band, and it definitely looked like an engagement ring. But… a promise ring. A promise that they would be together for as long as it took for them to get married. Almost like… a pre-fiancé. He felt his heart grow at the thought.

“Yeah. I… I thought you might like it,” Saeran said, looking down in embarrassment. “Sorry. It’s kind of stupid, I guess.”

“No!” Yoosung blurted out. “It’s not! I… I love it.”

Saeran looked up at him hopefully, and Yoosung smiled at him reaching out for the ring.

“Wait,” Saeran yelped, jerking it away. “I want to put it on you.”

“Okay,” Yoosung said with a grin. “But… wait, if I have one then you should have one too.”

Saeran sheepishly reached into his pocket again and holding up another ring. This one was on a chain.

“Way ahead of you,” he said, blushing and looking down. Yoosung reached out and brushed his hair back out of his face. Saeran coughed a little awkwardly. “I… um… I have a chain for yours too if you wanted to wear it like that instead.”

Yoosung thought for a moment. “I want to wear it however you wear it,” he decided, and Saeran bit his lip and pulled a second chain out his pocket. He threaded it through the ring and then held it up.

“Turn around?” he asked nervously, and Yoosung twisted his body so Saeran could put it on him. His fingers tickled at the back of his neck as he did up the clasp, and once it was on Yoosung turned back around and took the ring, holding it to look at it properly. As he did, he felt a huge smile break out across his face.

“Your turn,” he said, holding out his hand for the other ring. Saeran was still blushing when he turned around, and Yoosung gently rest it around his neck. He fumbled a little with the clasp, but managed to do it up eventually. Saeran turned back around, and just as he was about to pick it up to look at it as Yoosung had done, Yoosung reached out and grabbed hold of it. He leaned forwards and pressed his lips against the warm metal. “There,” he whispered. “Now it’s even more special.”

When he looked up at Saeran, he was smiling. “You’re such a dork,” he said fondly.

“Says the one who bought promise rings,” Yoosung shot right back. Saeran rolled his eyes and reached out for Yoosung’s ring hanging around his neck.

“Whatever,” he sighed dramatically as he brought the ring to his lips and gently kissed it. “Now yours is special too.”

“Dork,” Yoosung said with a grin. Saeran glared disapprovingly at him, but there was no bite behind it.

Yoosung wasn’t entirely sure why, but he suddenly lunged forwards and tackled Saeran in a hug, causing them both to topple to the floor. Saeran let out a small yelp as they fell onto the soft cushions, but Yoosung felt his arms quickly wrap around him as Yoosung buried his face into his neck.

“Thank you,” he whispered.

“I thought you’d like it,” Saeran said softly.

“You know how cheesy I am already, huh?” Yoosung grinned, and he felt Saeran chuckle.

“You don’t exactly hide it,” he teased as Yoosung shuffled down his body a little to rest his head on his chest.

“Now I can hear your heart,” he whispered, listening to the pounding of Saeran’s heart under his ear. It was reassuring to hear it beating almost as fast as Yoosung’s.

“Oh? Is it telling you anything?” Saeran asked just as quietly, raising his hand to gently stroke Yoosung’s hair. Yoosung giggled.

“My turn now, huh?” he said, biting his lip to stop his giggles so he could listen. _Thump, thump._ “It’s telling me that Yoosung really likes the rings.”

“I’m glad,” Saeran breathed with a sigh.

“It’s also saying…” Yoosung paused to listen. _Thump, thump._ “It’s saying that you were nervous about giving them to him, but you should never be nervous around him.”

“I’ll try keeping that in mind.” He could hear the smile in Saeran’s voice.

“One more thing…” Yoosung said. _Thump, thump._ “It’s saying that… Yoosung’s sorry for being so blunt and… and not talking to you much recently.” Saeran’s hand stroked through Yoosung’s hair a little slower, gently caressing his head as he did.

“It’s okay,” Saeran whispered. “Is it telling you how much I love you?”

“Y-yeah,” Yoosung stammered, caught off guard a little. “And it’s… it’s saying that Yoosung loves you too.”

“Good,” Saeran replied, and when Yoosung looked up he saw that he was smiling. “Now come up here so I can kiss you.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much to everyone who's stuck through and read all this. I can't believe it's over! I hope you enjoyed it, and I have more Yoorans planned for the future!

**Author's Note:**

> you can check out all the fanart people have made for this fic on tumblr [right here!](http://pupsung.tumblr.com/tagged/close+to+me)


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